Paul's Thursday Reviews XLVII · 12:20am Sep 9th, 2016
For most people, I imagine Labor Day is awesome. And why not? Three day weekends are always awesome. I certainly enjoyed mine.
Except I'm a contractor. I get paid by the hour, and when I'm not at my desk I'm getting no moolah. This means Labor Day – and all mandatory holidays – is also a significant hit to my finances. The only solution? To work extra hours over the rest of the week. I've been doing exactly that, and while my wallet will thank me when payroll comes next week, right now my writing is begging for mercy. I don't feel like I've done diddly squat since last Thursday in terms of writing.
In other news, I had plans on entering this month's Rage Reviews contest, but I got about 750 words in and realized the concept I had in front of me just wasn't doing it for me. If I'm not all that into the story, I don't expect my readers to be either, so I decided to scrap the project. I doubt I'll come up with another idea for the contest, so I think I'll just focus on finishing No Heroes.
That said, I did get an idea for a Pinkie fic inspired by a certain traditional Irish tune. And before anyone suggests it, no, it has nothing to do with alcohol. We'll see if anything comes of it; most of these sudden inspiration ideas of mine never make it past conception.
But enough of that! I can think of at least one author out there who has probably been tapping his foot all day like Sonic the Hedgehog on Speed, so let's hop to it. I hit a lot of requests for this week in an attempt to whittle down what was rapidly becoming an overcrowded list. You'll be seeing me do this regularly for a while until most of my non-RiL lists are brought back to manageable levels.
Stories for This Week:
The Blue Rose by Chicago Ted (Requested by Chicago Ted)
Short and Bitter: A Minific Compilation by Ion Sturm (Requested by Darkentrophy)
Changeling to Fit the Role by Darkentrophy (Requested by Darkentrophy)
The Same Box by DEI Caboose (Requested by Celestial Pony)
I Love to See You Smile by Steel Resolve (Requested by Steel Resolve)
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer by Lise Eclaire
Total Word Count: 87,936
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Blue Rose
28,376 Words
By Chicago Ted
Requested by Chicago Ted
Right now I am really regretting that I quit poetry over a decade ago. There was a time when I knew so much about the medium and could cite famous poems by verse. Now? I look at this story and I long to be able to give it the kind of critique it deserves.
Chicago Ted’s The Blue Rose tells the story of Thorn, a colt so young as to not even have his cutie mark, and the adventure he goes on. This quest is triggered when he finds a magical blue rose in the Everfree Forest that declares Thorn to have been chosen by fate to achieve great wisdom. The rose promptly leads him on a four-day journey battling windigos, dueling evil pirate captains and even descending into the depths of Tartarus to slay a villainous serpent. What makes this all so tricky for the reader? It’s written in iambic pentameter. All of it.
Simply put, this story thoroughly impresses me. Despite having not studied poetry in so long, I can still see the author’s influences in the epic poems of old. Similarities are everywhere I look; starting with a bard at a banquet in Canterlot who praises the princesses and the Element Bearers, name-dropping certain older references of both the fandom and mythology throughout the story, calling on the familiar audience members by name at key moments. Even the very nature of the quest, from victory by wisdom to a descent into the underworld, are reminiscent of the legends of classical times and beyond. Even as I struggle to recall details, I can nonetheless distinctly feel similarities with such renowned poets as Chaucer (The Canterbury Tales), Spenser (The Faerie Queen), Pope (Rape of the Lock) and Milton (Paradise Lost, a personal favorite).
The effort that must have been required to write this story is staggering to consider. As someone who used to use poetry as his primary medium (this was long before I joined FIMFiction, mind), I am humbled. And to stick specifically to a set rhyming scheme for the entire story, utilizing all the tricks and maneuvers that are so hard to emulate? I can only describe this as “wow.”
The story itself is arguably old hat. Kid goes on a grand adventure that, reasonably speaking, he’s far too young for. The specifics may change, but it’s nothing particularly new in content. Even so, the flowing poetry gives the entire story a special existence and fresh life, making it seem more fantastic and intriguing than those that came before. The draw to this story is not so much the story itself but the manner of its delivery, which is nothing short of fantastic.
That’s not to say the story isn’t creative, mind you. Indeed, there's worldbuilding and culture and no small amount of wonder. It’s just vastly overshadowed by how it is delivered in the first place.
The caveat? Well, it’s written in iambic pentameter. It can and will take a moment to get used to, and that assumes you can; I know more than a few people who can’t stomach something not written in prose. Even when you do grow accustomed to it, sometimes the rhythmic variations can throw you for a loop, making it tricky to read. All in all, you have to approach this one with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Lazy readers need not apply.
This story takes a big risk and, in turn, proves to be extremely ambitious – one of my favorite things to witness. It also provides a challenge to the reader, another thing I readily approve of. Those of you with a strong interest in poetry, especially the classics, will find a gem. Those of you wishing to broaden your horizons in terms of literary style will not be disappointed. Those of you looking for an easy read will turn away the instant you see the writing style.
For my part, I thoroughly enjoyed this story once I realized exactly what I was seeing. This is the kind of story critics like me long to see. The only reason this hasn’t been placed into the Round Robins is that I’ve hit a bottleneck in my review schedule that prevents me from selecting stories for it for the next couple of weeks. But damn, does this deserve more attention!
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You read This Yet?
Short and Bitter: A Minific Compilation
3,912 Words
By Ion-Sturm
Requested by Darkentrophy
This story is a set of three brief tales, each written for a different competition. The stories offer something a little different from one another, resulting in a different treat every time.
We have Darkness, which tells of how Luna succumbed to Nightmare Moon. The concept is nothing new, but I do like the approach, which depicts Luna as herself being fooled into her course. I’ve seen similar takes, but never quite like this. That said, the route itself isn’t anything new, so it still loses points for originality. There is, simply put, nothing all that striking about it in the overall. I think the story might have been better served if more time had been taken to really grasp Luna’s mental state.
A Deal to Last a Lifetime is a strong showing in which Scootaloo travels all the way to Tartarus in order to ‘purchase’ a dream from the Underworld. The catch: in order to get her dream, she has to give one away.
This was, I felt, a generally stronger story than the first one. This may have something to do with my bias in Scootaloo’s favor though. I do like that it seems to take the whole ‘deal with a devil’ thing in an entirely different direction from the usual. For one, the entity Scoots deals with doesn’t actually strike me as evil, and Scootaloo herself is very aware of what is at stake. Perhaps the most interesting is that, even though Scoots loses one dream for another, there’s still a sense that things may not have gone all that poorly. In other words, it’s a bittersweet conclusion… at least to me.
But Spikes and Stones is easily my favorite of the trio. In this one, Spike has left Ponyville in hopes of becoming a true dragon, and is lucky enough to be taken in by an elder Dragon that agrees to teach him. However, as the story plays along, we are given two entirely different viewpoints: one of a powerful and strong dragon and another of one afraid and struggling. It becomes hard to tell which version is real and which is false. Indeed, it’s entirely possible that both are true. This story struck me as the most unique and creative of the three, and for that reason it earns my praise.
But alas, I can only offer one rating for the overall set. The overall writing style is solid and the stories are each somewhat interesting in their own right. I think, given how good they are individually, I can rate them well as a whole.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Changeling to Fit the Role
2,977 Words
By Darkentrophy
Requested by Darkentrophy
Chrysalis is in a bad spot. She’s lost her ‘husband,’ Shining Armor, and is now suffering the post-breakup blues. But her changelings have a plan to help her mood: three new pony captives who might just make suitable suitors to the Queen… whether they want to or not.
When this story started, I was looking to have some fun. The entire premise is amusing, even if it reduces Chrysalis to a silly cartoon character more of the Looney Tunes variety than the MLP sort. Chrysalis ends up being depicted as a little unhinged, not very logical and woefully excitable.
Certain aspects I enjoyed, most notably the outrageous changeling-ified cultural concepts – something that always brings a smile to my face. The singing was a little dumb, but then, it seems ‘dumb’ is a big part of this story, so I don’t take that as a negative.
Where Darkentrophy really lost me was the very abrupt transition from an ongoing scene to the ending. It struck me as neither clever nor effective. Instead, it shut down a potentially interesting and amusing scene before it had time to come full circle, without a plausible reason to do so.
Overall, this story didn’t wow me, but I think those of you who enjoy a bit of nonsense and wordplay may get a kick out of it. Seeing Chrysalis being treated like this isn’t my cup of tea, and yet I know a lot of people are highly entertained by this sort of thing. Definitely give it a go if you’re in the mood for some silly amusement.
Bookshelf: Worth It
The Same Box
3,000 Words
By DEI Caboose
Requested by Celestial Pony
Ah, a Cutie Map reaction fic. How strange that this is the first one I’ve read. More interesting is that it came to a similar conclusion as my own, although it reached it in a completely different way. I must admit, The Cutie Remark shattered my intentions regarding the character of Starlight Glimmer, who I was confident didn’t believe her own drivel because A) it makes no sense from a practical perspective and B) in reality, leaders of major movements such as hers never actually follow the views they promote. I don’t mind that shattering of my viewpoint, mostly because I’ve come to accept that this is a kid’s show and Equestria follows different rules anyway.
The Same Box is a first person story beginning after Starlight Glimmer completes her equalization of all of Equestria, concluding the work by removing her own cutie mark. Following this, she goes to visit the one and only pony she couldn’t equalize, Celestia, who she has imprisoned. The two have a heated discussion where both try to convince the other of their folly, but neither succeeds and Glimmer leaves to begin life in the new, equalized Equestria.
Things rapidly fall apart from there.
On the one hand, the story does a good job depicting exactly why a nation of equals would inevitably fail. Why Starlight didn’t recognize this inevitability is anyone’s guess. I think, considering the apparent goal of the story, it did a good job.
There is a major catch to this, though: you have to be willing to accept a lot of unrealistic things. For one, there is no indication of how Starlight won. This is the single most common issue when it comes to ‘conquest of Equestria’ or similar such stories: if you don’t show exactly how a nation filled with such incredibly powerful beings was defeated, you’re banking on your readers believing in something that seems impossible. That’s not to say it can’t be done, only that it feels wholly unbelievable unless you make it clear how it happened.
The problem is especially bad in this case, because the story goes out of it way to repeat again and again how everypony is equal and thus nopony is really good at anything. So, somehow, we are expected to believe that a group of perfectly equal ponies unable to excel in any imaginable way managed to defeat Cadance, Luna, Celestia and Discord. Are you buying that? ‘Cause I’m not.
But if you can get past this blatant plot hole – and I will acknowledge that’s a pretty significant if – then this story is definitely worth getting into.
Bookshelf: Worth It
I Love to See You Smile
38,931 Words
By Steel Resolve
Requested by Steel Resolve
A while ago, I engaged Steel in some conversation. And by conversation, I mean blatant whining about how his story Green is starting to look like it will never be completed in our lifetimes, which puts me in a bind with my ‘no reading incomplete stories’ rule. In response, he formally requested I read these stories. I didn’t mind at all, mainly because this is a pairing I’d yet to see attempted.
Centered on Rarity’s perspective, I Love to See You Smile begins with her having a bad week in her shop and deciding to take a break by having lunch at Sugarcube Corner. As these stories go, the Cakes and the twins are out of town and, coincidentally, a rainstorm hits right after she walks through the door. Effectively trapped, Rarity must endure Pinkie’s attempts to cheer her up. But then Pinkie suggests a ‘special’ method of obtaining happiness, albeit briefly. Rarity is shocked, indignant… and curious.
I’ve made it clear in the past that I’m not interested in clop. Fortunately, despite the fact that there is plenty of detailed sex in this one, it focuses enough on story that said sex feels less like a focus and more like a catalyst for moving the story forward. It does this better than, say, Xenophilia, which relied far too heavily on the sex. So, from that perspective, I find myself approving.
The story is generally well written, the occasional obvious typos aside. Even better, at least to me, is Steel’s characterization of Pinkie and Rarity. Pinkie is chaotic enough to easily fit her in-show manner, but at the same time serious enough to keep the story on track, and Rarity’s mannerisms are captured quite well. It is interesting to watch as their personalities play against one another, especially in terms of Rarity learning how to adapt to her new marefriend’s quirks.
Ah, but there we touch upon the underlying issue that people may have with this story: it’s a ship between Pinkie and Rarity. On paper, it’s not something that should ever work, and that can be a hard viewpoint to escape. I don’t think Steel Resolve did so. In a way, the story outright acknowledges this: when asked exactly why she loves Rarity, the best response Pinkie can give is that it ‘just feels right.’ It struck me as the shipper’s equivalent of “It’s magic, stupid,” albeit in a much friendlier tone.
That’s not to say that a solid attempt isn’t made, complete with flashbacks of a day at an oasis (see The Last Roundup), a few conversational explanations and some enigmatic revelations. As much as the entire story had me smiling (for entire non-pervy reasons, I Pinkie Promise), I still couldn’t get over this feeling that the two were only together because of sex and the author demanding it be so. To be clear, I am a shipper. You can offer a great many different shipping options and I will be all in, because I just like shipping in general. So when I say that I’m having trouble accepting the relationship as it’s being presented, I expect that to sound alarm bells.
None of this is to say that I Love to See You Smile is a bad story by any means. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I am especially happy at how Steel managed to include sexuality without turning the story into one giant, pointless romp – not something easily found. In many ways, this is a good story.
With the caveat that shippers are the ones who will get the most out of it. You non-shippers out there? I suspect your enjoyment will hinge upon your willingness to suspend your sense of disbelief and just go with the flow (as Rarity does). I suppose the cloppers could get something out of this, but if that’s really all you’re after then go read something actually devoted to it.
For my part? I am pleased, if a little reserved, and looking forward to seeing what the also-requested sequel has in store.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer
10,740 Words
By Lise Eclaire
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer won an honorable mention in the Rage Reviews F*** This Prompt #10 contest. As I was one of the contenders, I decided I would read the winners/honorable mentions and see exactly why I lost so thoroughly.
This story? It’s almost infuriating. On the one hand, I can see some impressive talent on display. The majority of the story follows Pinkie, a secret murderer who left the profession only for an old acquaintance to show up with a job she can’t refuse, targeting the mare she secretly loves. It follows along with some impressive writing, showcasing Pinkie’s constant anxiety and desperate desire to finally get the romance she’s longed for before her past forces her actions.
The interesting thing is that it all feels so real and serious, but at the same time Pinkie never stops being Pinkie. All the silliness and antics are present, yet Lis Eclaire manages to maintain it without ever sacrificing the seriousness of the situation. I was and am thoroughly impressed. Even Pinkie’s solution of using her Pinkie Sense to expand time, thereby giving her more time to be with Rarity and express her affections, struck me as well done… although the way they blew through that part left the romance underwhelming at best.
Romance is one of the major draws for me. To see the part that, in my mind, should have been the most important aspect of the entire story get skirted felt like a severe letdown. I get that it probably wasn’t the main goal of the writer, but damn it, this is a pairing I’d never seen done before (I read the above story after this one), much less well, and it had all the signs of great potential.
Yet that’s just my personal complaint. Ignoring that and looking at the rest of the story, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Everything was going well, the suspense is killer, Pinkie’s about to have to do the deed she’s been dreading all story long…
And then the twist comes along and ruins everything. The true nature and purpose of the story comes up, and frankly, I hated it. I never liked stories that do these things, but to pull me along for 10,000 words, just for this? Lis Eclaire proves themselves to be a phenomenal troll, and has succeeded in earning my firm disapproval. It is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the absolute worst ending that could have been chosen.
And yet…
As much as I personally hate what this story did, I must begrudgingly acknowledge why it received an honorable mention. The fact of the matter is that this story is well-written, demonstrating substantial skill in voicing silliness while maintaining seriousness in equal measure, all while tugging at heartstrings and keeping everypony remarkably in-character. It even managed to be extremely clever with the contest prompt while making “Pinkie is a killer” seem like something more than just overused junk.
Honestly? If this story hadn’t ended up being what it is, it would be in my favorites. Since the ending so thoroughly undermines everything that makes it good, I have to take it down a rating.
...I’m still mildly peeved about it (if you'll pardon my language).
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews XL
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLI
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XLVI
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
>sees new blog post containing review
>reads review for The Blue Rose
derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/19/10000/large.jpg
Okay, now that I've calmed down a bit, I'd like to address a few parts of your review:
Actually, by and large The Blue Rose was inspired by Os Lusíadas, written by Luís de Camões.
That would explain its lack of attention.
If you've any questions about the story, don't hesitate to ask. I'd be happy to answer.
4199878
Well, I'll give it a shot. I'm the sort of person who doesn't mind poetry as long as I can actually tell what the author is trying to convey. That fact that you have a plot and characters makes this easier.
Plus, you know, Paul's glowing review.
Excellent review, Paul. I saw what shelf you put it on some time ago but that doesn't really tell me what you enjoyed (and more importantly, what fell flat). I'm honestly not surprised to hear I still missed some typos here and there, but then, this was a story I began nearly as long ago as Green.
Green, by the way, is the real answer to why Pinkie is attracted to Rarity. During their scenes together, I found the two characters played off of each other in a fun way, and while I couldn't ship them directly in a story that wasn't about them, it did inspire the story you read.
To attempt to address your reservations, I can only say that this was the first time I had done a single pov perspective, and that robbed me of a tool I tend to adore; interior monologue. The thing about attraction is that it can be hard to pinpoint. I've been happily married for 16 years, and I'd be hard pressed to explain it. Mostly it's that I feel my life is fundamentally enriched by her, and I try to return the favor.
I have to say here, this is about not just their chemistry in the story that inspired this one, but about their on-screen chemistry in every episode in which they interact. Pinkie and Rarity are just adorable together, and in scenes where anypony else would be annoyed by her, Rarity is just smiles in that little oh you way that speaks of long familiarity and genuine affection.
That scene was where Pinkie revealed when her general affection for her friend changed. Pinkie had always liked Rarity, and found her pretty, but that little scare made her think about never seeing Rarity in a party ever again. From there, she began keeping a closer eye on Rarity, marking her habits, making sure she was okay. Never honestly expecting her little crush to ever go anywhere (because Rarity likes stallions) but wanting to make sure that there was a Rarity around to love.
And in the end, I think that's the basis of love. Finding someone who you do not wish to be without, ever, and if you're lucky, they might feel the same about you.
Man, you're really enamored of stuff that just didn't work for me lately. I'll allow that it may be changed since I last read it a year ago, but "The Blue Rose" made far too many concessions for the sake of its form. I know poetry is hard to write. I've done it myself, and it took me 4 months to write about 3k words of it. But if that's the constraint the author's going to put on himself, he has to live with his choice. Here, there was a fair amount of odd diction, some questionable rhymes, and a strange reordering of events, all in the service of the form. When I have to skip around in time to make the rhyme scheme happen, I have to acknowledge that I'm officially doing it wrong. The fact that you say it's in iambic pentameter leads me to think maybe it has been revised, as that was one of my complaints about it at the time: the meter was quite irregular.
On "Spikes and Stones," I had the same interpretation of what was happening as you. Based on the author's own comments about it, we're both wrong.
Actually, there's something you've said which I don't understand at all.
These seem mutually exclusive to me. If it's in iambic pentameter, there shouldn't be any rhythmic variation. It also shouldn't be tricky to read—Shakespeare deliberately chose iambic pentameter because it's considered to be close to natural speech.
I always wondered why he never published Spikes and Stones. It's a fantastic story that could have stood easily on its own.
I have got to know what the twist in that last story is now. <.<
If you don't know how to effectively write a character, make them a caricature instead! But yes, I will admit that I didn't treat her with that much respect. In my defense, the show writers didn't either, having her hold the Idiot Ball so Dues Love Machina could happen, so I only wrote her a little stupider than the canon example.
I had a lot of fun thinking up those little moment, and am still rather proud of Mobius Dick. I've never been the best at writing lyrics, but fortunately for me, they're supposed to be bad, so it practically wrote itself!
Alas, I was operating in a limit of 3000 words and time was running short, so I had to draw things to a close more hastily than I would have liked. Plus, endings have never been a particular strong suit for me and tend to go out with the sound of a fizzling bottle rocket rather than a bang.
It's certainly not a thinking man's story, but then, I'm not as much of a thinking man as I like to think I am (which is confusing, yes). Still, I'm glad you found it to be a sometimes-entertaining diversion; as long as I got you to smirk at a few points, I'll say my little experiment was a success. Thank you very much for the review, and thank you for your reviews giving me a short list to read in turn!
I'm a Shakespeare reader, watcher, and performer. I'd decided to read the first story from the moment you mentioned iambic pentameter.
Well, this is certainly a pleasant surprise. I would be remiss to not respond to your review, so respond I shall.
Darkness:
>We have Darkness, which tells of how Luna succumbed to Nightmare Moon. The concept is nothing new, but I do like the approach, which depicts Luna as herself being fooled into her course.
I would argue that she was not fooled into her decision; in fact, the entity repeatedly tells her to look elsewhere, and makes mention of how Celestia has already suffered for seeking its power. It is only with Luna foisting herself upon it with an easily subverted Monkey Paw demand that it enacts what could really be considered a petty, but deadly, revenge for bothering it. Not to be pedantic, but I felt that worth mentioning.
> I think the story might have been better served if more time had been taken to really grasp Luna’s mental state.
The minific format limited my ability to expand upon the idea. I did make a few additions which brought it above the word limit, but haven't touched it otherwise; it doesn't feel truthful to advertise it as having performed well in a minific competition if I've expanded it greatly thereafter.
A Deal to Last a Lifetime:
>I do like that it seems to take the whole ‘deal with a devil’ thing in an entirely different direction from the usual.
Expectations are made to be subverted, I like to think.
>For one, the entity Scoots deals with doesn’t actually strike me as evil
He's about as evil as your local used car dealer, which is to say affably evil and in possession of a distinct intent to get you as poor of an offer as legally possible. Commission pay structure for time-served in Tartarus will do that to a fellow
>In other words, it’s a bittersweet conclusion… at least to me.
Being that's the title of the collection, I'll take that as high praise.
Spikes and Stones:
>But Spikes and Stones is easily my favorite of the trio.
It's my personal favorite as well, in part because I attempted to merge several experimental techniques into it. No direct dialogue, semi-seamless transitions, and a past-present chronology (or at least attempted to, which I'll get into in a moment here).
>However, as the story plays along, we are given two entirely different viewpoints: one of a powerful and strong dragon and another of one afraid and struggling. It becomes hard to tell which version is real and which is false. Indeed, it’s entirely possible that both are true.
Well, you could say both are true. Everything in italics (which, at least in my opinion, denotes events of the past as told through a flashback) is young Spike, when he first joins the dragon flight to train and discover himself. Normal text is mature Spike, following his own proverbial footsteps but minus the stumbles along the way thanks to his new strength and, more importantly, wisdom. The story essentially bounces back and forth between the two viewpoints with the intent being to weave two similar, but very different in result, hunts for a golem (which are intended to be shown as the rite of passage for a dragon to 'earn their wings').
Alas, most readers have missed this, some even rather flummoxed, but others have caught it. Such as it is, I'm left with the unenviable position of not knowing whether I made things too vague or didn't have enough clues and, if so, whether watering down the mixture would aid the story or weaken it too much to have impact for those that do notice. Of course, this is not to say you're unobservant, but rather me musing on if what's obvious to me isn't quite clear enough for the reader. If I might be so bold, would I be able to request you take a brief look at it again, now with the knowledge of what I was trying to accomplish, and comment on what you think does (and doesn't) work in regards to cluing the reader in?
>This story struck me as the most unique and creative of the three, and for that reason it earns my praise.
Many thanks. I've given thought to expanding it into a more traditional story, although that now comes with the danger of ignoring established canon (as dull and uninspired as it may be). Plus, I'm a notorious procrastinator, as the length of time since I last posted anything demonstrates. Regardless, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and review my stories, and have no small amount of pride that you enjoyed them.
4200160
Ah, hey there, Present, Perfect timing as always ;)
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/e/e0/Anton_Ego_Ordering_Dessert.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120411051910
Yeah, it's crossed my mind, but I don't feel like it's fleshed out enough to deserve a story slot of its own. Perhaps if I decide to expand on it, but you know how I am with things like that. I must admit, I often revisit old stories of mine and think 'How did I write that?", because finding such words in myself now has become the exception rather than the rule. But I digress, it's not fair of me to dump my writing woes on you or Asaran's post.
On the contrary, I think RariPie has plenty of chemistry. Especially in the last two seasons.
...Then again, I ship Pinkie Pie with everything that moves, including but not limited to rocking chairs.
4200297
I did not realize you were still around! :O It's good to see you again!
4200545
I still haunt these halls, mostly just for checking if my tracked stories have updated.
4200093
Ah, inner monologues. How useful they are. I've tried avoiding them some in the past, just to see how well it worked (it didn't). But I won't cast judgement on your use simply given the story's age. Maybe when I read something more recent by you I'll see some marked improvement.
I think the scene at the oasis is emblematic of the problem of solo perspectives; without really seeing into Pinkie's head, the only indication I had that this was a major moment for her was the fact that you wrote it in the first place. As such, when I read it I couldn't help wondering why Pinkie had reminded Rarity of this at such a critical moment. Now, that doesn't mean internal monologue is the only solution to the problem – I'm sure there are other ways the implications of the scene could have been brought to the fore – but I have to admit it's the route I would have gone in most cases.
At any rate, while I never really got the 'feel' that Pinkie and Rarity belonged together like the story kept trying to suggest, I still thoroughly enjoyed it, and that's what really matters, yes?
4200137
I can offer no arguments. I have done nothing involving poetry in over a decade, and all of my statements were based upon that underutilized knowledge base. As such, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if some of my interpretations were off.
Regardless, the story still is extremely impressive. I still see a lot of old-world influences that were well utilized and an overall form that was mostly easy to follow. The fact that someone bothered to write so much material entirely in a structured (albeit loosely, if your claims are anything to go by) poem is amazing enough by itself.
I dunno. Maybe if I were actively writing poetry like I used to I'd also see it in a more harsh light.
4200269
Eh, like I mention below, my poetry knowledge is over a decade old. Apparently at least one person is telling me I'm wrong, and I have no defensible position from with to argue the point.
So yeah, I may have miss-wrote.
4201536 Ok. Well, I'll still give it a shot, and see what I think.
4201520 In the end, yes. But always nice to hear how it could have gone over better. I don't regret doing that one entirely from Rarity's PoV, because it let Pinkie keep her secrets. But in the next one, I went back to omniscient.
4201580
So I'm learning (is not quite halfway through it).
4201534
That's entirely fair. Ultimately, you either enjoy the story or you don't, and we can all have various reasons why. I mean, if I'm looking at a piece of art, I might think it's pretty, and then someone who knows a lot about it might come up and tell me that it's obviously trying to imitate French Impressionism, but then he points out a bunch of minute things that artist has done wrong. I wouldn't have known that, but now that I do, does it change my opinion of things? Maybe. Maybe not.
When an author takes on something he's not an expert in, there's only so much he can do to make it sound authentic in his story. If his handling of a legal matter is so laughable that I know it's crap just from watching a few episodes of Judge Judy, then I'm going to complain he should have researched it a bit before writing or asked for help from someone who'd know that area. But if it takes someone well-versed to discern the inaccuracies, it's harder to fault the author. In between, there's a line, but who knows where it is.
I tend to draw a very strict line for poetry, though, for two reasons.
One, there's very little MLP poetry that has to be poetry. If it's a poem inside the context of the story, that's fine, or if it's trying to imitate a particular RL author, that's also fine. But most MLP poetry is poetry just because the author wants it to be. Then I have to say it's his fault for choosing it, and if he couldn't do it justice, that's on him. The other is that unless you're doing a form that's really loosely defined, there are very rigid rules. If I choose a Shakespearean sonnet, I'm told how many lines, what rhyme scheme, what rhythm, how it's organized into stanzas. That's all defined, it takes minimal research to find it out, and I have no sympathy for the author who messes it up. That leaves the task of choosing words to fill in that structure, and of course, that's the hard part, and those choices will resonate with some readers and not others. It's obviously preferable when the word choice isn't just adequate, satisfying the meter and rhyme while telling the story, but sublime, feeling as if it flows with that meter instead of fighting it, and where the rhymes happen almost as an afterthought, not something the lines have to twist to fit.
Some people can sit there and rattle off poetry like that off the top of their heads. I hate those people. (Yes, I'm looking at you, horizon.) Like I said, I spent very long time crafting a relatively small amount of words into poetic form once, and I don't care to try it again. I'm very satisfied with the result, though. I was also dumb and forced myself into more constraints than I had to, like using iambic pentameter for all of Zecora's dialogue, having her tell a story as half a dozen sonnets and another story as a villanelle, where I also enforced iambic pentameter, even though a meter isn't required for those. Predictably, the only other time I put poetry in a ponyfic, it was free verse. Well, plus those few instances of song lyrics. Damn.