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AShadowOfCygnus


'I am made from the dust of the stars, and the oceans flow in my veins: here I hide in the heart of the city, like a stranger coming out of the rain.'

T
Source

Recent archaeological expeditions to far-flung corners of the Old Kingdoms have revealed a wealth of pre-Celestian artefacts, dating as far back as the Hearthfire Wars. These artefacts shed a light on an era we of contemporary Equestria really know very little about, and the stories they share range from the highest court intrigues to the humblest backwater folktales.

This account, found engraved in the wall of an old Pegasi garrison known as the Eastmarch, relates the final night of a condemned mare, in one of the last wars of the pre-Celestian era. It has been translated for the benefit of the modern reader.

Pre-read by the inimitable Admiral Biscuit.
And now with a reading from resident crooner Illya Leonov.

Reviewed by Seattle's Angels,13 January 2018

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

A very interesting little story you have here. Nice job.

Oi, thatsa morbid one, it is. Good on them royal hornwingheadbarrels for ending such nonsense!

I like it, it's... my kind of story. Good job, author, good job.

So. Much. World-Building! Sure, this story is sad in a fatalistic, macabre sense. Yet, I love how this fleshed out pre-Unity Equestria,if only a little bit. Excellent job! :yay:

Really enjoyed this. A nice cultural exploration. I'd actually quite like to read more of this setting, either as records like this, or fully translated story.

So much world-building with so little words. Good job! o_o

This was so sad and good... I really enjoyed it. :pinkiesad2:

This was very nice, and I immensely enjoyed the style. I'm still a little confused at how one is both for all the tribes and against the Diarches.

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #103.

My review can be found here.

8017381 Well, now that's the question, isn't it? :trixieshiftright:

8016476 Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :pinkiehappy:

I think there's a lot to be explored in this period, though most of what else I've got typed up in my overflowing fic folder isn't nearly this transcendental. There's one longer-form one, Sundog, that has some promise, but that may take awhile to pull together exactly how I want it.

8020125 I see what you're trying to say, but my point is that the MC knows that they're the same--he explicitly states it.
Unless that flashback was from a really long time ago, and he's changed his unchanging beliefs in the intermitum?

8020229

the MC

The who, now? The protagonist is female.

he explicitly states it.

That is stated nowhere in the text.

Unless that flashback was from a really long time ago, and he's changed his unchanging beliefs in the intermitum?

The duel took place perhaps a month before the execution, and nothing has changed for Lexima in the interim save for the number of fine duellists she's slaughtered.

8020251 Ah, I see the hint now with the discussion with the one she killed. I had assumed she was male at first due to

I am reading back again, and I mentioned Procella-my-wife, and our foals.

I don't know why you quoted that "MC" part, though. I don't know why you assume that a main character has to be male.

I also realize now that I misread

The Diarchs threaten all. They have made all of us kin.

to mean "the Diarches have united the tribes". My apologies.

8020271 I assumed only that you meant 'main character'. You used male pronouns throughout your post; I simply highlighted the noun in my quote instead. Mostly because it's just gone 6.20 in the AM here, and I'm feeling laconic.

And no worries. Glad we could clear up the misconception.

8020276 Ah, sorry about that. my English teachers always taught that in formal writing you should just use "he" when you don't know the gender of a character.

The chains of tradition choke just as easily as they bind this army. Even if the rebels' fate were uncertain, it would be sealed if they keep blindly and inflexibly culling their own. But that foolishness is precisely what they're fighting for, isn't it?

An excellent tragedy that says so much with so little. Thank you for it.

8024631 You're most welcome. :twilightsmile: I expect there'll be more in this vein at some point.

And yes. Some combination of bullheadedness, terror of the unknown, and sheer screaming frustration as their world falls apart around them. Sound familiar?

History is certainly written by the victors, but the stories and history of the defeated can be just as invaluable. Were the Alicorns enlightened peace keepers, or ruthless autocrats with delusions of godhood determined to rule the world? I suppose it depends on your point of view. Great job.

This is an interesting story.

I love stories like this, great job :twilightsmile:

Hanging Danny Deever By Rudyard Kipling

Thought this was a Skyrim Crossover but I guess not...

They cut the wing-cords so you cannot fly

Oh Jesus, that sound awful.

Good read.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I see why this got so much attention. :D

Love the mix of dark and light, and sense of decline in adversity going on here. Bleak might be the word.

Certainly whets the appetite for more information about just what's happening at a larger scale, and why the people involved believe what they do.

This is good... some very well crafted world building here, I like it. Equestria was made when the Royal Sisters unified the tribes, but how exactly that happened and what preceded it is shrouded in myth and festive legend. I like this very much.

Hap
Hap #30 · Feb 17th, 2018 · · 1 ·

This was quite interesting, but I found it very confusing. Even after reading it through three times, I can't nail down the main character's gender. Word of Author in the comments declares that Lexima is female, but nothing in the text supports that besides the way Belua addresses her - and he could have just as easily called a stallion "mare" and "cunt" as they were clearly terms of disrespect.

As much as I'd like to say that Lexima's gender doesn't matter, there are clearly defined gender roles in the world painted by this story - even if we as readers don't know exactly what they are. The motivation behind killing Belua and rescuing the foal would be very different for Lexima as a mare or stallion. I've read the story both ways. It's very different.

Furthermore, I really don't know where Lexima stands with regard to the diarchs. I don't know what she fights for, what she believes in, beyond protecting a foal from a brutal crime.

This was a beautiful and terrifying look at the last moments of someone who knows what is coming, but I feel it could have been more impactful if we had a clearer picture of who Lexima was and what her motivations were.

I enjoyed the theme of change. Lexima's entire world was in the middle of being turned upside down, and there she was in the middle of all that, not worrying or wondering, just doing. Some of the ponies couldn't handle the change, but although she can handle one pony, her tribe isn't ready to change.

This was a thoughtful, dramatic piece, but I think it fell a bit short of what it could have been. Still, it is one of those stories that will stick with the reader, something that will stay on your mind long after it's finished.

8741263
No. Flatly.

The point of a story like this is not to disambiguate. It is not to tell. It is not to give away. It is to leave you with exactly that sick feeling of confusion and uncertainty, and to leave you to draw your own conclusions. Anything more I added to it would be taking away from the basic premise of the ever-murky interpretation of historical accounts.

'Cos, let's face it -- this is a translation (1) of a middingly-preserved (2) personal accounting (3) of events for which there is no definitive historical record (4). That's four points of ambiguity just within the structure of the story itself. Even if there were more concrete detail, how would you ever be able to trust it?

Hap
Hap #32 · Feb 18th, 2018 · · 1 ·

8742423
Fair enough. Ambiguity leaves something for the reader to think about afterwards. Confusion can be disconcerting, and leave a reader off-balance so you can hit them with a plot point that knocks them over. I just don't feel like the confusion and ambiguity worked out that way in this story. Not for me, at least, not entirely. It's clear that there were some readers for whom it did work out that way, I'm just not one of them.

I still mean to review this. In case I never get around to it, let me just say I think this is a great story.

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