• Member Since 7th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

Dark Avenger


"Un bon mot ne prouve rien." (Voltaire)

Sequels1

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(NOTE: This is not a ship-fic. No romance here, just somepony trying to cheer up her friend. Move along. Nothing to see here...)

Based on the scene at the very end of "The Last Roundup": Pinkie Pie and Rarity are left stranded in the Badlands, their long and agonizing journey home requiring them to spend a night alone in the desert. It is here that the latter discovers a painful secret hidden beneath her friend's constant cheerful demeanor.

Despite not being the one famous for bringing a smile to everypony's face wherever she goes, the exhausted (and most unacceptably filthy) fashionista does everything in her power to make her happy again...

(Now with a sequel: link)

(Submission for Equestrian Harmonics' second group contest, prompt #1)

(Featured on EQD and added to Twilight's Library)

(A million thanks to Pre-reader 63.546 from EQD for helping me turn this story into something decent!)

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 92 )

Good, a little short but I like it. Raripie friendshipping is always nice. :pinkiesmile::raritywink:

Not bad really. I don't know why you are calling this your worst story ever because this was decent. Have a like :pinkiehappy:

3559749

It's rushed. I could have done ten times better... :pinkiesad2:

Thanks for the like, though... :twilightsmile:

3559771

The pacing was quick yes but you still took advantage of the feels and the friendshiping. Sure you probably feel like you could have done better but don't be so down on your own story man :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Not bad, not bad at all.

Your worst story ever... May I call Iron Will minus the man.

This is one of the better friendshipping stories that I've read, actually. I'm normally not a fan of them, but this one actually made me feel slightly bad for Pinkie Pie. The rushed pacing doesn't bother me; I call it efficiency.

Dawww. Cute slice there, DA. Bonus point gor composing the song.

3560201 what is Iron Will? (What creature is he?)

3560211 now remove the Minos from minotaur and what are you left with?

3560219

Oh... I get it... :trollestia:

So I guess that means you enjoyed the story... :duck:

3560233 yes, it was very good.

3560319 nope a constellation.

3560786 +2 on will saves. Lycanthropes get it as a bonus feat.

3560795>>3560786

You two seem to be having fun... :trollestia:

3560802 maybe... I rolled a 15 on my hide check.

3560812>>3560802
You can't catch me, fools! I cast plane shift and leave to search for Smooze on the Plains of Leng.

I'll be back, with Smooze!

I love friendshipping, especially when it's these two. It was a little short, and you could tell it was rushed but I just can't deny some good 'ol fashioned friendship between two ponies.

Thank you.

3560865 praise smooze. Also if you meet Kurtalmak in your travels complain at him. He owes me 5gp.

3560939

Thanks!

In my defense (just to get rid of all the false modesty), I don't think it was necessary to pad it out any further, so I have no problem with it when it comes to the actual length of the story. The presentation, however, is indeed a bit rushed... :twilightblush:

Not going to touch it again until the contest is over, though...

Well. Frigging. Done. I mean, WOW. Very well done. I'm impressed. The characterization was spot on, the physiological analysis of Pinkie and Rarity was great, and the idea that Pinkie has a ton more going on in her head, not all of it happy, is a wonderful thought to behold. It makes her more real, lovable, and relatable. "For what is a fool but a great actor?"

Continue this, please. More on this little relationship, the way the two converse, the jealousy of Twilight, Pinkie's background...Please, do continue! I look forward to seeing much, MUCH more.

This story should be featured. It's wonderful. :raritystarry: Also, you are a great songwriter. Personally, I loved that song. :twilightblush:

3562519

Well, even if I'll do that, I have to wait until the contest is over. But I'm also currently torn between wanting to expand this a little (just to set the pacing straight, and make it more than just "an excuse to shove a song in there"), and just leaving it as it is. So far, I think everything that needed to be said in this story has been said. The only thing that I'm certain needs some improvement is the way it's said...

3562981

Thanks! I wish I could do a proper recording of it... :pinkiesad2:

Lovely story. Lots of heart and soul, which is what makes a story noteworthy to me. I like the song, too. Keep it up.:pinkiehappy:

A very sweet and beautiful story...that felt much like an episode due to Rarity's line at the end about 'especially rainbows'.

3954387

Thank you! :duck:

This really deserves it.

Are you implying that there are many who don't? :trollestia:

3954411

Are you implying that there are many who don't? :trollestia:

Heh. I think it would be most wise not to answer this question c:

~Twi

Just feels right to put it here. Great fic, my friend.

4066560

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I'm seeing so many Frozen-related things these days, I may just end up watching it... :derpytongue2:

How is the song related to the story, though? Kinda upbeat compared to its content... :unsuresweetie:

4066603

You must watch it. Wonderful film.

As for how it relates, I see the song as a warning as well as a fun song because of one certain line. You'll see why in the film.

I wonder what Rarity did to Rainbow when they got back :pinkiecrazy:

4080097

Well, Rarity did just reinforce her friendship with a certain pony who excels at making baked goods. Anything could happen... :trollestia:

I enjoyed reading this dramtic peace. It reminded me of the few drama things I went through. Aahh, only if it didn't piss me off thinking about that... Not sure why, because they were very sentimental like this. Just... it stinks thinking back to these kind of moments and knowing it was useless still.

The details and writing itself was pretty good. I liked it and look forward to seeing anything else from you. Something that I really liked was the part where pinkie Pie just did some extraordinary stuff. Her randomness and epic abilities just makes her best pony for me. Pinkie Pie was very in character here, even her sad state. Rarity though... Could use a few more dears, darlin's, and honey's in her dialogue. Rarity's song was also pretty good, though it took me a second to realize it was supposed to be upbeat and not slow. XD

That last comment about rainbows though really caught me by surprise. Should have seen the 'wtf' face I had before breaking into a smile and laughing. It goes well with your whole thing about warding shippers away. S'like the punchline to a joke.

Great story! Off to check on your others now. :3

Quaver Ava

4093600

Thank you for the comment! :twilightsmile:

You're actually the second person that I (clearly) remember telling me that one of my stories reminded them of real life things that they've gone through. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear that, since to me it means that my stories managed to move at least one person beyond the level of maybe giving a like and a fave and then moving on.

Your thoughts on Rarity in this fic got me thinking. On one hand, I believe it was right to portray her this way, since it would be silly for her to keep to her "darlings" and whatnot in such a desperate situation. After all, both characters are pretty much stripped down to their bones here. On the other hand, it might have been better to show that, despite the circumstances, she will always insist on portraying herself as ladylike (though I'm not sure I need to achieve that effect using more of her speech gimmicks... :trollestia:)

I don't blame you for being misled by the lyrics. It's jazz (well... jazz-y, to be honest), so the lyrical structure isn't exactly conventional. Still, it does feel a bit awkward until one has a firm grasp of the music behind it. Glad you enjoyed it, though!

As for the ending, while I didn't want the story to feel like a long joke with a punchline at the last bit of dialogue, I did still wish to end on a high note, at least compared to the other "sad" story I've published here.

4095065 Getting to a point where it personally touches someone is always a great highlight for any author or artist. It's something that many only dream of for some of their things. And most others don't bother to think about. XD
Post that story and give me attention! > :3

I haven't looked at your other sad story though I have read a good bit into the Zecora fic. It was really interesting, but I was drunk while reading it and fell asleep one third of the way... Now I can't remember half the stuff I read and I don't want to reread it again. XD
Still though I know it was a good story and well written. It seemed like it was opening up to a Zecora back story sort of thing with a lot of potential and adventure. You sir do have a good hand with creativity and I encourage you to continue. I'll be looking forward to seeing new material from you and hoping it picks my interest. (Super picky with my stories.)

Good day and God bless.

4096857

In case you're interested, the other work of mine to have such an effect on someone was this one. (Yes, I intentionally linked the final chapter of it. The rest of the series is a bit... different...)

This is perfect.
The relationship between Rarity and Pinkie...
Would you believe that I had a VERY similar conversation with a Pinkie Pie roleplayer, and I, of course, was roleplaying Rarity?
It's almost as if it's based on that...:rainbowhuh:

I guess my sadness detector is broken. While the characters are certainly sad, and believably so, I don't see this specific story as sad.

That being said, it's still a nice bit of Pinkie and Rarity characterization, worth a like :pinkiehappy::raritywink:

4163679

Unfortunately, there is no "normal" tag, and I couldn't tag it both "comedy" and "sad" (since it has some of both), so I decided to go with the emotion that is most prominent in this fic.

I'm glad you like it! :twilightsmile:

4162690

Thank you!

Was the RP rated "E" for "everyone"? :trollestia:

Well, let's see here, what to say...

Honestly, this was alright, but it didn't really feel... good. It started off kind of slow, and continued on, and had some dialogue, but... it just didn't feel really strong anywhere. There was no bit of it that really shone to me, nothing that burned brightly.

I liked the idea behind it, but it didn't leave me with the feeling afterwards that I had consumed something that was worthy of consumption. It did not leave me filled.

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