Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXII · 11:17pm May 4th, 2017
Fate is weird at times. I saw how far ahead I was getting with my reviews and decided that this week would be a light reading week. And then what happens? I don't get any reading done over the weekend, forcing me add to my daily wordcounts in order to catch up. End result: this week's just as busy as any other... but would have been a lot worse if I'd planned it normally. So yeah, somehow I avoided a big hit in my overall time by sheer luck.
So... fate is weird.
Not so weird: I finally finished the next chapter of The Silence, which I aim to release today or tomorrow. I even put it through some editing paces yesterday. This is a huge relief; I'm still not thrilled with the end product, but at least now I can finally move on to other pursuits. And that starts with the next chapter of Order of Shadows, which I'm hoping will go by faster since I'm more invested in it and already know what I want to do.
*Insert smooth transition to reviews here.*
...
So smooooooth.
Stories for This Week:
Fate by Rinnaul
Tears of an Empty Sky by OnionPie
Taking Care of Animals by Nicknack
Flash in the Pan by Trick Question
Precious Blood by DisneyFanatic23
Total Word Count: 257,173
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
This feels like a subversion, or perhaps an indirect attack upon, the blatant self-insert. If that is the case then I wholeheartedly approve, as I am not very fond of self-inserts. In Fate, we learn that a human has been brought to Equestria in an alicorn’s body. Combined with the incredible power this body grants him, his special talent is to indirectly influence others in ways they cannot fight or comprehend, a sort of subconscious mind control. And while this alicorn’s intentions are nothing but good, Princess Luna realizes the inherent threat his natural abilities hold for all of Equestria. With this in mind, she takes it upon herself to do something about it.
Part of me was annoyed at the contrived convenience of Luna’s solution. Then I realized that the very thing she’s fighting is the most contrived concept of all, and suddenly I was willing to forgive. The story is short and jumps straight to the point. It makes no effort to describe who this human really is, his background or goals or wishes. There’s really no need, seeing as of how all self-inserts of this variety are roughly the same.
Is it a good story? Eh, not really. It’s more of a reaction piece than anything. I’m not condemning it for that, mind you, but people looking for something more fulfilling may not be interested in this one. For my part, I enjoyed the purpose and premise of the story.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Tears of an Empty Sky
7,155 Words
By OnionPie
And here we have OnionPie, connoisseur of tragedy. The author contacted me right before I read the story to warn me that it wasn’t up to snuff. It involves a fully grown Spike coming home after an unknown time of exile from Equestria. The nation has succumbed to plague, and he hopes to get back before it’s too late to see Twilight one last time.
There’s one fundamental failure to this story, although I can see people arguing that this is a matter of headcanon. Part of that failure is that it is Celestia and Luna who exiled him, and I can’t see them doing that considering what his offense was and comparing it to what other, more serious villains have done before him (not to mention other races like the griffons and diamond dogs). The other part is the idea that Twilight herself would abandon him in favor of keeping her crown – which I consider directly, fundamentally opposed to her character. As a direct result, the entirety of the story is tainted by a flawed premise one has to either ignore or set aside, not easy when the central point of the tale hinges upon it.
But let’s just assume we do set it aside. What we have left is a tale of two old friends trying to find some comfort in one another in the aftermath of the End. Is it up to the same quality as, say, What is Left? Perhaps not, but it’s still lightyears ahead of your average writer’s attempts. It does an excellent job of conveying Twilight’s and Spike’s emotions, while also putting the destruction and death of Equestria on clear display.
Fans of tragedies and generally dark stories, take note. OnionPie bends the rules and characters a little to create a more ominous situation, but provided you can accept the OOC moments I see no reason people wouldn’t like this story. That said, it’s more or less established at this point that the Happy Ending Crusaders should keep well away from anything this author births from his keyboard.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Taking Care of Animals
27,178 Words
By Nicknack
Recommended by Super Trampoline
Every now and then, you come across a story that just does it right.
Taking Care of Animals takes place in an AU where Twilight never figured out how to undo the damage from Starswirl’s spell in Magical Mystery Cure. But the spell’s done more than just switch out her friends’ cutie marks; it also made them and everypony who knew them forget their old lives in favor of an entirely new, made up set of backstories. Yes, even Celestia. Worse, they mostly don’t remember each other.
Years later, Applejack is living on a rock farm outside Ponyville, feeling lonely and useless since her cutie mark has more or less failed her. In comes a detective for the Equestrian Police, who informs AJ that an old friend, Twilight Sparkle, is the latest victim of a serial killer who has murdered dozens in the last few years. Distraught at the idea of having lost touch with Twilight, AJ decides to go with the detective to Ponyville and seek out the killer.
You’ll note that this has all the makings of a proper mystery, which begs the question: why isn’t it tagged as one? Simple answer: it isn’t. Anyone with even a remote understanding of the situation and the characters’ history – that is to say, the entire audience – will likely figure out/guess who the killer is within a couple chapters, even with no direct clues to confirm it. But this doesn’t detract from the story at all because this story isn’t about solving a mystery.
It’s about the characters, particularly Applejack and Rainbow. It’s about how they’ve come to cope with their lives after the cutie mark swap, who they were, who they’ve become, and what they’re doing about it. It’s about indirectly rediscovering who they were meant to be and, perhaps, beginning the process of healing. Even with the brief arrivals of Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity, it’s all really about AJ and RD.
And it’s good. Tragic, dark, perhaps a bit cruel, but still good. I came away from this story with the feeling that things are going to get better, even if only for some of them.
The base idea – “What would happen if Starswirl’s spell never got fixed?” – is plain and tired, but Nicknack sells it in a way that is fresh and fascinating. It also leaves behind a plethora of unanswered questions, such as the mystery of Rainbow’s flight, the question of Rarity’s wealth, what has Fluttershy been up to, and where the heck is Luna? But these questions don’t detract from the story at all, instead giving the universe more spice. Whoever commissioned this story needs to commission expansions, because this is a world that needs it.
But even if that never happens, consider me happy. This story was thoughtful, well paced and cleanly written. It reveals just enough to keeps things clear to those paying attention and never falls into the trap of exposition. The characters are interesting and the events are involving.
In summation, if you never liked Magical Mystery Cure, I hope you can at least take solace that it brought about something as good as this. By all means, read it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Flash in the Pan
8,645 Words
Trick Question failed to provide cover art.
Requested by yamgoth
Flash in the Pan is a true story retold in pony form, or so the author claims. It focuses on Twilight and her unhealthy obsession with Flash Sentry. Today she’s set to go on a date with him in the Crystal Empire, and her expectations are over the moon. Flash sees things a little differently.
But that’s alright. Flash is just a little lost. He’s perfect for her. He’ll come around. In time.
From what I’ve read, this story has been highly controversial and the recipient of a lot of negativity since it was first written for a Writeoff way back when. In an attempt to be as objective as possible, I suppose I can see where some of them are coming from. Twilight’s obsessive fantasy and obliviousness are extremely off putting for anyone caught in such a situation, and Flash has a number of problems of his own that don’t make him very likeable.
But in a sense, this is precisely what I enjoyed about the story. It’s a very different take, but it’s also a very real one, something that I know happens all the time in the real world. Heck, I’ve got a co-worker facing these kinds of issues right now, I can’t stop hearing about it. There’s also a distinct skill being shown here in the way the story unfolds, even considering that it comes to us in… ick… first person.
From the very beginning, the hints are being thrown at us. It starts with the advice from friends that Twilight readily ignores and keeps getting bigger and bigger. The first part leaves us with doubts, but things might be okay. Then there’s the scene in the gift shop that doesn’t reflect upon her views of the romance so much as it does her total obliviousness to reality. After that, the elements combine in a fiasco of a ‘date’ in which Twilight struggles to understand exactly what’s going on. And then?
Well, we’ve all heard stories about crazy stalker ladies.
While Twilight is definitely depicted a bit differently from the norm here, I honestly can’t call it OoC for her. She’s been shown frequently to go a little bonkers under stress, and from that perspective I can see her falling into this extreme self delusion. What’s sad is that the problem isn't entirely on her side of things. Flash is… well, I don’t think ‘jerk’ is the right term. It’s more complex than that, perhaps falling into psychopathy, and he definitely does things that are outright wrong in an ethical sense. But at the same time he does recognize Twilight’s delusion, if not the full extent of it, and tries (in the worst way imaginable) to make it clear to her. But her obsession is not his fault or responsibility, and as the title dictates, he’s in quite the serious pickle yet hasn’t fully figured it out yet.
The characters may not be likeable, but they felt complex and real, and that’s something I approve of. The situation is ugly, but it too is recognizable, and that touched a chord with me. The steady buildup of the situation, with well placed hints growing into a crescendo of bad news, is very well done.
Happy ending crusaders and those insisting upon likeable protagonists? You’ll want to steer clear of this one. Those of you with an appreciation for the tragic and problematic, however, might want to take a look. Lovers of sadfic? Rejoice.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Precious Blood
212,597 Words
By DisneyFanatic23
Completed Story
Yeah, as if I wasn’t going to follow this to its completion. Not a chance. Paul needs his gothic and dark material! It’s like literary heroin.
In Precious Blood, DisneyFanatic23 brings us to an AU that goes beyond just adding the supernatural into Equestria. It reshapes the entire world with ponified elements and throws our familiar Mane 6 into the small nation of Tramplevania, specifically around the village of Zebiu. Fluttershy, whose parents died when she was a foal, has been living with her strict aunt Starlight Glimmer, who is determined to see Fluttershy married to a wealthy stallion of noble blood. In a world where mares have little to no rights, Fluttershy seems to have no choice but to let her aunt choose her destiny.
In this universe, vampires are either ‘made’ via the traditional means or are ‘born’ by a means not understood even by the vampires. Discord is the latter, hence his appearance and abilities. He’s spent the last few decades living in a castle outside Zebiu, going by ‘Count’ Discord as a quirky recluse. Best of all, he’s got the rest of the Mane 6 living with him as his vampire coven, although he gives them all the freedoms they’ve never had in the world beyond. And yes, they’re all vampires, although not all of them were made so by Discord.
The re-imagining of the world is thorough with this story, from strange cultural references to direct implications to the lack of mares’ rights in the world at large. Gone is the matriarchal society of the Equestria we know, replaced by a culture in which mares are controlled either by their parents or their husbands and society has strict views regarding how one should behave. The result is a very effective ponified recreation of late 1800’s Earth. This devotion to maintaining the setting of the original Dracula is a great draw for fans of the Bram Stoker classic.
As a consequence, however, we also are forced to witness some very different mares from what we are used to. From Pinkie’s having spent time in an asylum to Rarity seeking vengeance against all stallionkind, readers will have to go into this story with an understanding that the Mane 6 have undergone some changes. These were, I feel, very well done and fit in nicely with the new setting. And it’s not just the Mane 6, either; Discord is sympathetic, Sombra is a new stallion, Trenderhoof is unrecognizable, and Sunset Shimmer’s… well, she’s largely the same, actually.
The point is, those who read these need to be prepared for an entirely different perspective. It works well with the setting and the new world, and I can’t call any of the more established characters OOC. Even so, purists may scoff and turn away.
What of the story? Well, there is the nuisance of ‘Love at first sight’ that litters so many romances, but in the defense of the author there’s actually something of an excuse for that in this setting. The story on the whole is well paced, decently written (if excessively telly), and thorough in showing us everything we need to see. I for one enjoyed the plot, the characters and the development. The action scenes, while sometimes a bit too descriptive, are nicely done.
Of course, there are issues. Some of the situations seem silly and/or forced, making me think “If you’d just do X then this wouldn’t even be a problem!” Characters regularly make dumb or bad decisions for no apparent reason except to make the plot go the way it needs to. The drama surrounding the romance also feels… canned, at times, especially when Discord and Fluttershy start to discuss the concept of children.
But really, the only issue that holds this story back in any significant way is the overabundance of romantic pairings. It took Discord a millennium to find his ‘soulmate,’ which by the rules of this story can only happen one time in a vampire’s life. It’s not a written law, but something engraved in their souls such that it is literal: a vampire cannot fall in love more than once, period. It took Sombra centuries. And yet, miraculously, we have four of our main characters meeting their eternal soulmates over the short course of this story. And that’s not counting the pairings that take place aside from them.
Wish fulfillment much?
But I suppose I’ll forgive this. The story is, ultimately, a fun little romance of the traditional bent. And relax; one might have the surname Sparkle, but none of these vampires do that. I enjoyed myself, which is really all I need. Kudos to having Spike do something more awesome than just stand on the sidelines and give out a one liner or two (seriously, he kicked ass in his own way). If you’re into vampire stories, romances, vampire romances, a little action and some solid world creation, I can think of no reason not to give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
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Paul's "Wait! It's Not Thursday!" Reviews
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXX
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Fate kind of was a reaction piece, since it was my original entry for the first Most Dangerous Game Contest. I wound up submitting something else instead, though.
You rated my story too highly! Cheers for taking the time to review it, though. It's an oldie that has a special place in my heart--my first real step forward in my writing non-career.
I took a much darker view of Nicknack's story than you did. I didn't find it optimistic at all, even in the ending. Yeah, they'll move on from there, but several of them are dead, and the rest are forever changed by that. It's not a knock against the story; it's just that whenever I feel like a story is beating me down with hopelessness, I can't enjoy it, no matter how good it is. Plus I helped edit that one. Nick's usually good about acknowledgements, but I don't see one.
I'm glad someone still remembers Nicknack. :B
Yeah. That's why I didn't give Rainbow or Pinkie any love interests in here. Still, fair enough.
4520170 Even your oldies are goodies.
(Actually upon further inspection this is the only one of your stories I still have yet to read... ack, need to do that...)
4520336 Taking care of animals was really something special.
Thank you for the review!
Simpler answer: I didn't know the tag existed at the time.
Alternatively, I might've left that out to try and give some weight to the 'twist' or whatever; tagging it as 'mystery' might've thrown more hints as to there being a twist, and something like "X movie was great; I never saw the twist coming!" always seems like just as bad a spoiler to me as just giving away the twist to begin with.
That's what I probably would've done if I published it today, so... I probably won't go and fix it.
I vaguely remember asking the original author / commissioner (this one was about 60% complete, I was hired to finish it, and it required some refactoring, so I ended up probably writing 60% as well). I don't think there's a satisfactory behind-the-scenes answer other than, "Not much in regards to the murder plot."
4520336
O hi
4520319
In my defense, I don't remember crediting reviewers / editors on my story pages. I remember crediting artists, but usually I tried to go tit-for-tat with helping other authors with reviews as the intrinsic thanks for efforts. I think. I don't really remember much of my time spent in this fandom, and this fic was definitely in my "on the way out" phase of things.
4555624
Gosh, that Nicknack. I still remember him. Thinking about him takes me back, y'know? Sometimes I just sit around and wonder whatever happened to Nicknack.
"Taking care of animals" was written to sooth the author's extreme dislike of pinkie. I mean that's why they wrioe that Gilda fic. They're an talented writer and they use that talent to write a hate fic against a character they don't like. Taking care of animals could've been written without the obvious anti pinkie message.
4520358
Why?
4581336
I can't imagine how you could have possibly come to that conclusion, especially considering the story was commissioned. There's no anti-Pinkie message at all, regardless of what her role happens to be. Unless you can point out explicit evidence of one.
And please don't say it's because she's the villain and/or because she gets killed. That's not evidence, it's the circumstances of the AU.
4581361
Oh I did not know that. So someone came up with the story and paid him to write it all down. Actually I was about to say because she's the villain in it and that she dies was the reason. I get this was an what if their cutie marks never got switched back what would happen to everyone.