Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXIII · 8:46pm Jun 6th, 2019
First off, a hearty thanks to all those who wished me luck last week. I know I never got around to replying, and I apologize, but there are reasons for that.
It’s been just under a week since I let my eyes go under the laser knife. While I can confirm that, yes, my vision is loads better, I’m still dealing with the healing phase. Everything’s blurry, my right eye is healing much slower than my left, and there’s this halo effect going on with all electronics that makes things even more blurry. The good news is that this doesn’t prevent me from doing things with a computer, so I can still do my job and read for reviews. But honestly, after getting all that done I can’t make myself keep looking at a bright screen full of blurry text I have to focus hard on to read. It gets kinda painful after spending so many hours doing it. My writing has more or less come to a halt.
I realize this means I’m prioritizing reviews over writing, but my writing doesn’t have set deadlines, so I’m okay with this. The only frustrating bit is that this came just when I was getting into a writing kick and had built up solid momentum. I was maybe 3/4ths done with BPH:FLW’s sixth chapter, too. More delays…
But, having my eyes fixed is more important, so I’m willing to put up with it.
In lighter news, none of the horror stories I heard from family and friends have come to fruition. Direct sunlight doesn’t antagonize me like Celestia sending a sunlance directly through my eyes (I barely need sunglasses), there’s no soreness or pain beyond what I get for sitting in front of a bright computer screen for a few hours (which the doctors warned me could happen), and my eyes don’t feel like the Sahara during a drought (I barely feel the need for eyedrops, though I still use them ‘cause I want the recovery to be smooth). All in all, I’m very happy with the results so far. Hopefully within another week or two I’ll be healed up enough that all the things I like to do on a day-to-day basis won’t be a strain on the eyes anymore and I can get back to business as usual.
In other news, yesterday I finally got around to listening to The Barcast’s interview with Sam Rose. “Renowned Reviewer.” Y’know, it still makes me feel odd when people talk about me in such a manner, even in an offhand way. Heck, that makes it even weirder, because it makes it sound like common knowledge.
Anyway, enough distractions. My eyes ache enough as it is. Reviews!
EDIT: So, no images of cover art today, folks. My handy-dandy source for resizing them to something reasonable and re-uploading is down, and I’m not going to wait to release just because of that. I may edit the images in later when/if the server chooses to cooperate with me again, but for now we’re going boring ol’ wall-O-text.
Stories for This Week:
Celestia Hates Us All by Horse Voice
Tarnish by KitsuneRisu
Dear Discord, I hate you so much! by Lise Eclaire
Pity the Rain by Daemon McRae
InvisiBelle by Sleepy Panda
Façade by RazgrizS57
Those Who Wait by Gaiascope
A Sound in the Dark by BlueColton
No Day But Today by Harmony Charmer
Results May Vary by CoffeeMinion
Total Word Count: 60,243
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Celestia Hates Us All
5,017 Words
By Horse Voice
Alternative Title: Noteworthy and Tritone Invent Death Metal
In this bit of Weird fiction, two musicians get it in their heads that they can harness the inherent magic of music to raise the dead. This is a recounting of their efforts by one as he describes the scenario to the authorities after the fact.
This is written in a style that distinctly reminds me of the gothic horrors of the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. Whether that was intentional or not is unclear, but I suspect as much. If I’m right, then I must applaud Horse Voice’s choice of style, as it provides a certain… nostalgia. It may not work for those with less experience with such stories, but going by upvote ratio? I doubt it.
While the concept is indeed creepy, I was more amused than anything. I mean, it’s a story about raising the dead using heavy metal (death metal?). How am I not supposed to be entertained by this concept?
I enjoyed this. It’s got everything it needs to be a quirky piece, mildly exciting in its delivery, and only lasts as long as it has to. Despite the almost dry delivery, the crescendo of the final ‘concert’, if you will, is hard to ignore. It’s a curious dichotomy in writing style and reaction that shines through and really put a spotlight on Horse Voice’s ability as an author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Biblical Monsters — WHYRTY?
Wild Fire — WHYRTY?
Tarnish
3,137 Words
By KitsuneRisu
Silver Spoon tends to have thoughts. She doesn’t like them. She tries to make them go away. It isn’t easy. But one day she has an encounter with the least likely of ponies, and maybe… just maybe, she can start listening to those thoughts.
Ah, another story starring one of my two favorite fillies. Themed on redemption, the story is told in a heavily atmospheric format that ensures we never hear a word of dialogue from our protagonist. It is unusual enough to hold the reader’s attention, but normal enough to not seem quirky and off. KitsuneRisu uses it to great effect, giving us a clear image of Silver’s family life and her very personal internal battle.
Then there’s the use of Pinkie Pie. It is remarkably well done, feeling at once perfectly Pinkie Pie and yet also giving her an unusually wise disposition. I loved KitsuneRisu’s interpretation of her here.
This is a great story of hope, healing, and growth. It might not be on the same level as, say, The Incandescent Brilliance, but for the short length it is delightfully deep and achieves everything it needs to. Well done once again, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Incandescent Brilliance — WHYRTY?
Two Tiny Talks — WHYRTY?
Dear Discord, I hate you so much!
1,095 Words
By Lise Eclaire
Alternative Title:: Discord is an Idiot
Just as he’s preparing for a well-deserved nap, Discord receives a letter via dragonfire. The contents are just a little confusing.
This is a silly story about a mare who just wants Discord to pay attention to her. The majority of it comes in the form of the letter itself. Or perhaps ‘rant’ would be better, as said letter largely involves raging at how Discord has completely failed to notice her interest.
Who is this mystery mare? Well, considering it came to him in the form of dragon fire, and the writer clearly knows Celestia and Fluttershy personally, it’s pretty darn obvious. Which is why Discord is apparently an idiot for not knowing at the end of the story. Even so, this is a fun little piece that entertained the shipper side of me (which, admittedly, is a pretty big side of me). If this sounds like your kind of thing, there’s no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I Drain Fillyfoolery?! — Pretty Good
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer — Pretty Good
Dear Princess Twilight, my name is Spider Web, and I am a changeling... — Worth It
Pity the Rain
1,147 Words
By Daemon McRae
You know, if I hadn’t already read The Corner of (Our) Eyes, I’d think McRae incapable of taking anything seriously.
This story follows Shining Armor’s internal monologue as he and his soldiers prepare to engage in a battle against the griffons. To be honest, it’s an impressive showing of skill. The story builds up a gradually rising tension, leading us on as the armies close in and Shining’s monologue grows more and more personal. By the end, you’re wholly immersed and expecting it to end in something… powerful.
Then McRae drops the other (horse)shoe.
Now, I admit that I normally don’t like this kind of thing. It’s a style of humor that annoys me to no end. But regardless of my feelings on the matter, there can be no denying that the author handled it with skill and finesse. This time I’m less annoyed and more impressed. Maybe I’m growing some kind of tolerance for stupidity? Regardless, this is largely a bunch of harmless, fun, and perhaps a bit of mockery at masculinity, and as such I can relax and smirk at the what is happening here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Corner of (Our) Eyes — WHYRTY?
Schadenfreude — Pretty Good
Schadenfreude 2: Schadenfreude Harder — Pretty Good
The Adventures of Schadenfreude — Pretty Good
InvisiBelle
7,863 Words
By Sleepy Panda
Alternative Title: Something Unrelated to This Story
In this slice-of-life/adventure combo, a pre-cutie mark Sweetie Belle gets frustrated by her lack of progress in magic. In response, she steals one of Twilight’s spellbooks and finds a secluded spot near Fluttershy’s cottage to try an invisibility spell. It doesn’t work like she expects. Now she’s literally a walking skeleton. Which, needless to say, is a problem.
This story is largely meant to be silly, and achieves that fairly well. Much of it revolves around Sweetie’s increasingly desperate struggle to find Twilight and reverse her spell before a Ponyville mob lynches the ‘scary skeleton monster pony’. Honestly, it’s not a bad idea and the events are kinda fun.
But there are also plenty of problems. The first is how completely unaware the author is of character progression. This rears its ugly head in the form of Fluttershy, who has shown absolutely zero character growth since Season 1 despite this being set in Season 4. Then we have the nonsensical elements such as Spike conveniently falling into a hole full of gemstones that appears out of nowhere for no reason other than to get him out of the story. Or Celestia and Luna faking a national emergency and driving Twilight to near-panic for a party.
Then there’s the random character appearances that serve no purpose. Diamond Tiara and Discord in particular suffer from this, each getting mentioned directly but nothing ever coming of it. If I had to guess, I’d say this was Sleepy Panda’s attempt at creating red herrings, but it didn’t really have that effect. There’s also the smokey eyes thing, which gets mentioned once and then disappears as if it never happened.
Last but not least, we’ve got the character Apple Fritter, who… uh… exists? I mean, she helps Sweetie out a little and they have a leads-to-nothing talk at the end, but ultimately I don’t see any reason for her to exist in this story. This role could have easily been accomplished with an established character like, say, Applejack, but instead we get random character #123108, whose name we don’t know until the very end, who provides no real contribution to the overarching plot, and none of us care about. So what was the purpose of adding this character?
So… yeah. An interesting premise, and entertaining in its own way. But there are way too many issues for this to get more than a middle-ground rating.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Silence — Needs Work
Façade
1,717 Words
By RazgrizS57
In the center of Equestria is a massive plain of great mystery. And in the center of that plain is a wall, itself a mystery, that has existed before the record of history. Ponies travel thousands of miles just to write something on the wall, knowing that whatever they write will be preserved there for all eternity. And now, Twilight Sparkle has arrived.
According to the author, this was an experiment in worldbuilding. It certainly shows, what with its many quirks. Whether these quirks are good or bad will likely depend upon who is reading the story. I myself have a lot of questions, such as why this apparently fertile land consisting of millions of acres isn’t being utilized as prime agricultural real estate. I mean, really. Philosophical, supernatural, metaphysical questions I can understand being left unanswered, but this is obvious practicality going ignored. I would expect there to be a reason why.
The bigger peculiarity of the story is its narrative voice. The first half is a long description of the plains and the wall within them, which is fine. But then, for no apparent reason, suddenly the narrative is ‘talking’ to Twilight, who is talking back. Wut? So is this whole story being told by someone who is living it? Is there a physical presence for Twilight to talk to, and if so why does the infamously inquisitive princess never bother to ask this narrator about itself? The narrative style is nothing short of confusing. I’m not sure how I feel about it.
This is an interesting idea, but I think its quirky style will be hit-or-miss based on individual inclinations. It’s certainly well written and interesting, so it’s got that going for it. I’ll rate it on the middle ground, but some may think it far better (or worse) than that.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Only One In Color — WHYRTY?
Sylphidine — Pretty Good
Those Who Wait
5,409 Words
By Gaiascope
In this bit of history revision, a lone creature—pony?—sits alone in a cell and waits. Every fortnight, a tiny flame will appear for the briefest of times. There are runes of ancient power watching and reacting to his every action. And as he sits there, alone and unloved, he ponders the idea of patience.
This is filled with a heavy atmosphere. It starts as a long, philosophical essay on the nature of the phrase “good things come to those who wait,” which gradually morphs to reveal the narrator’s undying hatred for all things alicorn. About halfway through, it shifts to a retelling of an ancient story, a story of when the four elements—Earth, Air, Water, and Fire—were living beings that walked Equestria doing what living beings do. It’s an unexpected, lovely, but dark bit of creative Equestrian history.
That being said, there is one little niggle: how does the prisoner, who has been trapped in his cell for quite a few millennia, know about present events? Where is he getting his information from? We have been shown no evidence whatsoever that he can see anything beyond his (somewhat morbid) prison walls, and yet he seems to know all about present day events. One has to wonder how.
Regardless, this is a fascinating bit of worldbuilding with an ominous conclusion. Yet again, another author has found a means to destroy the world. At least the background behind it is imaginative. It takes a little time to get to the point, but I think that works in its favor, letting us get to know our narrator and really grasp his anger properly.
If this is the kind of stuff Gaiascope always writes, I must question why their follower count is so incredibly small.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Not Everything — WHYRTY?
A Sound in the Dark
9,501 Words
By BlueColton
Requested by BlueColton
When a cave featuring the ruins of a previously unknown civilization is uncovered in the Crystal Empire, Sunburst convinces Princess Cadance and Prince-Consort Shining Armor to fund an expedition. Sunburst hopes the new find will uncover the lost history of the Crystal Ponies. What the ponies find instead is a horror beyond their worst nightmares.
Once I realized what was going on, I assumed this story was based on the 2005 horror film The Descent, which operates under a nearly identical premise. Imagine my surprise when the Author’s Note reveals this was instead inspired by a scene from Game of Thrones’s second book. This significantly helps the story in my eyes.
Anyway, A Sound in the Dark is written in a manner not unlike the movies Paranormal Activity, The Blair Witch Project, or Cloverfield. It runs on the idea that Sunburst has installed “crystal cameras” into the explorers’ helmets to help document the expedition. I was wary of this style at the beginning, but it gradually grew on me. I never considered the format might also work in a literary fashion, and it may make some people scowl due to how unconventional it is, but BlueColton works it well enough to be acceptable in my eyes.
The catch is that the story is not told in chronological order. This, combined with the narrative’s stylistic gimmick, can make it hard to keep up with who’s who. Sunburst is obvious because we know him, and Xiba has enough presence as a character to make her easily recognizable as the story progresses. The other characters feel more like redshirts than anything. There are times when characters are seen, unnamed, in a brief scene. The scene might be disturbing, but we have no idea who this pony is, which takes away from the impact to some degree.
Even so, BlueColton does well enough with the tools at their disposal. This is a distinctly dark story loaded with death and claustrophobic creepiness. The author certainly knows how to maintain atmosphere, a sharp pacing, and a steadily building tension.
That said, I question the story’s rating. BlueColton rated it as Mature, but the entire process is psychological. At no point are the creatures of this ‘fourth tribe’ ever shown in the flesh, nor do we ever see anything bad happen to anypony. Gruesome events are never detailed and always spoken of after the fact. This worked wonderfully to keep the tension and atmosphere going, but it also suggests to me that this is Teen material. One might argue barely, but Teen nonetheless.
Then again, that cover art is pretty gruesome.
At any rate, this is some solid horror. I am looking forward to finding out what else this author might have in their bag of wicked tricks.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Apples Forever — Pretty Good
No Day But Today
20,285 Words
By Harmony Charmer
Sequel to Meeting The Family
There’s no need to write a summary for this one. It’s Pinkie Pie and Sombra’s wedding. Boom. Done.
This story will appeal strictly to fans of Harmony Charmer’s SombraPie collection of stories. It also has some SweetieMash moments from another Harmony Charmer collection of stories, but they’re really more like cameos. The story is divided into multiple parts, each showcasing a different set of characters and how they are reacting to the wedding.
There’s some nice stuff going on with this one, but seriously, if you haven’t immersed yourself in Harmony Charmer’s universe, you’ll likely be lost by a lot of the references. And its only apparent point is that the author wanted to write the wedding. Which is fine, really. I’m not about to complain about an author writing a story about nothing short of the whole reason the series exists. That said, its narrow focus and lack of any major theme, lesson, or alternative purpose means it only has so much value as a story.
If you’re a fan of Harmony Charmer, feel free to indulge. The rest of you may want to hold off until you’re more versed in the ‘verse.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
First Date — Pretty Good
Hidden Voices — Pretty Good
Later Than Planned — Worth It
The Cake Batter Incident — Worth It
What's This? — Worth It
Results May Vary
5,072 Words
By CoffeeMinion
Sequel to A Dinky Little Problem
Derpy Hooves is a single mother and always struggling to make it work. She’s pulled it off so far. What she doesn’t expect is for Sparkler to sneakily set her up with a new Single Mom’s group to let such characters help one another with the grinding task of raising a foal alone. Getting thrust into this doesn’t sit well with Derpy, especially when she finds out that the only other member is going to be Berry Punch, with whom she has nothing in common.
This was interesting. It shows a mature Derpy, far from the problematic and silly mare we know from the show, and a rude, struggling Berry Punch. It comes with the addition of a Pinkie who, unbelievably, can identify at least one pony she legitimately doesn’t like, so much so that she stopped inviting said pony to parties. That CoffeeMinion pulls this off believably within such a very short cameo is a testament to their character writing skills.
If I had to complain about anything, it would be that more than half of this story is just setting up the scenario. That’s an awful lot of material for such a small payoff. I can’t help but think that CoffeeMinion could have stretched the conversation between Derpy and Berry a bit so as to make the first two chapters feel more… validated? Yeah, I’ll go with that.
Ignoring that issue, this is a nice story about two very different ponies trying to start what may be a lovely friendship. I’m not sure where this is going, but I’m looking forward to it regardless. I’m hoping for some Dinky/Berry Pinch foalhood adventure antics.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Dinky Little Problem — Pretty Good
Baby Limestone Rides to War — Pretty Good
Heavy Rock — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
The Last Days Of The Kingdom of Equestria by bigbear
Gentle Persuasion by Minds Eye
Vinyl Scratch is in a Tree and Refuses to Come Down by Doccular42
Princess Celestia's Legendary Litany of Laughable Losses by Prak
Monsoon by Arcelia
I Don't Give a Dam by RTStephens
Celestia XVII: Velvet's Promise by brokenimage321
Before the Dawn by SilverMuse
Happiness Is What You Make Of It by Nameless Narrator
When Consequences Come Home by kudzuhaiku
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Health >> Ponies. Oh, and I wish you luck retroactively. (I'm behind on everything)
I recommend using a dark theme / night mode to avoid subjecting your eyes to too much bright glare. All good websites have one - including Fimfiction.
Glad recovery is going smoothly. If you’re a fan of Horse Voice, I highly recommend his best work, The Savage Way.
5070312
Shrinks Glareate
I hope you've got some good eyedrops. :B Wettening the eyes will help relieve eyestrain.
I wrote InvisiBelle in middle school and I remember putting so much work into it. Younger self always wanted a review on it by you.
I’m now an actual adult, so it’s weird to think about it. Thanks for the review!
The Apple Fritter thing was definitely bizarre. I had a weird obsession with her and had pics of her plastered all over my profile and I wanted her to be in my stories.
Oh, hey! Thanks for the kind words.
5070307
Be careful where you say that. Someone might take offense.
5070312
Indeed, Dark Theme mode is a lifesaver. I wish every site had one.
5070318
Oi! That link doesn't lead to that story! I smell something fishy...
...still considering it a request.
5070366
My eyes are typically fine save for when I first wake up. The doctors have me using them once an hour. I don't feel like I need to, but I still do since I want the recovery to go smoothly. Sometimes I miss an hour because I'm not paying attention, though.
5070492
Well, glad I finally got to one of your stories, then! I seem to recall you contacting me about that kind of thing, but it may have been back before I was separating stories out into 'types'.
5070541
No, thank you for the story.