• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
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River Road


Writing Comedy, Adventure and Slice Of Life. Desperately trying to keep up with all the crazy stories my brain comes up with.

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After a near-death experience concerning a manticore, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are faced with their own reactions, or lack thereof.
But what would their sisters have done in their place? And is it possible that they're not as perfect as the fillies always thought of them?

Disclaimer: This story does have a Happy Ending. I don't do stories without.

Edit: We made it into the Popular Stories Box. A big thank you to everyone who made that possible.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 25 )

Awww. That was cute. A bit creepy on Luna's part but cute.

3488520

Creepy? It wasn't really supposed to seem creepy... :unsuresweetie:
Still, thank you very much.

Also: you, Sir, are a fast reader. :rainbowderp:

Sweet epilogue bro!
At the beginning you really hit the sad mark but in the end it was like your other stories, cheerful and sweet. You did, as always an awesome job!:heart:

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And you are just as loving and full of praise as ever. :ajsmug:

Not that that's a bad thing. :raritywink:

3488850

Forever Tia's little sister. :twilightsmile:

3488537 Oh its only creepy because as cool as dreamwalking is it still gives me the hibbie jibbies. Also I know it makes this sight somewhat annoying at times.

3488976

It does have some creepy-potential, when you think about it.

Also, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments; I have three or four awesome and loyal Followers, but I really need more readers like that.

3488988 I'm working through some of your stories now. I'm not really a loyal fan. I mean if I enjoy stories I upvote and read them. I don't like them I stop reading and leave. I'm not a good enough Author to be a critic or leave all that helpful of commentary.

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But you left a comment anyway... That's all an author really wants usually. :heart: :fluttershysad:

3489029 I did I really liked the story

3489033

I suggest reading this one, then.
It's another one-shot I wrote recently, I really like how it turned out, and there are some similarities to this story.

Nothing like a fluffy little oneshot to warm the cockles :twilightsmile:

Linked dreams. :trixieshiftright: Interesting...

3492045

I didn't just want the Crusaders to just have a dream to cope with their mental troubles, I wanted to show that it really is what their sisters think.
Thank you for noticing, and thank you for commenting. Every comment I get makes my day a little brighter. :twilightsmile:

3489553

:heart::heart::heart:

“Do you think we’re lost?” Sweetie Belle looked around, trying to find some sort of landmark between the trees and scrubs.
“Ah know exactly where we are.” Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes in annoyance at the surrounding jungle. “It’s just that everythin’ else gets lost all the time.”
“This always happens when we want to visit Zecora!” Scootaloo complained. “Whose idea was it to go into the Everfree, anyway?”

Holy Moly, I had to stop and begin my comment right here. I was just critiquing someone else about proper characterization (I think it's rule #2 for Fanfic writers to prove they know their characters before messing with them), and you have a FLAWLESS example. A balanced trio of comments reflecting space-cadet, stubborn and cynical personalities: I have sparkles in my eyes reading this!

turned around with wide eyes and turned their heads up

Repetitive, but not derailing.

the farm is her first priority

Woah, woah now... I get that Applebloom is getting carried away, but c'mon! Applejack's all about family!

Okay... read to the end now. You got me with that Applejack stuff.

It's a great, cozy story, but some things are missing, especially details. You describe a few things, like the forest, visually, but if you really want to suck readers in, or at least convey the heart-pounding, cold-sweat terror three children feel in the face of certain death, we need more senses. Words spent painting pictures are never wasted.

The second-biggest problem is repetition. I "get" that each filly is dreaming about the exact same danger, with different outcomes, but by the 2nd time the result is too predictable (You could've had Sweetie Belle get gobbled up and turn the whole thing into a comedy:raritywink:). In addition, the absolute balance of each filly, even though it bedazzled me in the beginning, was wearing thin by the end. Symmetry works best in short amounts over long distances, like parallel character development. If you try this style again (and I hope you do!) try to make the work as distinct in every direction (character, scene) as you can, and let the reader infer that they're connected.

Loved it overall. Warm feelies. Hope to read again.

Comment posted by River Road deleted Nov 19th, 2013

3509418

This is the first review comment I ever got on a story :fluttershysad:
(well, aside from the Zero Punctuation Reviews one, but I specifically asked for that one)
Thank you. :heart:

This story wasn't that easy to write - or, at least not as easy as my usual Comedies. I realize that the three dreams start exactly the same, and that was intentional; I wanted to show that the three fillies were starting with the same dream to show how they ended up with (slightly) different outcomes. I did try not to be too repetetive with the waking-up scenes, but there are six of those, so I'm not sure how well it worked in the end.

I also realize that the story is not quite as detailed as some others, but that's just how I write. I just can't write 3.000 words for something I could say in 1.000, and when I go into detail it's usually for an important scene, something that will come back later in the story or, ocassionally, a bad joke. :derpytongue2:

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time and doing a comment like this. The part about how you liked my characterisation made my day (and it's still early morning where I live, so: Yay). I don't write a lot of sad, but if you have the time sometime and don'w mind a shameless attempt for more readers, I can only repeat what I said in the Author's Note, that you might like my other story, too. :twilightsheepish:

Heya River. :twilightsmile:

So! I just wanted to say what a great job you did on this. It flows well despite something that i will mention later and is very, very deep. (like in the sense of kinda bringing a tear to my eye. not llke "Wow the deep feels bro." ) It was very well structured and You used most of my favorite characters in one story. :pinkiehappy:
The only thing I found out of eh.... lets say flow. Is the way you followed up events. Separate sections for each fillies dream was good, and I understand that was the best way to not drag things out like. "This happens to her and its interesting, now its happening to this one and its the same thing... great, and now its the same boring thing." So I know it was meant to be that way and was good! :scootangel: But for me I just found it a tad annoying.

I really loved the epilogue you wrote. Gives the story a good closure to it and helps make the feels flow. :derpytongue2:

3681353

Why thank you. I knew right from the start that the repetitions would be... straining, to put it lightly. I did try my best to mix it up as best as I could.
The thing is that I wanted to show the small differences between the three Crusaders - and the similarities between their three sisters.

Anyway, thank you so much for your comment. There's nothing better for an author than people actually telling you what they like or dislike about your work.

Well, that was an adorable read.

Thanks for writing! :yay:

5023918

And thank you for commenting. :heart:

Who doesn't enjoy an ironically happy ending?

Where the Crusaders question their judgement and their worth relative to their older counterparts.

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