• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

River Road

Writing Comedy, Adventure and Slice Of Life. Desperately trying to keep up with all the crazy stories my brain comes up with.


Twilight knows that Rarity is a hopeless romantic, experienced through countless romance novels.
Twilight knows that Rarity has had some bad experiences with romance and courtship.
Twilight knows that Rarity still dreams of somepony to properly sweep her off her hooves.
Twilight has no idea how Rarity keeps missing the hints she keeps dropping.

Written for Monochromatic's Raritwi contest.

Cover art generously offered to all contestants and provided by the skilled Multiversecruise.

Top of the Feature Box on 05/05/17 and then for 72 hours straight: A huge thanks to everyone who liked or commented on this story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 115 )

Well Looks like this is the first entry into the competition. One in that Apparently I am one of the judges. (Although nobody actually told me I was one, I just asked and I guess they said yes but forgot to tell me? Not that I'm complaining though. Meep.) Anyway. Cant read this right now since I really need to head of to work but once I have time I look forward to giving this a read. All the best of luck to you.

Looks good! Dont forget to post it to the shipping group if you havent already!

Pinkie and Flutter look like they're up to some mischief in the back...

dis gon b gud

"Twilight has no idea how Rarity keeps missing the hints she keeps dropping."

Maybe Rarity is straight?

*Puts away his Clue-By-4*
Rarity escapes this time... but only because she figured it out on her own. This has to be honestly the first "Rarity can't pick up on the hints" fic I have ever seen.

grats on the feature!

I really liked this story. Seeing Rarity so oblivious to Twilight’s hints is a nice change of pace. It was well paced, well written and I look forward to more.

I really like this, its well written and I feel you have nailed Twilight and Rarity's personality's. Also I loved Rarity's reaction at the end. Overall very enjoyable.

This was just so beautifully written! So very charming and funny. I loved the ending where Rarity finally realizes everything Twilight has been doing! Just a wonderful story! Looking forward to much more.

The unicorn you are trying to reach isn’t available right now. Please leave a message after the swoon.

I can't not laugh at that line...it's so perfect.

Faved, Upvoted, and going back to re-read...again.

Sarcastic Pedanticism: Diamond isn't actually a very dense material.

Well I enjoyed this greatly, very sweet and cute. Well done!

While the color coding thing is so subtle it could get past the CIA's wiretaps, by the end it was getting really obvious, and the moment Rarity figured it out was perfect. Nice going.

Well. If this doesn't at least place in that contest, I will eat a saddle. That was beautiful.

RARITY missing this was hilarious. So... was there anypony who didn't try to hurry this along? Luna and Celestia played with the play, Cadance gave the nighttime ride, Rainbow Dash de-blanketed them, Pinkie... uh... spied on them? Am I missing anypony?

She still smiled and watched as Rarity strode around the cabinet, letting out a series of thoughtful hums as she inspected it from every reasonable angle and one or two unreasonable ones.

:rainbowhuh:Did she shove her head under it or something?

8141266 8141444 8141590 8141500 8141846
Thank you all for the kind words. :twilightsmile:

8141414 8141258
I wanted to put a Twist on their usual dynamic (but she was away to visit her Aunt Patty, so I wrote this instead). Rarity can be a little oblivious, deliberately or not. :moustache:

Yes, but "Dense as Titanium Alloy" just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well, darling. :duck:

I think that was the first joke I wrote for this story. Everything else just spiraled out of control from there. :derpytongue2:

Thank you. I think Applejack might have stayed out of it... or she was the one making sure nopony else tried to make a move on Rarity. :ajsmug:

:rainbowhuh:Did she shove her head under it or something?

And she looked absolutely fabulous doing so, darling. :duck:
And Twilight was most certainly not staring at her flank while she did so. :twilightblush:

Ooooh, it begins...

I have to say this was certainly a clever story! It's great to see RARITY being the dense one, completely unable to see the romance right in front of her face. Frankly a romantically aggressive Twilight like this is not one that we typically get to see. Kudos for making such a sweet story

Well, it took her long enough in-story. Even Twilight would get frustrated bold eventually, because I certainly don't see her just giving up. :twilightsheepish:

She learned that from the best, after all. :moustache:

"Please leave a message after the swoon.”


This was a nice twist on the raritwi. Good job.

She was sure if she dropped a few more small signs Rarity would pick up on them soon.

If by "soon" you mean "before the next ice age," then I give you ... 60-40 odds. :trollestia:

It is far too cold outside and to warm in here to binge on ice cream.

*too warm

If we cannot find romance, we shall hunt it instead!

I don't think that shooting Cupid, or whatever the Equestrian analog is, will have a positive effect on your love life, Rarity. But please, by all means, try.

Pinkie Pie sitting at the table behind Rarity, trying to look inconspicuous.

I don't think that will ever happen. Ever.

did I miss something there, Twilight?

Only some massive subtext.

he can be a rather charming gentlestallion with thoughtful and interesting political insights, if he isn’t trying to brutally murder romance and leave it in a ditch.

My, that's one hell of a butchered metaphor. (Besides, he'd probably just call his maid rather than dump it in a ditch.)

the definitely manly guard pulling their chariot pranced ahead of them like a little filly.

Hey now, there's nothing unmanly about prancing. :derpytongue2:

It was the confident kiss of a mare who had planned out this moment for weeks, if not months.

Who'd gone over it a hundred times, rewritten checklists for it two hundred times, and whose number one assistant had finished off ten bottles of mouthwash helping her practice it.

Oh dear, which date does that even make this? The fifth? The sixth?

"Really, Twilight, why didn't you tell me? We should have been up to making out and heavy petting two dates ago!" :facehoof:

Comment posted by BlueNinja deleted May 5th, 2017

Awesome story!

On mobile, so to put more words into it would take a long time, so I'll have to leave it at that.

(also, if you see that someone put this on a bookshelf labeled Twidash, well... That was an accident.)

Amazingly enough, there's people in real life who are even denser. Such as myself.

Almost as amusing as the story itself was having "Princess Twilight Sparkle Comes Out As Bi" top the "Also liked" list.

(Just read it, it's not what you think.)

In a way, she does in this one too. :derpytongue2:

If you were that dense, how would you know it? :rainbowderp:

I might forgive accidents, but Twilight does not forgive faulty organization of literature. :moustache:

8143135 Because in hindsight, about ten years too late, I have noticed that someone in junior high school was dropping me some-well, I'm not sure they could be called hints, they weren't subtle at all.

Honestly I don't think I've ever seen the characters written as genuinely as they are here. And the whole thing was simply adorable, darling. :raritywink:

Loved the story.

Half-expected that the conclusion would be Rarity turning to Twilight and saying "Darling, would you just ask me out already?" because she had noticed all the hints from the get-go and was waiting on Twilight to be bold (like the stallions in the novels).

Rarity having a romance-induced BSOD is also cute. :twilightsmile:

8143348 8143350
I do my best. Thank you both for the kind words, I hope I can keep up those standards in the next story I'm writing. :twilightsheepish:

River Road, you did a very nice job with this story. The workers at FedEx are extremely pleased. :P

Not my favored sailing vessel, but it's fun to admire the view from time to time.
Especially when it's this fluffy!

Haha, lovely. This goes straight into favourites. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh this story was an absolute treat. I do hope it's not the only gem you have to offer, cause I'm off to ransack your bookshelf!

Looking forward to that, and to see your comments on other stories as well. I hope you find them all to your tastes. :twilightsmile:

8144123 8143921 8143694 8143443
Thank you all very much. :pinkiesmile:

8144287 You're welcome. :3

I kind of thought that at the end, Rarity was going to give up on subtlety before Twilight and reveal that she was trying to drop hints for Twilight, and that they were BOTH too dense to pick up on the other. Still, good little story. Good luck on the contest!

Nah, that would've been too obvious. :trollestia:
Besides, I wrote that last scene first and then everything I needed around it. :twilightsheepish:

Cute story.

Straight? Sir, are you aware of what website you're on?

I love the moment of realization. And what Twilight does with that moment is just perfect.

Thank you. That scene was the first part I wrote of the story, the one I built everything else from. :pinkiesmile:

Considering I decided to enter the same contest as you, I figured I should look at the other stories in the running.

And wow. You're deffinetly giving me a run for my money. XD

I love every part of this story, and it just shows me how much I need to learn until I can say I'm 100% proud of how my writing stands against others.

No doubt this one is going on my favorite list, and I wish you luck in the upcoming contest!

It is, when compared to graphite :rainbowwild:


Same. I'm planning I entering, but gosh this was adorable <3

8144810 8144894
D'awww, thank you both. I'm looking forward to seeing your entries and I'd be happy to preread them if you'd like. :twilightsmile:


Yes, but "Dense as Titanium Alloy" just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well, darling.

dense as lead?

Login or register to comment