Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVI · 10:22pm Jan 17th, 2019
It’s been a month-and-a-half since my last published short story and I’m starting to get antsy. As such, I’ve started work on my next one, which I can hopefully release this weekend or next week. I won’t say much save that it’s an idea I’ve had in my head for years and it will star Cadance. I’ve already sent out the request for cover art, but given the artist in question’s lack of activity I doubt I’ll be getting a response soon, if at all. Once I’ve finished with this story I intend to start work on the next chapter of Life of Pie that some 50 of you are still bothering to read (and I appreciate that!).
In the meantime, I’m thinking about updating my user page. And by update, I really mean ‘dumbing down’. There’s a lot of information there and I’m no longer sure it’s necessary. How many people are really paying enough attention to my scoring system to care about the details? Why do I need to describe the intricate intricacies of how my assorted lists function? I’ve always had a penchant for explaining things, often without needing to, and for a while now I’ve felt like that got away from me regarding my user page. My thoughts now are to narrow it to a few important points: how to request reviews (simpler than what’s there), what stories will be reviewed next, and links to my spreadsheets for the curious. Dunno when I’m gonna get to this ‘cause I’m lazy, but hopefully sometime soon.
Now, let’s get to what everyone is here for, shall we? Reviews.
Stories for This Week:
The First Light of Dawn by Cold in Gardez
Discordian Troubles by monsterlord18
Hooves of Clay by iisaw
Do You Want Nightmare Moons? by Rinnaul
20% More Feminine by Henry101
Shine Once More, Before The End by NeverEatTheLemonsAlone
Changes by jmj
The Legend of Thunder by SparkBrony
The One Who Cuts Santa's Beard by Lonarion
How Not To Use Your Royal Prerogative by Novel-Idea
Total Word Count: 238,982
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 1
The First Light of Dawn
67,434 Words
By Cold in Gardez
Alternative Title: Trixie Fucks Up More Than Usual
Trixie, delusional in regards to her own glory but smart enough to know that she’s out of options, returns to Canterlot in hopes of getting a new start. This leads her down a wild and dangerous path involving a mare-hunt, a stolen magical artifact and, above all else, an all-powerful god that will stop at nothing to get it back.
This story was a blast from beginning to near-end, sometimes literally. I loved CoG’s interpretation of Trixie, a mare who believes happiness is derived from greatness and goes through great pains to attain it. Her faith in this is so strong that when she finally discovers something resembling true happiness, she throws it away because of a simple misunderstanding, which in turn brings about the destruction of a major urban center, one small town, and untold damage to the rest of Equestria. She’s a desperate mare, but ever-resourceful and not all that bad under the surface. If only she’d stop making profoundly bad decisions.
Then we have the underlying worldbuilding that defines the entire story. It involves the stars being literal gods (putting “the Stars shall aid in Her escape” in an entirely new light), a single star so fascinated with the concept of mortality that she tried to become mortal herself, and the danger she brings to Equestria every day by merely existing. There are so many sub-concepts to this that CoG could write an entire series around it. A shame the author made no attempt to capitalize on it that I can see. Less a shame than a crime.
Beneath the epic worldbuilding and Trixie being marvellously flawed, we get a wild ride of magic duels atop runaway trains, constant fleeing from imminent destruction, Princess Luna fueled by desperation and fury, Twilight Sparkle feeling useless and making soul-crushing decisions, and Applejack being all-around awesome because, for Equestria’s sake, someone in this story needed to be. Seriously, AJ was great in this one.
There are two issues, at least for me. The first is the contrived nature of the final confrontation. All Trixie had to do at the end was tell Twilight what she was planning. Granted, Twilight might not have believed her, but it would have made the whole scene more believable than Twilight saying “You can’t do this!” and Trixie replying “I have no choice.” That entire exchange felt forced and outright silly. The more realistic reaction would have been something like, “Would you prefer I didn’t do the right thing?”, assuming she promptly explained what the ‘right thing’ was (What? I don’t wanna spoil it.).
The second issue is the lack of consequence. Big things happened in this story for our characters. Big things. Things that have consequences to them on a personal level. So why is it we end the story without bothering to discuss them? Oh, sure, we cover Trixie, Celestia, and Luna. But Applejack and Twilight were there too, and they had major roles. We’re just going to brush them aside like so much trash, as if everything they contributed to this story doesn’t matter? Bad form, CoG.
I suppose the author was thinking this kind of material could be covered in a sequel or something. If that were the case, I would completely understand. After all, the ending is written in such a way that it seems to be outright guaranteeing a sequel is planned. Except it doesn’t appear as if that sequel exists, and CoG has had seven years to do so. I’ll just have to assume that one isn’t coming and shake my head in disappointment. I was so sure this author was better than that.
Despite these flaws, the story is a bittersweet adventure full of excitement, a bit of dread, and high-speed pacing. I’m certainly glad to have gotten a chance to read it, and am looking forward to the next CoG story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
All the Mortal Remains — WHYRTY?
Babel — Pretty Good
The Destruction of the Self — Pretty Good
Discordian Troubles
70,068 Words
By monsterlord18
Discord is freed and goes full-on evil villain mode. What, you want more plot? That would be impossible with this story. It’s so… insane that it would be better to experience it personally. Although I wouldn’t recommend it.
Here we have an author with ~5,600 followers and a story with ~2,600 views and a decent rating. (EDIT: Apparently, I can’t FIMFiction. I got the numbers backwards: he isn’t followed by 5,600 people, he’s following 5,600 people. My bad.) Seeing these stats, I figured surely it would be something worth my while. Wow, was I wrong. Without qualification, this easily ranks among the worst stories I have ever read, up there with such nonsensical lumps of coal as Ever Free, Flutterbat vs. Timberjack, Shattered Harmony The Corruption of Twilight, and Diamonds are a girl's worst enemy. I don’t know if it’s possible to list the ways that this thing calling itself a story is bad, so let’s cherry pick a few.
First, this story is a continuation of others. What others? I’d tell you, but there’s no point because they don’t exist on FIMFiction. That’s right, this is a sequel to a story that doesn’t exist in any context you will ever know because the author makes no attempt to point out where the originals are located. Said originals are spread out across multiple – perhaps dozens – of fandoms, leading to a chaotic combination of characters struggling and mostly failing to share the spotlight while the reader is left scratching their heads wondering why such diverse individuals as Fox McCloud, Riku of Kingdom Hearts, Lina Inverse, and tons of others are waltzing around Equestria as if they’ve always been there. You will receive no answers to your questions.
Let’s talk grammar. monsterlord18 has no idea what that is. I’m talking at the most basic level here, folks. Pronouns switch character genders at random. Sentences start with or without capitalization with no rhyme or reason. Tense switches wildly from past, present, and future, often within the same sentence. Commas may or may not exist at any given point in time. The author abuses onomatopoeia and excessive punctuation marks like the town drunk abuses free whiskey night. There’s so much wrong I question if monsterlord18 has ever seen the word “grammar” before.
Then there’s the setting, or lack thereof. The first chapter plays out something like this: random OC tries to kidnap Scootaloo and a draconequus OC names Eris; Rainbow Dash appears and tries to stop them (where’d she come from?); Discord’s statue is there; Discord is freed; Celestia and Luna are watching (where’d they come from?); random non-MLP characters start talking (where’d they come from?); Violence Happens; a random Twilight Sparkle appears (where’d she come from?); Luna and Trixie appear (Hey, they’re married! Where’d they come from?); random non-MLP character named Req and “the rest of the gang” appear (you’re supposed to know who “the gang” is) (where’d they come from?); heeere’s Pinkie Pie! (where’d she… oh, wait, it’s Pinkie Pie. Nevermind.). At this point I’ve gone through the majority of the first chapter, told you equally as much in far fewer words, and achieved around the same amount of interest. In the entire chapter there is only one indicator of where the scene is taking place, and that’s when Discord’s statue is mentioned. The vast majority of this story is characters existing in some nebulous space while they talk and react to one another.
The author also abuses in-story YouTube videos. This shouldn’t be done in the first place, but monsterlord18 not only throws random videos around for their music, they even go so far as to put time markers in the story so you can know the pace that you’re supposed to be reading to be exactly where they want you to be at what moments in the accompanying music, complete with an “end song” mark. I only wish I could explain how woefully amateur this is.
As if that’s not enough of a shining beacon to show how badly monsterlord18 doesn’t know what they’re doing, they insert themselves into the narrative. Take a look at this gem:
Inside the mass, Eris was in unbridled pain and every time she would get used to it, it would increase in intensity. Right now, it’s at max level and lordie, I don’t want to see what’s beyond max.
No, that’s not dialogue. How about this:
Back in Ponyville, a couple of characters I think we all forgot, myself included, sensed something wrong and FINALLY woke up after a long 7 month nap. Something in the atmosphere affected them, making them black out for that long. Who are these people, you may ask? Well, they’re animals.
I have no words.
Characters scream out the names of their abilities every time they use them. They also know they’re from video games, directly stating the game’s names, and refer to events in video game terms like “final battle”, “boss fight”, and “level up”. They also frequently state “such and such monster we’re fighting now comes from such-and-such game, which we went through at some indeterminate point in the past. Here are its strengths and weaknesses.” I get the impression we’re somehow supposed to take this as epic rather than stupid.
I’ve barely begun describing the issues with this story. Heck, I haven’t even started on what’s wrong with the story. But I’m going to just stop here. Suffice to say, this is terrible. I have no idea how this author managed to net so many followers whenever they barely grasp the basics of anything related to writing or storytelling. You could teach a real-world, full-semester class on the issues this story has. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, with the sole exception of if you’re looking for something profoundly bad for amusement purposes.
I award monsterlord18 no points, and may Luna have mercy on their soul.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Hooves of Clay
9,197 Words
By iisaw
Shortly after the Canterlot Wedding, Twilight is stunned to discover that changelings have already returned, this time infiltrating Ponyville. She reacts immediately with a spell forbidden to all, an act that incurs the instant attention of Princess Celestia. Emotions come to a boil and clash, and Twilight soon comes to realize she might have gone too far this time. Fortunately for the both of them, Luna is around to shed some much needed light on the situation.
It’s interesting to me that the cover art and description suggests something much… I don’t want to say ‘darker’, but I suppose it still fits in a sense. Regardless, this ran the risk of going through the typical ‘Twilight Falls’ routine, but avoids it in favor of hard lessons learned for our perky purple protagonist. It’s not what I expected, and I am all-around happier for it. Throw in a smattering of world-building and a bit of humor at the expense of the Royal Guard (they make such easy targets), and you have something well worth reading.
There is of course Princess Luna getting a song in, which I have mixed feelings about. Songs written in stories in general tend to annoy me, particularly when they’re done in the frame of a musical (or an episode of the show, I suppose). I can’t really fault iisaw over it, because it’s clear the song was meant to be done in the same manner as the show. That too doesn’t jive well with me considering the premise of the story is far removed from anything we’d see in the show. Yet the song did seem well-written (as well as I can judge such things) and I know most people aren’t going to feel the same way I do about it, so I won’t let it hurt my rating of the story.
My only other complaint is that we never get to know what happens to Twilight. Sure, we understand that things are going to ‘get better’, and Celestia did say she’d prefer Twilight get little more than a slap on the hoof, but I still expect there to be some kind of punishment. If anypony else got such special treatment as to go completely unpunished after they expressly violated Equestrian law and essentially committed treason, you can bet your ass they’d be punished severely. To think that Celestia would play favoritism and not do something, even if it’s a tiny thing meant to appease the rightfully indignant, defies belief, especially after her talk of ‘proper politics’. I’ll grant that it’s not important as far as the overarching purpose of the story goes, but it would have been nice to see.
Still, for what it is I thoroughly enjoyed it. Perfect interpretations of the characters, a great throwback to one of the more questionable moments of the show, nice interactions with both Luna and Celestia, and well-timed smatterings of humor to keep things from getting too gloomy. Certain spots might have made me hesitate, but this is a great read overall.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author! (Wait, really?)
Do You Want Nightmare Moons?
3,175 Words
By Rinnaul
When Princess Luna learns of such a thing as a princess-themed ‘coloring book’ from one of her guards, Silver Birch, she becomes curious to know how the artist rendered her likeness, especially after she learns the book was misprinted. And so she makes the off-hoof request for him to retrieve a copy of the misprint. There’s just one problem: it wasn’t a misprint, it was an omission. Of Princess Luna. Silver Birch is now convinced that, should Luna uncover the truth, it’ll be Nightmare Moon all over again.
His partner, Winter Garden, is more than a little exasperated.
This one certainly lives up to the random tag. It has no purpose other than to be nonsense (and probably poke fun at those authors who make Luna flip at every little thing). Which is fine considering Rinnaul based it off of a blog about Hasbro omitting the most important princess (Praise the Moon!) from a sticker line.
There’s really nothing I can say that will make this seem better than the summary above suggests. It’s amusing enough to get a chuckle or two, not meant to be taken seriously at all, and is generally Rinnaul throwing something out there because he could. I have no objection to this, but neither can I put it on a pedestal and declare it something great. Read it if you feel like having a little fun at the expense of a couple royal guards.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Alone — WHYRTY?
Passing the Time — Pretty Good
Fate — Worth It
20% More Feminine
2,669 Words
By Henry101
Long before I decided to write Allure of Generosity, I had a story idea in my head that played around a scene of Rainbow Dash overhearing a bunch of colts at a bar talking about how they’d never date a mare ike her because she’s too much like a stallion. The story would have had the same theme as Allure: what is it that really makes a woman attractive? So when Henry101 released 20% More Feminine, I added it to my RiL in hopes that it would be that same kind of important lesson.
What I got instead was a painfully shallow story written almost entirely for comedic value and sadly amateurish in its delivery.
Now, I won’t blame the author for having the idea. Or approaching it from a comedic direction. Or having a clearly limited amount of experience in writing and appropriate criticism for that writing. We’ve all got to start somewhere (also, Google now says “got to” is incorrect: it must be “gotta”). Henry101 certainly needs some prereaders/editors to teach them a few lessons in how to write beyond the 3rd Grade level, assuming they have any interest in what critics like myself think. And if they don’t, then I guess that’s fine.
The one thing that I will take seriously in all of this is the shallow depiction of beauty. Apparently in Henry101’s view of things, it’s only skin deep. Worse, every single stallion can be swayed into total adoration with the right hairstyle, a dress, and a swing of the hips. Personality and individuality has nothing to do with it whatsoever. And that’s shameful.
But even without that, I wouldn’t be rating this highly. Its extremely simplistic writing style and significant narrative issues alone would have been enough. The shallow characters and unimaginative lesson is just the icing on the cake.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Shine Once More, Before The End
2,591 Words
By NeverEatTheLemonsAlone
The less said about that comma the better.
This story, which has been so totally ignored as to not even have any comments, stars Death himself as he tries to convince the last pony on his list that it is time to die. That pony is Celestia, whom he cannot bring into the afterlife unless she lets him. The two are caught at an impasse; he cannot know peace so long as one pony yet lives, and she cannot kill him so as to end his constant pestering. But Death is patient. Even the Sun burns out eventually.
This easily qualifies as the best I’ve read by this author. By far. I anticipated it being an ‘immortality sucks’ story, but it’s not that at all. It’s about Celestia’s determined drive to be the last beacon of Equestria, the one who keeps the memories of all who lived in her world alive. It’s also about the inevitability of death and, perhaps, acceptance of that ultimate fate. It is also an improvement over the older stories, combining visuals with a style that is showy but never overdoing it.
Like NeverEatTheLemonsAlone’s past stories reviewed here, this one has a backstory that is completely unexplored. But unlike those stories, it doesn’t lean on that backstory. There’s no need to know something you can’t possibly know to get into it, and the references of the past are subtle things meant to imply a backstory exists rather than exist because of the backstory. This is a vast improvement and I hope the author knows it. It leaves behind questions for potential expansion of this world, but also serves well to keep the story to itself so that, should no expansions ever come, the reader can at least be satisfied with what they have.
There is really only one thing I wish to be critical on: Celestia and Death both seem adamant that there is an afterlife to go to, and that all those who died are currently there. If that’s the case – if dying means being with everyone you ever knew and loved again – why is Celestia so hung up on remembering them? It’s not like they’re forever out of reach. I don’t understand how this knowledge wouldn’t encourage Celestia to be willing to move on. All her hangups are more or less rendered void by this knowledge, and so her resistance to Death is a strange thing.
But ignoring that fundamental flaw, this is still a pleasantly bittersweet story about the End of Equestria. Perhaps not the most original in concept, but a significant improvement over the author’s prior works. It’s really a shame it’s gone so thoroughly unnoticed, and it’s the first serious sign I’ve had that this author may have the chops to make something worthwhile.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Gravestones — Worth It
Pages in the Notebook — Pretty Good
Once more, I return to the genre that I like so very much and yet so often disappoints me. In this instance, jmj entered The More Most Dangerous Game Contest with this story inspired by, but very different from, Cupcakes. Sugarcube Corner has closed up shop and Pinkie refuses to leave, supposedly due to illness. Then she sends Rainbow Dash a very plain message asking her to visit… If you’re paying attention to that cover art and know anything at all about Cupcakes, you probably know where this is going.
Changes suffers from jmj’s usual issues, namely an unwillingness to get into the mindset of the lead character at the most important times. What’s disturbing is that is clearly an intentional decision, as the majority of the story is loaded with enough Tell to choke a Pinkie Pie and goes to great lengths to describe Rainbow’s emotional state. But when the Big Reveal™ comes up, suddenly it’s like Rainbow has no thoughts.
For starters, jmj has this backwards; it’s when the horror is taking root that we most need to be within the character’s mind and know how they feel. Second, all this Tell is just ruinous to the immersion. There’s also a lot of grammatical and stylistic issues.
All that being said, this is a huge improvement over Cupcakes itself and, relating to the author’s other works, Shandershears. This is all due to the true nature of the villain, which I won’t spoil. I was almost ready to pounce on an apparent flaw in the plot logic, but then remembered that, while it’s not expressly stated, there’s a lot here to suggest that this story takes place long after the events of the show, perhaps even by a decade, which absolves the flaw. As such, this story is easily the best I’ve read by this author so far plot-wise. It does make one wonder what happened to the Cakes though.
The writing ruins it, but in concept this is a solid horror story. If jmj can learn to grammar and gain a proper understanding of how to utilize Show and Tell, we might see something worthwhile from this author.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Rainbow Dash Gets an Abortion — Needs Work
ShanderShears — Needs Work
The Legend of Thunder
6,756 Words
By SparkBrony
When a thunderstorm brings a terrified Dinky to her mother’s room, Derpy decides to try and comfort the filly by telling her a story about how thunder and lightning came to be.
This one is an interesting idea full of all kinds of little problems. On the surface though, it’s pretty good. I like SparkBrony’s idea, as it isn’t something I’ve seen done. At least not in such a way as this. So for the sake of originality in an MLP:FiM setting, I approve. It largely centers on an ancient pegasi governing system focused on draconian rules of segregation based on caste. There are probably other elements of this nature out there for the pegasi, but this is the first I can recall seeing it.
I also approve of SparkBrony’s writing of Dinky, managing to keep her manner that of a child. She never speaks in a manner too complex for her apparent age, is prone to interruptions and tangents, and generally felt like the child she’s meant to be.
This, in turn, leads to the problem, ironically pointed out in-story by the author himself. Derpy’s story is a bit too detailed, to the point that it’s questionable how Dinky even understood half of it. Perhaps Dinky is older than at first perceived? But if that is the case, then that means my earlier praise is void, because clearly she’s been interpreted as too young. It comes down to Dinky’s age never being clarified and us having no idea which part of the story – her behavior or Derpy’s tale – is the better indicator of Dinky’s age. Of course, there’s also the possibility that the problem is more centered on Derpy’s storytelling skills rather than the author’s, but that’s a thin defense at best.
I suppose I shouldn’t fret over that too much. After all, I know from experience how hard it can be to get a child’s behavior down pat. A bit of struggle is to be expected.
Which leads to the curious other issue; through all those details about how the weather used to function, why is it the new method, the idea that supposedly the entire story centers around, goes largely unexplained? Oh, yes, there’s a general explanation, but it’s not even close to the intricate detail we are given regarding the old system. I suppose it can be argued that, because Dinky would likely know the current system fairly well, it didn’t warrant any such detail. But it still felt like a worldbuilding opportunity gone to waste.
And that all leads to the final frustration, which I suppose I should count as subjective. Derpy just got through telling us this interesting story full of worldbuilding potential… and then at the end reveals she made it all up. What? You mean you gave us a truly interesting alternate history of Equestria just to tell us it’s not true? So not only have you completely destroyed an ancient world of new possibilities in storytelling, you’ve also had Derpy give her child an alternative history that’s going to be trouble if Dinky ever has to take a class on ancient pegasi culture. Great going.
Oh, well. Despite its flaws and revealed deception, I still like the overall idea behind the story. It needs to iron out some kinks, but it was definitely a fresh perspective that I enjoyed diving into.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Guardian Angel — Pretty Good
The One Who Cuts Santa's Beard
3,359 Words
By Lonarion
I don’t know why this doesn’t have a comedy tag, because Sonata.
Seeing as it was Starswirl the Bearded who banished the Sirens, Aria has developed a severe loathing of white beards. On the surface, this seems pretty silly. For the Sirens, it’s quite serious. They don’t have their mind-controlling powers anymore. If they do something to get into trouble – such as running around assaulting Santa Claus workers with scissors – nobody’s coming to their rescue.
Seriously, am I the only one who thinks this entire premise is silly? Yet somehow Lonarion manages to play it straight. Or as straight as possible considering the base concept feels like something that belongs in a Will Ferrel movie, the extremely stupid ones that people mysteriously like for reasons beyond comprehension. Aria and Adagio take the whole thing seriously, which works out well enough. Sonata keeps mucking up their attempts to make this a weighty story via questions regarding the reality of Santa Claus and general nonsense, and I’m perfectly okay with that.
I come away with mixed feelings. I like the story in general, but I can’t help but think I’m taking it a lot more lightly than Lonarion intended. To me, the whole thing is just goofy. For all I know, Lonarion never intended it to be – a suspicion helped along by the lack of a comedy tag. I just don’t know.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Waiting for Adagio — Pretty Good
How Not To Use Your Royal Prerogative
66,723 Words
By Novel-Idea
Sequel to Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix
Okay, the hints to where this series is going are so blatant now I’m starting to suspect they’re pointing at a red herring.
In the final story of the Wavelengths of Time Origin arc, Sunset Shimmer tries to do her friends Moon Dancer, Cheerilee, and Minuette a solid by getting them backstage of a Coloratura concert. Since she doesn’t want to use her royal connections to do this, she instead takes the most reasonable option available to her: sneak in illegally! This doesn’t work out as hoped, and soon puts them in the middle of a conspiracy involving a mysterious saboteur attempting to destroy Coloratura’s reputation.
There are a lot of things I liked about this one, and some things I want to not like but have trouble doing so. Thank you for leaving me so conflicted, Novel.
For starters, we get to watch some interesting characters have a lot of fun. Moon Dancer’s endless stream of well-meaning verbal jabs at Sunset’s character (someone needs to keep her ego in check, after all), Minuette’s boundless happiness, and Cheerilee’s struggle escaping schoolmarm mode all make them interesting to watch. Then we get a Coloratura who is almost as awesome as the pony she’s replacing and a Coco Pommel who is adorable and knows how to use it. If there was any doubt regarding who Sunset’s ‘Mane 6’ group would comprise of, doubt no more. Every interaction with any of these ponies is a treat to watch.
We also have a fun mystery as Sunset & Co. help Coloratura and Coco figure out who is behind the problems with the concerts lately. The problem is, you know who the villain is. If you’ve seen Coloratura’s episode, you’ll know practically before the story’s started. There’s an attempt at misdirection, but I doubt it fools anyone (it sure didn’t fool Coloratura and Coco). I want to call Novel out for the weak mystery, but at the same time I get the feeling that the mystery isn’t the point of the story anyway. Aside from that, the fact we know all along feels purposeful on the author’s part, furthering the previous point. And let’s face it, it feels right the whole time. So while I want to say this is a mistake that only the blind can miss, I also can’t say with any confidence that it is.
Moving on, there’s the other thing. I am usually wholeheartedly against using music in stories. The problem here is that Novel used a song that is so good and suitable to the moment that it feels like my usual complaints are null and void, especially considering he didn’t modify any of the lyrics. It’s to the point that I’m willing to give this a pass in general. What really annoys me is that it almost feels like a cheap shot; I cried when I heard the song for the first time too, Novel. I cry some of the times I sing it in my head. So I sure as heck didn’t cry when it showed up in your story because of the story. That’s what really hangs me up on songs being used in stories in the first place: “I’m not a good enough author to make my scenes emotional, so I’m going to abuse an emotional song!”
Yet for all my frustration, I just can’t bring myself to not like it. Maybe it’s because I love the song so much. Whatever the case, I feel like Novel set a trap that is very hard to escape from, and my feelings are mixed.
Of course, there are plenty of other elements to the story worth noting. The easy-but-not-boring narrative, the interesting side-characters (including Best Background Pony cameos, excuse my squee), Sunset’s ongoing inner turmoil, the way the stakes feel personal. I do wish we’d gotten a more ‘rub it in your face’ conclusion for the villain, but I’ll settle without considering everything is so good.
Well, that’s all done. Time to visit the Dreamers arc.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
I can’t help but note how every story is named after an in-story book. I find myself wondering if the last story won’t be named after a book penned by a certain Mr. The Bearded.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cloudsdale Report — WHYRTY?
Bards of the Badlands — Pretty Good
Grading on a Bell Curve — Pretty Good
Princess Celestia: A Brief History — Pretty Good
The Application of Unified Harmony Magics — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Of Kings And Pawns by Pedro Hander
The Thinkin' Spot by bats
Goodbye, Dear Sister... by Dark_Soliloquy
Tales From the Tailgate by The Autumn Princess
Missing Equipment by R5h
Blueblood Takes Over Equestria by Eyeswirl the Weirded
The Morning After Mother's Day by Adda le Blue
Dancing in Melancholy by forbloodysummer
Hyperion by Meridian Prime
Eyes in the Abyss by Chapter 13
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Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXI
It really bugs me how PaulAsaran's Shortlist of Worst Fics He's Ever Read That He Can Think Of Right Now is precisely five stories long, i.e., the minimum number of stories I require to post a review blog, themed or otherwise. <.<
Only one of these I've read is CiG's (CoG's?). It was one of the first things I read when I entered the fandom, and I liked it a lot, though it took him a while to publish the last couple chapters. Yeah, it's not as polished as some of his stuff, but it's also one of his earliest stories. I wish my first few attempts were this good.
If it helps, monsterlord18 actually has 700 followers. 5600 is the number of people that they're following.
It doesn't help that much though, does it?
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No, he has 700 followers because he follows several thousand people. Most of those are probably follow backs. There might be a few people who follow him sincerely (Mykan has followers, somehow) but most of those follows are empty and pointless.
Like Pascoite, The First Light of Dawn was one of the first stories I read when coming into MLP:FiM and forever cemented my undying devotion to ponies wearing wizard capes and floppy hats. Or at least one of them. Sunburst and Starswirl are dicks.
ANYWAY, I too am disappointed that there wasn't a sequel, but I've had many years to get over it and even come to admire leaving the story open ended. At least a little. The jerk.
Cadance story you've wanted to write for years, huh?
Is it... a little bit dark, perhaps? Maybe a little gory or depraved?
Found something else you apparently can’t do.
I promise I meant that in a funny way please don’t hate me
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I had more of that caliber to choose from, believe me.
Total coincidence, I swear.
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Yeah, I know those feels. Some people just got it, y'know?
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Oops! Found and corrected. Paul can't FIMFic.
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That's certainly a good reason to enjoy certain ponies we shall not name, regardless of how Great and Powerful they are. The show rarely makes our favorite characters as awesome as they truly are, but that's why we have fanfiction.
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I'm guessing this has something to do with a conversation we've had in the past (or perhaps a reference to Night Shift?). Actually, it's the theme and base concept behind the story that has my interest. It was originally going to star Twilight, but then I realized Cadance was the best choice, for reasons which will be obvious once the story releases. There will be no blood or gore involved.
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What? You speak as if there is some mistake. Which of course is total nonsense. And why does your quote not match my actual lines? I swear I didn't change it after-the-fact.
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It wouldn't be the first time I felt like doing something stupid in the name of a challenge...
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Nah I was wondering if it would be the tale of how Cadance came to be her hellish self in that gosh darn awesome AU of yours that I love so much.
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This might surprise you, but I've never even considered writing that. I've done enough with Tartarus. I think it would just come out redundant.
Thanks for taking the time to review my story!
From what I remember (it's been a while), I purposely took a very silly premise and treated it seriously (until the last part where it became silly again). I was never sure if it worked or if it's even something that should be done. In any case it's perfectly fine if you read the story more like a comedy. Sorry if it made you confused.
I think I didn't put a comedy tag because the story is not focused on being funny. I wonder if I'm understanding this tag incorrectly. I wouldn't put it unless I was trying to make the reader laugh almost all the way through, but I've read stories with the comedy tag that made me wonder what it was doing there because these stories didn't seem intended to be funny...
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Fair enough. Your SoL/good-feeling stuff is just as good quality as the dark stuff.
I'm curious. Has there ever been a story you've reviewed that was so bad you couldn't finish it?
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I am proud to say that I have finished every store I have ever started.
...
But some of them have really tested my willpower. I admit I acme close once or twice.
You are ever so welcome.
She's seriously dangerous. Future big bad, right here.
Nailed it perfectly. While I could have swapped out the antagonist, I don't think it would have served the story all that much better. The antagonist in question had such a powerful presence that it couldn't not be him, not to mention the continuity of having him there. In the end, the goal wasn't necessarily the big bad, but how Sunset & Company, handled it. The mild surprise should have been the secondary antagonist. While I may have foreshadowed her a bit too strong at the beginning (though I had some conflicting reports on that one!).
That's the goal. Even knowing the identity, feeling that the story is doing what it should is what I wanted to happen.
I still do, but that's me. I like your "almost" in "it almost feels like a cheap shot." The song exists because it's perfect for the scene and perfect for the characters. It's a perfect victory song for our heroes and a song two ponies in particular desperately needed to hear, though it'll take some time to get the message, of course.
In the end... I couldn't not have that song in a story starring Coloratura, as long it was used at the right time and the right place. Emotions can be high, but this is just me using a bit of an amp.
Anyone who doesn't love that song needs to check their pulse. Also? That's high praise, to still get applause even when the magician shows you exactly how all the tricks are done (more or less).
No comment. For now.
Thank you Paul. Your reviews are always an amazing treat, and this one was doubly-so.