• Member Since 7th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Dark Avenger


"Un bon mot ne prouve rien." (Voltaire)

E
Source

Twilight Sparkle writes a letter to Princess Luna...





(Many thanks to "Pre-reader 63.546" from EQD for all the help with the editing)
(Now with a dramatic reading by Kaoticon) (link)

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 115 )

I really enjoyed this. Nopony really listens unless it's absolutely necessary, and most things go unnoticed or without thanks. Twilight is spot on here, and I particularly like how guilty she is about Spike. I literally have no qualms about this story, good job. :rainbowkiss:

I may like it so much since Twilight, Spike, and Luna are all some of my most favorites as well as the characters I relate to the most. I have many of the same problems their characters do, as far as mental stuff goes and this is just how people talk about it. It isn't a comfortable subject so they struggle with their words, adding more believability to the story. :twistnerd:

I hope that we continue to see wonderful works like this that make us think and reflect. There are too few authors that write like this, myself included. I wish I could write like this, but I think I enjoy reading it enough to make up for that. So anyway, thanks for this wonderful little gem. :pinkiehappy:

Sometimes the best thoughts are pure and unfiltered, points of great importance are realized in the wee hours, and an unbiased ear is all we really need.

4999928
4999986

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad the story was enjoyable for you. :twilightsmile:

this was interesting. i'd really like to know Luna's reply, though... maybe a chapter two is in order? unless you wanted to leave the ending as kind of an open interpretation to the reader.... Am I wording this right? it's kind of late here, too. Or is it early? anyway, nice story and I hope this comment made sense. :)

5000191

maybe a chapter two is in order?

I'm thinking about it. It will most likely require another sleepless night with a desire to write... :ajsmug:

I've seen your name around a lot.
Maybe I should see what you're capable of.

*clicks read later button*

5000218 It would be great if you did do a second chapter. I shall be waiting/hoping for it from this day on. :pinkiehappy::twilightblush:

This was a masterpiece it gave me a lot of feelings of sadness and also hope. When nobody listens to you and only listens to you when their in the thick of it and your friends do things that you can't you feel confused. The hope of the next day will be better then the day of tomorrow is amazing and pretty. Writers like you deserve followers.
:fluttercry: i'm gonna cry from this :twilightblush:

5000191

I agree. I would really like to see Luna's response to this.

While this was nice, I couldn't enjoy it. The characterization of Twilight's relationship with her friends just felt... Off. While at least one of them could have been guilty of... not treating one or another of Twilight's worries with gravity, I find it impossible to imagine that the rest would do the same. Especially after 'lesson zero'. For example, Rarity and Applejack would never be accused of

leaning back and drifting away with the current

5001504

It's more of an outburst based on a bit of an emotional low point for Twi. Or, at least, that's how I like to look at it. Also, while Rarity and AJ are indeed the most "serious" ("mature"?) among Twilight's friends, their approach to life as a whole doesn't seem nearly as... passionate, I suppose, as Twilight's own. The wedding episode is referenced for a reason, and there are several other examples ("It's About Time," beginning of "Luna Eclipsed," her worrying about the test in "The Crystal Empire") where Twilight's friends' reaction to her concerns is basically "Lighten up, Twi!"

To a person who is emotionally tense, one of the worst kinds of responses is to ask them to just "lighten up," even if it is the appropriate course of action. It's antipathy, even if unintentional, because the disturbed person desires, above all else, compassion from those around them. It isn't unlike how tension grows between Rarity and friends in the Manehattan episode: they don't take her ambitions seriously enough despite knowing how much the contest means to her.

That said, I didn't wish to imply that Twilight thinks this way of her friends. This is merely a snippet of a "bad day" in her life, where she finally decides to vent to somepony.

5000218
If that's the case, here's to insomnia :raritywink:

A good little bit of late night ramblings. It's understandable why she'd reach out to Luna when all her usual friends and mentor aren't giving her the advice she feels she truly needs.

5001655
Maybe it was just a few instances of word choice and phrasing that caught me off and left a sour taste in my mouth.
Like I said, it wasn't bad... Just didn't sit right with me.

I feel like this a lot but it has nothing to do with insomnia...:applejackunsure:
Also...sequel...?:pinkiesad2:

This is really top notch, Dav. I was wondering while reading if you had gone really far into character when writing it, and your previous comment confirms it. Staying up late, are we? :duck:

I have the same positives as people have already mentioned, but I just wanted to say kudos to you for going first person for a character from the show. I think it's tough to interest readers that way without offending their opinions of the narrator. I can see a few spots where it didn't come off perfectly, but on the whole I found it very believable.

I'll cross my fingers for a response. :twilightsmile:

5000218
It's not a "maybe". You left off with a cliffhanger. :P

5004040

Thank you very much for your comment! I'm glad it was a worthwhile experience.

Staying up late, are we?

One must walk the path in order to tell a story about it... :duck:

Then again, there have been times when I've written about stuff I've never experienced, yet people told me my description was more or less accurate... :rainbowderp:

5005106

On its own, that wouldn't guarantee a followup from me... :ajsmug:

But yeah, I'm thinking of something already...

Well, I read this.
Very melancholia. I like it. Grammar was good, too. Nice style.
The letter did feel like it dragged on for too long, if I'm honest. You could have made all the same points, had the same gravitas as with half the words, but reading it in Twilight's voice did make it feel authentic in spite of that.
Not a bad read at all. Suggested here.

Have a like. :twilightsmile:

5005908

Thank you very much! :raritystarry:

Yeah, the length may indeed be a little excessive, although not entirely unintentional. As others here have observantly pointed out, I "got into character" while writing this, so there wasn't any planned length or anything like that involved. I stopped it pretty much the way Twilight describes she did: when it felt like going on would be silly... :twilightsheepish:

is there going to be a response letter that we see?

5005355

One must walk the path in order to tell a story about it..

Karl May begs to differ. Nobody ever heard of Winnetou, right?

Or if you prefer more modern example, Tom Clancy...

I liked this. I empathized with this. I would love to see Luna's reply.

5006449 Tom Clancy certainly would have begged to differ. I will give you that one.

5006449

Did you not read what I said immediately after that line? :ajsmug:

But yeah, it's not a "universal law" or whatever. All it takes is good imagination, and one can write well about pretty much anything...

Although I doubt that Karl May or Tom Clancy could ever be mentioned as "the zenith of prose," so maybe the "law" still applies...

5007404
Sometimes. Sometimes thoroughknowledge of the subject matter can get in the way of enjoyment.
Do you think Indiana Jones would be half as enjoyable if it was firmly based on actual job of archaeologists?

5007549

Well, if it was about doing archeology in a place where you don't have permission to enter from the government... and maybe there are drug cartels nearby... and a secret military base... and a UFO crash site... :trollestia:

Seriously though, certain "boring" jobs get pretty intense when one is supposed to go to a ridiculously dangerous place to do it, and that does happen sometimes...

Quite the drawing story we have here. Very interesting. Very interesting.

5007404
A good imagination works wonders in being able to tell a very good story. Personal experience helps, but if you lack creativity and a knack for writing, all that experience will do nothing for you.

I find that research helps as well, to some extent, to fill in the gaps in some cases.

Will there be a response?

Poor Spike... I always feel sorry for him whenever he's turned into the messenger-dragon. All of those letters can't be good for the digestive track.

Since that conversation probably took about two minutes or so, I guess Luna needs at least 7 minutes to reply :D

Good to see this is continuing though.

5011026

Okay okay... at least I tried... :derpytongue2:

5011026 Little does our pretty purple pony know, Princess Luna practices an ancient form of speed-writing which is lost to modern ponies,

5011314

I was actually thinking about something like that... but then I remembered this little thing called "lampshade hanging," so... :twilightsheepish:

5006449 Pretty much every fantasy/fiction writer would beg to differ.

Or do we believe that J.R.R. Tolkien actually went to Middle Earth?

:raritywink:

5011949 I shall be visiting your mind tonight as you sleep... :pinkiecrazy:

5012201 The silhouette of a face grinning in the shadows, the gleaming eyes seen at the edge of vision from every mirror... there am I.

:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

5012510

Are you the guy who fixes the internet cable in my house? :trollestia:

I totally wouldn't see a problem with Luna writing a lengthy letter in five minutes. After all, what else can you do on the moon other than writing answer letters for problems that not yet have occurred?

5013065

Read the author's notes in the first chapter... :trixieshiftleft:

5013151
C'est un poids bien pesant qu'un nom trop tôt fameux.

My expectations of unannounced continuation obviously have overtaken an author yet again.

5013276

Oh wait... I get it... :rainbowlaugh:

fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/196.jpg

Sorry, I guess I was too tired to immediately figure out what you meant. :ajsleepy:

After all, what else can you do on the moon other than writing answer letters for problems that not yet have occurred?

That is actually so genius that I should probably use it in the followup chapter. :raritystarry:

Unless of course I count something similar that is already in there...

5012725 Nah. I'm the postman. :pinkiecrazy:

Interesting. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

so her writing needed to be far more coherent...

Wait, you were gonna have Luna send a sleep deprived letter to Twilight? :rainbowderp:

Dearest Twilight,

I know most ponies think that for some reason think that because I rule over the night, or something, that I will be awake at night... But, Faust dammit, you just woke me up at 3 AM.

Still, you seem to have some significant mental problems or something... Um...

Just be yourself.

Love,
Luna__________________

:rainbowlaugh:

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