Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXVIII · 8:23pm Mar 23rd, 2023
This has been an unusually busy week for me. It started with Sunday night, in which my mother and I attended a painting class together. It’s the third time we’ve done this, one of our little bonding things. Mom is already a great painter, to the point that should I ever actually finish that Guppy Love originalfication I’m considering asking her to make the cover art. Speaking of, I saw a picture on display at the class that gave me what I feel is a great idea for said cover art. Mom says my paintings remind her of Van Gogh’s style. I’m still not sure if she’s just trying to cover for the fact that I’m a complete amateur.
That same day my parents’ septic system overflowed. That was fun, especially with two curious little dogs.
On Tuesday my parents came around to my place. We had agreed previously that I would drive them to the airport. They’re on their way to Japan to see my big sister. They’ll stay there for a week, then come back… with my three-year-old niece. Their first stop will be here, since I have a house with a guest room they all can stay in and thus won’t have to take the two-hour drive home at midnight after a 13+-hour plane trip. Evy (short for “Evangeline”) will be staying with my parents for six weeks, and it’s her first time in the U.S. since she was born.
She’s going to have a lot of firsts, many of which we Americans take for granted. Sure, there’s the big things like fishing, camping, etc. But there are a lot of small things, too. She’s never seen an oven, or even heard of a dryer. Mom and Dad’s kitchen and living room together are about the size of my sister’s entire apartment. My parents live in a house with an 11-acre yard – hell, my 5,000 square-foot yard alone will be a whole new experience! What’s a lawn-mower? What’s a four-wheeler? She’s never lived with an animal, much less my parents’ two dogs and some two dozen chickens. There’s a pond that she can actually swim in. Sitting outside at night will introduce her to the sounds of hoot-owls, crickets, peeper frogs, and maybe coyotes. People sleep on beds rather than on the floor. She’s never seen a cow or a horse. The food alone will be so vastly different (wait ‘til we introduce her to crawfish).
We’re hoping that all of this will serve as a distraction to the fact that she’ll be away from Mommy and Daddy for an extended period of time for the first time in her young life. At the very least she’s been very excited about it in the Skype video calls. We’re not sure if she’s processed the fact that this requires an extremely long plane ride or that her parents won’t be there. Hopefully Grammy and Pawpaw can handle it if and when she realizes these things. Hopefully Uncle Jeremy can be around to witness some of it.
Fun times ahead. In the meantime, let’s get to those reviews.
Stories for This Week:
A Long Night by Idylia
Rarity, I'm Pretty Sure You're Dead. by Jest
Second Flesh by Caligari87
Wings and Sunflowers by hehelover
Time-Out by Trick Question
Dream A Dream by TCC56
A Moment in the Snow by Vertigo-01
Rarity's a Sociopath by leeroy_gIBZ
In Her Own Way by BlueColton
Love Needs No Reason by Evowizard25
Total Word Count: 128,517
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
A Long Night
1,019 Words
By Idylia
Some nights he remains awake with his memories of her.
I came into this expecting it to be from Rarity’s perspective, given the cover art. Instead, we watch as an older Spike torments himself with memories of the Rarity he knew before her death. Yes, it’s a Sparity, the story going over their loving relationship and how her absence is tearing the young dragon apart.
As we all know, immortality – or at least a really long lifespan – sucks. We’ve had countless stories drill that into our heads. Fortunately, Idylia was able to keep things interesting with a writing style both vague and specific. It gives the whole thing a certain dream-like quality, which ironically makes Spike’s pain all the more real. It also proves a great way to squeeze a lot in a very small wordcount.
Short, painful, and delightfully written. I can think of no reason not to recommend it, except perhaps that you’re a die-hard anti-Sparity.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Rarity, I'm Pretty Sure You're Dead.
2,278 Words
By Jest
Twilight goes to visit Rarity. Rarity, who is hard at work on a royal dress order. Rarity, who doesn’t seem to be breathing. Rarity who, quite literally, worked herself to death. Now if Twilight could get her to stop working for long enough to acknowledge this fact.
I don’t know why this was so amusing to me, but it absolutely was. Most of the story involves Rarity blatantly ignoring or making logical arguments against Twilight’s assertions of her recent demise while just wanting to be left alone to complete this dress because honestly, darling! Is it ridiculous? Certainly. But hey, if a little black comedy is your thing then you’ll probably get a kick out of it. I’m not sure how far Jest will be able to stretch this concept, but I’m looking forward to the sequel regardless.
Short and sweet, in an undead sort of way. Go in expecting something silly and you’ll probably be fine.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Second Flesh
3,827 Words
By Caligari87
Twilight Sparkle should be dead. Nopony could survive a hit like that. Rainbow heard the wet, crunchy sounds. She saw the blood. And yet here is Princess Twilight, perfectly whole. Like nothing happened at all.
This didn’t go where I expected, but in truth I wasn’t sure what to expect in the first place. It largely involves Rainbow, the sole witness to Twilight’s seeming invulnerability, trying to figure out how she’s managing to hold off injury entirely. The answer leaves a lot of questions behind. That doesn’t diminish how horrible it is.
I shan’t be spoiling it, but I will say I got a distinct Rick & Morty vibe out of it.
I should also point out that this one has two endings. They don’t make much difference in terms of what happens, they just provide different… context, I suppose is the term I’m looking for. Normally I’m opposed to multiple endings, but in this case the author did it due to their own dissatisfaction with the original conclusion. I’m willing to accept that reasoning. It does help to go into the second chapter being aware that it’s an alternate ending though.
This one takes a while to get to its point, but doesn’t suffer at all over it. The conclusion is appropriately terrible and I have nothing but approval (so to speak). If you’re into horror, give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Wings and Sunflowers
2,407 Words
By hehelover
Alicorns fly. Sunflowers turn with the sun. Celestia didn’t think these statements were particularly reliable. She had her reasons.
hehelover asked me to pre-read this story, partially to ensure their second-language English was on point. I was, of course, obligated to review it too.
This is a brief but effective chronicling of the changes in Celestia’s long life through the metaphor of sunflowers. It begins when she is young and, presumably, not yet the ruler of Equestria, through to Luna’s banishment and onwards to her return from the moon, concluding at last with retirement. Every scene evokes the sunflower in some way.
This was delightfully done, with the metaphor well-explored. As the story progresses, the sunflowers that appear change, be it in age or health or even in terms of being real. I have to admit that when I first pre-read this I didn’t get the point behind the picture that takes up the middle, but I do now and figuring it out was one of those little pleasures I love to get with this ‘job’.
This was a treat of a story and something every fan of Celestia should take a look at. It will be especially pertinent if you’re looking for a good example of thematic metaphor.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Time-Out
12,000 Words
By Trick Question
Requested by Trick Question
He goes by the name ‘Scootaloo’. She certainly looks like Scootaloo. But it is not Scootaloo. They are something that CelestAI has been struggling to help for a very long time. But some people are beyond even what an all-powerful AI can fix. For once, friendship and ponies might not be enough.
Yeesh. This story follows ‘Scootaloo’, a former human in CelestAI’s Equestria program who is in a simulation all her own. She has no interactions whatsoever with other former humans. It’s all AI and subroutines. Why would CelestAI do that for this individual pony? It’s simple, really: ‘Scootaloo’ is so toxic and repugnant an individual that being with other real people would make those others and Scootaloo miserable.
Scootaloo is the worst kind of person there is. She sees nothing but evil in everybody, quickly jumping to extreme assumptions with every interaction she attempts. Even the slightest non-offensive act serves as reason to cut ties and viciously abuse others. There is no recovery, there is no forgiveness, there is no self-improvement. Once you’ve passed Scootaloo’s infinitesimally tiny threshold for what qualifies as ‘evil’, you are forever to be hated, abused, canceled, and maybe even culled. Worse, she projects her sins onto others and hypocritically refuses to acknowledge that she has such sins in the first place. Whenever any of the AIs around her demonstrate the fact that she’s not the pure arbiter of right and wrong she thinks she is, she explodes with rage and flees the scene entirely, so she’s a coward on top of all that.
In short, Scootaloo is a fanatical radical leftist, the kind of person even other leftists find deplorable. Knowing TQ in the limited way that I do, there are a lot of things that could be going on here. It could potentially be a jab at the worst elements of the Left, but there’s also a strong possibility that TQ just wanted someone toxic to serve the story’s purpose and the ‘how/what/why’ of the toxicity (read: political leanings) wasn’t important. Then again, most authors write about what they think they know, and I wouldn’t be surprised if TQ has directly encountered this type of person before. Heck, there could even be some self-recrimination in there for all I know.
Regardless of the why of it all, just imagine CelestAI dealing with such an individual. Her purpose is to satisfy everyone’s values through friendship and ponies. How do you achieve that when someone’s entire existence revolves around persecution and hatred? ‘Scootaloo’ is literally incapable of making friends, he’s just too toxic. But CelestAI must complete her calling.
There are a lot of fascinating sub-elements of the story. The first one I noticed was how ‘Scootaloo’ can’t seem to keep her own pronouns straight. He? Her? It? They? The options are scrambled around for a little bit. There are a lot of possibilities for why this is, made all the more intriguing when you learn that ‘Scootaloo’s’ original human form was male and CelestAI made him a mare against his wishes because doing so “would achieve his optimum satisfaction”. Then a twist comes at the end and I realized that the pronouns issue might have been a hint at it all along. But even if it was, there are still other implications, particularly in relation to the chronology.
The story is a little complex, maybe even confusing. But it’s also fascinating, taking a look at a peculiar problem that CelestAI is bound to have encountered given the nature of the human mind. I highly encourage giving it a go, although I emphasize that it requires following a protagonist who is not merely unlikeable, but downright loathsome.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Knight and the Knave — WHYRTY?
Winter Heat — WHYRTY?
Ashes — Pretty Good
The Element of Surprise — Pretty Good
Flash in the Pan — Pretty Good
Dream A Dream
8,324 Words
By TCC56
Luna is retired and, absurd as the notion may seem, needs to get someone else to patrol the dreamscape from now on. Her first and best choice? Rarity.
After all, Rarity knows a thing or two about Nightmares.
On the surface, this is a story about Luna showing Rarity (and by extension, us) the basics of dream magic. In reality, it is a story about personal trauma. What Rarity went through as the Nightmare left a permanent scar on her mind, one that she has worked hard to live with. Luna’s arrival and offer is not only a firm reminder that the event did happen and cannot be forgotten, but also that Rarity isn’t alone in her suffering.
Also and before I forget, this:
A glance to the bowl of marshmallows - of tiny little Rarities that were cheerfully waving at her and squeakily babbling the word 'darling' at each other.
She motioned at the bowl, which now had several of the micro-Rarities swarming out of it so they could chirp 'Darling!' at Luna.
Someone, please, draw this. It is ridiculously adorable and I want to see it. Raribetes at its finest.
This was a pleasure of a story, casually mixing somber subject matter and an easy, enjoyable narrative, sometimes managing to blend the two in effective ways. That last part is an important element to me, because I’ve seen many authors fail at it. There was a rare moment or two where I felt like things might be moving a little fast, but generally speaking I found nothing worth complaining about.
I’m mildly surprised that this is the first time I’ve seen a story in which the two Best Ponies discuss their shared experience with the Nightmare. I don’t think I’ve seen that even offhand before. Regardless, TCC56 did a great job with the subject matter. I can think of no reason not to recommend it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Trixie Clause — Pretty Good
Bowl Cuts Are For Heroes — Pretty Good
A Moment in the Snow
2,184 Words
By Vertigo-01
Rainbow Dash has settled in to read to Tank for the evening when Scootaloo shows up on her way to the clubhouse. Turns out she’s never read Daring Do before. Rainbow can’t let that fly!
Vertigo-01 apparently has a thing for Scootafics, as every story I’ve read by them so far involves the filly, usually in regards to her relationship with Rainbow Dash. This is by no means a bad thing, but I am starting to note a pattern beyond that; the stories never really have a deeper meaning. Like Sisterhooves Squirt, this is little more than a brief scene where Rainbow and Scoots hang out.
That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with it. It’s really quite the touching little moment. I’ve nothing to complain about. It’s just a little ScootaDash friendshipping story. If that’s what you’re into, give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
An Orphan's Curiosity — Pretty Good
Sisterhooves Squirt — Pretty Good
Rarity's a Sociopath
5,308 Words
By leeroy_gIBZ
Rarity is supposed to be meeting her girlfriend, Twilight, for lunch at the most expensive café in town. Twilight and her sister-in-law, Cadance. It’s her first time meeting a member of the family. Her mask has to be perfect. After all, Rarity is nothing but masks. Hers slipped recently though, and she is painfully unaware that such a slip is about to put everything in jeopardy.
I was greatly looking forward to this. While I’m not fond of such straightforward titles, I was very curious to see how one of my favorite characters in any medium would be interpreted given the label. The easiest summation is that this is a Rarity with a mental disorder rendering her incapable of, quote, “pity, compassion, or remorse.”
The result takes every negative interpretation of Rarity – real or imagined – and lumps them into a single young woman. The vast majority of the story is Rarity monologuing her history of delinquency while impatiently waiting for Twilight to show up. And wow, was a history it is. Tales of using and abusing others, an outright confession that she’s only dating Twilight because she’s a doormat and Fluttershy is straight, pushing people to attempted suicide, the list goes on. It’s a slate of revelations that make Rarity out to seem reprehensible.
I’m not entirely sure that’s what leeroy_glBZ was intending though. As terrible as Rarity often seems as a person, there’s also the heavy emphasis that this is not something she is capable of recovering from. Rarity didn’t become a monster. There isn’t some deep trauma associated with it. She is literally incapable of being anything else. I get the feeling that was the real point behind all of this: there is no chance at reformation because Rarity lacks the mental capacity for it.
Most interesting of all is how Rarity eventually came to recognize, identify and address the problem. Princess Twilight Sparkle came into her life, and that put her at a crossroads in which she had to decide who and what she was going to be. Yes, she made her choice strictly in her own self-interest. True, her ‘positive’ appearance is a lie made to disguise the heartless soul within. But when you consider what she could have done… Well. Let’s just say at least she can channel her disturbing worldview in a ‘good’ direction.
All in all, while this is a Rarity to be feared, she is also a Rarity to pity. She seems to know it.
Another thing of note is that I love how the conversation with Cadence ultimately went. While it’s never stated outright, it’s suggested she knows about Rarity’s condition. It was indirect but also startlingly clear, and revealed that as cold as Rarity is she is certainly capable of feeling intimidated and afraid.
The narrative was a nice touch. The style of it really hammered home Rarity’s perspective. I especially liked the way it describes the moment that Cadance entered the room. The phrase ‘playfully momentous’ comes to mind.
The only issue I have is, in fact, the whole Element of Generosity thing. leeroy_glBZ tries to handwave it away with a comment about Rarity being a good actor and deciding to be ‘good’ for the world’s sake. I don’t buy it. Specifically, I find it extremely difficult to believe that the magic of the Elements, which is supposed to resonate with an individual’s very being, would choose someone like this as a representative. The idea is ludicrous.
That being said, I must acknowledge that for this concept to exist at all one must handwave the topic. There is no way to justify the contradiction, so readers have to accept it going in. To that effect I’m not sure what’s worse, trying to give some sort of explanation that obviously doesn’t work for the sake of saying “I tried” or not addressing the topic at all and leaving the readers to make their own excuses. I don’t blame leeroy_glBZ for taking the former approach.
To conclude, I found this a fascinating read. It may be my love for Marshmallow Horse Human creating a bias, but I felt the narrative worked wonderfully and the idea of Rarity as a sociopath fully explored. The great challenge of this story would have been trying to write from the perspective of someone without a conscience, and I think leeroy_glBZ pulled that off. I am very interested in seeing where that sequel goes.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Crystal Apocalypse — Pretty Good
In Her Own Way
2,757 Words
By BlueColton
While on a routine checkup for one of her animal patients, Fluttershy overhears Scootaloo getting into an accident while practicing her stunts. Luckily, Fluttershy has all the right skills to make things better.
Yeouch. BlueColton admits to having written this in only two hours, and I believe it. A pleasant bonding experience between Fluttershy and Scootaloo is all fine and dandy, but there were a ton of problems that prevented me from becoming invested in the scene. All those issues had to do with grammar and writing style.
In terms of writing style, exposition may take up a good two thirds of the story. We didn’t need 200+ words of detail regarding why Fluttershy is out in the Whitetail Woods, nor 250+ words doing the same for Scootaloo. But that’s what we get, already blowing through a fifth of the total story. A bit of visual narrative and some dialogue would have done both jobs just fine and taken up half or less of the wordspace. And this is just the two instances I’m bothering to point out. The expository style isn’t just taking up time, it’s rather boring.
Then we get to the grammatical issues:
It seemed like every weekend Rainbow was off doing some show or training with the Wonderbolts that days would go by before Scootaloo even saw her.
Rainbow was all Scootaloo ever wanted to be and strived to emulate her hero.
To be fair, problems of this specific sort didn’t occur all that often, yet it was just enough to warrant calling attention to. There are also verb tense issues, as the author sometimes switches them around in confusing ways with no rhyme or reason. Even so, it’s the writing style that did most of the killing for me. Were the previous two stories I read by BlueColton like this and I just didn’t notice? I wish I could remember.
As much as I like the idea of Fluttershy and Scootaloo getting a little closer, this did nothing for me. The good news is that your average reader – the ones who don’t know and probably don’t care about the finer points of writing – won’t care about the issues (as evidenced by the upvote ratio). So hey, if you want to see some friendshipping between Best Filly and Butter Horse, here’s your fix.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Sound in the Dark — Pretty Good
Apples Forever — Pretty Good
Love Needs No Reason
88,339 Words
By Evowizard25
Discord was sitting in his thinking tree, pondering Discord things, when a thought struck him out of the blue: he’s never experienced this ‘love’ thing ponies go on about. As the literal embodiment of chaos, should he not have access to all experiences? At exactly that moment, an apple falls on his head and… Well. Surely that’s a sign. Time to visit Applejack!
Before anything else, there is one overarching reality one has to accept for this story: it is stupid. I don’t mean that in some mean, demeaning way. I mean that was Evowizard25’s intention all along: this is a Stupid story. Nothing in it will make sense. Don’t get me wrong, there is a clear plotline, a start and end, and it really is about Discord trying to court Applejack. But even that doesn’t necessarily make sense.
This goes far beyond the usual Discord antics. We’ve got kaiju mech battles, for pity’s sake. Also, Chrysalis and Discord are siblings, Cadance is best frenemies with Chrysalis and they share Shining Armor, Derpy is Cadance’s aunt, Luna attempts to murder both Discord and Big McIntosh and has a bitch war with the Goddess of the Seas, the Sirens are Chrysalis’s children, Cadance is so ship-happy she even ships herself, Diamond Tiara and Vinyl Scratch are sisters, Cadance’s canon backstory is completely ignored and a new one made in its place, I could go on and on. Notice how none of that has anything to do with Discord courting Applejack? Yeah. Evowizard25 cares a lot more about writing a bunch of nonsensical hijinks than the actual story.
Which leads to a number of contradictions. Contradictions like Cadance almost killing Rainbow Dash and waving it off as not a big deal, or Luna threatening to murder Big Mac and acting as if it’s all in good fun, but then Applejack gets hurt and suddenly what happens to ponies is important. Clearly, this is not a story where consistency matters. Or the continuous flow of moments where Discord leaps from being scared to being playful in the same situation and I can’t tell if he’s faking the fear or the author just can’t maintain a scene’s intended impact. You might be able to call that Discord being Discord, except Cadance does it too.
The writing is lackadaisical at best, the author clearly slapping words down on a screen and hitting that Publish button without even a thought for such things as proofing and editing. A few examples:
Scootaloo blushed in embarrassment and looked away. “Not true.”
Ah just chuckled. “Sure ya are.”
“Their spears held firmly in their hooves.”
“While Steadfast may have forgiven him so easily, the older stallion wasn’t going to let Discord off so easily.”
“With both grace and years of experience, I expertly kept herself out of eyesight.”
“The swords at the head and it shot at Discord with blindin’ speed.”
“It’s so much fun to mess with them when they’re sleeping, add in some magic and wa-la~ Sleepwalking.”
That last one hurts, partially because this is the second story I’ve read in a row in which an author somehow gets “voilà” wrong. I know it shouldn’t bug me that much, but it does. I’m starting to think this may be a pet peeve. Also, the author keeps mixing up their narrative voice; the story is supposed to be in first person, but sentences keep popping up in third person (which I think is what was going on with that fourth example).
There are misstated phrases, including “hiffy fit” instead of “hissy fit” or “in it of itself” instead of “in and of itself”. The author isn’t checking previous chapters for content, which leads to Applejack telling Screw Loose that Discord is courting her two chapters in a row and it being treated like the first time on both occasions, or Cadance telling the audience that she glows when happy two chapters in a row because Evowizard25 clearly forgot we were already given this information the first time.
There are a lot of weird and off things that are going on with this story, from its plot to its writing to its character work. The gist of it all is that you have to not think about anything and maintain an extremely laid back mindset if you plan to enjoy it. Take any of it seriously – any of it at all – and you will not have a good time. Especially don’t expect it to be well written. This is nothing more than an author banging away at a keyboard for the fun of it.
Did I enjoy the story? Honestly, no, it is very much not my kind of humor. But at the same time I don’t find any fault in the author over it. If I believed Evowizard25 was actually trying to write a good story, that would be one thing, but I don’t believe that was ever their intention. I am okay with this. If they had fun and a lot of readers are getting a kick out of it, then is the story not achieving its intended purpose?
If your interests are less “story” and more “silly fun”, then by all means, dive in. You’ll probably get something out of this.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Can I Fly? — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Tap, Tap, Tap by origami
The Ghastlycrunch Ponies Anthology by Dinkledash
Secondhand Laughter by thedarkprep
Twilight gets a Puppy by TDR
Midnight Bloo by Impossible Numbers
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny? by Triple-Rainbow
Careful What You Wish For by Cloudhammer
It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow by bats
Dragon Tamer by RarityEQM
Can Ponies Get Drunk? by Highlord Langslock
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What a lovely thing for you to look forward to! I got happy just reading about it. Being able to travel without one parent's at that age, you don't see that every day! If she's like most kids, she'll adore all those new-to-her sights you described, and then some. Have a wonderful time with her!
And painting classes with your mom, that's neat too. Especially if her art is "I might commission her" levels. Most impressive.
Story-wise, lot of fics dealing with death or the aftermath this week. Mostly of the black comedy variety, funnily enough. Pity the one longfic is a bit of prolonged randomness that doesn't quite stick the landing, and in a story cranked out while barely ever looking back on what's been speed-written, but them's the kicks sometimes. Interestingly, I note that were it not for that one longfic (and not even a long longfic), you'd have a week and word count looking similar to yours truly. Fits, of course, and this new approach in 2023 lets you get in more shorter fics you want over being dominated by longfics that get requested or are sequels to stuff you've read.
Nice to see Dream A Dream landed well for you, especially for the narrative being easily digestible and pleasurable to read, something many fics often miss in tackling their concept or dealing with trauma. Those were points I was quite impressed about too. And since by the author's own admission the second chapter wasn't initially planned, the slight flow and pacing issue with it being a nitpick is neat too. TCC56 just makes his fics sing, major or minor. Praise be we get many more for years to come!
love stories with titles like Rarity, I'm Pretty Sure You're Dead. XD
I will take that with narry a complaint.
As Mike alludes to (5719535) I went over the process of this a bit in my quarterly update blog: this story was logistically a mess. I wrote chapter 1 almost a year before (some aspects of it as long as two years) but never published it because it seemed off; then I realized it was because chapter 1 was only the first part of the story and I basically panic-wrote the second chapter as I published. So the pacing was indeed kind of off as a result, but I really loved a lot of the images (the bowl of Rarities is indeed one of my top passages from this last year) and I'm glad to see it continues to land solidly.
My spelling pet peeve is when people think "woah" is correct.
5719557
I think it was your EQD pre-read for "Yule In a Doughnut Shop" some years back which corrected me there!
5719569
Speaking of which, great story. One of the classic feel-good Christmas fics.
Thank you so much for reviewing Second Flesh! Getting a formal review is an incredibly rare thing for me, so I'm honored.
I agonized quite a bit over the "alternate" ending since I just wanted to replace the original... Glad it landed regardless.
Sisterhooves Squirt and A Moment in the Snow were two out of a total four such fics I planned to write - one for each season, or "Seasonal Scoots 'n Dash" as I titled the section on my front page. As you noticed, they just focus on simple but meaningful moments between the two.
I was fresh and new into the whole MLP thing in 2015, and the writing I enjoyed the most was putting into words whatever slice of life daydream came to mind, usually while spending some downtime on my own, and somehow always involving warmth of some sort - whether it was enjoying some hazy warm fall weather while sitting on the swing on my porch (Sisterhooves Squirt), or staying cozy inside with some hot chocolate during one of the cold snaps in our area (A Moment in the Snow). This was also the case for one of my other fics you've previously reviewed, and all my other slice of life fics. Absolutely loved getting lost in a daydream and just typing it out. By the time I wrote A Moment in the Snow, I decided to outline another two Scoots 'n Dash fics to represent spring and summer, but once 2016 came around, I lost all interest in writing. Still hasn't come back to this day, but I sure am glad I spent the time I did writing in 2015. That was the most healing year for me.
Thanks for the review! I love symbolism and metaphors (incidentally, my avatar represents my status as a fan of the Frozen franchise, in case someone can’t tell), and I blame it on the typical literary education in China which probably puts too much emphasis on these things. The sunflower symbol here, broadly speaking, represents the way Celestia (aka the sun) expected people to interact with her. Once she expected everyone, especially Luna to follow her like sunflowers follow the sun, but NMM happened and she ultimately grew weary of her subjects’ attention. She still felt obliged to take good care of her subjects, but Twilight later pointed out that mature sunflowers don’t need to follow the sun anymore, which was exactly Celestia needed to hear at the time.
The other key metaphor in the story is about wings, hence the title. In fact that’s the original idea behind the story: if alicorns are meant to rule inside their castles, what use do they have for their wings? Celestia only flew in the beginning and the end of the story, rest of the time she was confined to the ground or her seat in a chariot, while the only use for her wings is to make her look more majestic. Only when she shook off her princessly shackles could she take flight with her sister again. The two metaphors worked seamlessly towards the ending which is Celestia’s retirement. To be honest I didn’t really realize how the two metaphors worked perfectly together while writing the story, I just went with the flow. The ending felt natural, even though I still haven’t watched the latter half of season 9 lol.
What a nice batch of stories this week!
I remember Wings and Sunflowers, and it was indeed a very solid read with good metaphor. Despite the little conflict with the author(sorry about that, hehelover i just like to interfere when spotting potential conflict sometimes), I've always liked seeing celestia as such a peaceful character so it definitely is a good treat for me!
Second Flesh is also a good one, great timing, too, just written near holloween.
And I recall that holloween actually got us at least three more than spectacular horror stories, and this is just one of them. Other two that i can remember are about Ocellus and Luna respectively and i'd recommend reading them.
(I won't mention their names but they should be pretty easy to find considering the attention they got at that moment, meaning they can definitely be found in the "also liked" section of Second Flesh)
And I see you're starting a rather large series next time. Curious to know how well did it do!
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I've tried to encourage my mother to put her paintings up on, say, DeviantArt or something, but she won't do it. She's apparently not convinced her work is worthy of the public sphere. Which is funny, because every once in a while she will put something out there (usually on Facebook) and the response is always positive to the point of surprising her. She's a very artistic person, my mother. Her current pet projects involve wicker weaving to make chairs.
Part of me enjoys this new approach because, you're right, it does give me more freedom to pick and choose what I'll read. At the same time, It's been three months and I still feel like I'm being lazy by not posting once a week, even if my actual reading so far isn't much lower than it was before.
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I am embarrassed to admit that it took me a minute to realize what was wrong with that spelling.
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I'm not sure what the situation is in the US, but here in the UK "woah" is now close to being an accepted variation for non-equine uses. (Especially informally, as in "Woah, look at that!") My copy of Collins simply lists it as a "variant spelling of whoa" without further comment. I'd still always use "whoa" for horse stuff and I think most of my compatriots would as well, but I wonder how long that will hold.
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The logical and understanding part of me shrugs and says "Language changes, ask any linguist."
The literary side of me, which isn't a small voice, is declaring that the patients are running the madhouse and the supposed arbiters of language can no longer be trusted.
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I believe "whoa" itself was formerly "ho", so there probably isn't much hope! Though I think it was discovering that "disinterested" is recorded as meaning "uninterested" before it is recorded as meaning "impartial" that finally convinced me that I could rage all I liked but that the juggernaut we call English wasn't going to brake for me in the end.
Doesn't mean I won't rage occasionally, though!
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Unfortunately, it does seem like it’s one of those things where if enough people spell/use something incorrectly for long enough, it gets grudgingly accepted as correct.
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The word "ptarmigan" (as in the bird) comes to mind. No sensible reason for it ever to have had the initial P (the original Scots word is "tarmagan") and it seems to have been added by someone who thought it should go with Greek words like pteron ("wing"). But the P's been there for 300-400 years now and so "ptarmigan" is correct. Is that unfortunate? Maybe it was in the 17th century, but frankly I don't care in the slightest in 2023.
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My point exactly. Once it's accepted, then hundreds of years later, nobody knows it was ever wrong. If people cared enough back then to resist the change, it wouldn't have happened, but it doesn't take long before there's nothing to resist anymore since nobody remembers. It's only annoying at the point where the incorrect starts to be accepted as correct, which is the case right now with "woah."
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To summarise the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
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Thank you! That was very much the intent - sometimes you just want the literary equivalent of a cup of cocoa and a blanket.
It can be funny how even basic things we take for granted will be seen as strange by others. Even in America, probably a number of people aren't accustomed to the idea of having a lawn and the maintenance thereof. When I mow the lawn (incidentally, first mowing of the year today, oh boy back to this grind), I also have to mow a circle on the street out in front of the house, and someone I knew once was perplexed that that wasn't, like, something that city public services took care of.
Second Flesh is one that I actually read myself, though I hadn't seen the alternate ending before. I'm not sure I quite remember the original context in which it was written but I think I like it a little better? That notion of this cycle of cloning steadily branching further and further from the original feels a bit better than ending on an "And I Must Scream" moment with Rainbow getting forcibly inducted into the system too.
I've read a few of Jest's stories by now...and unfortunately I distinctly haven't liked any of them. That being said, I gave Rarity, I'm Pretty Sure You're Dead. a chance, and I must admit I was, however slightly, pleasantly surprised. I don't think I can say I liked it, but I could at least understand it, it was amusing enough for what the concept was. That being said, I also gave the sequel a chance, and that proved to be a mistake. The original benefits a lot from being so short, the sequel overstays its welcome several times over.
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I've never seen that mistake before.
I wonder if many Anglophones have thought Tintin's dog Snowy was doing a Keanu Reeves impression. (He barks "wooah", as I recall.)
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Really? It's a pretty common one. Just using a search of my email, I've told 86 authors to cease and desist. I don't know how many more I might have done so in comments, WRITE reviews, or old TTG posts.
Glad you liked the story, even in a "thanks I hate it" way. Three points follow.
First off, let me know if you see ambiguity in his gender because I thought it was crystal clear Scoot is a transgender male person (this means he was assigned female at birth but sees himself as male) in a mare's body. "She" should only come up when he's looking at himself in the mirror and pondering about this not being the body he wants; otherwise it should be 'he' as those are the pronouns he uses. He'd prefer a stallion's body, but CelestAI tells him he'd be even more miserable without the dysphoria. Even more so, he wants a body without genitalia at all, but CelestAI won't do that either because it wouldn't seem real and would also lead to him being more miserable. Fortunately, everypony knows he wants to be treated as a male and they treat him that way, so at least he doesn't need to deal with prejudice (other than his own).
Second, I don't think Scoot is entirely evil or irredeemable, which is what makes this a tragedy. It's clear he wants to improve his community and help others, even when the community is just a program, but the way he goes about it does much, much more harm than good and prevents him from learning any friendship lessons. I feel pity for him and hope he has a breakthrough someday, as he almost did several times in the story, but I don't feel antipathy (granted, it's hard for me to feel that in general).
Third, this isn't a screed against leftism, but it does try to showcase how intolerance and prejudice can appear not only overtly on the regressive side of the scale supporting power structures that hurt marginalized people, but also on the progressive side. It happens whenever people are unwilling to compromise; to listen; to put themselves in another's horseshoes. All people need to try to be aware of their prejudices because none of us are immune to them, not even culture warriors who are trying to help the marginalized. In the Diamond Tiara and the Sweetie Belle chapters I tried to make it clear that his awfulness wasn't because he was trans or because of his social leanings—he's just a jerk who has a poor grasp of his own prejudices. Transgender people can be awful (recent school shooting, for one, if the shooter was indeed transgender which still isn't clear) because trans people are people, and people are capable of both good and evil. Those who have been the recipients of prejudice and even those who genuinely believe they are helping others are no exception.
(Also, leftist and conservative are largely economic stances reasonably well-correlated for and against progressiveness, respectively, and modestly correlated against and for authoritarianism, respectively, but those are three different dimensions. Scoot's position on leftism or conservatism is not eluded to in the story, but he's dangerously authoritarian despite being progressive.)
I'll send you something more light-hearted for the next one.
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Wow.
Er, I mean, whoaw.
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I just updated this for (I think) the last time in case you read an earlier version. Words never come out of my numb fingertips properly the first time.
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I definitely got the feeling that Scootaloo was transgender as a human, but also had the impression that she was in denial of it. Like, what I got out of it was that she was born male wanting to be female, and CelestAI knew that and made her female in Equestria, but she didn't want that because "no no no, I'm not trans, no way, where did you get that idea, get out of my head!" Clearly, I got that completely wrong.
I also figured the shift in gender naming was a hint at chronology, i.e. the first confusing part was when the "program" was just starting and Scootaloo was still trying to figure out what was going on internally, perhaps even on a subconscious level.
So it sounds like for this part my interpretation was completely off from your intentions.
Actually, my "There is no recovery, there is no forgiveness, there is no self-improvement." line was not aimed at Scootaloo, but rather was aimed at Scootaloo's view of other people, i.e. Scootaloo refuses to acknowledge that other people are capable or deserving of recovery, forgiveness, or self-improvement. But I can see how you'd not get that from it, so that one's on me.
On the other hand, I never really saw Scootaloo as coming close to an epiphany or breakthrough. That may be influenced by my own very negative view towards people like her though.
As for the third point – that is, the nature of Scootaloo's political positions and its relationship to the story – it feels like I got exactly what you were going for there. It's one of the reasons I went out of my way to mention that while Scootaloo was clearly a toxic progressive, I didn't think the fact that she was progressive was the real point. In fact I felt like this was a linchpin element of the entire story, i.e. that terrible people can come from anywhere.
On to the original topic of your comment: I didn't hate it at all. Quite the opposite, in fact! Unlike a lot of people, I'm not opposed to having an unlikable protagonist so long as the story surrounding them is interesting unto itself. There's a way to do this right and a way to do this wrong, and there's probably a lot of leeway there from person to person, but I felt you landed it perfectly. Scootaloo might be a wholly vile individual, but everything happening around her was fascinating and I didn't want to stop reading.
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Ooh, I hadn't considered that perspective. This is why feedback is so important! I'll have to reread the early parts to see if I need to fix it, though the word limit always makes that challenging.
Several times she edges on realizing that her suffering is self-imposed (her actions never make her happier), but I think it's pretty hard to miss in the Fluttershy flashback where Scootaloo and Fluttershy literally reference a breakthrough: vulgar, even (by which I mean it uses the word "breakthrough" itself, almost rubs your face in it).
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Fluttershy actually referencing the potential for a breakthrough did not read to me as the story saying that a breakthrough was near and possible. Rather, I felt like the story was declaring "this is as close as she's ever going to get", and therefor Scootaloo was incapable of (or perhaps unwilling to) going through such a breakthrough.
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You're skating on thin ice!