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PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords, and reviews both independently and for Seattle's Angels. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

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  • Thursday
    Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXV

    Hello again, FIMFiction. I’ve had quite the lazy week, but it was on purpose. I was starting to feel the burnout after achieving ~2,000 words/day for most of July, so I figured it was about time. But now I think I’m ready to get back into it.

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    8 comments · 252 views
  • 2 weeks
    Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXIV

    My schedule has a problem. It’s one that’s been building up for a while now.

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    20 comments · 409 views
  • 3 weeks
    Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXIII

    I’ve decided that I’m going to take a minor vacation in August, if only so as to use up some of those vacation days from work before they’re gone in January. With this in mind, I figured I’d also not read anything over the course of those four days. Ah, but how to do that when they’re already on the schedule? I don’t want to push them back, it’s becoming more and more important to me to build a

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    5 comments · 362 views
  • 4 weeks
    Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXII

    Wow, last weekend was a busy one. Family gathering was relatively small this year, for obvious reasons. Although I must emphasize the “relative” part; usually when there’s a big holiday like the 4th, we end up with 20 people or more present. This weekend was “only” nine, including me, my parents, and my brother’s family of six. That’s right, six. That boy is a glutton for punishment, I swear to

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    8 comments · 389 views
  • 5 weeks
    Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXI

    My preliminary editing of the original fiction version of Guppy Love is all but finished! Soon I will have the entire story stored in GDocs and ready for prereading, which means it’s about time I started really looking for prereaders. I intend to ask the prereaders of the MLP version to come back to evaluate the changes, but I’d like to get a few others to offer a fresh perspective. I’m

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    16 comments · 375 views
Nov
15th
2018

Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXVIII · 11:04pm Nov 15th, 2018

This is gonna take longer than I thought.

So yesterday I finished the 4th chapter of Bulletproof Heart: Famous Last Words. It took me over two weeks and came out to ~25,000 words (yes, I’ll divide it up on release). It’s just… dang. It makes me realizes I have no idea how big the story’s really going to be. I know what the events are, I have a chapter-by-chapter outline, but I fully expected this one to be half that size. How far will this go and what does that mean for my intended release of late next year?

It’s moments like this that tempt me to go back to only writing one story at a time. After all, neither of my other two ongoing stories (Life of Pie and Fortune) interest me half as much as BPH does. But I think about it and realize that’s a trap, because if I do one story at a time I’ll be tempted to completely skip some stories that aren’t high on my wants right now. If I did that, would I ever finish Life of Pie? Would I ever get into original fiction like Fortune is meant to help me do? And what about the TvE universe? I want to finish Order of Shadows. I want to get back to The Silence. Will I do any of that if I’m just writing one story at a time? I’m not sure.

Plus the entire reason I’m writing three stories at a time is to make sure none of them grow stale in the production process. It’s so easy for me to devote all my attention to one story for two months and then get this feeling like I’m bored with the concept, and this avoids that. This is also why I went for a while producing short stories, which I’ll eventually want to do more of.

Ah, the perils of being a writer. Strange how this only serves to remind me how much I enjoy it.

Okay, enough rambling. Reviews!

Stories for This Week:

Letting Peewee Go by Chaotic Note
I Feel Fantastic! by JawJoe
Look Up by Dark Avenger
To Choose the Light by tursi
The Cellist of Saraneighvo by Ruirik
Areas of Expertise by Cyanide
The Cookie Cadet Caper by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
Hang by AShadowOfCygnus
Ship of Fools by Hap
If You Give a Little Love... by Quillamore

Total Word Count: 310,232

Rating System

Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 0


Remember that little baby phoenix Spike adopted after the dragon migration? No? Neither do the show creators. But Chaotic Note has a simple explanation: Spike returned him to his family. Before that, though, Spike had to care for a baby phoenix. Which, as it turns out, isn’t as easy as one might think.

Intended to re-teach the lesson of It Ain’t Easy Being Breezies, the story centers on Spike’s efforts to care for Peewee, starting with figuring out what to feed him. This leads to a bunch of fiery near-misses, Fluttershy’s direct assistance, and a bowl of ice cream on Twilight’s head.

Spike’s behavior, particularly regarding his guilt and view of the seriousness of his actions, struck me as a little over the top. He never really does anything wrong per se, but constantly beats himself up as if he has. While the central lesson he learns is a good one, it seems to me that the story beats the issue like a dead horse. The whole thing would have been better served, I think, if Spike had behaved more like he does in normal episodes and made the big realization and acceptance at the end. Combine this with a steady string of grammatical mistakes – mostly incorrect words that may or may not be the result of irresponsible spellchecker usage – and the story struggles quite a bit.

Don’t get me wrong, the story has its positive aspects. It’s a nice idea, the overall plot is good, and the pacing is right where it needs to be. It just needs a bit of polishing to make it a truly good story.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


JawJoe, who is vehemently opposed to everything post-Season 3 to the point he created a massive video series dedicated to shooting it all down (actually, you should watch that, it’s really interesting), strikes again. In this story he depicts Princess Twilight suffering from a bout of mania as she spontaneously gives herself a day off for the sake of avoiding who and what she now is.

As much as I love JawJoe’s stories, I’ve often criticized him for a distinctly unemotional writing style. This, however, may be the most effective use of that style I’ve seen from him to date. It’s all about what Twilight isn’t thinking about, what she’s blatantly avoiding, and it works like a charm. You can tell within a few short paragraphs that something’s wrong, and that discomforting feeling never leaves as Twilight winds her way through reminder after reminder of what she is and what she used to be.

This isn’t so much an ‘immortality sucks’ story as it is a ‘being a princess sucks’ story, and I like it for that. It tells us a lot in so very few words, yet the whole thing rushes by in much the same way Twilight attempts to rush past her problems. It’s smart (and I’d never expect anything by this author not to be), it’s subtly emotional, and it stands out among its peers for being so slightly different in direction.

Needless to say, I enjoyed it. It’s a shame this author doesn’t do horsewords anymore.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good!

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
MonstersWHYRTY?
Queen of QueensWHYRTY?
Rainbow Dash: Re-AnimatorWHYRTY?
I Want to Take the Wings off, but I Can'tPretty Good
Twilight Sparkle: Night ShiftPretty Good


Look Up

7,114 Words
By Dark Avenger

I thought about writing a story about how Rarity and Pinkie got back from Dodge Junction using that hoofcart. Then I saw Dark Avenger already wrote it. Which was fine by me; so long as someone did, y’know? Anyhow, this ended up being a story about Pinkie’s and Rarity’s perspective on their personal value as Elements of Harmony. Which, as it turns out, isn’t very good.

I love the overall idea behind this. What is most interesting, however, is that Dark Avenger treated this story with a realistic angle. Rather than introduce a problem and then fix it, the story introduces a problem and then… sort of… brushes it aside. The issue brought up by Pinkie is never actually resolved. Instead she and Rarity simply focus on cheering one another up. It’s an unexpected route that works on its own, but may rub some readers the wrong way.

But ignoring that hiccup, this was a pleasant story about two friends learning a bit more about one another’s feelings of inadequateness. I thoroughly enjoyed it (and the epilogue) and am looking forward to the sequel. It’s nice when people find ways to make Pinkie serious without ruining her character.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
PointlessPretty Good
Something MagicalWorth It
HerostraticIncomplete
WiresIncomplete :trixieshiftright:


To Choose the Light

20,105 Words
By tursi

A crossover with The Lion King? I must admit, I had serious doubts. All crossovers are inherently dangerous, as they are among the trickiest types of story to pull off effectively. But curiosity won out, and here we are.

In this story, the Elements of Harmony used by Twilight & Co. banish Nightmare Moon again, this time sending her to the Pridelands of The Lion King. She near-instantly forms an alliance with Scar who, of course, wants to depose his brother Mufasa and become king. With a powerful magic that doesn’t exist at all in the Pridelands, Nightmare Moon is more than happy to help him achieve this. What Scar doesn’t know, unfortunately for him, is that Nightmare Moon would never settle for the title of Majordomo…

I can safely say this: tursi pulled it off. With solid depictions of the Disney characters and believable interactions with those of Equestria, they weave a story that is both effective and laudable. Scar’s gradual turn from evil is certainly well done, spurred on at first by the realization that he’s toying with forces far bigger than anything he can control, and then by an unintentional journey of his own to Equestria. I’ve nothing save approval for relationship between Twilight and Scar depicted here, and his interactions with the rest of the ponies was excellently depicted.

There are a couple of things that trouble me. For starters, the story opens with a carbon copy retelling of Nightmare Moon’s defeat which, let’s face it, we don’t need. We never do. The story could have started with Nightmare Moon waking up in the Pridelands and we’d have lost nothing. At best this opening was annoying.

The second thing is tursi’s habit of glossing over important elements. The most notable of these is Scar’s and Twilight’s journey to find Sarabi and bring her back to the Pridelands to help defeat Nightmare Moon. Up to this point, Scar had been keeping Twilight in the dark about how he had his own brother killed. There’s no way she wouldn’t have discovered this upon finding Sarabi, and yet the entire encounter is skipped in favor of jumping straight to the ending. This alone was the single most important scene in the entire story, the cornerstone of Scar’s character arc, the moment every reader is waiting for, and tursi skipped it? How can you make such a blatant, horrible mistake as this?

But ignoring that mystifying decision, this was an excellent story all around that readily defied all my expectations. If anything, I now feel that this story is vastly underappreciated. It’s a delightful redemption story for Scar and a nice blending of a pair of worlds that don’t at first glance belong together at all. I’m willing to rate it highly for that achievement alone, though the mistakes made certainly hold it back.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Night ReignsWorth It


Octavia’s home of Saraneighvo is under siege. It has been for some time. In the midst of surviving, she does the only thing she can: perform.

This was an atmospheric, harsh look at life within a warzone. There’s really not much else to it. We get to watch what one can only assume is a typical day for Octavia, from waking to the sound of artillery fire to falling asleep with an unsatisfied belly. Along the way we see the desperate, the defeated, and the dead. Ruirik pulls no punches in this little story, and it’s all the better for that.

Depressing and patient in its delivery, this is a story for the sadfic lovers among us, or for anyone who wants a powerful depiction of an event not so far in the past. It won’t appeal to everyone, but I think it’s a strong tale for everyone’s favorite cello horse. For once, the ‘nothing happens’ aspect of this story plays entirely in its favor.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The RegularPretty Good


Areas of Expertise

3,163 Words
Cyanide failed to provide cover art.

Twilight is working to create a simple time travel spell, but her magical formula seems to be a bit off. Then Big Mac comes by to borrow an algebra book so he can teach Applejack mathematics. What follows is a series of curious revelations beginning with Big Mac having a degree in Mathematics, and he loves the work.

This is a simple story in which Twilight learns not to judge a book by its cover. It’s quick and gets to its point, but then lingers a bit to show (or at least hint at) some of the aftereffects of this discovery. On the one hand, it’s a pleasant little piece with no significant drawbacks. On the other, it doesn’t add anything fresh to the ‘Fancy Mathematics’ trope. Maybe if it had explored the underlying problem between Applejack and Big McIntosh a bit more – it’s not an angle I’ve seen done before and is ripe with fresh possibilities. Then there’s Rainbow Dash, whose presence seems… tacked on. She could have been left out entirely and the story would have neither gained nor lost from the fact.

But again, there’s nothing actually wrong with the story. It’s pleasant, at times humorous, and generally laid back. It just lacks any staying power.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Moonstone CupPretty Good
Twilight Sparkle Plays With DollsNeeds Work


Set an indeterminate few years after the show – long enough for the Crusaders to apparently be adults, if I’m reading between the lines correctly – this story stars the Cookie Cadets: Tag Along, Do-Si-Do, and Thin Mint. This dynamic trio is absolutely determined to earn every single Cadet Badge, and this is their last year to achieve that goal. There’s only one badge that continues to elude them, the rare Business Filly that is only awarded to the fillies who win the annual National Cookie Selling contest. Tag Along is determined that this time, no matter what, they will win. And the best way to do that is sell to the single biggest cookie customer in all of Equestria: Princess Celestia herself.

This one is a lot of fun. The majority of the story involves the Cadets’ preparation stage which involves collecting a variety of strange gear, convincing Ponyville’s premier party planner to help, and absolutely not going anywhere near a certain Princess of Friendship who will almost certainly figure their scheme out otherwise. Along the way you get a lot of entertaining tidbits regarding the Cadets’ lives and their relationship with the rest of Ponyville, particularly one Scootaloo. Then we finally get to the big caper itself, which is a fun romp through Canterlot Castle with all sorts of creative and MLP:FiM-worthy tricks and distractions.

Needless to say, I loved it. Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch’s reach is long in this one, with references and/or cameos of numerous beloved characters that all play some role in getting the Cadets to their destination… more or less. They even threw in a hint of TwiDash, which I certainly did not expect. The one and only moment that gave me pause was that Shining Armor is mysteriously still running security in Canterlot rather than, y’know, helping rule the Crystal Empire. I’ll just assume he’s in town because of the Summer Sun Celebration.

All-in-all, this was an endearing little adventure starring three equally endearing fillies enjoying their final hurrah, and I couldn’t be happier. Full of wit, whimsy, and creativity, it definitely deserves all the attention it can get. By all means, give it a go.

Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Open EyesPretty Good
Young EyesPretty Good
The Code's ApprenticeWorth It


Hang

1,224 Words
By AShadowOfCygnus
Recommended by Matthewl419

This would be my second time reading this story. Looking back, I don’t think I appreciated it as much the first time as I do this time. It is set in a time when Celestia and Luna are engaged in a war of unity, trying to unite all ponies under a single banner. But this isn’t a story about that; it’s about a lone soldier of the very tribes they are fighting, and how he is about to hang for doing the right thing in a desperate, violent society.

One part worldbuilding, another part sadfic, Hang is a fascinating look at a time long before Equestria was the land of peace and harmony we know it to be today. We learn a bit about old pegasi culture and in the process see why Celestia and Luna’s efforts were so important. But mostly, we see an officer who wishes things were better, and is willing to die if it means he was an example of that.

An interesting story, and certainly worth the read. Give it a go if you’re want a glance at history from an unusual angle.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


Ship of Fools

6,642 Words
By Hap
Recommended by Novel-Idea

Most ponies when they suffer a bad romantic experience recover and move on. Rarity bought an airship and took up a life of piracy.

I have to admit, when I first read this for Seattle’s Angels I didn’t appreciate the multiple hidden meanings in the title. That makes me feel a little foolish. At any rate, this is a story about chasing what you know you’ll never have. Rarity has fallen in love, but the stallion she loves is an impossible target – not least of which because he’s already married to a princess.

It’s a strange premise, but Hap manages to take what most would consider a joke and make it work. Rarity’s situation is tragic, and yet she’s somehow found a way to make the most of it through a case of literal fashion piracy. The story, told through alternating flashbacks and a raid in-progress (it’s not as actiony as you’re thinking), almost feels like a character study. As quirky as all of it is, I can’t help but feel that Rarity is perfectly in character the whole time.

This is certainly one of the stranger straight-laced stories I’ve read in recent memory, but all the better for it. Expertly paced, with a strong grasp of atmosphere and its cast, this is a story worth trying. Don’t let its odd premise fool you.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good!

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The DonutierWHYRTY?
Red MeatWorth It


If You Give a Little Love...

250,704 Words
By Quillamore
Completed Story

I was very curious about this one. It first started showing up at around the time of my own Guide Them, which also starred the duo of Coco Pommel and Babs Seed. How could I not be interested?

Coco Pommel has started work with Stealer-Orange productions, the job Rarity managed to win her thanks to her connection with the producer Mosely Orange. With this latest development, Coco feels so confident in her future that she decides to do something she’s always desired: adopt Babs Seed, whom she once rescued from child labor and slavery. It’s a long story.

When you see the description and look at the cover art, what do you expect to find? If you’re like me, you expect to see a story in which Coco and Babs struggle to accept one another as a mother and daughter. This is the tale I wanted to see. So imagine my surprise when the story practically ignores that entire dynamic in favor of a lengthy fight against an evil producer who seeks to destroy the new family for no reason other than that he can. It’s a complete 180 and I did not appreciate it at all. But this is the story Quillamore chose, so it is the story I must review. A shame, really.

The first thing of note is the character of Coco Pommel, which is a curious choice on the author’s part. She is, to put it simply, weak. Weak in will, meek in voice. Not in a Fluttershy way, mind you, but in the sense that she constantly doubts herself and allows herself to do things she knows are bad for her because she just can’t muster up the will necessary to stand up for herself. As someone who loves strong female roles, it annoyed me to no end, especially in the beginning when she allows herself to remain in an abusive relationship for no reason beyond her fears.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Coco is a bad character. In fact, the whole theme here is uplifting: a mare who starts off as little more than a feeble punching bag gradually gaining confidence and strength in the name of her new family. By the end of the story, Coco is like an entirely new mare, and that’s something to be proud of. It’s a wonderful tale of independence and rebirth.

A shame Babs had to suffer for it. This story is so heavily centered on Coco’s character growth that Babs is largely left as a side character. She gets a few moments to shine, but for the most part this is a Coco story. That’s unfortunate when you consider the description and cover art heavily implies Babs is going to be an equal player in this tale. She mostly acts as a victim in need of protecting and rescue. I get it, she’s just a filly, but it still seemed like a mild slap in the face of a character with so much potential. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the finale, in which she is very intentionally removed from the scenario so that Coco can get 100% of the spotlight.

Ultimately, I’m okay with this. It’s disappointing that we were deceived into thinking one thing and given something else, but I can understanding if Quillamore’s plans changed as the story went on for four years. I can vouch for how easy a trap that is to fall in. From the perspective that this was a gradually shifting tale over such a long writing time, I really shouldn’t judge it too harshly.

What I will judge harshly is the writing style, which could use a lot of improvements. The story’s prose is dry, long-winded, and devoid of show. The dialogue in particular is problematic and may be the story’s biggest weakness. Every character sounds like every other character, such that without saidisms (which sometimes go absent) you would have no idea who was speaking what lines. The story is also devoid of emotion due to Quillamore’s apparent allergic reaction to anything that isn’t a period or question mark. There’s not abusing exclamation marks, and then there’s not using them at all, and this author lands solidly in the latter category.

I was so confused at times. Wait, that character was screaming? Really? You mean she’s angry? I had no idea until you expressly said so after the entire speech is over and written as if part of a college lecture put on by the least qualified public speaker in Equestria. Wait, was that a joke he just told? He said it in such a stoic manner I totally missed it.

This problem exists from beginning to end. I seriously think Quillamore utilized a single exclamation mark in the entire story. There’s no effort to play with the text to emphasize anything, and as such all of it – all of it – reads in the same constant monotone and speed. This is not how you engage a reader.

To make matters worse, Quillamore has an unfortunate habit of stopping in the middle of important events to wax on for several paragraphs about Coco’s thoughts. Critical dialogue is broken up by long descriptions making sure you understand all the impacts of what was just said, whether you need them or not. And the scenes that could have the most emotion, those which we all want and need to see? Forget about them; Quillamore would rather skip them entirely in favor of dull exposition and summary.

This was most apparent in Babs’ biggest, most important moment in the story, where she stands up to an evil mare and basically tells her to go screw herself. And after all the effort and struggle it took to get to that moment, are we allowed to see the satisfying results? Nope. Babs said her piece, moving on. Let’s water down what could have been a glorious moment with some quick summary and dismiss the second most important villain of the piece, never to be heard from again.

After slogging through hundreds of thousands of words to get this far, I expect to be rewarded for my patience, darn it! And that means seeing the bad guy lose, not hearing about it afterwards.

I could go on, for there are certainly other issues of note, but I think this has gone on long enough. To summarize, Quillamore has a wonderful story here with a delightful theme. And the content of that story is good, from Coco’s initial weakness to her ultimate rebirth as a new, independent, powerful mare. But it is held back significantly by dull prose, a terrible habit of skipping important scenes and extrapolating instead of showing us events, and the false promise of its opening. I praise the author for their ambition and devotion to the story, but strongly encourage them to try shifting to a more active and interesting prose.

Bookshelf: Worth It

Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!


Stories for Next Week:
Time Turner's Discordian Detective Agency: The Missing Kitten of Inspiration by Rodinga
Grouchisaurus Rex by Baal Bunny
Records of an Academy Disaster by Fahrenheit
Gateway to Happiness by Spacecowboy
Sun Blocked by ambion
Eyes in the Reflection by Chapter 13
Ice Paved Trees by Regidar
Baby Limestone Rides to War by CoffeeMinion
Immortal Blood by SPark
The Clown Sentry by R5h


Recent Review Map:

Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXVII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXL
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIII

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Comments ( 13 )

Thanks for the kind words on To Choose the Light... it was a really tough one. Your comment about the omission of going to find Sarabi is interesting - my original pass had an attempt in there. It was ridiculously awkward and in a later pass, after trying to rethink it several times, I just pulled it out. But I hadn't really considered that it was, indeed, a point that a reader might be looking towards. It's worth a little more thought.
I've often thought that there are a few parts that need expansion, a little too much 'tell', but the story was always meant as a bit of a 'scratch this itch', so I don't know if I'll actually revisit it. But it's nice to see it had a few moments that someone enjoyed. Thanks again!

I appreciate your critique, and for one thing, I never noticed my failure to use exclamation points! I’ll be sure to use them more in my future stories! (Like so.)

Also, do you have any recommendations for handling the dialogue issue? I’ve always wondered how to make it not look like there are huge chunks of dialogue (I.e. a page of dialogue) and was always under the impression that readers liked having something to break it up. What are some better ways you could recommend? Or some tips for differentiating character voice without relying on dialect too much?

(To clarify on that last one, I’m much more used to academic-type writing, the type of thing they teach in creative writing classes. I started having a character swear and use slang in a novel I’m writing, and as much as I’m used to it now, her lines appalled me at first because they didn’t seem “highbrow”, like my professors taught me.)

I will admit, though, that the switch to drama can be jarring for some people. When I first started it years ago, I was far worse at SoL writing, so I relied on the drama as a crutch sometimes. That’s why I put it in to begin with, really.

I’m very glad you appreciated Coco’s development, and I honestly admit Babs could’ve used way more. Thanks for the review, by the way!

I think the show did revisit PeeWee once, where you could see some photos of him and Spike, and it basically implied he'd given him back to his parents (or possibly some other phoenixes).

"I Feel Fantastic!" was an odd bird for me. I like JawJoe's writing, but it took such a superficial dip into exactly what Twilight's issue was and why it made her feel that way that it was hard to empathize much. She acted realistically as someone who was in avoidance mode, but when I don't understand her motivation on anything but a surface level, it just kind of passes by without affecting me much. It's been so long since I read it that I don't even remember it.

"Look Up" is one I enjoyed, and I would have recommended it to you, except I was keeping to stories under 1k views, or at last not much more than that. It took a couple rounds to clean it up, but the author did get it in very nice shape.

I haven't read "The Cellist of Saraneighvo." I've heard numerous people talk about it, and that talk is always one of two things: either saying it was very well done or that it was just a ponification of a real-life event. So I dunno...

"The Cookie Cadet Caper" was lots of fun, but it seriously needed an editing pass. I was disappointed that the author never cared to make one, since that's probably the easiest thing to fix in a story.

If what JawJoe wants is a cynical Twilight, he must have really loved the movie.

4968862

I think the show did revisit PeeWee once, where you could see some photos of him and Spike, and it basically implied he'd given him back to his parents (or possibly some other phoenixes).

I was going to say the same thing. I thought the episode’s credits showed a bunch of photographs of Spike and Peewee, concluding with Peewee’s return to his own kind. I could be totally wrong, of course. It’s been ages since I’ve seen that one, and my once-encyclopedic memory has largely been chewed up by real life.

I know it's difficult to believe, coming from me, but "I Feel Fantastic!" wasn't some "Twilicorn sucks" thing. It was more about the anxiety (or more like nervous breakdown) induced by the sudden realisation that you are now an adult. Which in Twilight's case coincides with becoming a princess, thematically. I also didn't put any actual effort into the story; I just blasted it out in one sitting because I had a nervous breakdown realising that I was now an adult I randomly felt like it one day I guess. Calling it forgettable is completely fair. Twilicorn sucks tho

4968956
>implying I watched it

4969052
I think you should. It’s got almost everything you want: a silly bad guy, a silly final battle, more whimsical than not, memorable songs, and unlike the show, Twilight is an actual cynic: she’s constantly in a state of distrust, she lies, she steals, and whatever else. I guess the only thing that’s missing is Celestia’s status as a meta-adult, which seems negligible considering her minimal screen time in both the movie and the show.

4969052
4969090
I recall thinking that while Twilight Sparkle was a cynic to everyone, mistrusting and suspicious, Princess Twilight is only cynical and distrustful of anyone who didn't originate in Equestria. My, my, what would Celestia think if she knew she put wings and a crown on a racist xenophobe?

4969098
Twilight was hardly a cynic in the show. When they first met Zecora she was one of the least suspicious.

Telling Pinkie “I would be better off without a friend like you” never happens in the show.

4969107
I think Zecora still counts as Equine, and so wouldn't earn any of that negativity. And while Twilight never did say something like that in the show, I have no doubt that the original would have under the right circumstances.

Gosh, Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch... I don't think I've read anything by them since Stitch was Inky Jay (as they still are in their profile text!) -- I can't remember what (it wasn't this) but I do remember thinking it was fun but badly needed editing. If The Cookie Cadet Caper had improved on that front, I might give it a look at some point, but Pascoite's comment sadly suggests not.

And once again I've read precisely zero of next week's fics! :P

Thank you very much for the review. Look Up was one of several of my stories born out of "spite" for the way other authors tended to handle the characters of the show. While I pride myself on having done a more sensible take on them, I must admit I have my own issue with taking that approach too far, which weakens or outright removes the idyllic nature of MLP:FiM in my story. This defeats the purpose of setting a story in said universe in the first place. Sure, "realism" is hard to argue with, but the MLP universe is its own thing for a reason, problems are supposed to be solved in it, serving as an example to us and the problems of our own world.

So yes, in retrospect, I should have made the ending feel more uplifiting, rather than leave the characters with gaping emotional wounds, though at the time I felt like I did do that. Not my best work, but definitely one of the better ones in my opinion. Glad you enjoyed it.

And yes I will finish Wires someday, stop reminding me! :raritydespair:

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Sent you a PM. My response to this is far too long for the comments section!

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