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PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every other Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

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Jan
24th
2019

Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVII · 9:52pm Jan 24th, 2019

Well. An Indecent Proposal is turning into one of my bigger hits. What really surprises me is that nobody’s decided to ignore the purpose of the story and accuse me of homophobia yet (nb4). Although one person came close. I suppose I should take this opportunity to say a few things about it.

As mentioned in the story’s A/N, I have always been of the headcanon that Equestria has a significant female supermajority in its population, which I tend to estimate at around 7/1. This is by no means true for all my stories (I like to change canon for each), but it is a personal favorite. It helps to justify the overabundance of F/F ships the fandom generates, for one thing, and the apparent matriarchal society in the show. I know that more recent seasons have been working to negate the idea (to the show’s detriment, I feel), but I stick to it anyway because it’s just headcanon.

But over the years I had a few curious thoughts regarding the nature of a society with such a large difference in the sexes. One of those thoughts related to homosexual relationships. I wanted to keep marriage as a binding act of ‘true love’, a permanent bond of devotion, primarily because of the potential historical reasons that could be formulated for “why” (worldbuilders will see the appeal here). And since stallions are in such low numbers, the majority of mares have no choice but to look to other mares for anything more than sex. Thus, I theorized, lesbianism would be considered perfectly normal.

That part’s easy. What really had my interest was how M/M relationships would be viewed. Perhaps very poorly? Even taboo, because every stallion who renders himself unavailable is ‘selfishly’ preventing one more mare from being happy. And since it’s a matriarchal society…

Admittedly, I never fully thought out the social concept before writing An Indecent Proposal. There are certainly arguments against my conclusions, many of which have been pointed out in the comments of the story. This is great. It’s exactly what I wanted to see. It’s given me fresh ideas for the world concept. I’m not going to guarantee a sequel, but if one does come around I already know what to do with it. Most importantly, it would go into the history of this anti-M/M culture and the specifics behind its reason for existing, which I think everyone would at least be interested in seeing.

The only other thing I think warrants mention is that this wasn’t always a Cadance story. Originally, it was going to be centered on Twilight on the basis that she’s the ‘new’ princess and thus might be swayed where the others were not. Then I slapped myself on the head because, duh, this is obvious the jurisdiction of the Princess of Love.

I think I’ve said enough about this for now. Let’s get to the reviews, shall we?

Stories for This Week:

Of Kings And Pawns by Pedro Hander
The Thinkin' Spot by bats
Goodbye, Dear Sister... by Dark_Soliloquy
Tales From the Tailgate by The Autumn Princess
Missing Equipment by R5h
Blueblood Takes Over Equestria by Eyeswirl the Weirded
The Morning After Mother's Day by Adda le Blue
Dancing in Melancholy by forbloodysummer
Hyperion by Meridian Prime
Eyes in the Abyss by Chapter 13

Total Word Count: 64,810

Rating System

Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 1
None: 0


What made me decide to read this? I couldn’t say. It largely involves Luna engaging Celestia in an unrealistic conversation of philosophy and as they analyze their own self-worth.

I say ‘unrealistic’ because the dialogue is not that which would be spoken in normal, casual conversation. It’s far more flowery and requires a bit more thought to grasp the intended meanings. It was more annoying than thought-provoking.

But at the same time, one must consider the setting. This isn’t two ponies having a discussion on the back porch over a beer and some barbequed asparagus. This is the immortal diarchs of a nation standing among the clouds on high subtly debating their value to the land of mortals whom they are even now looking down upon. While I like to think Celestia and Luna are above (per se) that kind of behavior, the possibility for this discussion in this fashion yet exists.

I’m sorry to say I came away from this with an overall ‘meh’ feeling. Perhaps I am merely a simpleton, but I see no point in the style beyond overextended flamboyance. Philosophical debates are already complex enough without an overabundance of metaphors and roundabout verbal illustrations. I had to read the story a second time before I understood that Luna was talking about suicide. If you don’t go into this with your mind ready to think carefully about all that is happening, you’ll probably miss a lot of the meaning in it.

Fortunately, the story is short enough that it can be read multiple times in the span of ten minutes, allowing readers to parse what they are seeing and make sense of what is really being said. The topic is good and so is the discussion. But this is not even remotely a story to be grasped by your average reader. This is for the thinkers, and those who want prose that isn’t straightforward and easy to digest. Your personal interests will likely dictate whether this story is fascinating or a complete waste of time.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


The Thinkin' Spot

5,282 Words
By bats

It’s her first Winter Wrap Up Day and Twilight is running herself ragged with worry. Seeing this, Applejack decides to step in by bringing Twilight to a special place.

This is some lovely friendshipping, a story in which Twilight gains a bit of comfort and her very own Best Friend. It’s as slice-of-life-y as Slice of Life can get. A sedate story with a sedate theme, it focuses entirely on Twilight’s sense of belonging and purpose in Ponyville when she was still new to the place and hadn’t yet found her stride.

There’s not a lot more I can say. It’s a good story, well paced and knowing exactly when it needs to focus on dialogue or visuals. It won’t wow you, but it isn’t meant to. A relaxing little tale and a nice bit of relationship growth between Twilight and Applejack. It doesn’t need to be any more than it is.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


There’s minimalism, and there’s whatever this is. Luna and Celestia hate one another in an AU, but Celestia refuses to admit it, so Luna locks her in a room for a few days? And then, uh, lets her out. And they lie in peace. And then Luna does something really bad a decade later for no apparent reason.

This was quirky at best. The plot makes no sense as given and much of the material is two voices talking in a nebulous white (or in this case, black) space. It seems to me like Dark_Soliloquy was trying for something atmospheric and heavy but forgot to include all the things that fit into that aesthetic. Couple that with a nonsensical plot and a narrative voice that’s all over the place and you get a head scratcher of a piece.

That being said, apparently Dark_Soliloquy was only twelve when they wrote this. From that perspective, I must say this isn’t so bad. I know people who only wish they could write this well at that age. Perhaps some of the author’s more recent works will display some advancement. Only time shall tell.

Bookshelf: Needs Work

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


Rarity and Applejack have been dating for three years now, but their relationship is about to face that which has doomed so many before theirs: distance. To make their last night together special, Applejack brings Rarity somewhere different from their usual.

Yeah, like I’m not gonna read a story about my OTP.

This one is largely about Rarity and Applejack trying to accept the distance that will soon be between them. It features a vulnerable Applejack afraid of a future without Rarity and a Rarity who refuses to let go of her dreams. I can appreciate both, and the story plays them off of one another well. Thing is, this is a story focused 100% on the characters. The writing style provides little flare, there’s no effort to highlight the visuals, and everything is very straightforward in approach. If you’re looking for a story with a riveting narrative, this probably won’t do it for you.

But if you’re interested in watching Applejack and Rarity fighting off the cold and the future, this will do nicely. It’s romantic, yet not overbearing about it, the topic drifting around to other important, real-world issues that may keep this interesting for the non-shippers out there.

Not the most amazing Rarijack story I’ve ever read, but definitely a worthwhile one.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


Missing Equipment

15,926 Words
By R5h

This one’s mature for a reason, folks.

Celestia decides that it’s time for the Royal Guard and Wonderbolts to shape up and be ready for a real invasion. Like the one Tempest Shadow led. Oh, look, Tempest is reformed. Who better to train every major unit and squadron in Equestria into tip-top shape in record time? But seeing as ponies don’t quite trust Tempest yet, she decides to send Rainbow Dash with her. Their little rivalry eventually leads to a series of gag gifts being passed between them over the course of their work, each one being more and more extreme. Then? Rainbow tops it off.

Let’s not beat around the bush: this is a story in which Tempest Shadow unintentionally winds up with a dildo as a fully functional replacement horn. Literally. It’s a twisted, silly premise and the idea of taking it seriously is laughable.

So imagine my surprise when R5h, against all odds, makes it work.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, the whole thing is still remarkably dumb. It’s just that, somehow, the author takes this remarkably dumb concept, complete with its legion of dumb jokes and pervy humor, and makes a genuinely decent character arc out of it for Tempest. And that’s something I can thoroughly appreciate, being one who likes to think that any idea, no matter how bad, can be made serious with the right touch. R5h does a nice job balancing the inevitable humor, slice-of-life, and drama to make a pleasant-if-naughty whole.

Pretty sure I’m getting more out of this than the author ever intended or expected. But by Cadance, I can’t stop thinking they did this one right. I think what I like most is that it took a stupid idea that the average author would turn into a bunch of nonsensical slapstick comedy and made a real story out of it, taking the ridiculousness in stride. This is a rare thing, and is certainly impressive.

Needless to say, I enjoyed this one. A lot. But if you’re going to read this, you’d best be okay with dick and dildo jokes and a plot that, when looked at in the broad sense, is just plain dumb.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good!

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Girl Who Couldn't ChangeWHYRTY?
The Clown SentryPretty Good


Blueblood Takes Over Equestria

3,543 Words
Eyeswirl the Weirded failed to provide cover art.

Celestia, Luna, and Twilight are gone, and now Blueblood sits on the throne. The rest of the Mane 6 aren’t about to let this happen, and so launch an assault on the throne room to deal with the tyrant. It doesn’t go at all how they expect.

This story is complete nonsense. The concept? Total nonsense. The plot? Utter nonsense. The character behavior? 100% nonsense. If you intend to read this story, you’d best go in prepared to take absolutely nothing in it seriously. I don’t know why this is tagged as Slice of Life when it’s clearly a Comedy.

The first half is just Blueblood pointing out Celestia’s flaws. The latter half is shenanigans that try to make us believe that Celestia plants villains into Equestria periodically so she can take a day’s break. The Blueblood Family is knowingly made to be Equestria’s returning villain precisely for this reason… and to take the blame for all the necessary evils Celestia must perform as ruler. And somehow society has failed to catch on – which, of course, is bullshit. Oh, and Luna used to take on the role. Which leaves a huge hole in the form of “where has she been these last thousand years if the whole Nightmare Moon thing was a massive con job?”

In Eyeswirl’s defense, the story is written in the manner of the show, meaning it’s all kinda silly in the first place (Pinkie Pie in particular highlights this point). From that angle, it’s not bad at all. Also, there’s absolutely no reason for this to be rated Teen.

Personally, I’m disappointed. I went in expecting one thing and got something wholly different. I blame this specifically on the description and the incorrect tagging. There’s really nothing wrong with the story so long as you go into it knowing what kind of story it is, and you can’t do that with the description and tagging. I strongly suspect Eyeswirl was trying to be deceptive, but this is not an instance where I appreciate it.

But that’s just me. The masses are clearly of an entirely different opinion. And in this case, I think that’s fine.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sucker for a Cute FaceWHYRTY?


It’s Mother’s Day, and everything goes perfectly. He’s a perfect gentlestallion and the filly is as pleasant and happy as ever. Then morning comes, and cold reality is back. Maybe someday she’ll get her perfect Mother’s Day, and it will be real. Maybe.

Adda le Blue refers to this story as a “cry of despair”. I can see why. But what an eloquent cry it is.

The Morning After Mother’s Day is a brief bit of bittersweet that starts out with lots of sweet and ends with lots of bitter. It’s the tale of someone who desperately wants to be one thing yet is trapped in the body of something else entirely. Many people can write something that they feel from the heart, but very few can write something and make the audience feel similarly. Adda combines visual flare with practical pacing and strong Show to give us an evocative showing. I can say with confidence that, in terms of writing technique, this is the best I’ve read by this author.

Adda le Blue has considered removing this story from the site. I hope they never do, because it’s a great piece of sadfic. I can’t imagine the personal turmoil required to be ashamed of something so well done. It’s a great piece highlighting a relevant, real-world issue, and I love it.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good!

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
All the Time in the WorldWHYRTY?
Miss Sparkle, PsychopathWorth It
True Love Never DiesMissed Audience


The Sirens’ voices are gone. Without them, they will soon die of starvation. It’s been four days. The time is near. As Adagio contemplates the inevitable end, she does something she’s never had to do before: consider how she wants to go out. Perhaps… with a little music.

I can sum up my feelings for this in one word: wow. Of all the hundreds of stories I’ve read, never have I read one that so vividly requires a visual reinterpretation, specifically in animated form. What an artist could do with this piece fills the mind with anticipation and wonder. The story is a celebration of the lives of the Dazzlings, but not in some base recital of past events. Instead we are given a voiceless panorama of thousands of years of existence, beautiful and destructive and, above all else, alive. I was looking forward to this one, and my eagerness has been richly rewarded.

Without a word of dialogue or any visual aids, this is a feast for the eyes. I say this with the notice that I read the story without the musical accompaniment recommended by the author. Such accompaniments are something I usually frown upon. In this case, it takes a lot longer to read the story than it would take to listen to the music, making the descriptions all kinds of mismatched. But I did listen to the music after reading… and that worked wonderfully. If anything, it further raises my desire to see someone out there make a music video themed entirely on this story.

I think enough has been said. This one was way more than I hoped, and I strongly encourage everyone to give it a go. For making such a delightful tribute to the Sirens, forbloodysummer has my attention.

Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


Hyperion

1,360 Words
By Meridian Prime
Requested by Matthewl419

A combination of worldbuilding and character study, this story has Celestia reminisce about how she first learned to raise the Sun while she compares herself to her sister. That’s really all there is to it.

Yet it is a lovely little piece of self-reflection. We see how Celestia feels like the weaker of the two, her struggles with the Moon in general, and her love for her work. It’s pleasant. It’s brief. It manages to do all it needs to in the small time it uses up. It does have some interesting ideas though, such as the thought of Celestia being the pragmatic one (I’ve always seen it as the opposite).

An interesting story, if not a groundbreaking one. It was certainly worth my time, and is a great addition to the libraries of Celestia fans.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


The story is actually ~13k words long, but Chapter 13 kept an older version as a ‘second chapter’.

QueenFormer Queen Chrysalis finds herself trapped in a seemingly endless corridor filled with the ghosts of her past and doors to memories she’d rather forget. As she unwillingly explores her history, she is pestered by two voices, one familiar and the other mysterious.

I’ve read a handful of Chrysalis origin stories. This easily tops them. It provides an image of a Chrysalis who underwent horrible trials and forced herself into the role of a cold, ruthless, unforgiving monarch in order to cope with it. Yet even as she performed her cruellest of deeds, she always knew she was going against her own nature. It makes her into something of a monster, but one that is hard to hate.

The story does suffer from a number of issues the rewrite failed to fix. The most notable comes in the repetitive writing, which often uses the same words within a short time. Also not good is when the author starts with one word or phrase then decides to go with another, but forgets to remove the old one. That happens quite often and always ruins the immersion.

But then there’s excellent use of colored text (a vast improvement over the original) and general formatting. The worldbuilding regarding changeling hives in general is a small but nice touch. Atmosphere is wielded to great effect, with good pacing that never lets things linger but also never feels rushed. In terms of plot, my only concern is the final decision, which felt… dangerous. But I assume the sequel will help to clarify things in that regard, so I’ll not let it bother me too much.

Oh, and I almost forgot the voice! The bad one. Which just… sorta… disappears? I feel like that should have been addressed somehow. But again, maybe that’s on purpose and the sequel will deal with it.

Ultimately, this is a great Chrysalis origin story, hitting everything it needs to and nothing it doesn’t. It’s not at all what I was expecting after Eyes in the Reflection, but that’s by no means a bad thing.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good!

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Ruler’s Regret Never FadesWorth It
Eyes in the ReflectionWorth It


Stories for Next Week:
Hello, My Name Is by LoyalLiar
Twilight Sparkle Accidently Loans Out Homosexual Erotic Literature by Storm Butt
The Arbitrator by Bluegrass Brooke
Never Forget Me by Rated Ponystar
I Hate You, Twilight Sparkle by Overlord-Flinx
Antaboga. by Reptilicus
A Little Panic by Foals Errand
One Night a Year by Sapidus3
In Which Princess Luna Has Egg On Her Face by CalebH
Misadventures in Manehattan by The Princess Rarity


Recent Review Map:

Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVI
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXII

Report PaulAsaran · 1,431 views · Story: An Indecent Proposal ·
Comments ( 24 )

I have always been of the headcanon that Equestria has a significant female supermajority in its population, which I tend to estimate at around 7/1.

That's about where I put it too in my TLS verse stuff, it's why nobody bats an eye regarding lesbian relationships, even when more religious characters are involved.

Granted, sexuality and gender majority I think can be a bit more messy once you throw decent magic into a setting, with a lot of fair points to be had of, "if the population is just that much of a majority, why not use magic to resolve birth/pregnancy rates regarding the two sexes, or gender swap spells?" Which I've never been able to totally answer in a blanket statement, at least in canon, due to how strong magic is in the main setting. It even would seem like something even as mundane as Zecora and her potions could do with relative ease, considering the gal is able to repair teeth with her brews.

Just my big think on the matter. Rarijack still best ship.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

No, yeah, Missing Equipment is amazing. :D

Yeah... The background of An Indecent Proposal is really piquing my interest. If homosexual couplings aren't generally removing ponies from the breeding pool, then what events in Equestria's history caused such different outlooks on female-female relationships compared to male-male relationships?

Only one I've read is "Dancing in Melancholy," and I rather liked it, but to me it's an example of the wrong way to use jargon. It's heaped on in the absence of a related emotional engagement from Adagio, which leaves it feeling overly technical in places, and it also leaves me not understanding what a sentence is saying at times, since it lacks context clues to what most of it means. As to the linked music... I didn't listen to it, but from the description, I knew what it was, and it's not something I liked when I watched that show, but that's a personal taste thing. I do think this would be better as an animation, but for an entirely additional reason than the ones you cite: it would sidestep the jargon issue.

R5h

5002045
Ooh, the rare double-promotion. Thanks! That story was indeed a challenge to myself, namely to take that ridiculous starting line and see if I could flesh it out into a story. It was super fun to write!

Incidentally, Paul, what do you think you got out of it that I didn't intend or expect?

I don't know, Paul... I'm glad you liked it, but I just don't know. It hurts to reread that one. Somehow even more so than the one that followed, which stings. Thanks for your kindness, though.

Hmm I wonder when we will see "The Games We Play" by Absolute Anonymous.

5002028
Actually, for Indecent Proposal I have a headcanon that magic can't solve the M/M or F/F birthing issue. If it could, the story wouldn't have much reason for existing. Making a tooth grow is very different from changing a chromosome, or so I would think. And I should note that magic not being able to do this is not at all a sign that there is no 'decent magic' in a world. I mean, how do you even define 'decent magic'? It seems very subjective.

5002045
It certainly floored me.

5002053
Exactly! This is what I meant with the world-building aspect. Figuring that out would be fun.

5002081
It seems like these blogs are including more and more stories you haven't read yet. Am I at that point where my library's grown more extensive, or am I just reading all the wrong stories?

5002094
I wasn't sure if you intended it to be taken seriously despite the goofy premise. I mean, it reads like you do, but one can never tell for certain.

5002146
You're very welcome. Do what you gotta do, Blue. I've given my opinion on the matter.

5002223
I just checked. I'm afraid I've already selected The Little Mermare to read by AA next. The Games We Play will be the last thing I read by AA, and after Mermare will be the only one left.

R5h

5002262
That's a difficult question to answer. Certainly there are serious parts to the story and also not so serious parts, so... take it as seriously as you would for any comedy, I suppose. It's not a "crack fic" in the sense that things happen with no connection or reason, it's just a story with a ridiculous premise and ridiculous events.

Does that clear things up?

5002262
Not sure why. I think you're picking a mix of stories that are old and new, so it's not like you're moving out of an era I was well-read in. It's probably more because you've about finished up the list of recommendations I gave you, so your list is no longer biased toward things I have read.

Thank you for the kind words :twilightsmile:

If anyone wants to commission an animation, I'd be intrigued to see it. There is definitely a lot of imagery there I can see clearly in my head and would love to get out there into the world but lack the skill to do so.

...Kind of a meta conundrum, given that that's the premise of the story in the first place :twilightsheepish:

To me, the most important thing to have is Adagio's song brought to life, out in the world. Don't know if you saw the link in the author's notes comment, but that totally exists:

So are we getting a sequel?

5002317
Clear enough, at least.

5002764
If so, it won’t be anytime soon.

A fine collection of stories this week, and a cool author's perspective on your most recently published story.

5002262

Actually, for Indecent Proposal I have a headcanon that magic can't solve the M/M or F/F birthing issue. If it could, the story wouldn't have much reason for existing.

And that's perfectly fine, headcanoning it works, it's what gives the story ground to exist.

Making a tooth grow is very different from changing a chromosome, or so I would think.

Sure, but that's just a potion. Meanwhile actual magic has had time stopping, dimension hopping, teleportation, body alteration in the form of Rarity's wings, and IIRC that episode where they change into the little ponies. (the spritelings? Can't swear on that name, though, as I didn't care for the episode and had it more or less erased from my memory.)

And I should note that magic not being able to do this is not at all a sign that there is no 'decent magic' in a world.

Agreed. All magic has its limitations, but I always had the mindset of, if one could give Rarity wings, then I don't see why other physical alterations would be less than feasible. Considering teleportation, at least if we're going nerd territory Star Trek, I always understood was genetically rebuilding yourself from ground up after getting to your location, swapping genders would be well within the realm of 'I could see the argument for possibility' in canon.

I mean, how do you even define 'decent magic'? It seems very subjective.

Oh yeah, it's absolutely subjective. There's no hard and fast line. One once in a life time miracle in one setting can be passe in another. I was more or less just having a few casual words on the matter.
(and I also forgot to hit the 'post comment' twice in one day. Go me.)

5003540

...and IIRC that episode where they change into the little ponies. (the spritelings? Can't swear on that name, though, as I didn't care for the episode and had it more or less erased from my memory.)

Those would be the Breezies. Which, to my understanding, haven't made a reappearance since, although I recall them being mentioned offhand once or twice. And now I want to see a story in which Breezies go to Celestia and accuse Twilight of racism because they weren't invited to send a student to her school. Ditto for the zebras, but more for the Breezies.

Considering teleportation, at least if we're going nerd territory Star Trek, I always understood was genetically rebuilding yourself from ground up after getting to your location...

Considering this makes me think of alternate methods of teleportation. I can think of a few ways to make it work without the whole 'rebuilding' thing, although that is certainly the Star Trek variant as I recall it. But regardless, you're right that in canon it may be possible considering the list of physical transformations clearly shown. And we know that life can be created via magic in MLP because Twilight (or Starlight, not sure which) has been seen transforming inanimate objects into eggs... which hatched. So the idea of turning a stallion into a fully functional mare and vice-versa for the purpose of reproduction is well within the realm of possibility.

Here's the thing for what brought me here in the first place. If you had written Indecent Proposal as stallion on stallion relationships being so incredibly rare as to the point Cadance has no idea what to do about it, then I'd be fine with it.

As it is, it's just plain sexist in Equestria and the princesses, who should be better than that, are no better than the regular ponies. No amount of headcannon will convince me otherwise.

5004068
You’re making presumptions regarding what the other princesses feel, but that’s perfectly legit considering how Cadance and Shining expect them to react. The hearsay evidence points to something you don’t like, and I can’t blame you for that. All I’ll say regarding that is that this kind of thing will be cleared up should I write the sequel.

That does not mean you’ll like how it’s cleared up.

5004259
No I probably won't. And no I'm not sorry if I'm not. If people don't like that, too bad. I don't pander and change for others who don't like my opinions.

5004272
As long as you don’t turn around and demand anyone else pander and change to suit your opinions in turn, it’s fine. And you haven’t, so you’re still okay in my book.

Oh damn, Hyperion's really getting the star treatment lately - first an SA review, and now a PaulAsaran one!

A combination of worldbuilding and character study, this story has Celestia reminisce about how she first learned to raise the Sun while she compares herself to her sister. That’s really all there is to it.

Yet it is a lovely little piece of self-reflection. We see how Celestia feels like the weaker of the two, her struggles with the Moon in general, and her love for her work. It’s pleasant. It’s brief. It manages to do all it needs to in the small time it uses up. It does have some interesting ideas though, such as the thought of Celestia being the pragmatic one (I’ve always seen it as the opposite).

An interesting story, if not a groundbreaking one. It was certainly worth my time, and is a great addition to the libraries of Celestia fans.

Honestly, this is about as high praise as I could ask for. This was never meant to be some grand work of literature, it is as you said a "combination of worldbuilding and character study" and nothing more. You saying it did that right means mission accomplished! And "a great addition to the libraries of Celestia fans" is the kind of review I'd put on the dust jacket if this were being published.

As we (briefly) discussed in the SA review comments, there is an in progress rewrite of this that I hope will expand on the same themes and capture Celestia just as well (it was supposed to be out by now, but IRL has kicked my ass for all of January, so it'll probably be out around mid Feb). I'll still be leaving the original up as it's own chapter however - as much as I think I can do more with this concept now, I'm pretty proud of what was my first ever creative writing attempt, written in an afternoon when I was supposed to be studying for my IB!

On a side note - I absolutely adore talking about the Royal Sisters and their personalities. If you ever want a discussion on why Celestia is or isn't the pragmatic one, or anything else regarding them, hit me up. Although fair warning, while my ideas of both the sisters have evolved over the years, I don't think I'll ever not hold Celestia as the pragmatist and Luna as the idealist.

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