When Princess Celestia is found dead, a new ruler must take the throne. Without the Princess's leadership, many opportunist factions find themselves free to act as they see fit. Until now, Equestrian politics had often been overlooked, thanks to the benevolent Princess of the Sun wisely presiding over them. Now, betrayal and secret plots run rampant in Canterlot's court. Five ponies are sent to the different corners of Equestria in an attempt to save their broken nation.
Special thanks to Galrion, Coldsilverd, and Striving for Harmony for proofreading everything and helping me brainstorm ideas.
I wanna thank my editor, Derpypaws, who's a great help for grammar and punctuation. He also designed and vectored the Captain Silvermane cutie mark.
The cover art was made by DarkFlame, here is his deviantart. Also, check out his tumblr ask blog.
Cutie Mark vectors by Hawk9mm, you can find his deviantart here. Scootaloo's cutie mark by Lahirien.
Also, I wanna thank Alptraum Mond and Throttlesky for extra tips and proofreading.
My guess is Princess Luna is found dead, apparently suicide with a confession note, but it very obvious this was staged. Twilight is axed off next and then chaos comes to Canterlot as the five try to save their kingdom
The writing is workmanlike an competent, but doesn't have much when it comes to character moments, which leads to the entire burden of entertainment to fall upon the mystery of who did it, which is sadly going to be extra predictable as Blueblood couldn't be any more cartoonishly evil here.
5409406
I'm definitely working on improving character moments. I feel like it's something that's improving but you guys will be the judge of that. As for hte mystery, without going into spoilers I can promise there's definitely more going on then what it seems. Either way, thanks for the feedback! I'll keep it in mind and try to improve my writing.
5408878
Eh, you got a few things right, but not everything. Keep reading and you'll find out.
Well i just took an hr to read your comic after seeing thr picture posted by darkflame (famous for bat pony scootaloo) i think so far your story is great, and i have been thinking about doing a comic lately. I also have been wanting to improve in clothing styles and shadings in photoshop, which for the first fanction i came across you put alot of detail in backgrounds and clothing.
i have a deviant art account by the same name as nekotigerfire.deviantart.com i will not brag cause i ain't the best artist and heck no im not as good as darkflame in photoshop (yet) but i like to give it a shot :3
sorry for long message ^^ also cant wait to read more. This is right behind discord's bride for me!
5410452
Glad you enjoyed the story. You're welcome to it if you wanna make a comic, I sent you a private message on deviantart.
Yeah! Maybe Luna actually tried to kill Celestia in the past, but remember that Blueblood was rude! Rude!
Plus, you just plain don't like people you considers 'hoity toity'.
Accompanied? She didn't even want you there! And you know why? Because she thought you were so self-centered, rude and tactless that you would scare off all her Canterlot friends and sink her career! And she was right! It was only because Fancy Pants has a serious case of rose-coloured glasses that you didn't.
How dare he mention his family ties to Celestia, just because he happens to be related to her!
What's with the insults, AJ? Rude much?
Um. Twilight? You realise she started it, right? The namecalling and all that? We know she's your friend, but do consider not playing favourites quite so obviously.
How dare he not enjoy Pinkie insulting the palace guards!
Wait, you already know this! Kibitz sent you a note saying exactly that, remember?
5409406
I'm actually hoping that he's a red herring. He's frankly too obvious a choice to be the real culprit.
We're going to have to see whether this will be the fic where the death of Celestia and Luna being suspect leads to any emotional impact on Blueblood's side. I don't think I've ever seen any author have him cry at that, for example. He's usually too busy being all evil and power-grabby to show any possible grief.
Also, there's little to no reason that the general populace shouldn't also suspect Luna, not just the (usually presented as negative characters anyway) nobility. I wonder if that's going to be the case here, and how Twilight and her friends will react to that. The ponies have every reason to believe Luna did it, she already tried in the past—twice.
So after we're done scrapping the prince off the marble tiles, what's up next?
Can we summon Phoenix Wright back to Equestria?
All seriousness aside, a coup de etat against Celestia by Luna? That just sounds stupid to say out loud. Nothing is truly concrete with the evidence present. The poison can be administered through food but also large quantities seeping into the skin. There's a possibility that Celestia has been touching something that's been covered with the stuff on a daily basis. We don't even know what the poison looks like exactly, so it could be in plain sight. Is it a liquid or a powder? I'm thinking liquid so it could be applied without anyone noticing unless they thoroughly inspected the object. It would allow it to build up on Celestia's coat without raising any alarms.
The chefs I'm leaning towards innocent mainly because each one has a solid alibi, so far. Then there's Spike enchanted flame insignia on a brazier. The brazier is used to send the letters back and forth, possibly or there's another meaning to it.
The only thing that bugs me the most is what Silvermane's final words were.
Like that's not foreboding enough.
Solid work here, I've got to know how this all going to end for everyone.
5410822
Blueblood is always the obvious villain.
5410469 More please!
5410822
Wow, thanks for the detailed feedback. I'm definitely keeping these things in mind.
5413311
Glad you enjoyed it. Interesting theories you have
5413843
Another chapter should come out next weekend. As for the comic, that's all up to Neko.
So far, everyone at the castle aside from the Mane 6 is a prime suspect. You would think Silvermane being head of the guard would have been more objective before placing Luna in the dungeon, and come to the conclusion anyone could be the murderer. That is if Celestia was actually murdered, not weak and dying as of a result of moving both the sun and moon for a thousand years.
I'm in intrigued so far, keep up the work.
5422302
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. As for Silvermane, I will say that she's a POV character, so you'll definitely learn more about her.
Perhaps the formula was tampered with. I think that Blueblood knew that this would be what made or broke Twilight's legitimacy to rule and this was the ample time to strike. He walked out of this without any real damage but he still suffered to keep up the illusion that he didn't know what the ultimate outcome was.
Twilight leaving? No, I think Luna did snatch her up but to get her out of harms way instead. Luna knows whats happening around Canterlot, the actual ploys in play. She kidnapped Twilight to protect her from the obvious storm that coming.
5431030
haha, I'm really loving those theories. Of course, you'll have to wait and see.
5431735
Am I a least in the ball park?
This is as good as Shadows of the Sun which was published a long time ago. It's been a while since I've read a good pony whodunit.
Um, well, there was this one time...
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/9/3/89395__safe_twilight+sparkle_animated_floppy+ears_angry_gritted+teeth_glare_rage_rapidash_feeling+pinkie+keen.gif
5431030
Call me crazy, but I don't think he did it. It'd just be too obvious. It's like he's walking around with a giant billboard over his head saying Hey, I'm the villain, look at me I'm baddy bad MacEvil!
No. I'm expecting to see him being incredibly, maybe disgustingly opportunistic, but not behind the entire plot.
5432633
True it does seem obvious to the reader but think about the setting. What does everyone but the mane 6 see Blueblood as nothing more than a spoiled brat? Sometimes the obvious answer is the answer. I do think that he does have a helping hand in this, whether or not he's the puppet master behind this or just one of the ponies involved with the real mastermind.
5432596
Thank you very much, very glad you're enjoying.
5432633
5433315
Blueblood's definitely up to something, the following chapters should start answering questions. Without getting into spoilers, I can promise you guys that there's more going on then what it seems.
Reading you guys debate the story is an awesome motivator to write btw, thanks, haha.
5433469
You writing a story that doesn't give away the entire plot and make you think.
I'm actually having fun debating with someone like Derpsby. At least he or she is engaging about their ideas and theories.
5433575
It's definitely what I'm going for. None of the characters will have the full picture and I definitely want to keep you guys guessing the entire way, answers bringing more questions and all that fun stuff.
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/A-Dream-of-Sunny-Days-Prologue-Cover-503306175 well this may be a slow start but hopefully ya like it ^^' need to read the new chapter :3 probably won't start on pages if anything till after new years.
5436499
Thanks! I can't tell you how awesome it feels to see the first fanart I inspired.
I truly love this story. It's the kind of fanfic I can get behind. I cannot wait for the next chapter!
5440705
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it. The next chapter is currently being edited, it should be out soonish.
So there goes the theory that Luna kidnapped Twilight theory I had. Tartar sauce.
So Luna is back in the picture but a public announcement can't be made. With Blueblood adding fuel to the fire in Canterlot, I can see why its a time to exercise caution. Though I can see why she chose Cloudsdale. Near enough to home to gather information but far enough from Canterlot that none of BB's cronies will ever hope to find her.
Spitfire was probably told to make the call to enlist by Luna, giving her an army just in case BB does to decide to pull some kind of (inevitable) stupid act. She'll have an army at the ready to counter him and with them being led by here, they'll be nearly unstoppable.
With Rainbow Dash in the military upper ranks, she'll get all the intel and allowed access to anywhere. Very useful if she were to talk with a certain captain of the royal guard.
The thing that bothers me is Discord. He's a real wildcard right now. He's got the power to create a paradox yet he didn't show up at all to Flutter's house? Then there's the fact he's in the badlands, an expansive area where only the nastiest creatures live. That caught my interest as soon as I read it. Heck, he was smart enough to give them a subtle clue that only one of them would be able to figure it out.
I have to know though, if Twilight isn't with Luna and if it turns out she's not hidden away in the labyrinth, then where could she be?
5469037
There's another possible reason why Luna might want to have an army at hand. Perhaps she intends to take Canterlot back by force.
I know that sounds strange on its own, but let's look back at what we've seen so far. She might be ready to commit violence, depending on whether the news about her killing a guard during her escape are true. She's definitely unwilling to bow before the authority of anypony in Canterlot. Luna is also a lot less patient than Celestia and easily insulted. It's entirely possible she might decide to remove Blueblood from power before he has a chance to cement his position.
But the really interesting piece is that both Spitfire and Luna are asking Rainbow to go against her friends if ordered to. That's not to be taken lightly. Choosing her friends over power and position is precisely the reason Rainbow was able to cure Luna of her madness. They can't muster the same without Twilight, true, but their bond is considerable, even without the Princess of Friendship present. They wouldn't prepare Rainbow Dash for the chance she might be called to act against her best friends if they didn't expect it to be possible.
And most the above is from the perspective that Luna didn't actually murder Celestia. We can't dismiss that possibility outright. I don't quite believe it either, but it's not impossible. Just because Twilight's friends trust Luna completely and utterly doesn't mean this trust is warranted.
The most benign scenario is the one you described: That Luna is merely gathering a force to counteract Blueblood and his council (let's not forget them, Rarity's still part of it after all). A less benign one is that she intends to isolate Canterlot, all but laying siege to it. And the last, and least likely, scenario has Luna as the actual murderer who plans to overthrow the opposition by putting Equestria's strongest fighting force under her control.
5470115
5469037
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw975_small.jpg
>> No1Special
I have to agree I have been having a theory that discord may have tooken twilight on a whim... but when I heard of discord not you know 'POOF'ing to fluttershy's house and not even showing up at celestia's furneral(that was when it was bothering me... he should have known THEN right?... and then we question as to why flutters never told her friend that the sun princess is dead.... list goes on)
As to luna appearing, I kind of figured at the end that it was luna, it was mentioned in the prologue that she ran the military cause celestia had no care for it(if I remember correctly... kill me and drawing this comic...) how ever it made me happy to finally know that luna was fine... now the real question, where is Twilight?
I have two theories: 1 twilight and Cadence got involved(only alicorn magic can enter twi's lock spell in her/tia's room) meaning there might be something involved with the empire
or 2 we have something such as another alicorn, or something as strong as an alicorn.... as is, I can't wait to get to these chapters.... especially drawing these in the future...
5470614
Good catch on the military thing. I actually got the idea from the Luna microseries comic. It's mentioned there that Luna mostly fights monsters and handles dangers to Equestria while Celestia is more in charge of the diplomatic side of things. It certainly fits with both of their personalities and is one of the ideas I based the story one, at least Luna's arc.
As for Twilight, let's take a guess. Which of the mane 5 do you all think will find the first clue as to her whereabouts?
5476156
I believe pinkie might find the first clue. rainbow has luna, flutters might only find out about discord and he might come up with a clue. Applejack won't really find anything other then mail, cause she's in ponyville.
thats my suspicion, cause as applejack mentioned, pinkie has her hunches... and well who knows :P
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/Silvermane-drawings-not-final-505546456?ga_submit_new=10%253A1420665360 also here's what I have drawn of Silvermane.
Interesting, I didn't expect Luna to appear so early in the story.
With the way things are going though I feel like there is another party of the shapeshifting variety in the shadows working to weaken Equestria so it is ripe for the picking. What better way to do it than to start a civil war.
5478865
I can promise that there are more factions at play then it seems. You'll have to keep reading to find out if those shapeshifters you mention are one of them, of course.
5476638
So one vote for Pinkie Pie.
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/ADoSD-Prologue-pg-2-506732105?ga_submit_new=10%253A1421117222 new comic page 2, complete. Will try to update every week around monday/tuesday :3
also how much will the story change by? and will we know if the story is changing?(sorry i'm not on here that often XD so if it updates on old articles I wouldn't know if it did or not ^^; )
5497998
The story itself will not change, things such as descriptions will be updated, but the same characters will be doing the same thing, no changes should affect your plans for the comic. :)
Very nice on the second page, I'll try to give you more in depth feedback on deviantart whenever I can.
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/ADoSD-Prologue-Pg-3-507401065 new page :P
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/ADoSD-Prologue-pg-4-507843570
5523641
Very cool as always. I hope you don't end up catching up to me, haha.
5524031
as is im still in the prologue, i think it be still awhile before i catch up XD
5524096
I guess it depends on how fast I release chapter and how many pages per chapter you're planning. I suspect you might end up speeding the story along at some points, since I am planning it to be pretty long.
5524242
that ^^; I have no clue, yes alot of your story has fillers such as explaining the environment, what particular ponies are wearing, what everyone is expressing THEN words come. literally ^^' I think it be another 5 pages at least, cause sometimes I have to be elaborate with expressions on the pages, or have to figure out what to keep or not. in truth I dont have to do the next page cause its not important but I feel its required to show progression.
example: the page after Luna, and Silvermane enter Celestia's room, they get to the door the next panel, is just showing an angle view pointing from the inside of the room looking above celestia bed's canopy. but the following page just then introduces Celestia's condition fully and along with Kibitz and BB.
In truth I think I will copy the next chapter and separate it that way I really know how many pages are going to be made for each(or approximately) This being my first comic I kind of just went with it and have NO idea how many pages there will be... hopefully not too many O.o as fluttershy puts it... Yay!
5526944
Well, you definitely have to go with what works for your medium, rushing through the story probably won't help either. I imagine some conversations can be shortened, and maybe you'll want to add stuff of your own. One thing you might want to consider eventually is mixing chapters. Comics usually don't stick to one POV character, so you can show stuff I only hint at in the story. You could also switch back and forth between characters for later chapters that will happen simultaneously.
As for lenght, the approach I take with the story is that it'll be as long as it needs to be, which so far is looking to be pretty huge given my average chapter lenght. (Although the latest editing session on the next one shortened it by 2000 words.) I'd assume you're taking a similar approach with the comic.
There's definitely some stuff I'm looking forward to seeing in your version. A lot of it isn't published yet. Of the stuff that is, I think the funeral scene is the one that comes to mind first. The scope of it might prove a challenge though.
5527006
That is a great idea for mixing stuff for each character especially after RD's chapter(as everyone went their separate ways) good reason to be behind XD as is I already kind of photocopied the first chaptered and kind of cut out things that weren't entirely important(AJ talking to Applebloom, them getting on the train, and skipping the parade) and came out to be still 37 pages... i say that is normal... i hope^^' The prologue won't be THAT long.. only on page 4 so far, and prologues are usually short
but I don't mind cause I need the practice too :3 especially with angle shots and speech bubbles and all sorts of things!!! this will be a challenge that I'm in till the end... unless I get a new job, commissions or something keeps bogging me down it may be slower -_- But I'm going to be optimistic and try my best :3 plus I enjoy drawing it too much XD
5527184
Very nice to see you wanting to go all the way. I really hope you won't get discouraged by the overall story lenght. As for having a job and other project, it does slow down creativity but I find it also helps it. I'm between contracts at the moment and sometimes, staying home all the time just slows down my writing and I get really annoying blocks.
As for the challenge, I believe you won't lack for it here. The most visually impressive stuff isn't out yet, I suspect some of the coming pages might take you a bit longer to draw.
http://nekotigerfire.deviantart.com/art/ADoSD-Prologue-pg-5-512945993 sorry for the lateness guys hopefully get this back on a weekly bases :3
I admit it, I cried through the funeral portion of the chapter. The feels... Good work. Why do I have the feeling a certian Dragonequs might have a claw in this mess?
5609241
Glad you enjoyed it. I'll admit it always makes me proud when I get such a strong reaction from a reader. Thanks for the comment.
To be honest, long-worded chapters scares me. Also those three tags together mean no happy trails, but that's because I'm a scaredy-cat but whatever. However, not only did you send a request, but the summary itself did pique my interest enough to get me going. I looked through the prologue and first chapter. I normally do a single chapter, but seeing as the prologue is so short and is just that, a prologue, I decided to go through the two. Besides, I don't have much to say about the prologue anyway.
I do apologize for taking so long. Exam weeks.
Prologue:
First impressions are everything, and with prologues, they're there for just that. And it should create a mysterious air with this sort of genre. Right from the bat, I find this to be an interesting start. There's some things to solve, and we want to know. Like: Why is Blueblood being such a prick? How can we trust him? Overall, I really like where this is going, and I don't have much else to say here. Again, why I'm going through two chapters. Heh.
Chapter One:
Story wise, the mystery is done just fine. As said before, there's a balance of the unknown and some small clues without making it obvious. At least I'm pretty sure. Blueblood comes across as really mean-spirited and an asshole. While he could be part of this, you never know. He comes across as the villain type already--an archetype I never really understood, as he was a jerk more than a villain, so when stories do this, I kind of sigh a little. But a tiny nitpick, so I'll hush.
There's a lot of narrative that kind of gives us info when there doesn't need to be. As in, show don't tell. To give an example, there's the part in the middle somewhere describing the dresses, and it takes up several paragraphs, one for each. Unless the dresses are important to the story, it felt like a complete waste of space. It's best to deal with that part quickly. When there's details that can either be shortened or not used at all, best keep it that way. If there's unnecessary narrative, like explaining a character's emotions too obviously, it sort of ruins the flow. We want to figure out through their actions and features, rather than being told, how they feel.
I'm also one who despises an exaggeration of accents, such as the griffon's. If it's troubling to read, you're doing more harm than help by doing this. Simply state his accent. Often, this can come off as more comedic, due to its exaggeration, so to see it in a more serious story is off putting. It can be done a bit more subtly, but I'm not one for writing accents too much so I can't quite explain how. Just try to read aloud what they're saying, and if you have trouble saying it or even laugh for some reason, take it down a notch.
I'm curious as to Discord's role, because mentioning him implies something (you can't just not have Discord in this story due to its magnitude). Nothing bad, I'm hoping; this is after the Tirek incident, so for him to immediately stab them in the back once more sits wrongly with me in twenty different ways. My next guess is Blueblood and an inside job with the guards and other castle ponies. High power being the enemy can be difficult to fight and prove, so that's a challenge one can take on writing. Again, this is just a guess, but this does prove that I'm interested enough in this to take a guess.
I also apologize for this being so short, but I don't really have much to say. I'm intrigued, and aside from the writing that could use a bit of polishing, I sadly don't have much input to give. I hope what I have said is helpful in any way. I sure hope so; I really took too long to actually get into this!
~Missy of WRITE
5633888
Thanks for taking the time to review the story, it's extremely appreciated. Don't worry about the delay. I can understand it and as you mentioned, I write long chapters. I expected it might take a while.
I'm glad you appreciated the story and it's mystery. I do think that it's one of my strenghts as a writer. The prologue actually got a rewrite a short while ago. I'm glad I did it.
For the Blueblood thing, I admit he's too much of an easy villain. There's already a lot of fanon around him being a bad guy and he's still a very undevelopped character as far as the show's concerned. Makes it easy to use him for those roles. I will admit you're not the first one to mention that this role for him is a bit tired. In all honesty it's not something I considered before posting the story. I might write a story centered on him eventually as an apology, haha.
I found your comment about the dresses interesting. I was concerned that it might be superfluous information, but a lot of readers told me they liked the descriptions and that it added depth to the story. I think I might have to find a good balance between giving info and not overdoing it. It is something I feel I've improved on in later chapters.
As for the accent, I found your opinion on it to be interesting. I have to say I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand you do make a good point that it can be distracting, but they can also help characterize minor character. I will admit that it's also something I know some people like. This is a point I will have to think about for a while.
Regarding Discord, I do have plans for him, but obviously that would be a spoiler.
Anyway, thanks again for the review. It makes me feel like I'm at least on the right track, haha.