Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCIV · 1:19pm Feb 13th, 2020
Posting this a lot early today, as I’m going to be doing a lot of driving and don’t know if I’ll get another opportunity.
First off, it was pointed out to me that some might want an index of all those Concepts and Creations blogs I’ve been posting. So I went ahead and made one. You can find it on my user page.
Second, I’ve decided to expand upon my existing projects. I was originally doing three, but I’ve decided to start a fourth one. My primary will always be Bulletproof Heart: Famous Last Words, which will continue to be allotted to half my writing time. The second project is still an original fiction version of Guppy Love, and the third project will be whatever short story I feel like trying to get out. Speaking of, I’m still waiting on the cover art for my latest story. It’s been over a month since I paid for it, so I’m starting to get antsy.
My fourth project is a secret, at least for now. The timing is not coincidental, though; I realized that I was going to have to do a lot of research to get this done correctly. When better to do such things than a reading vacation where I’ve got a lot of time freed up? With any luck, I’ll be finished with all that by the end of this week and can begin work on the story proper. The only problem is that it’s going to be a longer story (I’m guessing 60k minimum, maybe as high as 90k), so it will likely be a long time before it gets released. A shame.
In unrelated news, saw Sparkle’s Seven for the first time last night. I thoroughly enjoyed it. So many fun little moments. Favorites include Twilight’s Forever Face, pretty much everything Rarity for the entire episode, and the Luna/Celestia tension.
Alright, enough jibjab. To the reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Anno Domini by chrumsum
I Love Ya to the Core by DisneyFanatic23
Dense as Diamonds by River Road
Forever is Forever by Fon Shaolin
The King and the Changeling by Impossible Numbers
Sentient by ExoDemonG
Destiny Calls or Filthy Rich Slips into the Stream of Consciousness by MisterNick
A Long Time Coming by DivinePanzer
In and Out of Phase by Grand_Moff_Pony
Seven Scrolls For Discord by Lise
Total Word Count: 65,090
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 1
Anno Domini
14,968 Words (Incomplete)
By chrumsum
A human soldier wakes up to discover that the entire world has been wiped out in nuclear fire. Uncertain of what happened or why, he follows a strange voice on his war machine’s radio in hopes of finding something other than death.
Looking back, I’m pretty sure I selected this to read on the basis that it hadn’t updated in years and likely never would. The only time it did update was six years after it was released. So… yeah. Not a lot of hope there.
My first thought as the story started up was “Twilight Sparkle, what did you do this time?” Turns out there are no technicolor horses responsible for this one. What I got was a moody, deeply atmospheric piece that centers heavily on the imagery of an irradiated post-nuclear wasteland. That is, until chapter two, when we find ourselves comfortably in – you guessed it – Equestria.
The writing here is great, and I loved the CMC’s attempts to communicate with the giant, mute war machine they’ve affectionately named “Clunk”. Where this story is going is anybody’s guess, but if it sticks to canon then our human will either become a tragic villain or an anti-hero. I’m betting the latter. Alas, we’ll probably never know.
You could easily just read the first chapter and consider it a one-shot, but there’s no reason not to read the second one. Honestly, I don’t mind that it’s stopped here. It ends on an amusing note and leaves the future up to interpretation. If chrumsum never touches this story again, that might play in its favor. I only hope that, should they ever try to pick it up again, they’ll knuckle down and finish it properly rather than wait a few more years between updates.
An interesting piece with great atmosphere and strong dialogue while brimming with possibility. If you don’t mind the whole “unfinished story” bit, then by all means give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
I Love Ya to the Core
4,758 Words
By DisneyFanatic23
Ever since the timberwolf incident, Applejack has been feeling… strange. Lack of sleep and appetite, thoughts unsteady. It’s interfering with her work and causing all kinds of frustration. And then Spike visits, and Applejack has an epiphany.
Not buying it.
DisneyFanatic23 tries to cover their bases by listing all sorts of in-show examples that could, if squinted at under a microscope, be interpreted as Spike and Applejack being attracted to one another. As a shipper myself, I refuse to hold that against the author. However, this is such an uncommon ship with so little direct evidence of any sort behind it that I think a lot more needs to be done to sell the idea. A SpikeJack ship can’t be sold with a mere recounting of certain events from the show; it needs to be explored in detail through a much longer and more complicated story.
I recall that this ship was also prevalent in the last story I read by DisneyFanatic23. I recall I wasn’t buying it then, either. Simply put, this one’s a hard sell. I’m reasonably sure it can be done, I just don’t think this author has managed it yet.
This one is three years older than Precious Blood, and it shows. It relies too heavily on dialogue and simple, direct lines, the prose being rather uninteresting and plain. The good news is that I know this author has improved over the years. Perhaps next time I’ll target something fresh.
I Love Ya to the Core isn’t amazing, but I suppose it’s not bad, either. It’s not like it’s got rampant typos. It’s plot flows decently enough and the author tries to provide direct in-show evidence of the offered ship. It just doesn’t resonate like DisneyFanatic23’s newer material does.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Precious Blood — Pretty Good
Dense as Diamonds
6,552 Words
By River Road
Rarity is an expert on storybook romance, this much is well established. And Twilight is a quick study. Now if only the Princess of Friendship can figure out how to make Rarity notice all the subtle clues that are right in front of her!
Oh, but I was looking forward to this. And the end result was every bit as pleasing as I hoped, minus the potential for awkwardness. It largely involves Twilight trying again and again and again and again to include subtle clues in her solo interactions with Rarity so that the dumb mare will realize an attempt at courting when it’s in her face.
What really makes this endearing, however, is how so many ponies keep showing up to help. Pinkie and Fluttershy surreptitiously watching from that table just behind Rarity, Twilight’s parents just so happen to be watching the same play at the theater, Rainbow Dash keeping to the shadows and doing sneaky pegasus tricks, and so on. River Road piles on the ‘Rarity is so dense’ element by making seemingly every pony in Equestria aware of Twilight’s attempts to court Rarity except the mare herself. I couldn’t stop grinning.
Granted, this will only appeal to the shippers out there, or those looking to have a little fun at Rarity’s expense. Still, it’s an entertaining little shipfic that is certain to please everyone who’s looking for that kind of tale.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Forever is Forever
5,040 Words
By Fon Shaolin
Ancient, wrinkly old Applejack goes to Canterlot to attend the Summer Sun Celebration with her family. She’s not happy about it, especially when her not-old-at-all friends greet her.
This story is set in a rather unexpected future in which Twilight Sparkle is Princess of the Moon and – get this – Rainbow Dash is Princess of the Sun. The vast majority of it involves Applejack being cantankerous and, generally speaking, too stubborn for her own good. People are going to hate me for this, but I honestly find her behavior nothing short of stupid. I mean, it’s fine if she doesn’t want to be immortal like all her friends did, but to intentionally let all her friendships die?
Not buying it. There’s really zero reason for Applejack to be this way, and the fact that no reason is given even to the readers for it only makes the story less believable. There were plenty of far better ways to do what she did, ways where everyone would have been happier, and instead she chose to be a jerk.
Oh, yes, the ‘ambiguous’ ending reveals her real reasons for not wanting immortality, and I won’t deny they are good ones. But it’s no excuse for spending the last three-and-a-half decades behaving like she did.
The big catch in all this: it’s a very well written piece. It’s got atmosphere, it reveals much in ways that readers have to dissect for themselves, it gets into Applejack’s head. It is, for all intents and purposes, a good story. The fact that I strongly disapprove of much of its content can’t change that fact.
I can see this one being highly divisive, and I won’t be at all surprised if this review starts a minor comment war. It’s a good read in general, despite its startlingly crummy view of Applejack as an individual. I’m willing to put it on the middle ground and let the dissenters be.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The King and the Changeling
7,292 Words
By Impossible Numbers
Once there was a tribe of Breezies who lived in the world of the ponies, though none are certain why. These breezies were not like their kin, but warlike and violent. They loved going on raids and causing harm to others. One day they settle in the Everfree Forest and decide to launch nightly raids on a nearby apple orchard. The sorceress who lives in the forest doesn’t appreciate this at all. The Elven Pony who also lives out there may have an idea on what to do about them.
This was a fascinating read. Told in the form of a fairy tale, it largely involves the king of the breezies constantly trying to make the right decisions and, instead, making all the wrong ones. What it ends up being about surprised me, but in a very good way.
Imaginative, well written, and brimming with unexpected potential, this story is tragically underviewed. I wish I could explain more about it, but it’s ultimate purpose is something I think readers should discover for themselves. Regardless, it was quite a treat and I’m glad I found it, even if I have no idea how.
Read this. You won’t regret it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Princess Luna is doing her usual thing where the Tantabus mentally tortures her through her dreams, only for this one to end… happy? Seeing as that should be impossible, Luna investigates and discovers that somehow her creation has gained a mind of its own and views her as its mother. She’s not sure how to take that.
Curiosity pulled me into this one, as I’d never read a story about the Tantabus before. Or at least, not in this context. While I like the idea in a general sense – there’s a ton you can do with it – I’m afraid ExoDemonG lacks the literary talent required for it. Or for much of anything, really.
Simply put, ExoDemonG needs to learn how to grammar, or at least get a very patient proofreader. Verb tense appears entirely arbitrary, sentences start or end without rhyme or reason, punctuation is all over the place. I don’t know how many times I saw an interrobang attached to the end of a sentence that was not a question. There were even strange instances where multiple punctuation marks (other than interrobangs) appeared for no reason, such as a “!.” in one instance. The narrative voice is all over the place, the dialogue is shoddy and forced. It doesn’t get much more amateur than this.
At this point, there’s not much need to go over the story itself. Until the author can figure out how to write at even the most basic level, the story doesn’t matter. It’s a shame, I was somewhat looking forward to this. Maybe if I look at a more recently released story I’ll find some improvement.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
I… I mean… That’s… wut
At first, I thought this was going to be a satirical look into the mind of an over-stereotyped wealthy businessman persona. Instead it shifts into random nonsense in which no paragraph seems to have anything to do with its predecessor. At all. If I had to guess, I’d say the author literally just wrote whatever came to mind at any given moment. Or perhaps Filthy Rich got hit by something that made him see and do things exactly as they came to mind with zero self control. Either way would fit the title.
Honestly, I was more confused than anything. There were moments of amusement, but mostly moments of WTF. Some may find it hilarious, so by all means give it a go if you want to try something that seems to have zero logic. I’m sure there are a few crackfic folks out there who will see this as a gem.
Bookshelf: Crackfic
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Long Time Coming
2,333 Words
By DivinePanzer
Princess Twilight Sparkle just confessed her affections for Celestia, and now Celestia faces the troubling prospect of turning her down. But that’s not the hardest part. No, the hardest part is explaining why.
This didn’t go at all like I anticipated. It mostly involves Celestia having a breakdown in front of her former student, who is flummoxed by the prospect that Celestia could even have a breakdown. It ultimately has Celestia learn that she has ponies she can confide in now and Twilight realizing that she always treated Celestia less like a pony and more like a… well, a princess. It’s unconventional in its overarching method, and I like that.
My only issue is that the story feels rushed. Celestia’s breakdown comes from nowhere, going from zero to ninety in less than a second. And then DivinePanzer lists all sorts of ‘issues’ between the two characters at a rapid pace without really giving us or the characters time to reflect on the implications. I feel that this story could have been improved immensely if the author had just slowed the pacing down a bit.
Still, not a bad story on the whole. Might be worth it for those of you looking for a little friendshipping piece. Yes, friendshipping; the romance bit doesn’t go anywhere. Which plays in the story’s favor.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eventide — Worth It
In and Out of Phase
7,205 Words
By Grand_Moff_Pony
Requested by Grand_Moff_Pony
Alternative Title: In Which GMP Delivers A Roundhouse Kick to Your Feels
This is a story about the love and life of Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle. What makes it unusual is that it is 100% dialogue, and only Sunset’s dialogue at that. You will never hear a word from any other character, even as she’s having conversations with said other characters, and there will be no narrative to back up what is being said. If you’ve read ABagOVicodin’s Therapy series then you already have a good idea how this works.
I wish I could say what this is really about without spoiling things, but alas, that isn’t possible. Although I will point out that the description offers good clues. Regardless, it is something that strikes close to home for me. Having experienced what Sunset and Twilight are going through first-hand, I know that it’s… rough. They have all my sympathies.
This is an effective story, even if the writing style can be tricky to get past. With no narrative voice to speak of, readers will have to manufacture their own interpretations of how things are said and how the events impact them. I imagine that will work beautifully for some and terribly for others. Best to try it yourself and form your own conclusions.
For my part, I liked it, inasmuch as one can like something like this. But I am biased due to my personal experiences, so you’ll have to take my opinion with a grain of salt. I only encourage you not to give it up halfway, as it takes a while for the real problem to be apparent. The first half is pretty good anyway, so that shouldn’t be too big an issue.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Frequency: An Epilogue — WHYRTY?
Ciphers — Pretty Good
Night Rose — Pretty Good
Princess Celestia Goes to Costco — Pretty Good
Remembrance Day — Pretty Good
Seven Scrolls For Discord
8,394 Words
By Lise
Sequel to Dear Someone, I Discord you so!
After Discord received what is, essentially, an anonymous love letter, he decided the best way to figure out who had sent it is to send the exact same response to… well, everyone. At the same time. Now, at last, he’s got his responses. Seven letters, one of which will surely be from the secret admirer! Now he just has to go through all seven of them and try to keep his insanity intact.
I can just see Fluttershy shaking her head and going, “He’s just being Discord again. Time for damage control.”
Each scroll offers a different perspective, and every perspective leads to entirely different conclusions. Applejack’s and Rarity’s were my favorites, the former for being so outrageously off the mark and the latter for its proper use of marshmelodrama. The revelations of which of the ponies happen to have a thing for Discord was also quite amusing. Leave it to Discord to cause as much chaos as possible with as little effort as possible. I can’t imagine how the cast will react when the truth comes to light, but I expect it to be… painful.
Things are made all the more entertaining as Discord also interacts with his family members, particularly his two daughters and at least one of his ex-wives.
The only thing that bothers me is the final reveal of exactly who sent the original love letter. It doesn’t come more out of left field than that. It’s not that I disapprove of the character chosen by Lise so much as I feel there should have been more hints. But this leads to the real issue: maybe there were and I don’t realize it. How could I? The original letter was two stories ago, and it’s been months since I read it.
Point being, this is a series you really need to read back-to-back. If there are any hints to be found, you’ll want them fresh in your mind by the time you get to this point. Even without the final reveal, there are a lot of things mentioned in this one that you’ll have completely forgotten about if you haven’t read the prior ones recently. So yeah, definitely try to read them together.
Should I praise Lise for completely defying/subverting audience expectations? Or condemn them for not giving the readers exactly what we all know they wanted? I think I’m on the fence about it. Regardless, the story was highly entertaining, with a delightfully voiced/characterized cast. I see no reason not to rate it highly.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I Drain Fillyfoolery?! — Pretty Good
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer — Pretty Good
Dear Discord, I hate you so much! — Worth It
Dear Princess Twilight, my name is Spider Web, and I am a changeling... — Worth It
Dear Someone, I Discord you so! — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Aubade by TheJediMasterEd
Somewhere Out There by Allonsbro
Heart Nom by N00813
The Element of Harmony by Imperaxum
The Party Is Over by SpaceCommie
Minuette's Lesson by Airstream
Don't Grow Up Too Fast, My Child by Flutterpriest
There Something Wriggles by Slate Sadpony
At the Swimmin' Hole by SockPuppet
The Unexpected Adventures of Sparky Selene, Professional Pornstar by AliceLiz
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Thank you for the review, Paul! I'm glad you liked the story!
Enjoy the break time.
If you're looking for Tantabus fics, Rambling Writer has a whole series of stories starring it, and they're phenomenal. This is the first one:
- MLP: FiM
- Comedy
- Drama
- Random
- Slice of Life
An attempt by Luna to update the Tantabus to spread good dreams has a few unexpected results. Self-aware ones.Oh yes, In and Out of Phase was great. :D Looking forward to your review of Aubade.
5202342
Yeah, I noticed someone in the comments of the reviewed fic saying it was a thinner take on those stories, so they're probably worth checking out.
Thanks for the positive review! I admit, I was a bit worried and surprised that you added it to your Worth It bookshelf.
Titanium Dragon didn't recommend it, and part of his problem with it was that I skipped Twilight's confession. Which....my initial reasons were that I don't understand romance, or why Twilight WOULD be in love with Celestia, or at the very least would have trouble articulating them, so I opted to omit them rather than making up some corny ones. But I JUST realized that might make it better.
I suppose I should have made Twilight Twilight some more.
Anyways, thanks and I'm happy you liked it!
I read The King and the Changeling, and it was interesting, but I feel like some parts were poorly connected or overly complicated in a way. It seemed to make odd jumps in spots. For some reason I didn't find it as enjoyable. We all see things differently.
I'm excited to see what you think about Aubade though. 700~ fics read, and there are only 13 in my Crème de la Crème shelf. But maybe it won't tickle you.
In and Out of Phase was indeed pretty good! I can see the format not working for some people, but especially by the end, I think it fit fairly well. Definitely one of my favorites out of the entries for that contest I read.
I've only read two of these. "Forever is Forever" is old enough that I bet I actually read it just because I wanted to. It's also old enough that all I remember about it is Applejack being the odd one out who rejected immortality or something like that. I really don't remember how the plot went or if I liked it.
"The King and the Changeling" was good, and it's an example of how to do omniscient narration well. I read it when it first came out, but Zecora seemed kind of inscrutable in it. I couldn't figure out her motivation or her goals, but a revised version went up later that fixed all that.
5202362
In other words, he read it.
5202339
Oh, I shall.
5202342
As curious as I am, I've already got one Rambling Writer story in my RiL. By my own rules, I can't add this one unless it's requested.
5202362
Twilight being in love with Celestia never struck me as the point of the story, so the fact we missed her confession didn't bother me. I was only disturbed by how the entire conversation seems like a string of example after example without any real time taken to process them. Otherwise? Not bad.
5202637
Because The King and the Changeling had a sort of fairy tale feel to it, I decided to interpret it as one. It almost felt to me like something Rarity would tell to Sweetie Belle around a campfire. To me, this meant some irregularities and quirks were to be expected for the style alone, and I rolled with that.
5202809
The plot runs something like this:
Everypony: "Let's all be immortal best friends forever!"
Applejack: "Fuck, no. And you can all go screw yourselves for wanting to."
Everypony: "What? Why?"
Applejack: "Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone."
Everypony: "But we can still be friends even if you're not immortal."
Applejack: "Fuck off."
It was as if the author was outright trying to make Applejack look like a bitch.
5202977
Do you want me to request it?
5202989
Whether you request it is entirely up to you. Either way, I won't be getting to it for a long time. You requesting it is the difference between "a long time" meaning months or years.
I've got tons of material to go through. Whether I get to that story later, very later or never won't have that big an impact on me that I am aware of.
You can has overlong blog entry!
Sorry it took so long to respond to this. I'm generally a pretty slow person when it comes to following things up. But in brief: thank you for the review!