Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXV · 10:43pm Jun 1st, 2017
Fate has a way of being annoying. For the first time in a while, I managed to get all my reading for the day done while on my lunch break at work. I was really looking forward to using that extra time to maybe finish writing Derp this evening.
...and then, for the first time in months, I found myself stuck in traffic for an hour-and-a-half on the way home. Bye bye, extra free time. 
Oh well, I still think I've got a good chance of finishing the rough draft. But it does mean that I can't afford to blow time chit chatting if I want to meet that goal, so let's get to the reviews, shall we? We've got an awesome selection of stories this time around!
Stories for This Week:
Grey by Foehn
Composing a Dream by Flint-Lock
Generosity Travels by Bookish Delight
The Legend of the Scorpion Queen by cursedchords
Crystal's Wishes by Crystal Wishes
Sweetest Day Ever by ellie_
Total Word Count: 455,531
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 4
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
This is one of those stories I picked purely on the basis that it was being blatantly ignored. I’m glad I did.
In Grey we learn of a young filly who has just moved from Canterlot to Manehattan. She’s not very happy about it, mostly because when she plays in music class the other foals are silent. She begins to realize that there is something wrong, and all she wants is the staring and strangeness to stop. She practices harder and tries to get better, thinking the silence will end if she’s good at it, but things only get worse from there.
This was a curious look at the perspective of a child and the troubles of not fitting in. In a curious turnaround, the reason the foal is failing so spectacularly at making any friends is that she’s more talented than the other foals. It’s never expressly stated that the foal is Octavia – there’s not even a character tag – but the coloration and the cover art strongly supports the theory.
I enjoyed this one. It is insightful and quiet, depicting a distinct discomfort born from being different not by being lesser, but by being better, from the mind of a child who doesn’t understand the distinction. This definitely deserves more attention than it’s had, and I look forward to reading more by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Composing a Dream
4,471 Words
By Flint-Lock
When her typical night of dreamwalking turns out to be boring, Luna starts seeking a means to make the night exciting. This comes along unexpectedly in the form of a new dream the likes of which she’s never seen: her own. What follows is a playful romp as Luna explores her own dream world and finds ways to truly enliven her night.
This story was nothing short of delightful. Three parts creative and two parts fun for the sake of it, I found the story engrossing. It’s rare that a story can really pull me in, but this one did the job nicely. It’s not really ‘about’ anything, has no great purpose, and doesn’t really grow Luna as an individual. Normally, these things would bother me. But the story is so much fun on the whole that I don’t care.
If the rest of Flint-Lock’s stories as as entertaining and creative as this one, I’ll be thoroughly impressed.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Generosity Travels
9,757 Words
By Bookish Delight
I don’t talk or write about Coco Pommel very often. In fact, I can honestly say that Rarity Takes Manehattan, and by extension our introduction to Coco, didn’t interest me at all. But as time went by and I thought about her more, I grew to like her a lot. By now she stands as a favorite of the supporting cast, and I’m always looking forward to more stories featuring her.
But y’know? I think this might be the first time I’ve read a story featuring her, with the exception of the one describing exactly how she quit working for Suri. Kind of a shame, that.
Anyway, Generosity Travels has Coco hurrying to Ponyville after receiving a letter from an unknown acquaintance of Rarity’s explaining that the fashionista is in trouble. What she finds is her beloved idol in a state of depression after being overwhelmed by the unpleasant side of the fashion industry, a side she’s not accustomed to dealing with. Luckily for all involved, Coco has spent much of her career stuck there and knows exactly what needs to be done.
I thoroughly enjoyed this one. While Coco’s character diverges quite a bit from my headcanon, I can definitely see an argument for this variant. She’s strong in mind and confident in ability, and she owes that entirely to The Pony Everypony Should Know. Watching her return the favor to Rarity was nothing short of a treat.
The odd thing about this story is that the central premise of it – or at least the premise that gets readers to take a look at the story in the first place – takes up only about half of it. We get through Rarity’s problem in short order, which leaves the reader to question “what the heck is the author gonna do with the rest of this story?”
The answer, it turns out, is expand upon the lesson. Coco gets to meet the mystery character that sent the letter, and Pinkie reveals what Rarity’s natural nature means for all involved (with a little cake to boot). It all culminates in the star of our story and the damsel in distress… shall we say ‘coming closer’? I don’t know if the hinted shipping is a good idea or not, but shippers won’t mind at all. I certainly didn’t.
All in all, this is a pleasant story about how generosity can earn dividends for all involved. It’s well-written, nicely paced and has a lead character that is endearing in her own way (although that last bit may be my Coco fondness speaking out). If anything, this story just plain made me feel good. I couldn’t ask for more than that.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
The Legend of the Scorpion Queen
16,226 Words
By cursedchords
Recommended by Pascoite
In this unexpected and woefully underappreciated tale, we venture to the past when Unicorns ruled the lands now known as Equestria. Here we learn of a king named Jupiter, who is kind and just, but above all is adventurous and loves nature. During one of his many travels, he takes from the eastern deserts a scorpion named Antares for his royal garden. The scorpion resents this act and, in her desire for revenge, convinces the court wizard to transform her into a mare so that she may steal Jupiter’s heart and ruin him. Naturally, things don’t go quite like she planned.
This story was a delight to read from beginning to end. Starting with a whimsical concept, it grows into a pleasant tale of vengeance turned to love, underhoofed deals and struggles for redemption. Watching Antares grow along with her relationship to Jupiter and Star Light is a treat in well planned, perfectly paced character development. Combine this with an extremely clean, neat prose and a style that never stumbles.
I’d like to complain about something, but honestly? I’ve got nothing. Except perhaps that it seems nobody has bothered to read this little gem.
Another stellar recommendation from the South American mineral.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Crystal's Wishes
417,800 Words
By Crystal Wishes
Requested by Celestial Pony
I had zero interest in reading this story while it was making its rounds and being popular. Over 400k words of what looked to be a pure romance starring a character who happened to share the name of the author? Even as one with a firm love of romance, this had red flags all over it for me. So when Celestial Pony requested it, I was more annoyed than anything, especially since I couldn’t think of any legitimate reason to reject the request other than length, which isn’t much of a reason considering I’ve been through Fallout: Equestria – Project Horizons. So, begrudgingly, I set it in my schedule, specifically placing it on a Bibliophile week so I could get it all done as quickly as possible.
And now I have no choice but to man up and say it: I was wrong. On a great many levels.
Despite the description giving off the air of this being a romance, Crystal’s Wishes is, at its core, something of a biography. It tells the story of the titular protagonist’s life from foalhood to marriage, with all the ups and downs that involves.
The first and most interesting thing the author did was make Crystal the daughter of none other than Jet Set and Upper Crust, and these two are in fact some of the most interesting characters in the story despite how infrequently they show up in it after a set point. I haven’t read a lot of stories featuring these two, but I can say with confidence that they’re a lot more complicated and ‘real’ in this story than I’ve ever seen before. While still definitely of the elite and snobby crowd, this is tempered by a legitimate love for their daughter that they simply aren’t very good at conveying under any circumstances. Crystal’s interactions with them – especially Upper Crust – were easily among the best parts of this story.
And that is where this story shines brightest. It brings forth a host of characters. Known favorites, background ponies and OCs come together and are given life, making them all interesting and unique and worth getting to know. Cameos of well knowns like the Mane 6 occur, but are treated far better than how they appear in other stories I’ve seen. No, the story instead keeps its focus set upon a handful of characters and makes no attempt to diverge from that save when necessary. The end result is a main cast that is varied, complex and each given the attention they need to shine in their own ways, and I am very pleased with it.
And as an aside, the author proves to be skilled in the fine art of pony naming. This might sound like a small thing, but seriously, compare the names of the ponies in this story to the names of OCs from other stories. Crystal Wishes is light-years ahead of the game as far as I can see.
And yes, the romantic aspect isn’t just a garnish on the description to lure in readers. Crystal Wishes is a pony obsessed with lovey dovey things, and the result is a lifelong pursuit of romantic bliss and a special somepony. While I wouldn’t go so far as to call this the backbone of the story, it is certainly the backbone of her character. And sure, there’s a good amount of lovey dovey, over-the-top ideas, but that’s another nice thing about this story: it presents the ideal dream of love and then forces it to go through the rigors of the real world. The slog of real-life hurdles only makes the achievement of that dream all the sweeter.
Also, the instant I read the name of the stallion in question I knew he’d be the one. I don’t mean later in the story when he starts becoming a major character, I mean way early when he shows up for the very first time. I knew, and the pleasure of being right in the end only made it sweeter. But I’m not mentioning that to gloat about my instincts, because in truth that wasn’t it at all. I mention it because it shows how well the author portrays the characters; by that point in the story, you know who Crystal Wishes is, which allows you to take the author’s great skill at pony etymology to just understand: this is going to happen. It feels less like I ‘figured it out’ and more like the reader’s recognition was designed to take place by the author.
And if that’s true then you should be impressed. I sure am.
If I had to look at anything that might be considered a downside, I guess it would be the length. To be honest, I don’t think there’s anything to be done about that in the overall. The story works well through all its arcs and mini-arcs, such that no one feels unnecessary to the whole. That being said, I do think it would have been easier to read for everyone if it had been divided up into two or three smaller stories centered around the major arcs.
I suppose I should also point out that Crystal Wishes is a very… let’s say ‘traditional’ female lead. By that I mean she’s of the more ‘girly’ bent, from her romantic aspirations to her way of handling things, right down to the annoying fretting over things that that no stallion and half the more realistic ladies could ever understand someone fretting over. If you’re one of those types looking for a new age leading mare – hopefully you all know what I mean by that – then Crystal might annoy you. It happened to me on one or two occasions, watching her get flustered and legitimately angry while even her best marefiends are scratching their heads at her behavior. I didn’t mind in the overall, as it’s just part of her character, but I figured it’s worth mentioning.
But in the end, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one, excessive length aside. Crystal Wishes has crafted some interesting characters in an interesting (and pleasantly normal) world. I’m still not happy with the ‘author has same name as character’ bit – in fact it’s extremely annoying – but I’m willing to forgive that for what has otherwise been a solid, endearing story about life, friendship and love. You can be assured that I’ll be exploring the side stories.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read Thees Yet?
Sweetest Day Ever
6,531 Words
By ellie_
Sequel to An Apple for ya Trouble
And so we return to the humanized, non-EQG world of ellie_’s An Apple for ya Trouble. In this story, we meet a barely-high school-aged Scootaloo. Like its predecessor, this is story of first meetings; partially how the CMC meet in this universe, but more specifically how Scoots and Sweetie Belle meet. Like Rarity before her, Scootaloo finds herself instantly infatuated with Sweetie, and the feeling is mutual.
There are some notable improvements to this story compared to the last. The writing is smoother and with fewer blatant repetitions (although they do still exist), and the story gets to the point quickly whereas the last one was all but over by the time the big meeting finally occurred. It loses a lot of the original’s ‘adorable’ draw by having the characters much older, but that’s not really a bad thing. Watching Scootaloo wrestle with the ‘uncool, definitely not Rainbow Dash-worthy’ nature of her sudden feelings for Sweetie is easily the highlight of the story.
There are some quirks one has to accept, however. For example, why is it when ponies talk about their society being ‘mostly lesbian’ it feels fairly okay, but when humans say it I’m cocking my head and thinking the statement is weird? Maybe that’s just me, or maybe there’s some subconscious difference between my views of a pony society and a human society. Meh, whatever, I don’t wanna get into the psychology of it.
The real point I mean to make is that there are a lot of adjustments and shifts made in the universe to account for the fact that this is a human world, and you more or less have to accept that. Provided you can, I don’t think there’s any reason not to enjoy this story. Indeed, I believe it shows a clear improvement for the author, and makes me eager to see more by ellie_.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
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"The Legend of the Scorpion Queen" originally had a framing device where Twilight was telling the legend to her friends during a stargazing party, as the relevant constellation was in the sky. I thought it was a neat touch, but when the story was over, Twilight never drew any lesson from it. It just stopped. I encouraged the author to make something of the frame, but they opted to drop it instead, I'm disappointed to say. But what's left is still an enjoyable tale.
I read... not a prequel so much as a companion piece to Crystal Wishes, which I did not like. With that in mind, and the fact that it's by a completely different author, do you think it would be worth me giving that story a chance? I know it's hugely popular, but it's just plain huge. :B
4555184
I've seen that kind of thing before. I distinctly recall how A Song of Storms started with Twilight getting Commander Hurricane's private journals and deciding to read them right then and there... and then we never got to see her reaction to the completed tale. Talk about disappointing.
4555208
I suppose it depends on your personal preferences. I meant it when I said Crystal's Wishes was something of a bibliography. Rather than taking a set theme/goal and marching ever towards it, the story meanders around through multiple story arcs and milestones. Crystal deals with a wide range of things: discovering her cutie mark, fighting her parents, managing her career, maintaining a range of friendships, changeling attack PTSD, all while searching for that muscle-bound hunk of a special somepony she dreams of. And since it's 100% slice of life with only one instance of action in the whole thing (see changeling attack PTSD), you're not exactly running at full steam most of the time. The pacing is good, but if you can't get invested in Crystal as a character then you'll probably lose interest quickly.
The chapters don't give any indication of going from one major story part to another, but it's pretty obvious in the reading when one arc ends and another begins. Perhaps go through her foalhood years up to her getting her cutie mark (Chapter 11, I believe) and then see if you're still interested. By that point you'll have a good idea of how the story wanders around but will have barely made a dent in the overall wordcount.
Thank you kindly! I'm glad you enjoyed the story despite (or in spite of?) your initial reservations. That is a higher compliment than anything else.
Thanks for the review!
4555293 Scorpion Queen went halfway there. It did return to the frame, but just to have Twilight say that was the end without having her draw any conclusions from it or having any character growth from the friends listening to it.
4555293
Okay, I think I can skip it without regret. :B
4555317
4555293
The story is better without the framing, honestly.
There are three classic* ways to do a framing for a story like this. The first is to simply have it be an intro and an outro, like those animations where a book opens and closes with a narrator voice-over. They're really just that, however, an intro and an outro, setting a scene of "this is a story from long ago." Thing is, a good myth-like storytelling experience already conveys that, so the intro-outro is just flavor. It's not needed, though you can have one.
The second is when the narrative, moral, theme, etc, tie in with the framing device, such as when the story is something that is explicitly given to relate to the characters in the frame. This one is dang common because it does have a purpose ... but with that purpose comes a weakness. Framing a myth or legend story in this manner encourages the characters in the frame (and thus, the reader) to look for the application and similarities. This is handy for encouraging the audience to actively look for the lesson and it's application in other areas (hence why it is seen in many forms of children's entertainment), but also comes with the drawback of serving to pull the reader out of the myth to constantly compare it to the frame, which can distract from a well-painted myth.
The third is the classic intro-outro, but with the "message" directly given to the audience. So say, Twilight closing a book and saying "And thus we see that ..." Again, pretty common (even in MLP with the friendship letters) but again with a weakness. By giving the audience the "moral/message/theme" on a platter, there is a declarative moment of "this is what it was all about," which often lessens the audience's own take-aways from the story and may even encourage them to discard their own musings on the topic.
Strengths and weaknesses. Anyway, I don't really see The Legend of the Scorpion Queen gaining much of anything from these classic frames. Instead, it stands well enough on its own without them, and adding any of them would, personally, be either superfluous or detract from the excellent little myth that was presented. I believe it's stronger for it.
*EDIT FOOTNOTE: There are, of course, non-standard ways to frame a story, one of the best being The Princess Bride (which frames the story gloriously both in print and in film to hilarious results), but as it does so for humor, is less a standard example and more a case of comedic self-examination and meta commentary, which suits the story perfectly.
4555481 I don't see how you can say a story is better without the framing device when it's entirely hypothetical. You can say a particular implementation of it wasn't good, but it's presumptuous to say none could. It's like those situations set up in the various Most Dangerous Game contests to prove that a good writer can make anything work. The proof is in the pudding, not the concept.
4555481 Don't forget the 'Outro only' frame, like Cartography of War for example. The whole thing runs like a traditional story, but the final chapter does all the loose-end tying up.
Heh, glad you liked it. This is actually one of my favorite stories too. It might be based on true events It also marks the first and only time I have and ever will have a handle on writing Pinkie Pie, so there’s that.
I will never understand what drives people to accuse me of such things.
Cheers for the review; I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I'll have to get around to actually writing something, I suppose