• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen September 18th

Merc the Jerk

Merc's fic guide: by Bookplayer: Is there kicking and/or punching? [Yes/No] Have you considered adding kicking and/or punching? [Yes/No] Have you considered adding more kicking and/or punching?


Comments ( 124 )

This was just super fun to write, especially with you guys. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!

Great Faust that was awesome! :rainbowkiss:


Hopefully the fic'll live up to your expectations. :trollestia:


I'm glad you liked. Thanks for taking the time to read it. :ajsmug:

'Bout time somebody wrote a fic based on that picture.

was this inspired by payday the heist?

Actually, we just picked the pic because it fit the story, at least to a decent enough extent.

Merc'll have to back me up on this one, since the idea (and any inspiration) was his originally, but I believe this was one of the things he mentioned, yes. Neither JJ or I have played it, however, heh. So, for my part, no,


Guess that ending means there's more coming eh sirrah? :pinkiecrazy:

-edit finished reading in 27 minutes. Need moar. o.o

This made me want to watch the "Italian Job" I think thats what the movie was called, but this was purly the best one shot i've red so far! :twilightsmile:

Hmm, niiiiiice. You get a mustache, fave and upvote. :moustache:

I hope to see a sequel.:fluttershysad:


Love that game. And to answer your earlier question: Yes, I was kinda inspired by Payday.

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A sequel? Now why on earth would we do that? *liarJack*

Oh, excuse me then. You probably didn't have the material anyway...:raritywink:

What a fun read. Wouldn't mind seeing more. :D

1781880 "Dosh! Grab it while you can, lads!"

No other words would describe this but fuckin awesome.


Great story, maybe you guys could even make a sequel? But it's your decision I bet it would be great too.

Why has this story so little views and likes? This is amazing, I know it is a human fic and somehow those score bad but this was great. And somehow I can't imagine this with ponies, it wouldn't be gritty enough.
I certainly want a sequel. I want to see (guess a mob-boss) Celestia going down. And the roles of the other ponies inside this universe. Where is Luna, Gilda, Trixie and Shining Armor. Celestia is very mighty inside (and outside) Camelot and the Mane 6 need more allies to defeat her.
And I want to see plans like in Ocean Eleven/Italian Job/Mad Money. You read about a few things that happen but you will only find out about the crazy plan when it happens.

Because it's a pretty big curve you've got to overcome when you don't already have a decent following awaiting your stories. To me, Merc is one of the sadly most undeservedly unknown authors around. Doing what I can to help with that, but I'm even MORE unknown, haha. Best thing you can do, man, is just spread the word.

I suppose I could say that, yes, we're going to do a sequel, though I'm not spoiling any details. Just be on the lookout!

Also, heh, yeah--Merc had his inspiration in Payday, mine was Ocean's Eleven. So, who knows what the future will have in store? Thanks for the kind words, guys.

Is it weird that i was listening to Boccherini's "Minuet" while reading this? Good piece of writing though, definitely on my watch list.

Merc, JJ, and I appreciate such a comment! Very happy you enjoyed it--make sure you read Merc and JJ's other stories (and give JJ your Watch as well!).


Well, that was fairly damn awesome. Ponies, guns, violence swearing and Appledash the OTP. Seems like a story made for me. (Also seems a little like the story I wrote, but that's probably just coincidence).
I'm interested in seeing a follow up chapter, or maybe something that's a little more... slow paced? This feels like the intro to a story, not a story in and of itself. I'm very much interested in seeing a bit more world building and characterizing. Why's the tyrant so bad? What are the personal consequences they all experience for killing what were probably some fairly innocent cops. Does that sniper who had his knee caps shot out develop a grudge and track them down on his lonesome? (probably not, but it might be cool)
The action was a tad unrealistic, but eh, I liked it well enough. Not much else to say. This was a fairly simple story, though I'd be interested in more flashbacks and the like. It'd be cool to see how Dash and AJ got together, and how this group became friends, and why it is that 'the tyrant' (who is either Nightmare or Celestia) decided to screw Jack over.


We have plans. Oh yes.

So many plans.

Oh my goodness, I couldn't love this fic any more. It was exciting, moving, and so well written. A couple things that make me especially happy: I love the AppleDash. You put in exactly the right amount, too, not enough to make it sappy but just enough to make it important to the characters and reader. (well, to me. I'm not exactly going in as an objective reader, of course.)

This part is going to sound weird: I'm a smoker, and I love that you made AJ and Dash smokers. It's weird to pick such a little detail, but as someone who sees it constantly demonized, I appreciate seeing it as a part of life for people when I can get it. It makes perfect sense for the characters in my mind- they're the two most independent of the characters, the least likely to listen to other people's advice or care about what they think. And despite her athletics, I could totally see Dash doing it to calm her nerves. Anyway, I know it's just a tiny detail, but I thought it was neat and not something I expected. So thanks!

Anyway, I'm leaving this on my ereader, I'll probably read it again, and would definitely read a sequel (or even a prequel), if you wanted to write one!

That was so effing cool. I don't even.

Action accompanied by a slice of Appledash? Please tell me there's a sequel - you got the hook in there, and the characters were all so damn great it'd be a shame not to rejoin them for another heist. I don't know how you guys got them across so well while having them shoot up a bank, but you did it and made it really believable. This was also one of the few fics that really had me on the edge of my seat while reading - it was more like watching a movie (although I do read with background music, so maybe that helps). So yeah, not only did the fic based on the picture get written, it got written super well. Thanks for an exciting read, and if you come up with anything else I'll be sure to look into that too :pinkiehappy:

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Come up with any else? A sequel? *looks at JJ and Merc* They literally have no idea what's in store for them, do they? Heh.

Thank you all for your kind words. I especially enjoyed your comment Ladyhart--a movie is exactly what this should feel like. Or at least that was my intention when Merc brought up the idea. And that we got the characters so well down! That really makes my morning--even though we each mostly handled two characters a piece (which I think we'll keep secret to further cement this as one solid piece rather than a collaboration).

Honestly, it started as such a simple idea--Merc just came up to us all hyped with a bare bones plot and we went it from there. I'm really pleased that we managed to create something so enjoyable more or less as we went along. The fact that we're beginning to build around it in leaps and bounds...well... Between the three of us, be on the lookout for a LOT more.

That was really epic. Hope for sequels :pinkiehappy:

Love the character - weapon choices.

Holy. Shit.

This fic... I think this has to be one of my favorite fics of all time. I haven't read anything quite like this related to MLP. The whole grittiness of the story in our world was a breath of fresh air. I loved your characterizations and weapon choices for each of them. The personalities felt spot on (hell, they felt even more vibrant than usual because it showed them in a different light than we usually see. I was expecting good characters, but this surpassed my expectations) and I loved that you included all of the character development with them outside of being robbers. The scene at the end with Dash and AJ where they talk about the blood on their hands and the tree was perfect. I loved everything about this story. This was the first time I've read any sort of fic where Spike x Rarity wouldn't feel strange to me. (and I love Appledash so that's a plus too. Their relationship in this was written wonderfully. It felt so comfortable. I'm used to reading AD where the relationship starts off, and the ones I've read where it's established just don't feel as natural and right as it does in this). The characters, their interactions, the mature/gritty aspects... all of it felt perfectly balanced. I don't often give such high praise, but I really loved this fic that much.
It would be awesome to see some high-quality fan art inspired by this. The image of each character was strong enough and the setting is different enough that images based off of this idea could be really really cool.
I can imagine them so clearly after reading this. Like a profile of Twilight sitting against a wall with one knee up, most of her out of frame, robber mask pushed up to the crest of her forehead, bangs sticking out from under it to form a mostly neat line above her eyes. Inspecting her gun or holding it nonchalantly, a slight frown on her face with disinterested, calm eyes. I wish I could make visual art anywhere near well enough to make images like that. Anyways, I'm rambling...

The only thing I can comment on in terms of quality is that there were a few typos here and there. As for everything else, I have no suggestions for improvement.

Amazing job.
I've never used this emote before, by the way. Please, take all of my moustaches. 6/5

Edit: It's been about an hour since I finished reading this. Just took a shower and have been going about my life, but this story is still on my mind. It's a sign of a great work when it sticks with you long after it's over. Thank you for writing this. It is, without a doubt, a new favorite of all time. Hope you all have been having a nice night. Take it easy~

And my night was just made. I also won't mention that a sequel is currently being written. Nope, not gonna talk about that at all.


Wow. Thank you so much for the comment. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad me and my bro's were able to provide something you enjoyed so much.

Don't worry, like PC's said, we've got a few cards up our sleeves for the next one.

*Warning, blatent self-promotion ahead*

While you're waiting for the next chapter, though, might I suggest one of my other works? I hear The Laughing Shadow is quite popular with the cool kids.

*End blatant self-promotion*

But yeah, seriously. We're all humbled at how much positive feedback we've received. Gentlemen like you make doing this stuff fun.

You assume there were shitty parts m'dear.

This was I very well done story and I think the scenes with Spike were my favorite scenes, he was the computer guy who kept back and observed everything he set everything up and was every bit the genius Twila is. I really look forward to reading any further installments to this you come up with. :pinkiehappy:

Wow. Never before had I even thought to dream about thinking of a scenario like this. I especially liked the part where Izzy says, "Damn, we're in a tight spot.". That instantly made me think of the movie "O, Brother, Where Art Thou?". The scene where they are all in the upper part of the barn being slightly peppered with machine-gun fire and George Cloony's character repeats that line several times. I laughed so hard, you don't even know, man! :rainbowlaugh:


Yes! I'm glad someone caught that nod! I had that line and one from the Princess Bride in there.

I've seen that movie more times than I can count. Which line was it? If I go back and read it, I'll remember the part. :pinkiesmile:

1797093Well I'm just gonna have to follow you both and upvote the shit out of anything you guys post. :moustache:

Heh, I appreciate that like you won't believe, mate. Make sure you give JJ GingerHooves your attention too!

2006853 Oh yes, I am stalking....I mean FOLLOWING you all. Good luck to you all and I wait 'patiently' for any and all updates on things.

I'm not sure how but I clicked the thumbs up button and it when from 70 straight to 72...weird. This was a great story and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Heh, then you seem to be doubly special. Thanks for the thumb!

i thought this fic could have done fine without the shipping but thats just me.:pinkiehappy: since its an action fic and it never said anything about shipping. because of that the shipping felt really out of place for me. so i cant upvote this sorry.

My God, just reading this took a lot out of me.

In the beginning, the entire story was just one big escalation of "what the fuck" shooting it's way around my head. But you know what?

My smile never stopped growing either.

This really is something special, something so overpoweringly different that it just never leaves you. Like I said before, this entire situation was so surreal, like it wasn't actually happening, like this could never happen, but it did. And you know what? It was amazing. The entire thing. From start to finish. It was intense, adrenaline was high, you injected addictive feeling with perfect timing and placement, and it all went off without a hitch. Oh, and the writing was to die for.

And as for what TwiPieDash said about the shipping, that it was out of place? It wasn't, not one bit. Hell, it was real. I say it added that one bit more, a little natural occurrence to make it all the better. Man, and to speak about 'that one little bit', you guys killed it with all those little genius ways you added pieces to the characters, like Dash and her cars, the tree, the cigarettes, you built them up by seamlessly sliding these little itty bitty things into the narration, and I loved it. And oh God, don't get me started on the flashbacks (oh dear sweet Jesus the flashbacks).

It just... it just is.

Whoof. Man, if it seems like I'm gushing it's because I am, by the way.

Okay, I do have one complaint over all of this, however. What this entire story is about? They just robbed a God damn bank. They just killed people! As well as this is written, and as much as I enjoyed it, I don't think you did enough in the beginning (or throughout it, I guess) to tell the reader exactly why it is they're willing to do this, to end someones life, all for money. Now, I get that there's a tyrant. I get that. I do. What I don't get is what on this earth could have happened to them that would bring them to this? I don't believe I was supplied with enough information for this to completely be believable.

Her fields burned away, yes. She wouldn't be able to support her family, yes. That happened, but that by itself isn't enough to push them to this, and I'm pretty sure you knew that too. There were littler things that alluded to some other shady acts the "tyrant" has done, but none were specifically stated, and so there really wasn't anything I could rally behind. There just wasn't enough motivation.

Now, all of this? It's just some small thing futilely tapping on the glass outside of the raging party club, where I am currently staying at. It is very hard for me to hear, but it's there none the less.

Anyway, to sum it all up: You guys did a damn good job. Extremely happy I finally sat down to read this. Merc, PC, JJ?

You guys never stop being awesome.

Y'know, comments like these... I take them in a couple of ways. On one hand, it's really exciting. I mean, this is what what any author wants to hear about their story. But on the other... Merc was the driving force on this one. The original idea was his, and he guided the development of the story's plot, while the story itself we kind of put together as we went.

The upcoming sequel? It's mine. I'm the DM behind it. The plot, the purpose, the point, is all mine. So when I see comments like this, and the many above, praising this work, loving it to death? It worries me. It's a giant bar I have to try and reach, and as with any good sequel, hopefully surpass, and...I'm not always sure I'm capable of that.

I carry with my guidance all the fans' hopes and wants within the sequel. And that's scary as hell sometimes.

...not sure my point, perhaps just to get that off my chest. Anyways.
As to your issue with the 'why', well--initially this was just going to be a fun one shot. Out and done. But even before we were done, I think all three of us began to imagine the larger narrative we've got now. So yeah, heh, my point now? When Heist 2 comes out... You'll see. You'll get your whys. I assure you.

Anyways, thanks again. I mean it. Despite some of my own (foolish) reservations on hearing it, at the end of the day, words like those are exactly what we all as authors want to hear. To actually hear it is something else. Thanks. And I promise you that Heist 2 will be everything this was and more!

Hey, don't worry about it. If anything, I'm glad that you have this reaction. The fact that you are worrying just means that you'll strive to make the story the best it can be, and I'm sure that that 'best' will be nothing short of spectacular. So just write what you're gonna, most of us know it'll be great in the end.


You think you're worried?

Hah hah...hah...heh...ahem...yeah...


Basically, my thoughts on this are "What Therizzen said, except without the embarrassingly gushy overtones =P"

I loved this. I honestly did. What Therizzen said about it, that "This really is something special, something so overpoweringly different" is definitely true. I've not read many fics that are very action-centric and this was definitely Action².

Mane 6 rob a bank? Hell. Yes.
Mane 6 rob a bank and is made to seem believable and in character whilst adding complimentary character traits to their humanised selves? Hell. squee-ing. Yes.

I can't tell you how much joy it brought me to see a characterisation of YellowQuiet that wasn't gratingly annoying. She gets undercharacterised all the time and turns into a flat, boring gimmick, but here she was important and she was interesting. You added a FlutterRage moment but it wasn't just straight up anger, it was FlutterPsychopathy of the most delicious nature and I loved every moment of it. One final thing, I can't tell you how much stupid laughter I got out of Jack's secret bunker being called "The Hub", because if I did you'd think I was crazy xD

Now... if only there was some kind of sequel to this, I'd like something like that.

Thank you kindly for the nice words. Have you seen the teaser and character profile blogs I did about the upcoming sequel? If not, do please check them out and tell us what you think!

I suppose I'll go ahead and spoil--for the most part, Merc wrote Jack and Dash, JJ took care of Chy and Pinkie, and I handled Rarity and Twila. Though, in this one I did some of Chy's scenes as well, as well as some back and forth in general for all of us.

Somehow, I feel the fact that most people smile and/or chuckle at the part of the summary that states "they begin a game of blood and violence" says something about humanity and how us making contact with Equestria might not be the best of situations :twilightsheepish:

Or was that just me? 'Cus I HIGHLY doubt its just me.

At least, that is in the summary on the Humanized Stories group...

My reaction to this story: MIND. BLOWN. :pinkiehappy:

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