Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLI · 9:55pm Dec 6th, 2018
Sweetie Stew did far better than I expected considering it’s an add-on to a pre-existing story I didn’t even write. I’ve gotta say, I loved writing it! It was so much fun coming up with references, getting into Fluttershy’s head, and simply having Adagio be Adagio. My heartfelt thanks once again to Eyeswirl for not only letting me expand his little AU, but also for agreeing to pre-read the story. It was extremely helpful.
In the past year I’ve come to have a much greater appreciation of the Dazzlings. I’ve read more stories involving them and now see how much potential they have despite having disappeared into the void since Rainbow Rocks. Actually, them disappearing may be the big reason they’re so useful as characters; it seems the more the show creators work with a character, the less room you have to make that character what you want them to be. So I’m glad the Dazzlings haven’t come back beyond cameos, cruel as that might sound.
All this makes me wonder if I shouldn’t come up with a Dazzlings-themed set of stories myself. I don’t know what I’d do with them, so right now it’s little more than a vague want. Who knows, maybe someday it’ll blossom into something bigger. If I did do something, it’d probably be a short story collection like the Them series or the Generosity series (both of which I need to do an update for sooner rather than later).
Enough rambling about sirens. To the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Go Sweetly Into That Dark Night by lunabrony
What Have You Done? by cloudedguardian
Dear Princess Twilight, my name is Spider Web, and I am a changeling... by Lise Eclaire
About Last Night by ]Darth Link 22
Fool's Gold by Merc the Jerk
Something Happened by SamRose
The Mare That Time Forgot by The Auspicious Author
All That Lingers by Ice Star
Not an Adult by Sapidus3
Broken Bindings by anonpencil
Total Word Count: 155,478
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Go Sweetly Into That Dark Night
2,113 Words
By lunabrony
In this odd little story, Woona’s… watching TV? In a castle that has no electrical lights. And enjoys cake with her sister. Then… uh, has a nightmare? And the story ends.
Conceptually, this has all the potential to be a worthwhile fic. It’s set in a time before Luna is even speaking full, grammatically correct sentences and is essentially about her greatest fear at that age, culminating in Celestia entering her dreams to figure it out (bear in mind this was written before ‘Celestia can’t dreamwalk on her own’ was canon). The problem is that the first ⅔ of the story has nothing whatsoever to do with what is apparently its primary premise. Instead we get a MLP parody of a horror movie and a bit of sisterly bonding so heavily skimmed it might as well have not been there at all.
Then the nightmare happens, and I’m all like “what does this nightmare have to do with the previous 1,200 words?” And before you mention the horror movie: they aren’t related. At all. What Luna dreams about and the horror movie she sneakily watched in the opening scene don’t even have a remote correlation to one another. So why? Why did we have to see all of that?
My advice to lunabrony would be to stop trying to throw in unrelated humor scenes and focus on what their story is actually about. I would have had a better opinion if we’d got to see the sisterly bonding time in detail with a hint of Luna’s fears in the process. That would have been pertinent to the nightmare. As it stands, this story is just… sorta… there.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Goodnight Woon — Worth It
Blur — Needs Work
The Box — None
What Have You Done?
9,956 Words
By cloudedguardian
This is not the first time I’ve read this, but apparently it slipped through the cracks during my long re-reading campaign. Regardless, I’m here now. In What Have You Done?, Chrysalis doesn’t bother to send Twilight to the caves beneath Canterlot. Why should she? Her friends, family and mentor had already crushed her. So she leaves Twilight alone. Twilight, lacking any motivation and having no understanding of how to deal with her loss, disappears. And that’s just the beginning of Celestia’s problems…
This story takes a lot of curious leaps, the whole of it depending heavily upon a new headcanon and worldbuilding. And that’s perfectly fine, especially considering it was written back in 2013. You will, however, have to get over certain ideas, like Twilight Velvet being a trained warrior (common enough) and the Elements being sentient beings (bit more of a stretch). As long as you’re okay with this, then you’ll probably enjoy the story.
On the one hand, it’s just another “how A Canterlot Wedding could have ended” story. On the other, the sheer consequences of the story and the epic possibilities it presents are practically endless. It’s an ambitious idea, and we all know I love ambitious ideas. But this also leads to the story’s major flaw: it ends before it begins. Right when things are at their most interesting, cloudedguardian simply… stopped writing.
Good news: there’s a sequel. Bad news: it’s incomplete. Crushing news: the author quit FIMFiction almost three years ago, so we will never know how it all ends. That’s terribly disappointing, but there’s nothing we can do about it now.
Overall, this is a good story that poses itself for some deep character growth and relationship development. It just doesn’t go where it clearly intends to. It seems clear to me that the author had an overarching plan, they just gave up on it. Because it was bigger than they were ready for? Because real life got in the way? Whatever the reason, it’s a disappointing end to what had all the potential for an epic adventure and/or drama.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
This story takes on the traditional folkloric concept of changelings: they replace babies with a copy of themselves. But what happens to the babies? It turns out that one such baby has decided to contact Princess Twilight to tell her story and make a formal request.
This isn’t going where you think. It’s not about the evil of changelings, and it’s not about retribution. It is about seeking closure. But more importantly, it’s about introducing an idea to the FIMFiction community.
That third one is the problem. I’m always annoyed by these kinds of stories. They say “Hey! Here’s an idea!” then do nothing with the idea. This is a concept that deserves so much more, but Lise Eclaire couldn’t be bothered to deliver. And when I saw who the ‘replacement’ was, I wanted to tear my hair out in frustration. I mean, come on, you tease us with a character who could use so much more presence in the FIMFiction community just to slam the door in our faces before the story gets off the ground? Not cool.
To summarize, an awesome concept aborted upon birth. There are some great ideas and theories and what-ifs that are brought up by this, and that’s wonderful. I get what Lise Eclaire is doing, and in all fairness, if they want to leave it for us to debate and ponder and dream over, that’s fine.
But I will never be satisfied with just this. I want to see some ambition. I want to see this expanded into the story it’s meant to be. And I am disappointed that this is probably as far as it’s ever going to go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Love Life of a Secret Murderer — Pretty Good
About Last Night
61,780 Words
By Darth Link 22
After a night of heavy drinking for the Mane 6, Twilight and Applejack wake up in bed together. With wedding rings enchanted not to come off. And a legally binding document confirming their newfound matrimony.
Then they panic.
As is typical of this author, About Last Night covers a lot of different topics. Obviously, the potential for a TwiJack relationship is front and center. Other topics include Spike’s social life (or lack of one), Blueblood’s true nature and job, Angel’s determination to prevent FlutterDash from becoming a thing, and a hunt for changelings. It’s a pretty broad package.
To Darth Link 22’s credit, they manage to work most of it nicely. The highlights are Rarity’s relationship with Blueblood and the CMC (plus DT and SP, surprisingly) ambushing Spike. Insert ‘Spike gets all the fillies’ trope here. It all weaves together nicely, making for a story that is 1/2 humor and 1/2 character and relationship growth. About the only issue I have with the whole ordeal is that the FlutterDash side story’s conclusion felt rushed, almost as if Darth Link 22 forgot it, slapped on a conclusion for it, and hoped nobody would notice.
At any rate, this is one of those rare stories that manages to combine fun and growth without the two conflicting with one another. It certainly ranks above, say, Families (although I’m still eagerly waiting for Direction’s completion). I think it’s fair to say this is the best story by this author I’ve read to date.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Families — Pretty Good
Post Nuptials — Worth It
Honeymoon — Needs Work
Fool's Gold
20,620 Words
By Merc the Jerk
Anyone else thinking AJ and RD are totally rocking those suits?
Anyhow, anyone who has read The Laughing Shadow and Diktat will recognize the characters in play here. Merc basically took the character designs of the Mane 6 from that universe, put them in a modern world and took away all magic. Oh, and instead of this being RariJack, this one’s AppleDash. Apparently Celestia (at least I presume it’s Celestia; they never specifically say her name, and thinking back it could be anyone) is a total tyrant in this universe who, for reasons unknown, saw fit to have Sweet Apple Acres destroyed in a fire. What her beef is with the Apples is impossible to say. Heck, Merc may not have a reason beyond needing a background setup.
Anyway, the Mane 6 need a way to save AJ’s family financially. They choose the most obvious and natural route: rob a royal bank! What follows is a lot of gunpower and blood as six girls put in a desperate situation pull out all the stops to simultaneously save one of their own and metaphorically punch the dictator in the gut.
This story is all action from beginning to end. Merc wastes no time with pleasantries, giving us just enough of an intro to make the players and their roles known before diving into the gunfire. Along the way we get a few brief flashbacks intended to showcase why they’re doing what they are doing. Other than that, it’s all rapidfire action and tactics.
One thing I really like about this one is that it doesn’t make the Mane 6 OP in their abilities. They’ve trained, they have the weaponry, but they’ve never been in a real fight before, and this story stays true to that. Our girls will make mistakes and get seriously hurt, which makes their determined effort all the more engrossing. The result is a fun ride from beginning to end.
There are only a handful of complaints. The first is that, as mentioned earlier, there’s no real excuse behind why Sweet Apple Acres was targeted or even what makes the Mane 6 immediately jump to the conclusion that “the Queen” is responsible. From the way they talk, it sounds as if they’ve all had direct, personal conflict with her before, but none of that history is revealed. Heck, it’s entirely possible that they just don’t like their current ruler and associate every bad thing that ever happens to her, no personal interaction necessary. If that were the case, it would paint what they’re doing in a very different light. We just don’t know, and have to make guesses based on our longstanding bias in favor of the girls.
Spike is the second issue. Apparently he’s responsible for all their contacts in the criminal underworld. He frequently notes how he has foreign contacts and the like. So what, is Spike some underworld broker? How did this come about? Why doesn’t Twilight seem to be in on it?
And let’s not forget Fluttershy, who despite understandable hesitation makes no serious argument against killing police officers and guards with her massive sniper rifle. You’re going to have a very hard time convincing a lot of Flutterfans that this is even remotely in character without giving us some serious history revisions and explanations, which are totally absent.
By now, it should be obvious that the major issue with the entire story is its background, which is nebulous at best and nonexistent at worst. In Merc’s defense, I get the impression all he wanted was to write a bank heist, and to hell with the minutia behind it. I think I’m okay with this.
In the end, this is a fun and fascinating romp of guns, money, and tactics. I’m looking forward to the sequel, which I really hope will clarify some of the unknowns.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Diktat — Pretty Good
The Laughing Shadow — Pretty Good
Something Happened
13,194 Words
By SamRose
Rainbow Dash’s best friend was Fluttershy. Was. But then something happened, and Fluttershy disappeared from her life. Now, years later, RD finds herself attending Canterlot High School thanks to her father’s new job, and who should she find there but her old best friend? Rainbow and Fluttershy are happy to go back to the way things were, but some secrets still remain…
If you’ve read Silent Ponyville 2, then you already know where this is going. SamRose simply took his headcanon from that story and applied it to Equestria Girls. There are three fundamental differences. The first, obviously, is that this isn’t a horror story, but a slow burn romance where Rainbow Dash gradually develops feelings for her childhood friend. The second difference is that this is told from Rainbow’s perspective rather than Fluttershy’s. Both of these changes make the entire concept feel fresh and interesting all over again, so I entirely approve.
The third big difference? The writing. Silent Ponyville, Silent Ponyville 2, and the majority of Silent Ponyville 3 were absolute messes in this regard. Even if they had great stories, the writing was so terrible that reading through it was by far more torturing than the content. But here, in Something Happened it’s like I’m reading an entirely different writer. SamRose had gotten rid of everything bad about their writing and really demonstrated their growth with this one. I am thoroughly impressed at how far this author has come, and if this is a sign of the future then I can’t wait for him to really get to work on Silent Ponyville 4.
Ah, but what about the story here? I’m equally pleased to say it is a delightful tale of a child doing everything she can for her best friend. It starts with Rainbow and Fluttershy in Elementary School and does a wonderful job showcasing Rainbow’s loyalty and devotion even in the face of despair, distance, and mystery. It gives us reasons for why she lives the way she does, her motivation for wanting to be the best, and really makes her shine as an individual. Wrapping everything around her relationship with Fluttershy, SamRose gives us a character study at times bittersweet but always with a hint of hope and good cheer. This is Rainbow Dash at her finest.
If I had to complain about anything, it’s that even though the primary mystery underlining the entire story is resolved, at no point is anything actually done about it. We’re merely assured that a solution will be sought. I get it, dealing with the problem isn’t the central premise of the story… but it still would have been nice to have some closure. I imagine the Flutterfans will be particularly put off by this issue.
It’s small potatoes compared to the overarching “yes” I have for this story. I’m looking forward to more. Fans of either of these two – and especially of Rainbow – should add this to their RiL post haste.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Emotions are Complicated — Pretty Good
Silent Ponyville — Needs Work
Silent Ponyville 2 — Needs Work
ilent Ponyville 3 — Needs Work
The Mare That Time Forgot
19,100 Words (At time of Writing)
By The Auspicious Author
Requested by The Auspicious Author
I can sum up my feelings for this one in seven words: Damn it, Author, you lied to me!
One random morning, Twilight wakes up to find that time has stopped. For everyone, everything, all existence. Except her. Why? Well, obviously someone cast an outrageously powerful spell. Surely, all she has to do is figure it out and cancel it. Easy. ...right?
I was told that the story ends with the first chapter, and all other chapters are merely filler material to help understand the background. I suppose, in a strictly technical sense, that’s true. But it’s also a lie, because the story isn’t even remotely over with the first chapter. It continues, and things get crazier, and you gradually come to realize that there is so much more going on than what Twilight’s tragedy has revealed. What is it? Why is it? When is it? The more I read, the more curious (and disturbed) I became.
Or, to use the simplest of terms, I couldn’t stop reading. What was scheduled to be a 13,900-word read (due to the story only having that many at the time of scheduling) became the full 19k because, schedule or no schedule, I needed to know more. And then it stops, because The Auspicious Author hadn’t finished yet. Which is annoying, because there’s a strong hint that things are winding down. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have postponed the reading until the entire story was completed.
But I digress. The story is a giant mystery, starting with Twilight’s terrible tragedy that highlights the terror of pure isolation and continuing with the traumatic repercussions. That alone was quite well done, but it ended with a sense of “that’s it?” which, as one realizes after moving on, was intentional.
What else was intentional? There are all sorts of mistakes in the writing. Typos. Incorrect words. Even the timing, as the story can’t seem to decide if we’re dealing with Twilight Sparkle or Princess Twilight Sparkle. Discord is imprisoned, but wait, he wasn’t a statue when Twilight became a Princess. Is the author screwing things up? I was ready to jump on these things as flaws…
Now I am reasonably sure they aren’t.
The mystery deepens.
Alright, so let’s take a look at these extra chapters, which shouldn’t have any exceptional relevance to the… why is ⅘ of this chapter redacted? Why is this psychologist scratching out personal notes but insisting they remain in the document?
The mystery deepens.
And what’s with those author’s notes? Is the Author trying to get us hyped about… wait… wait, what the heck?
Aww, nuts, the author’s notes are part of it.
The mystery deepens.
At this point, I’m not even sure that finishing the story (that is to say, when The Auspicious Author releases the last chapter) will provide any closure. This may end up being one of those Weird Tales where the questions are deemed more important than their answers. I am okay with this.
In a way, this is the worst kind of story for me to read, in the vein of Broken Bindings or 80 Days: Under the Waves, because one cannot hope to possibly catch everything or understand it all with just one pass. Since I’m on a tight schedule complete with deadlines, the only way to indulge in such things is to spend my usual non-pony time reading these horsewords again and again. I’m not holding this against The Mare That Time Forgot. Far from it; I think it’s a great example of how good a mystery it is. But I do regret that I likely won’t be able to dive into this with the attention it clearly deserves.
I’m going to be keeping an eye on this. If it updates before this review comes out, I may update the review to add any extra thoughts. But for now, consider me very happy with it.
But now my curiosity turns to the author. It’s blatantly clear this isn’t their first foray into literature. Perhaps it’s not their first foray into ponyfic, either. Perhaps the Auspicious Author is an alt for some other author who wanted to up the mysterious factor. Who are you, author, and are you really as new as your suspiciously blank account suggests? 
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
EDIT:
As predicted, the author finished the story between the review above and posting, so I’ve returned with some final thoughts. It entertains me that the wordcount shifted so wildly. At one point it was over one million words, but people complained (for good reason) and the author dropped it to a more reasonable 30k. Regardless, the end result is that mystery has deepened. I’m sorry to say I was unable to solve the puzzle, but if anyone wants to PM the answer to me I would not be offended.
My rating remains unchanged. This is still an awesome, complicated, confusing, emotional mystery of a tale that deserves all the attention it can get.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
All That Lingers
5,062 Words
By Ice Star
Recommended by Ice Star
Set long after the events of the show – A thousand years? More? We don’t really know. – God-Empress Cadance of the Crystal Empire is startled to find the ghost of King Sombra idling in a hallway of her palace. Suspicious at first, she soon learns that Sombra is harmless in his current state, and so decides to get to know him.
Ice Star’s biggest mistake with this story is the big ‘wut?’ of its entire premise. Sombra’s been dead for at least hundreds of years, maybe thousands, and he chooses to show up now? Why? To what purpose? Where has he been all this time? There are so many questions to be had, and you will get no answers for any of them. And while I’m sometimes fine with lingering questions, the fact that this story is all about the building relationship between the two means that these are questions that need to be answered in order to make said relationship believable.
If you can ignore that issue – which I’ll acknowledge isn’t easy – then you’ll find a worthwhile tale of a very lonely and unhappy mare seeking comfort in the only place she thinks she can find it. It’s as much about healing and moving on as it is about Cadance and Sombra’s strange relationship. It does reek a little of ‘immortality sucks’, but doesn’t pound the trope into the readers’ heads, which makes it palatable to me. It’s treated more like a background element to keep the story going than a constant, all-important theme.
The story still suffers from a lot of unknowns. Not just about Sombra’s past, but also about Cadance’s present. How would her people feel if they knew what she was up to? Ice Star makes a point of showing that her long nights are interfering with her public life and duties, yet never bothers to inform us of the consequences of her actions. You’re going to have a hard time selling the whole ‘happily ever after’ schtick without going into this, but Ice Star doesn’t even bother to try.
Not a bad story, but filled with too many issues to be a great one.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Autophobia — Pretty Good
Not an Adult
4,178 Words
By Sapidus3
Recommended by Titanium Dragon
Alternate Title: In Which Twilight Realizes She Lives in a Children’s Television Show
Twilight is depressed. She’s come to realize that she has no responsibility of any kind. Everything she has has been given to her, and every effort she’d made to become a proper adult has failed. Sometimes because of her, sometimes because of others, but always failed. Not in a sense that she couldn’t achieve a goal, but in that she’s never been put in a place where what she does matters.
It actually goes deeper than that, but it’s not easy to summarize exactly why Twilight is so down in this story. But I will say that it’s a concern I can understand, having been there before. In a way, I think it’s a very modern issue, especially in relation to the ‘never leave home’ generation. Mature adults realize what it means to be adults and feel all kinds of bad when that meaning is absent in their lives. That lack of purpose and personal pride can lead to a disturbing downward spiral. That’s Twilight in Not an Adult.
A saddening theme, to be certain, but a very pertinent one. If anything, I see this as a warning to those who are approaching the life stage of personal independence.
The message is good for a sadfic. The delivery is, at times, a little off-kilter (Twilight looks forward to death, but doesn’t look forward to death? Wut?). Still, the story achieves what it aims to do, and does it well. A worthwhile read, and one any sadfic fan can get behind.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Influence — Pretty Good
Plus One — Needs Work
Broken Bindings
23,038 Words
By anonpencil
Recommended by Cynewulf
anonpencil proves they can write non-pornografic, noncrackfic material well in this highly experimental fic in which a nameless reader discovers a book that writes itself as it is being read. What, does that not sound like your cup of tea? Tough. Read it anyway. Why?
Because anonpencil makes this into far more than just ‘sentient book talks to reader’. There are moments when you can feel the former pony’s trauma as she desperately clings to the only contact with the real world she has: the feeling of pages being turned. As she goes through highs and lows of struggling to understand her unknown audience, so too does she reveal snippets of her past and why she was made this way. And for a while, it’s easy to feel for the poor protagonist.
Then the clues start popping up. No, I don’t mean in the things the book says, although that plays a part. What really makes this story fascinating and worth reading again and again and again is that it is seeded with all sorts of secrets, from hidden codes to barely noticeable links to – or so I’ve heard – links within links. anonpencil claims there are 29 secrets overall, and I for sure haven’t found them all (I’m very curious regarding the lullaby). The sheer effort that had to go into making this story - utilizing different sites to generate hidden pages, finding or creating the artwork, and so on - is staggering. It’s the kind of thing I’ve long wished I could do, but never was willing to go through the trouble for.
I am beyond impressed with how deep this story is. In story, which leads us down a path of madness and vengeance. In design, which goes so much further than any fimfic I’ve seen before. In humanityequinity, as we watch the lead character struggle to understand the reasons behind her imprisonment. And the most frustrating bit of it all is that everything we are seeing – all of it – could have been avoided if Celestia had just been direct for a change (although you can argue imprisoning someone in a book is a pretty direct move in and of itself).
Maybe you won’t like it. Maybe it’s too experimental, or maybe the content isn’t sunny and rainbowy enough for you. But as far as I’m concerned, this is a masterpiece among FIMFiction’s collection of dark stories. It’s ambitious, it’s smart, and it never stops being interesting.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Always Here — MA
Stories for Next Week:
Fame by SleepIsforTheWeak
The Mane Six get a Boyfriend by Jay David
Hench by theycallmejub
Delirium by Fabby
The Fishbowl by Shrink Laureate
Bathophobia by Ice Star
Tastes Like Heresy by Bugsydor
A Dream of Sunny Days by Roranicus
Love, Sugar, and Sails by DSNesmith
The Not-So-Normal Adventures of King Sombra and Pinkie Pie by Harmony Charmer
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I'm humbled by your words.
Seriously though, that story was a lot of work, and I'm so glad you appreciated and enjoyed it for what it was. As you put it, it's experimental, and hardly sunny, but I've been really pleased with things people have said about it. You included. I will say, the lullaby is probably the very hardest thing to find. I kind of feel strange that I put... SO much work into it, and I suspect only a handful have ever seen it. But, heh, that's what makes it worth it.
I'm also thankful to everyone that commented and spoilered their comments. A few of them do give you great instructions to find everything, if you find the puzzles and secrets too hard to find. ;)
This was probably the oddest point to me. Did the story feel like an immortality sucks one? I never really spotted anything like that while working on it, and the melancholy was meant more to highlight Cady's unhappiness with sudden, tragic loss and the spiral into social isolation. I've nearly always shown immortality as positive, desirable, or neutral so that part came as a bit of a surprise.
And yeah, short Somdance interpersonal drama paranormal mystery is going to appeal to so many with some of the things I left unsaid and didn't touch upon. Thank you for the review, though!
Could not agree with you more on this one; to me, the sirens struck just about the perfect balance of presenting enough character and history that they made sense in the context of the world and were fun enough to carry a movie, but left so much unexplored that there's room to bend and nudge them in just about any direction a particular story wants.
So I'd love to see what your take on a series of them would look like.
Yeah, Broken Bindings is fantastic.
And you've increased my Read-It-Sooner by 2!
I've only read two of these. I had the same complaint about "All That Lingers" as you: that there's not enough background to believe these two would relate to each other in this manner, but if you can accept that, it's a good character study.
"Broken Bindings" was very good. I did find all the secrets, so if there are some you want help with, I can give you hints. My only issue with this one is that it sure seems like the protagonist has deliberately hidden the clues in the story, except 1) it would seem to work against her self-interest to reveal a lot of that to the reader and 2) she somehow managed to hide things in Twilight's letter and the author's notes, which doesn't make sense.
I'm glad you understand.
4977362
I understand completely. I for one enjoy planting little things into my stories and seeing if anyone will ever catch them (they usually don't). A good example that only one person has noted before is that I tend to do what I call 'princess oaths' in my stories, i.e. you can tell which princess a pony is most loyal to by which one she swears by.
4977369
In this case it is especially so, since you've made it clear that a lot of time has passed since Shining's death (Centuries? Millennia?) and Cadance has designed her entire lifestyle at the palace around her ongoing mourning, and this is key to her character in the story. So even if you haven't outright stated it and made it a central theme of the story, this is still an 'immortality sucks' story by its background.
4977383
Amusingly, I got a 'Eureka!' moment just last night. Don't know if I'll get to it soon, though, as it looks like it'll be one of my larger projects and I've already got a lot of those. Perhaps you'd be interested in helping me brainstorm it down to a 'medium story' level?
4977406
Okay, I gotta ask: how are you doing that whole 'redacted' thing? I don't know if I'd ever use it, but it looks like it's be a useful tool in my potential arsenal.
4977418
Sweet!
4977447
I didn't even consider that. Although to be honest, I never saw the 'clues' as belonging to the protagonist, I saw them as belonging to the author. By the design and facts presented in the story, there's no evidence that the protagonist has the ability to seed those clues in the first place.
4977569
We all have our little 'thing' we want to do, regardless of what everyone might think of it.
Thanks for the review, brother. I actually had a lot of fun with Fool's Gold, since it was a collaborative piece with two pals of mine where I more or less said, "fuck it, let's write a bank heist." and we pounded the entire story out in two days, edited it in one, and posted it. It was a welcome change of pace for me in comparison to my usual molasses-slow writing approach, just getting to damn the torpedoes and write a smash and grab was pretty cathartic.
Um, what’s the difference between requesting and recommending your own story?
4977658
That was an error, it should have said 'requested'. You cannot 'recommend' your own story. In fact I'm seriously considering retiring the 'recommended' list now that it's practically empty and the original reason for its existence (the old site-wide Round Robin review blog) is no more.
4977656
Hey more power to ya. As I said, it left a lot of questions I'd have loved to see answered, but I can absolutely understand and support your intentions. It was a lot of fun, after all.
4977604
Oh, I agree to a point. I mean, it doesn't make sense for the protagonist to provide clues through an electronic medium that ponies don't have, but the author actually has no choice in that matter, so I could overlook that one. If they were all things of a type where I got to be a fly on the wall and see something happen that the protagonist wasn't actively telling me about, then I could overlook that, too. And a lot of them were. But a few did have the protagonist still addressing the reader, maybe even congratulating them on finding the secret (I think—I might not be remembering that right). And that does pull it more into the realm of the protagonist wanting you to find them and the method for doing so being something a pony reader could access.
Like I said, it's perfectly reasonable that the secrets are mostly done through electronic means, but the few hidden in Twilight's letter and the author's notes didn't make sense conceptually if she was supposed to have hidden them herself. Other people pointed that out in the comments, and I communicated it to anonpencil when she submitted it to EqD. It was a minor hangup, and I was happy to approve it for posting. All I asked her to correct were a few typos, because of the nature of the story: it can be hard to tell whether a typo was an accident or a deliberate clue, so I asked her about each one to make sure, and she corrected the unintentional ones.
4977601
Ooo, I'm intrigued!
Yes, I would be very interested in that.
4977660
See, it's one of those things where there are some answers in play at its sequel fic, Diamond in the Rough, but our primary goal was focusing on a different sort of heist/approach in each story, with the background serving more as the needed grease to get the wheels rotating, rather than the lore being some of the main focus. With this I wanted a loud opening, like The Dark Knight's robbery, my other co-writer shot for something with a feel of an Ocean's movie, another was a sort of James Bond/Jackie Chan escapade at a winter resort, and then one that we had got about a quarter/halfway through, was a Pinkie-centric Hotline Miami feeling one, which I have a feeling won't see the light of day for some time.
So yeah, the plot, as it were, was basically a small way to justify shenanigans and scenes that we always wanted to write, but never got a chance to. Either way, glad you liked it, and thank you again for the review!
4977599
Would that really be an 'immortality sucks' story, though? The problem is never her long life, and it isn't even brought up beyond time passing. Her extended life and the deep, sudden loss she faces enables her to 'freeze' and extend her mourning too. Immortality is never portrayed in any kind of tragic light or touched on, but being lonely is. She isn't saddened by her immortality, and neither is anypony else. So, does that really count as fitting with the trend?
4977658
I have an evil twin, duh.
4977828
There’s no obligation to say it or explicitly point it out. Cadance is immortal. Her husband died centuries ago (presumably). She’s still in mourning. Clearly, immortality sucks. The suddenness of Shining’ s death is of no concern.
Even so, I think you misunderstand my overarching point. Whether you think it is an immortality sucks story or not is irrelevant. People will read about Cadance still mourning for her husband centuries after his death, and some of them will conclude that immortality sucks. There is nothing you can do about that, because the setting you’ve created lends itself to the idea. There will be others who, like you, will agree that it isn’t an immortality sucks story. And that’s fine.
But you trying to avoid the trope and claiming it has nothing to do with the story isn’t going to change anything. It’s like trying to tell die-hard RariJack fans that a subtle hand motion doesn’t mean AJ was trying to hold Rarity’s hand; they’ll believe whatever the heck they want to believe from the minor evidence, and to heck with the naysayers. That is the circumstance you are now in with All That Lingers nd ‘immortality sucks’.
Hey, so I lost a bet a li’l while ago and now I have to recommend this crummy* little† story‡ by Goldenwing. It was just marked completed as I type this. Think Waterworld meets steampunk meets airships.
* Really truly excellent
† 185K words long
‡ First of a planned three-part epic
4977836
Hrm, well I suppose that does explain how someone could read the story and still come to that conclusion.
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The good news: I already had this story in my Imcompletes folder, so I was going to get to it regardless. The better news: it doesn’t matter if it’s in the Request list or the Sequels/Completes list, I’ll get to it at the same rate.
The bad news: that’s because the story’s size mandates it goes into then long-distance schedule. It’s going to be waiting a very long time. Still, I’ve applied it! And I’m considering this a request, since I don’t do recommendations anymore and that’ll guarantee you get credit.
4977856
I don’t know the difference between recommendations and requests here, but either way, no worries on the wait – it’s a worthy one.
And not just because I helped proof-read the latter half of it.
Awwww, thank you for such a glowing review! I'm really glad you enjoyed Something Happened, and having re-read it myself cause of your review, I have to admit I'm even surprised with myself at how well it came out.
I've definitely been far more focused with my drawings these days, telling stories through visual medium, but every so often I definitely miss just writing things out and get the itch to do so. That's sort of the main reason Silent Ponyville 4 isn't done yet, despite me wanting it to be, but encouragement always helps fuel me to do more and be better ^_^
I've been going through a...
You know how you get trapped in TVTropes, going from one link to another and then middle-clicking to open in a new tab, and then you have 20 tabs open?
I've been doing that, except with your reviews. Thanks, I've been using it as a way to find fics I might like.
Sadly, it looks like "The Mare that Time Forgot" is no longer on the site. ;.;
5678642
Glad to hear you're getting so much out of my reviews!
Yeah, The Auspicious Author jumped ship entirely. I ended up joining a Discord group with people looking to solve the story, and the ARG kept evolving. Eventually the author himself joined up and admitted he hadn't planned out the whole game and had started winging it, which was the first sign that things weren't going to go well. Then one of the solutions demanded people communicate with him via a "mysterious email", a second sign. Eventually we figured out that he had no endgame in mind and was just trying to keep us interested, at which point we started getting critical. It was at around that time that he nuked his account and disappeared.
I learned a few lessons from the experience. The first is that a good ARG needs to be wholly automated, meaning once you've got it started and have people playing, it should require no input from you. If someone has to manually send out emails in response to the people who are getting that far in the ARG, it's not a good ARG and its lifespan will be very limited. Second, an ARG should have everything ready at launch or, for ARGs that are expected to expand later, at least be at a good stopping point where the players feel like they've achieved some goal. Third, unless you're trying to trick the players with red herrings, make sure everything your ARG points to has value in regards to the end goal; anything else is just padding for the sake of attention and eventually people will figure that out.
Oh well. It was fun at the start, and it made me really like the concept of ARGs, even if I tend to more watch other people participate than play them myself. But when I saw The Auspicious Author's methods, I knew it couldn't last, and sure enough...