• Member Since 8th Mar, 2012
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Data-Scientiest-in-Training and voracious fic reader. Occasionally edits/proofreads for people he likes, and even publishes story chapters once-in-a-blue-moon. Thinks he's a reneighssance pone.



Or: How to Fry Your Career in Eight Easy Steps
(Featured on Equestria Daily 1/8/13)

I'm Amber Spice, and I was Royal Chef to his royal highness Lanthanum, King of Unicornia. Was.

Now I've somehow gotten myself banished from the land, perhaps forever. Now how did I manage that, you may ask? Let's look back and see. I can't exactly sleep, so this isn't a bad way to spend my last night here.

Turns out a little bit of soul-crushing boredom, a tenacious and chaotically creative mind, and a tangent to launch off of form a dangerous recipe together.

And the result tastes like heresy.

Praise for Tastes Like Heresy:

"...very well-written. It's clever, silly, and perhaps even a bit anarchic." — Ottermatt of WRITE
"It is all very well thought out, yet feels organic instead of rigidly planned..." — Soge
"This is how original characters should be done." — Shahrazad of The Equestrian Critics Society
"Shut up and take my bits!" — SIGAWESOME

Now has its own Tropes Page.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 146 )

I love the way in which you've created this alternate-reality Equestria in which unicorns are the master race. :raritywink::twilightsmile:

I also look forward to seeing how the other races are portrayed. :pinkiesad2::fluttercry::ajbemused::rainbowhuh: (:moustache:?)

I want more. Please I am can have more please? I like your stuff.

And we have never met before, right? No we have not. Nope. Never. Not once. You have a good writer spleen, stranger.

I am liking this so far. Well written, reasonable conflict for the character to struggle against, likeable character so far, keep the creativity juices flowing and you'll have a winner I reckon :)
Fyi, Cardslafter posted a suggestion for this fic, so there may be an imminent influx of viewers :3

"Exile—What are you supposed to pack when you go into exile?" :duck:
Also, is this actually an alternate reality? Or is it just before the three tribes joined up?... You know what, nevermind, the "Alternate Universe" kinda answered it for me...
Anyways, I'm really intrigued now as to how she got herself banished, you must continue

Keep up the good work :)


Definitely an AU. The story actually takes place a few hundred years after the Hearth's Warming story would have taken place, except instead of all staking out the same piece of land each tribe picked a different place to settle.

Thank you sir for the comments and encouragement. You can probably expect another chapter in the next day or so once I get a small piece of art done for it. :twilightsmile:

Also, I am very grateful for the plug from Cards. That book he's writing is pretty awesome too.


Thank you sir, for the sweet Angry Marine pic.

And for the comment on my fic's interestingness. :twilightsmile:

Out of curiosity, what's the flash point of Alfalfa seed oil like compared to that if peanut oil? Higher? Lower? Significantly lower to the point that she's going to burn down the kitchen? Oh God, she knows nothing about putting out chip-pan fires... She's going to EXPLODE the kitchen.



Let's just say Amber Spice is in for a bit of disappointment in the not-so-distant future. Also, you might just be half-psychic.

Not telling you which half is the psychic one, though. :rainbowwild:

Huh. A fascinating alternate universe. I guess the pegasi were never able to get full control of the clouds.

While the flashback is entertaining, I'm really looking forward to Amber amongst the other tribes. Few things are more enjoyably hilarious than culture shock.


Sadly, that's not happening until the sequel. There will be plenty of culture shock living amongst the pegasus nomads then, though, and I'm really excited to write that. I think I've got their culture hashed out well enough to do some interesting and amusing things there. :raritywink:

This story has a few chapters left to go yet, and will end with Amber Spice being dragged off for banishment. The sequel will start with her being found and taken in by a nomadic pegasus herd.

Half psychic? I swear in Luna's name to use this power only for good.


Now you have to use your powers for good and kill Zecora!

(+1 to coolness if you get the reference.)

And then God said; Let there be 'To be continued' screens!
and there was much waiting, and gnashing of teeth.
Great story dear Sir~
Have a mustache!
and a Turnip as well.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Coolness test failed
-2 coolness penalty

... no parents...

Now I've gone and made myself sad.


All feels aside, I looked at this in gdocs and fimfic and it looks fine in either mate. Why so positive gdocs is superior?

Very cool stuff, cant wait t'see moar!


There's a lot of formatting stuff in some of the GDocs. Namely, I have yet to figure out how to do proper bullet lists in Fimfiction. That, and I can't screw around with all of the indentation here. Because of the various and sundry issues trying to format stuff here involves, sometimes I just don't bother.

Really, it amounts to personal taste combined with obsessive perfectionism. :twilightblush:

Also, you'll see more in a few days. By that I mean it'll be less than a week before I post a new chapter. I really like the next chapter, by the way. :twilightsmile:

1911268 "But ah'm tiny and i'm gonna need you to be mah shovel swingin' hooves..."


Fillies and Gentlecolts, we have a winner!

as your prize, everyone got a new chapter today. :raritywink:

1926588 Yes, I watched the mentally advanced series for quite some time a while back.

On the subject of small pieces of art, did you have something in mind I could have a shot at?


So you're looking to draw something related to this? Thanks! Don't think I could say no. :raritystarry:

What kind of things are you used to drawing? Are you any good at drawing a rather fluffy (think about as fluffy as a maltese-breed dog) pony who's a bit shocked at having their coat and hair blown back and covered in soot from a greasefire-related explosion? You can PM me or comment here asking for her color palette if you're interested. No pressure if you don't feel like drawing it, though. I'd draw it myself, now that I've got the idea.

"When you get inspired and a fey mood besets you, you don't think; you do."
Amber Spice works furiously!


Amber Spice has claimed the kitchen.

Amber Spice has created a masterwork bread. It menaces with spikes of dough. On it is engraved an image of a pony and some bread. The pony is baking the bread.

Amber Spice is now a legendary baker!

But Pegasi are the best race...Not unicorns..


I know, right? I can hardly believe it myself!


We'll just have to disagree on that point. :P

I would like to point out, though, that just because the unicorns believe themselves to be inherently superior to the other tribes doesn't make it so. :unsuresweetie: Don't worry, the pegasi will get their chance to shine in the sequel. :rainbowdetermined2:

1928468 The craftsponyship is of the highest quality.

Awesome chapter but uh... " teat kitchen"? thinking you meant "test" but Y'know I don't judge :trollestia:


I'm gonna go fix that now. Stupid qwerty keyboards...

Know? I am science. :rainbowdetermined2:
And everyone knows it isn't science if nothing exploded.

Eurgh, that picture's awful, where in Tartarus did you get that thing? :rainbowwild:


Idunno, really. I think I got some bum off the street to draw it for me in some kind of crayons... :derpytongue2:

Silliness aside, thanks for the art.

That is the sound of very hot grease hitching a ride on a rapidly expanding steam cloud. While on fire. In a flash, a brilliant plume of golden flame erupted from my sauce pan and bloomed outward. It would have been quite pretty, really, except that I was standing too close to really appreciate it. It didn't help that this was me and my kitchen being engulfed in flames, either.

I was wondering how quickly it would take Amber Spice to create a BLEVE in the kitchen with her new found frying recipes.

Making that kind of fire in the lab that would be dangerous to throw water on isn't actually all that rare in the labs, so we keep some buckets on hoof that are filled with something a little less volatile: sand!

Good thing they have not discovered the really nasty stuff that will burn sand, brick, and asbestos :pinkiecrazy:

Love the story so far!
Keep up the good work.

Ah, a fellow chemistry geek and (possibly) cooking enthusiast! There needs to be more people who just want to watch the world burn in a coffee cup calorimeter.

While I am acquainted with ClF3, I'm glad to say that I haven't worked with the stuff. Stuff was too hardcore for the nazis to use as flamethrower oxidizer. If I recall correctly, the best safety equipment you can use with it is a good pair of running shoes...

ahhh, greese fires.
those bring back the most wonderful memories of cooking classes when i was lil....
how i made a greese fire when cooking carrot cake, i'll never know. :ajsmug: :trollestia:
heh heh

Great ch Bugsydor!:raritystarry:
keep 'em coming! :twilightsmile::moustache:


That's ok, Amber Spice, it happens to all of us. The first time I tried to make pasta, it caught on fire.

Well you are half way correct; I love cooking (and brewing too - it's cooking dang it!), but my current employment is about as far away from (direct) chemistry as you can get without getting into Liberal Arts. Nevertheless, I do enjoy humorous anecdotes and tales about cryogenic fluorine superoxidisers and liquid rocket fuels.

Back on topic

One minor critique; I found the onomatopoeia and narrative action words difficult to parse without punctuation.
Two examples from chapter 5:

"Really though," snrk "we've actually got something here that should help with that.





I guess it just comes down to personal preference since Chicago and MLA do not mention anything about onomatopoeia. (At least I do not think they do. It has been a while since I have had to crack their covers). IMHO those phrases, especially the in-line ones like above, need something (italics, *punctuation*, etc...) to differentiate it from the rest of the narration and preserve the flow of thought.


Yeah, it's been on my mind as well. :applejackunsure:

Originally I was going to have those things put in a slightly different font, but then I realized Fimfiction couldn't do that... Wouldn't stop me from doing that in the GDocs version, though.

Then I thought of putting the onomatopoeia in italics, but then I realized that I was already using those for Spicy's thoughts and for general emphasis. Then I thought of putting them in bold, but then I realized that that looked dumb. Underlining is right out.

Maybe if I put them in a different font on GDocs and put them between pairs of asterisks on Fimfiction like so:

The grease flying everywhere reminds me of one of my first stints in the kitchen. My friend never did forgive me for that shot to the face. Anyway, it's nice reading your new chapters instead of stuff I read in google docs. As I've said before, I kinda like this alternate universe idea you have going on. It's original and is actually plausible unlike some of the ones that end up going far out there.

Also, everypony loves me!

It's like he knows....:derpyderp2:


Well, you haven't seen the last of him, either. Here's hoping he's still lovable in the coming chapter!


Nah, the EXTRA EXTRA HERESY is saved up for the subsequent chapters. And the EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA HERESY will be in the sequel.

Glad to get a comment from the Commissar himself.

Definitely liking the story so far!

Now if only something having to do with 'Heresy' would happen, my viewing life would be complete!

Ok, finally got around to fixing all the onomatopoeia to be consistent. I'll be uploading a new chapter tomorrow, too.

Darling, you do whatever you think needs doing. This is your story, and you should never feel bad about taking the extra time to improve.

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