Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVII · 11:22pm Jun 23rd, 2016
Well, this sucks. I switched over to my laptop as my main computer specifically because it was newer and moved faster, and what happens? My power went out for half a second, and apparently the surge protector didn't do its job. Ever since that tiny little outage, my computer has been struggling to perform even the most mundane tasks. If I try to do anything, the four CPUs shoot up to maximum activity and stay that way for several minutes. Trying to play a game is a joke at best. I am not pleased.
Well, just add it to the pile. I'm not getting a new computer for a few years at least, so I'll just have to put up with it. But if anyone has any idea what's going on, I'd appreciate some advice on how to fix or at least mitigate the problem, preferably using as few Benjamins as possible.
In the meantime, I've been looking at my reading and writing schedule since Cerulean Voice decided to visit for a few days. As I should have expected, I did practically nothing pony-related while he was here. However, I've reviewed the situation and realized that, if I ignore everything else and read at a doubled pace, I can be caught back up as early as Saturday. I've decided to go ahead and do that, since I'm sick and tired of being behind on my reading schedule.
The downside is how this affects my writing schedule. I have to post three chapters next week within a period of four days, and two of them haven't even been started. In light of this, I am seriously considering pushing my schedule back by a week. While this is annoying, it's better than delaying reviews for yet another week. Reviews have been pushed back enough in recent months, it's time the writing schedule took a hit.
That doesn't mean it will, it just means I'm considering it. Who knows, I may be able to keep up with the writing schedule, as I already know more or less exactly what I want the coming chapters to be about, which greatly speeds up the process.
Oh, what am I doing? You guys aren't here for this. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Diamonds are a girl's worst enemy by Rarity Belle
The Parable of the Dead Lizards by Violet CLM (Recommended by Thought Prism)
A Day in the Incredibly Boring Life of Fluttershy by punzil504 (Re-Read)
Do Changelings Dream of Twinkling Stars? by Sharp Spark (Recommended by AugieDog)
Between the Lines by Bad_Seed_72 (Re-Read)
Xenophilia by AnonponyDASHIE (Requested by Danger Beans)
Total Word Count: 233,964
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 1
None: 1
Diamonds are a girl's worst enemy
62,787 Words
By Rarity Belle
No, I didn’t forget to capitalize the title.
I wanted to like this story. I really, really hoped it would be worth my while. Unfortunately, the author did everything possible to ensure that didn’t happen, and what could have been days of fascination became days of trudging through and wishing it was over.
Let’s get the first bit out of the way: English is not Rarity Belle’s native language. This forces me to cast a less critical eye on the style of writing. Even so, I would be remiss if I didn’t provide the warning that the translation of this story to English is about as bad as it can possibly be. Think of every possible grammar mistake you can, then add dozens that you didn’t know were possible, and you have the writing style of this story. Just one example, lifted randomly:
Minutes would have come and went before the unicorn appeared once again out of the bathroom. She wandered a bit through the room without aim. She wore the same vest as she did the day before but would be changing her outfit when the time was there. And that very outfit was simply being placed to rest within the suitcase she had with her. Not many ponies knew exactly what happened to have been inside of it. And that was exactly how Rarity happened to like it.
Imagine this level of writing and worse, continuously, for 60,000 words. That was actually a decent paragraph compared to a lot of the things I put up with.
But again, English is not Rarity Belle’s native language, so I took this painful writing style in stride. Did it make the story frustratingly hard to read? Absolutely, but I shouldn’t judge this story based on the writer’s limited capacity for English.
So what of the story itself?
I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t fare any better.
First, get it into your head that Rarity is a gem hunter with experiences and skills not unlike Daring Do, complete with a past history of ‘thrilling’ adventures, backstabbing companions (literally) and bitter rivals. Don’t ask how this at all fits into the Rarity we know and love, because it doesn’t and no attempt is made to make it so. Now set the events far enough into the future that Spike is a winged teenager that Twilight is willing to leave on his own in the mountains for a few days because he threw a tantrum. You with me so far?
Now let’s take the opening scenes, in which Rarity – internationally known fashionista, successful entrepreneur, savior of the world, adventurer and gem hunter – is sitting in her parents' home trying to get permission from her parents to accept a job from the princesses. That’s right, this imminently successful and independent mare is reduced to begging her parents for permission as if she were a teenager asking to go to a party.
Here’s your sign.
Things only get worse from here on in. Apparently, Sweetie Belle hasn’t aged a day. Later, Celestia and Luna send Rarity into the crystal caverns, knowing full well what they want her to get and the dangers involved but not telling her about any of them on the ridiculous assumption that “it’s better she not know.” Throw in four or five companions travellers who literally do nothing throughout the entire adventure except whine and nearly get killed several times, only to disappear forever from the story after the 'quest' is completed. Have Rarity find a book of ancient magics hidden in a changeling treasure trove beneath Canterlot and decide the princesses don’t need to know about it – but Twilight’s fair game.
Have Twilight tell her that the book contains one spell that shouldn’t be cast under any circumstances, and then have Rarity promise her that she won’t. Then, with her very next breath, she tells Twilight to her face that she probably won’t keep that promise… and Twilight says “Okay then, move along, I’ll trust you.” And then Twilight gets pissed when Rarity does exactly what she warned she’d do. Oh, and Twilight is apparently a psychopath willing to cause severe damage to her closest friends in the name of science – and never gets punished for it.
The horrible plot decisions just keep coming. I have skimmed the first third of the story, and in so doing skipped a lot of similar issues. Rarity eventually grows four crystal arms and inexplicably goes insane as a result, nearly murdering Twilight. And once Twilight is healed and Rarity has disappeared? The world moves on almost instantly. No tears shed for the Bearer of Generosity, no sir, not we we have a Grand Galloping Gala to get to!
Oh, and those powerless orbs that Nightmare Moon smashed in episode one? Somehow they’re healed again, and are now considered the source of the Elements’ powers. I gave up trying to make sense of anything in this story a long time ago.
When I added this story to my list, the author warned me that I might have trouble getting through the madness. They were right; this story is complete and utter madness, its storyline devoid of any semblance of logic, flow, cohesion or even the most basic grasp of storytelling basics. Even if this story had been written in perfect English, there is no saving it. That I managed to read the entire thing is a testament to my patience.
Bookshelf: None
The Parable of the Dead Lizards
3,138 Words
By Violet CLM
Recommended by Thought Prism
I don’t like admitting that I have no knowledge of something, but alas, it must be done. This story is meant to reflect the style and manner of the writings of Nathanial Hawthorne. I have absolutely no idea how, because I haven’t read anything by him except The Minister’s Black Veil. This makes me feel underqualified to review the story, but here I go anyway.
The first thing I note is my amusement at the title’s choice of words. For those of you unaware, a parable is meant to be a story that teaches a lesson through analogy, said to differ from fables only in that they don’t involve fantastical things like talking inanimate objects or, get this, animals.
Just think about that one for a moment.
At any rate, the style of this story accurately reflects what I like to call the “Old Style” of writing, which is wordy, involves thick paragraphs and curious word choice, all while never letting things like emotional verbosity or active descriptions get in the way. Many today look down on the style for its upfront, unemotive nature, and to be frank, I can see where they are coming from. Even so, I have always been a fan of the stories of the past, and I find Violet CLM’s devotion to the style in this instance nothing but a boon for the story as a whole.
I do question what the real purpose was behind capitalizing character titles, though. Am I missing something? Probably.
As for the story, it’s actually pretty good, provided you’re into analogy and lessons without the drama. In the story, the flower girl (no names are given, although you should be able to determine identities pretty easily) finds a dead lizard that has her cutie mark amongst her roses, and quickly seeks help determining its source. This eventually falls to the scholar. As time goes by, more and more dead lizards with familiar cutie marks appear throughout town, with everyone clueless as to the cause.
If I go any farther than that, I would be spoiling, and this is a story best learned for oneself. In the end, it becomes a curious look at the nature of our perceptions. Of ourselves, of one another, of our definitions of good and bad, and above all else, about what we consider ‘normal.’ Is it a criticism of the status quo? Perhaps, but maybe not. Perhaps it’s a story just meant to make us think on things.
In that, it succeeds hands down.
I enjoyed this story. For the thinkers and philosophers among you, it will be a treat.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
A Day in the Incredibly Boring Life of Fluttershy
7,053 Words
By punzil504
Re-Read
I had forgotten all about this one until it showed up on my list of re-reads. A Day in the Incredibly Boring Life of Fluttershy was one of several entries in a contest by the old Random Romance group pitting Fluttershy and Daring Do together as a couple. With a strange coupling came some strange stories, and this one is certainly ‘strange.’
In this story, we watch as Fluttershy goes about her average day. With it operating under the questionable-at-best premise that Ponyville is now a plain little town like any other plain little town with the revived Tree of Harmony nearby, Fluttershy has turned to wild daydreams of adventure as a means of enlivening her daily routine. A Day is nothing more than a showing of those daydreams. Oh, and Fluttershy’s live-in marefriend is Daring Do, who features prominently in all the daydreams.
Honestly? This didn’t do much for me. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t funny, and the blatant theft (punzil504 prefers ‘homage’) of a variety of famous movies does it zero favors. Every single daydream is nothing but the blatant use of movies like Terminator, The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, leaving no room for creativity or unpredictability. None of it interested me in even a remote way.
Worse are the occasions when, in the real world, Fluttershy behaves as if all her character development up until that point in the series (at least everything prior to Princess Twilight Sparkle) never happened, with her jumping scared at the slightest things and being no less timid than she’d been on day one. Being one who is highly appreciative of the way she’s grown over the seasons, this is a big misfire for me.
And all of this leads to the final issue: what was the purpose of this story? What is the conflict, the triumph, the challenge? It is quite literally Fluttershy just having a bunch of daydreams. Even at the end, when Daring Do asks her a seemingly important question in the last few sentences of the story, that question has nothing to do with anything we’ve read up to that point. Why am I reading this? To see a bunch of tired, ponified renditions of famous movies with Fluttershy and Daring as the main characters?
Sorry, but no. I’m not putting it at the bottom of my list, because the story is at least well written, but otherwise? Moving on.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Do Changelings Dream of Twinkling Stars?
40,455 Words
By Sharp Spark
Recommended by AugieDog
Interested in reading a mystery? Well, at long last I have one that does the job well.
Do Changelings Dream of Twinkling Stars? is told from the perspective of Detective Straight Slate, who has made a career out of finding and capturing changelings. Slate is renowned as the best detective in Canterlot, and approaches his job with a straight-laced, objective professionalism. But lately, there’s been a lot of changelings in the city, far more than would make sense, and things are starting to heat up. Straight Slate has stumbled upon something big, and he’s not entirely confident that changelings are responsible. But what, exactly, is going on, and just how deep does this conspiracy really go?
This story kept things interesting from beginning to end with a continuous weave of cliffhangers, twists and counteracting evidence. It strives to confuse the reader, always challenging them to pick out the red herrings from the real leads and the friends from the enemies. The fact that I correctly guessed the events of the climax by chapter six don’t lessen my indulgence, because the story regularly left me questioning if my suspicion was correct – and in the end, I wasn’t completely accurate, either. This is how mysteries should be, and I am thoroughly pleased by the end result.
Add to this some complex characters, truly dire situations and an ever-growing sense of things getting worse. Political dealings, whispered conspiracies and an overarching aura of changeling-induced paranoia completes the picture, with the holes filled in by bits of Equestrian social commentary. Sharp Spark has created a fully developed world that might play out in the fantasy of Equestria, but reads with all the grit and reality of an urban mystery. How curious, that nothing seems too big in this story, even when everything happening is huge.
About the only thing I question about the story is that there are a lot of players, enough of them that less prepared readers could get confused. I was forced into a three day reading hiatus about ⅔ through this story, and when I picked it back up again I got just a little muddled when the names started getting thrown around. Still, if you’re observant and actually read through it without such distractions, it shouldn’t be too big of an issue.
For being a proper mystery, this has my respect. It never quite matched up to my expectations of the plot, which in this case is a good thing. Also, it touched upon a certain trope that would normally have me rolling my eyes, but approached it in a way that felt new, and so I am very forgiving. It all felt original, even when it wasn’t.
Definitely worth the time invested.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Between the Lines
11,547 Words
By Bad_Seed_72
Re-Read
Everyone can read, right? That’s surely one of the fundamental rules of the universe. Twilight is as certain of it as she is that water is wet and Celestia is Best Pony. So when Big McIntosh starts showing some odd signs challenging this unshakable belief, she finds herself with one burning question on her mind: how could this have possibly happened?
The story starts off slow, focusing more on Twilight’s gradual uncovering of the primary fact of the story, before finally delving into the meat of it some halfway through. As such, the only misstep I found was that the story is ponderous in delivery. To me this wasn’t entirely a bad thing – it seems like the kind of mistake I would make, honestly – but I’m sure there are readers out there who would get frustrated by it. Considering the story is almost 12,000 words long, it’s not a good sign when you don’t get to the point until you’re more than halfway finished.
But ignoring this one misstep, Between the Lines is a wonderful story about responsibility, loss and shame. The characters’ voices are captured wonderfully, the atmosphere is just right, the writing style meshes well with the tone. As we get into the details of Big Mac’s backstory, it’s hard not to get a little emotional. There are so many stories regarding how Applejack dealt with the presumed death of her parents, but I don’t recall seeing very many that address how her elder brother took it. This story explored that concept with great skill.
There’s one more aspect I liked about this story. As a shipper, I know what it’s like to see a romantic situation in every story that comes along. As a reviewer, however, I also appreciate the nuance and restraint of not taking that route at every given opportunity. To Bad’s credit, this didn’t turn into a TwiMac story – even with a few moments of spying on Twilight part (and let’s face it, by now it’s clear that’s her MO). Friendshipping is a vastly underused thing, and it’s nice to finally see someone making use of it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Xenophilia
108,984 Words
By AnonponyDASHIE
Requested by Danger Beans
Before I get started, I should probably note that AnonponyDASHIE claims to have not actually written this story, but to have posted it for another writer who wishes to remain anonymous. Figured I should throw that out there so that I don’t get bombarded with 500 comments on the topic.
...you people are gonna do it anyway, aren’t you?
I knew absolutely nothing about Xenophilia when the Bean recommended it to me, other than that it involves human-pony courtship and was freakishly popular. Frankly, the premise just didn’t interest me. Exploring social norms is great, but I doubted that was what I’d actually get.
So what is Xenophilia, really? We all know the tired basics, as they make up the overarching concept of the vast majority of all HiEs: random human, typically a self-insert, ends up in Equestria with no idea how he gets there and no way to go back, and falls in love with a pony. In this case, that pony is Rainbow Dash. We don’t even have to read the beginning of these things to know exactly how they go.
How nice of the author, then, to skip the whole “How did I get here?” crisis and start us off right when Rainbow Dash wants to confess. Saved a lot of time there.
And before I forget: exposition is not your friend. Huge chunks of the story were written to explain things away, and it could have been handled a lot better, especially considering that many instances of exposition end up being explained in conversation by the characters later, thereby making the diatribes pointless.
I don’t think there’s any point covering the events of the story. It’s typical ‘human tries to belong and maintain a romantic relationship with a different species.’ Of course, Twilight has to get in on the action eventually, but at least the story doesn’t descend into “Anon gets all the mares” territory, so points in the story’s favor with that. I think the best part about the relationship between Rainbow and Lero is that it feels legitimate and strong, rather than some random smut that ignores reality.
But that’s enough about the romance. Remember, I fully anticipated the promise of an exploration of cultural norms in pony society to be a blatant hook, to be explored for a paragraph or two before getting to the ‘hot’ stuff. That turned out to not be the case. The author explores a variety of headcanon issues, including courtship rituals, male/female societal roles and familial hierarchies. When these topics came up, they were well explored – not so deep as to give everything one might consider, but definitely enough to give a clear picture. I think what I found most interesting about this was that some of the conclusions the author presents are remarkably close to my own; good to know I’m not the only one thinking in such directions.
But this also leads to the major problem. I knew there was going to be sexuality involved – it’s rated mature for a reason. Unfortunately, it appears that sex is the #1 draw of this story, being so overwhelmingly present that the story could be called clop and people wouldn’t be able to debate against it. For every interesting moment where Rainbow, Twilight and Lero are discussing the ins and outs of pony culture, two or three are devoted to them exploring the ins and outs of one another.
In all honesty, that’s a waste of time. There was so much worldbuilding potential in this story’s underlying concept, and instead we have to sit through watching RD and Twilight going like rabbits on a human every chapter or two. Granted, the sex was well-written… but if I wanted to read about sex, I’d read straight clop. A scene or two? Okay, fine. Make it overly detailed? Ehh, it’s not necessary, but I’ll roll with it.
Making roughly two thirds of the story nothing but grinding and moaning?
You’ve lost me.
The author has demonstrated a strong imagination and creativity in developing aspects of pony culture, but limited that exploration almost strictly to relationships and courting. Instead of blowing tens of thousands of words entertaining the lowest common denominator with incessant bedtime activities, that visible talent could have been used crafting a larger, more interesting and more vivid image of Equestrian society. This is one of the things the story is praised for, but it only barely skims the surface of the possibilities at hand.
This author had a nugget of solid gold in his hands, but didn’t notice it because they were too busy admiring the tiny bits of dust in the mud. As a result, it slipped back into the river. Maybe one of the fans who picked up the concept may have found a way to use the it for what it’s worth, but I’m not inclined to go searching for evidence of that.
For resorting to wanton sexuality instead of the things that are important, this story lost a lot of its appeal to me. It still holds well in the overall due to the general attempt, but its failure to fully pull through on its promises puts it well into the middle ground.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews Have Returned!
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Paul's Thursday Reviews XXX
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXI
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Paul's Thursday Reviews XXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XXXVI
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
It's good to finally hear a full rundown of Xenophilia. Now I can ignore it without feeling I've missed anything. :V
Back up your files on a external hard drive and put your computer back to factory settings.
Sorry, but I have to STRNGLY disagree with you ´bout the Xenoverse. Yes, there is a lot of sex, but that is not even close to be a clop fic. There is a lot of romance, a LOT of sexy but not sexual moments.
And, by far, there is one of the best portraits of Lyra I ever saw. Quite OC, but marvelous.
The herd dynamics are marvelous (although Twilie etay a little to the side), the fact that the HIE is not a over powerfull char but, instead, more a gentle musician, life lover, sensible guy. Actually he is pretty weaker then the ponies, his only advantage is a slightly magic resistence.
I love the Rainbow Dash in the story. She is the first and bigger love of the HIE, and their love flows perfectly. There are a lot of mix of Equestria culture and Human culture (specially music) that works wonderfull. And the way Luna makes the HIE his friend is perfect. I love how Luna sees the HIE as a spirit just like hers, out of place, not knowing how to mix. And how she seeks refuge in his dreams to get some peace. Sometimes they look like brothers. Sometimes you can almost sense that her love is more carnal than that.
Thrte are problems, like the fllux of the story, that can be very confusing at times. The characters talks like some events are well know, but, actually, the talk is the explanation of the event, indirectly, and sometimes it works great, other times you have to struggle to make sense.
But, even so, so very worth. It was the second story (the first one being the Hard Reset Triology) I´ve read on this site, and the one that made me a true fimfic fan.
4044809
Which means I need to pick up the slack and FicAMin it one of these days.
4044833
I'm giggling at OC Lyra. Or did you mean OOC? Still giggling either way.
Good luck with that computer. Iron Comet has a good idea. You can also back up your stuff to Google if you have an account. 15GB for free.
4044841 Yes, she is Lyra only in the name, true. But I love the character created deeply.
4044815
I may have to try that soon. I don't ahve much to back up, as pretty much all of the stuff I want to save is already on a backup drive. I'm more worried about what kind of headaches I'd have to undergo to make sure I don't lose my MS Office package.
4044833
Not even close to a clop fic? You can't say there are 'sexy but not sexual moments' when roughly 2/3 of the story is actual, lengthy and extremely detailed depictions of sexual intercourse without any bearing on the plot. Having actual story elements in between the clop does not make it any less clop.
Also, you're going on about things that don't actually happen in Xenophilia. Luna, for example, doesn't even make a cameo, but you're going on about her as if her very existence is something that should affect my interpretation. I reviewed the story, not the universe, and therefor my judgement does not extend to any of the stories outside of the original. Maybe the expansions created don't focus so heavily on the sex, but I have no way to know that. If you're going to disagree, please focus those disagreements on the things that I'm actually talking about.
4044809
Glad I could be of service.
4044867 Well, I probably did not made myself clear. Sorry, english is not my native language, sometimes some concepts are hard to explain.
In my vision, clop fics are stories that have the only objective to describe a sexual scene. No problem on that, there are some that are well writen, but they sole purpose is the sex scene. In the Xenoverse, that is hardly the main focus. There are a lot of those moments, but they serve the story, they are not the story itself. And I have trouble classifying Xenophilia as a clop, since there are simple too many, too much king, romantic and loving moments. The relationship between Lero and Dash is perfect. Dash does not turn in a romantic retard, she is still the Dash from the show but, for the first time, we can see the many layers, deeper in her personality. How she have problems expressing affection in public, and Lero just understand that how she is but, still manage to touch her, to show his love, without exposing her. We can see her insecurity, her fails.
And Lyra is...there ar eno words to describe Lyra.
Twilight is the weakest link, but since she is a princess, and is always busy, I always dismissed the problem as she being the one with less time in the story to have a better development. Still adorable, specially when she tries to organize a foursome (actually, there are few moments with orgy...there are a lot of group cuddle and kisses, but sex scenes are, mostly, one to one).
Ouch.
But I don't disagree... it's not my best work, especially since most (if not all) of it's someone else's stuff anyway, and that's including the premise that Fluttershy is supposed to be a ponified Walter Mitty. Very pretentious.
As much as I would love to take credit for Parable, I wasn't the one who wrote it. I wish I could write philosophical pieces that well.
Never had a computer do that on me and my system crashes all the damn time. Hmm...it might be something wrong with the operating system that got corrupted. Try opening your CMD with Admin Privlages and type in: sfc /scannow
Then hit enter.
What this process does is it checks the OS for any issues and attempts to fix/replace the corrupted files. It will take a bit, so just sit back. Once it's done, check to see if you get any error codes (they'll show in the CMD UI) and restart immediately whether you get any or not.
If that doesn't work...well, I'm not exactly hardware literate, so...sorry.
4045379
What? <.< A mistake? >.> I have no idea what you're talking about.
4045825
I've been gone waaaaayyyyy too long. (I'm never sure if it should be 'too' or 'to'. Maybe I should just use 'two' and be done with it.
I hate English sometimes.)
Another great set of reviews, Paul. BTW: How are things at the job?
4051997
Many thanks! And the job's fine, thanks for asking.
And in that case, it's 'too.' Just FYI.