After a local tragedy shakes Rainbow Dash to her core, she finds herself plagued by guilt and nightmares. As the hallucinations grow worse and worse, she finds herself unable to determine what is real. But where does the line between grief and madness lie? What if her delusions are part of something more?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Keep up the good(but sad)work!!
That cliffhanger though.
I think that answered my question.
Ok, you've peaked my curiosity. Let's see were this goes.
Poor Scoots...
With that story description, you had my interest. With that chapter ending, you have my attention.
The pacing's been fast so far these first two chapters. I feel like a bit more time could have been spent building up Scoot's reasons/backstory for the heist job, as we don't know what's happened those last four-ish years (even just a good three sentences to give us a reason to cheer for her. Well, you know, besides her being best filly and all). You went a little too in medias res there, I'd say.
That said, we've just gotten to the first major point of intrigue. This is gonna be good. I can feel it in my bones.
Huh. That doesn't line up with the ending of chapter two... Guess we gotta keep readin'!
I see you like to creepy. I, too, like to creepy. On a side note, I had withheld suggesting adding the Dark tag to this story under the assumption that the first chapter was only dark so as to set up the rest of the story. But it's been pretty consistently dark, tonally speaking. You might want to consider it. (This also doesn't seem very slice of life; the narrative feels pretty directional.)
I know a guy who would squee at this coincidental inversion.
38.media.tumblr.com/f2e01af468616e1ac54ff19d4173429e/tumblr_mw1ssfBtOA1sgl0ajo1_500.gif
Keep up the fine work! More Scoot for the Scoot god!
Hmm... So you're drawing up the chapter 4 dream as reality here, eh? You're blurring lines a heck of a lot here, and I'm not sure if I like it or not. I feel more confused than disturbed so far by this turn of events. Using Scootaloo as a perspective feels weird, too: it detracts from the psychological potential of Dashie's breakdown, as it seems to be lifting one (of i'm sure many) veil more than it should be. There are a few deliciously dark ideas in my head of where this could go and where you could gut-punch us real good. Fingers crossed you leave me slumped on the floor a good while!
I'm also amazed that nobody's trying to theorize anything in the comments. Isn't that what serially released chapter stories are all about?
It's a little oddly written, I can't really feel into the story much, it's rather crazy and bloody - sometimes even confusing - rather than "feely".
At one point Scootaloo considered that her life might not be worth anything, which is so not true, she is cheerful and has friends. RD I can see going through what happened in the story, but it all seemed over the top, bloody and confusing. It isn't until the end that the reader realizes Rainbow had hallucinations (Yeah, I did not read the synopsis. I download stories I'm interested in and read them much later).
There have been some typos, but I'll ignore it.
But I want to thank you for this story regardless. The way you wrote the story out - or wrote out the setting - was something different than what I was used to.
Cheers
EDIT: As for that "I'm gonna get you back" line someone pointed out, it didn't occur to me but I appreciate it now very much. Too bad about Not All Who Wander Are Lost being in limbo at the moment.
You can has review!