• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

River Road

Writing Comedy, Adventure and Slice Of Life. Desperately trying to keep up with all the crazy stories my brain comes up with.



For centuries anything magic, alien and supernatural has been handled and covered up by the Supernatural and Magical Intelligence League of Earth and their agents. A small city in the heart of [REDACTED] in particular has been designated to always have someone from the agency at hand, even though nothing of note has happened there for so long that nobody even remembers why that policy was implemented in the first place.

Get ready for action, drama, paperwork and misguided marital counseling as you follow the adventures of the two poor idiots dedicated agents currently appointed to watch over the sleepy town of Canterlot, where supernatural events don't happen regularly so please stop posting videos of them on MyStable.

And entry into FanOfMostEverything's Villain Exchange Program

Cover art commissioned from GPizano

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 77 )

Tirek scowled, speeding up a bit. “Have you ever heard of the Doomsday Protocol?”

I'm gonna take a wild guess: Call for Superman?

She pulled back and bit her lip, then groaned and slumped down. “Oh fuck me, I can’t believe I’m doing this…” She took a deep breath before staring at her partner again, growling out through her teeth. “My last name is Tonks.”

Tirek blinked, his eyes focusing on her for the first time and his voice coming out as a rough wheeze. “W-what?”

Chrysalis gave him a flat stare. “My last name. You know, the one I redacted from every file on me, hacked myself into several servers to delete, obliviated at least three superiors and literally blew up a filing cabinet at HQ so nobody would ever find out? Tonks. Apparently I got it from some British aunt I have who’s supposed to be real badass, I wouldn’t know.”

Bloody brilliant!

Yes. YES!!! Beautiful, beautiful!

I think that Cassidy and Branch are the best part of this.

Considering this version of S.M.I.L.E., they probably call for the ETA guy from the Simpsons Movie. :trixieshiftleft:

They're in a different butch of S.M.I.L.E. :ajsmug:

Will there be a sequel?

Ha! Bloody brilliant.

Chrysalis Nymphadora Tonks and her magical BSU (Blow S#!t Up) artifact.

No sequel is planned so far. I wouldn't even know where to take it.

What else is a changeling but a really edgy metamorphmagus. :trollestia:

This works. WHY does this work?

I love it. Though I'm just as nervous as Sunset about the Obliviator guns.

Love our edgy metamorphagus bug.

Freaking Umbrum what moron threw them into this dimension anyway? And does he wear bells?

...This is why Twilight needs to rebuild her magic trap. So they can Tirek this nonsense WITHOUT him going all Incredible Hulk on us.

Dumb thing...isn't Tirek's hair white? Just that all the art I see for him has black hair.

It works because Chrysalis. EQG Chrysalis makes everything work.

His Equestrian self has white hair because he's an old geezer. What little EQG art of him I've found had black hair, though, and it kinda makes sense if his human counterpart is only about thirty years old or so.

(Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the story as much as I did writing it.)

Fair point. I just file it under the standard Equestrian color schemes.

And yeah, this was a blast. Chrysalis approves. I like your take on Tirek too. Especially the teacup. Doubles to make him look more powerful and less imposing at once, get the whole gentle giant thing going on.

Equestria Girls Chrysalis DOES make everything work. I need to find an excuse to call someone a miserable replacement for an excel spreadsheet now.

9247045 9247054 9247098 9247180 9247191 9247744
Upon further consideration (in other words, my brain throwing ideas for dumb jokes and explosions at me), I might actually write a prequel chapter to this story if it gets more views and comments. So make sure to follow the story if you haven't already, and spread the word.

And yes, it will probably have another stupid title.

Bugmare Begins

I hope you win that contest because this got a SMILE or two out of me.


Oh, wow. This was great.

Why does Chrysalis not know Tonks well? Have they never met?

And Cassidy and Bart! What are they doing there? Did Giovanni finally fire them? Why them, and not the other bunch?

And it's Star Swirl's fault the Ubrum are there, isn't it? Typical Star Swirl. Hey, can Equestria extradite him to Pedestria so SMILE can charge him for using their world as a dumping ground?

Glad you liked it. :pinkiehappy:

Chrysalis hasn't really gone by her last name since she was a teenager, so if she ever met her British aunt it was when she was a kid and Tonks probably wasn't at liberty to reveal much about her job.

As for Cassidy and Bort, who knows. Maybe they got fired for starting that rebranding petition and causing the company-wide "Rainbow Rocket riots". Maybe they never were employed under Giovanni. Maybe they still are employed under him and in a world without pocket monsters Giovanni is the Nick Fury of S.M.I.L E.



Also, is Tirek...entirely human?

:raritystarry: THIS IS AMAZING. Seriously, every bit of this was fantastic. The counselor is right; Tirek and Chrysalis have a fantastic character dynamic, and watching them do their job is a delight. The moments when the banter falls away and they're being genuinely supportive were especially great. The references were icing on the cake. Poor Cassidy and Bork...

Thank you for this. I do hope you revisit these two in the future. Their reactions to Vignette Valencia should be priceless.

D'awww, thank you. I'm glad it turned out as well as it did.

I did have a something for Vignette planned, but decided to set it aside because I was running out of time it wouldn't really have added anything to the main story at that point. I might do blog posts or mini-chapters with extra scenes from the shorts like that one, though... A vignette about Valencia, if you will. :derpytongue2:

And like the author's note said, I do have an idea for a prequel chapter as well, covering how they really first met, how Chrysalis got that butch and her first encounter with Brooch and Cassidy.

P.S.: How many references did you spot? There's one really obscure Asterix Joke that I don't think anyone noticed yet. :trollestia:

He's... Probably human? To be honest, I'm not sure if he himself knows where the power comes from. All he knows is that him having magic in general is probably hereditary, considering his brother... :trixieshiftright:


Given how he was triggered by the rainbow, I wondered if he might be Equestrian Tirek somehow.

Also, Gravity Falls is real in Equestria?! Yikes.

It's nice but I don't feel it fits the criteria of the prompt, being the human versions of villains in the human world.

He doesn't have any problem with rainbows, what triggered him was seeing all that magic get sucked up just like his own power when he overdoses.

And yeah. It's more of a legend really, but who knows... Daring Do or the Mane Six might rediscover it someday.

From the original blog post, immediately after announcing the prompt:

You have at least two ways of going about this, moving a character from one world to another or focusing on their local counterpart.

Fer fuck's sake. Of course I missed that bit.

Well, that's my paranoia settled. I was just about to convince myself that I misunderstood the whole prompt. :rainbowderp:

Thanks for putting that quote there. Now that I see it again I remember it from when the contest was announced, but I completely missed it checking the post again. :twilightsheepish:

Don't worry, I missed it as well when I went looking for it (before FOME posted the quote).
And going by the contest entries, we might not have been the only ones either. :twilightsheepish:

I want both the prequel and a side story where Chrysalis goes and sees if Rainbow gives it a go. And she does :ajsmug:


Ah, I see.

And when they find the town, they'll meet Discord's cousin Bill, who's even more of a dick than he is.

So the giant teenager rampaging around a shopping mall — incident reference: “Mirror Magic”; see also subject file “Glimmer” — was not of sufficient interest to warrant discussion?

I admit that I haven't managed to watch all of the EQG shorts and specials yet, but I really don't know how I would have fit that particular one in, either... Figuring out both the transition into it, and a unique twist for the scene from the side of Tirek and Chrysalis. I might make a vignette chapter out of it if I actually get an idea for it that I'm satisfied with.

Personally, I'd have them try to recruit Starlight afterwards. Maybe deal with some offscreen Summon Paparazzi Imps or something. Tirek griping about doing more internet lockdown work and tracking down all those photos. Chrysallis snarking at Tirek as he tries to get out of a changing room in time to help.

Anyway just spit balling ideas.

I'm so glad I left this one 'til last - I had a feeling it might be good from the description, and I wanted to end reading the contest entries on a high.

I loved everything about this. Tirek as the muscly guy, but also the quiet restraint, and Chrysalis as the wit with the lust for destruction. And they really were a great partnership, complementing each other in all the right ways. The psychiatrist side of things didn't get old, which was quite impressive with how it's kind of the same joke several times over. Sunset was perfectly in-character as a self-righteous see-you-next-Tuesday, though I'd have appreciated Chrysalis giving a little back after the suplex thing. I didn't get many of the references, like who the other two agents were, or Gravity Falls beyond the name of a town in another show. Have to say I'm not sure about the Harry Potter comparison - the lore match makes sense, totally, but Tonks was more of a whiny teenager where Chryssi is of Bellatrix Lestrange stature :raritywink: The idea of Chrysalis' feedback loop at the end was a wonderful one, too, and a great power counter to Tirek's magic absorption!

I would really like to see the first date between Chrysalis and little miss head siren - that was the highlight of the story for me, and the bit I'd be happiest for a sequel to entirely focus on.

I'm currently sitting through the most agonising toothache of my life, and this story is the one thing that's brightened my day, so thanks very much! :pinkiehappy:

Way back in the Kanto days of the Pokemon cartoon, there were at least two episodes where Jesse and James came across a rival Team Rocket pair by the name of Cassidy and Butch. On their second meeting, Jesse remembered Cassidy's name, but James called the other "Botch" much to his annoyance. So, it's in reference to that.

I'm guessing that Chrysalis did similar or saw it happen early on, and then her antagonistic nature kicked in, making it so that she would never intentionally call their world's Butch by his real name, knowing how much it would annoy him.

I'm so happy to hear that you liked my story that much, and that it helped you through what's probably not a very good day. :twilightsmile:

I wasn't really trying to compare Chrysalis to Tonks, which is why I implied that Tonks is her own character in that world (although I didn't really remember her whiny teenager self from the books, only her mischievous and/or badass self from various fanfics). I just really wanted an excuse to give Chrysalis that second name. :trollestia:
As for the suplex, even if Chrysalis didn't think that it was kinda deserved after what Sunset went through in that special, I imagine her as the kind of person who'd embrace an attitude like that and brush that hit off with a grin while planning a rematch.
Haven't really thought about doing anything more with the sirens, but it's certainly something to keep in mind.

(The counseling session as intro and occasional cut-away is a reference too, by the way, to the movie that title is a play on)

Butch and Cassidy are more than just one-off characters (although they don't show up often anymore), and everyone getting his name wrong is actually one of the most famous running gags of the anime. Their wiki pages are linked in the author's note joke, FIMfiction just doesn't openly show links in stories anymore. Still, it's not just something Chrysalis does... there's a reason his full name is "Butchered Name". :trollestia:

Oh ho! This was very unique and fun! The S.M.I.L.E Files! Villain Team up is great. Odd couple team up is even better. I loved their dynamic in this, not quite romantic. But two personalities that know how to bounce off each other.

EqG Chrysalis is a little less calculating than her Mother Bug Equus counterpart, but I chalk it up to being a Nymphadora. Feisty, impulsive and a loudmouth can still describe both bugs in either reality.

The therapist scenes were good comedy, nice breaks between the movie events and I like the little peek into the duo. It's actually kinda refreshing that they didn't backbite each other or over the top harsh. They were just partners who've been in it for awhile and are like a worn in pair of shoes. Comfortable.

What I like most is that the story at first seems to show them as out-of-their-depth agents barely able to handle this stuff only to flip the script by showing Tirek go hulk-hellboy and Chrysalis power up the green fire. It made me grin big time.

I totally would love to see more! Prequel, Sequel. Anything. The only downside of this story is that it has to follow the rails of the movies and we only get a brief glimpse of the agents actually going in to help. I'd totally love a full original situation of them working through a magical thing. Controlling an out of control Smooze spilling out of some cave somewhere? A cultist band worshiping a necromancer Grogar? Maybe a trio of out-of-work sirens might want to work for SMILE? Anything really! Even if it's more M.I.B office politics with Director Excel, I'd enjoy reading more :)

Thank you very much for taking the time for a full review. :twilightsmile:

I'm glad you liked the story, and at least some of the potential future chapters would definitely show more of them actually doing their job instead of standing on the sidelines.

Also, Excel guy was just a desk grunt. The head of S.M.I.L.E. will be codenamed Director Furry. :moustache:

Nice, loved the interplay between characters.

... I think Sunset is now very glad that Chryssie didn't take that suplex seriously.

I imagine Chryssie's laugh being akin to TFS's Vegeta from Renegade for life, just female.

Need more!

I knew this would be good, but I didn't realize it would be this good. And that ending... :pinkiehappy::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:

Welcome to my Faves
About you I shall rave
This story's gold
Among the best you've told

Action, comedy,
Tirek and Chryssy,
Rainbooms save the day,
And I am blown away!

You're an awesome guy,
(Or gal, it doesn't matter)
Even if I try,
My skills won't reach that high.
Now you've done it,
You have won it,
The Villain Exchange first prize!


Oh wow, thank you very much. :twilightblush:


It's not the only story I really should be writing more for, but I am definitely planning a sequel to this story. An anthology of whatever bits of their job come to mind, probably.
The latest idea in particular may or may not end up a crossover with the other S.M.I.L.E.

Is it weird that I would totally watch a sitcom about these two?

“Have you ever thought about children?”

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Humor me.”

“We live not to far away from the local high school. We’ve seen enough teenagers to know why we don’t want any.”

This part was perfect....
Me and my wife have a teenage daughter, thankfully she is well liked in her school. She's a great kid. And did I mention she loves MLP?

Kimono <><

I have the feeling that I missed pretty much every reference in this except the show ones, but the dialogue was great, and that last scene makes me wish for more.

Congrats again on the win!

There were a lot of references to miss, some more obscure than others. Thank you again, and I hope I'll manage to write some more again after I've worked on some of my other stories.

Someone did call it a buddy cop show. :scootangel:

Author Interviewer

I don't get the joke with her last name, but this was a great deal of fun. :D They're a perfect odd couple, just as the counselor said.

"You’re always indecent. Sometimes you’re just wearing clothes."

And this line is amazing.

Thank you, and thank you for the review.

Her full name is Chrysalis Nymphadora Tonks after her British aunt, because it just makes sense in so many ways.

Author Interviewer

...Oh. I haven't read that far, and she wasn't a major character in the movies >.< No wonder.

So is there gonna be a sequel where they have to go undercover with a new agent who ends up being Cozy Glow?

If Tirek is Lawful Good and Chrysalis is Chaotic Good then I still can't see Cozy Glow being Not EvilTM. Aside from that, I'm not sure what she'd even do and why she'd be a part of S.M.I.L.E. I haven't seen a lot of episodes with her but I haven't heard of her having any notable roles/talents aside from following instructions and sweettalking teenagers.

She almost single handedly destroyed all the magic of Equestria using magical artifacts, I'd say she handles the deconstruction and dismantling of ancient artifacts deemed too dangerous to be kept around

Well great, now I'm picturing her as the Tomura Shigaraki of magic. If she ever gets a cameo in the sequel it'll be as that and it'll be all your fault. :derpytongue2:

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