• Member Since 2nd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Fon Shaolin


Howdy. I've been writing fan fiction for years (six or seven at last count) and I've never gotten better at it. However, if you can find some enjoyment here then more power to you!

E

I debated on updating this or changing it or even not posting it, but a quick google search showed that a lot of people still remember this (bad) fan fiction of mine and wondered where it went. Therefore, I'm posting it here unaltered so you won't have to dig around for it anymore.

31/08 Update: This is NOT Twilestia. Accidentally added it when trying to add something else. FiMFiction doesn't allow any kind of screw-ups, it seems.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 38 )

Heh, I'm glad you put it up, even if it's without that decidedly epic comment war it had on Equestria Daily. Still, it holds up, even if you think it's personally a poor piece. Hell, I think all my writing is terrible, so I know where you're coming from.

#2 · Oct 3rd, 2011 · · ·

Everything's fantastic, but I don't get it. One second Applejack is SPOILER, the next she's going to SPOILER SPOILER. How the hay did that happen? :derpyderp2:

I liked this story a lot! Definitely a unique way of handling the future of the Mane 6. The ending was a delightful tragedy, as well. Well done.

8856
... You really don't get the ending? Jeez.

I DEMAND A SEQUEL!:yay:

Idk about what you said in the description, but this is a very good story. It genuinely made me sad :fluttershysad:

8885
I CONCUR, BRINGFORTH THE SEQUEL :pinkiecrazy:

You... you posted it.

Thank you, is all I can say.

This, more than any other work of fiction, inspired my literary style. It remains a beautiful work.

I'm with 999 and Ebon on this.

Also to the sequel hunters...
How? The story is finished in it's entirety. He could, I guess, write something that happens after this, but IMO it would cheapen this fic and be pretty lifeless.

The sequel could include what happened at canterlot after aj left and it could go more in depth into the falling out between aj and her friends.

I don't know who told you this was bad, I liked it.

#11 · Oct 6th, 2011 · · ·

this story was amazing, can u pls write a second one? i would love it!!

No I don't get the ending sorry.

Wow, when I heard about this story. I searched everythere for it. Glad to see I finally have the chance to read it.

And wow, that ending really is heartwrenching. I agree with all the others who want a sequel. I'd really love to see exactley what caused the falling out. All I can tell is (WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD!) somehing made Aj and Dash cancel their engagement, and Dash somehow ended up with Twilight. What caused that, I don't know, but really want to find out.

(OK SPOILERS DONE!) Well, it's late, and now I'm goina have to try to sleep with all these sad emotions in me. Anyways, great story. I don't know why you think this is a horrible fic, because it isn't. It's one of the best out there IMO. And this is coming from a guy who normally doesn't care for homo shipping!

****SPOLERS****





12310
Applejack died and her version of heaven was one where she married Rainbow Dash

14031
I'm not sure they ever HAD any plans. Maybe she wanted it and her regret is she DIDn't tell Dash before Twi and her were paired off.

Man, thinking about (IIRC) 35 years of basically lying to your friends, losing them as you grow older. NEVER revealing to anypony WHY you do these things? She lived a life of utter hell where the least painful thing to do was lose her 5 best friends.

And the real kicker? As Twilight showed, not a single one of them knew WHY AJ fell away from them. And they will live without her, never knowing and probably always suspecting that they had done something.
Forever.

I'd really like to know what happened between AJ and her friends.

How can you say this was bad? I loved this a lot. While I'd love to know more about what happened, the ending really did wrap it up so nicely, though very sadly.

quite beautiful.:pinkiesad2:

8841

An epic comment war? Never saw it but I imagine this story turned out to be controversial? (Not sure why considering all of the other things that have been posted there.)

But as for the story itself, damn. Even as literary omnivore whose attitudes were turned by My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (admittedly it was mostly due to develop an enthusiasm for shipping that has taken me aback and I've read some bad stories as a result), this exhibits a level of quality in terms of technical craftsmanship and sheer emotion that I didn't think I'd come across in these stories. You very carefully unveil what has been going on with Applejack as the story progresses, and you do so with such naturalism that I didn't even notice how you were doing it until I had finished the story and taken a moment to think about it. As such as the narrative progression is quite seamless and complimented by on-the-spot characterization.

And then you hit the ending, which just floored me. I also admit that I didn't realize what happened until I read the comments and someone pointed out what was going on. Frankly I'm not sure if that's due to me not thinking hard enough or just the emotional shotgun blast to the gut that came from the ending. I certainly don't think it's careless the way it ties back into a seeming throw-away line Twilight makes earlier (very sharp use of Chekov's gun by the way). Moreover, I love the fact that you wrote it such a way that it not only answers the key question of the narrative, but leaves the reader with more questions and speculation about what actually happened. Good literature should do precisely that. And that you've done all this in such a relatively short span of words makes it all the more impressive.

Oh jeez...I didn't get the ending at first. Then I thought back to Twilight's casual line...I made a huge mistake reading this in a library. Now if I burst into tears, everyone'll think I'm nuts.

I have no idea how you think this is bad. I admit, the dialogue could have used a bit of work, but the story itself made up for that. Poor Applejack...
:ajsleepy:

No. Forever is too long and death begets the call.

time itself will fall in rhyme, to the passage of the times.
live an learn the tales that fall
brought to grasp the stars will call
eons pass and life goes on
live forgotten
silence all

the story was good, will have to read it for real one day. Managed to start in the middle somehow and read to the end.

okay....hmmm.... interesting... but, I feel a need for continuation!

Im going to guess that the ending is applejacks afterlife and so im guessing that at the actual coronation applejack was upset that rainbow dash didnt announce their engagement or perhaps announced that she was engaged to twilight.

Oh wow....this was beautiful and very well done.

I loved how ambiguous the ending was...you can interpret that any number of ways, that AJ died and went to heaven, that for her 'forever' was any moment with Rainbow, or that somepony used the spell on her. Nice.

Oh no, I hate myself for reading the comments

I thought that the whole first part was something like a dream about the future
Everything she 'dreamed' about would've happened but armed with the knowledge of 35 years of suffering she would not allow their friendships/engagement to go sour

“Idiot,” Applejack whispered after pulling back, “I don’t need you right now when we have forever.”
I thought Applejack already made her mind up in advance to accept staying young forever

Heartbroken I was when I discovered the true meaning:pinkiesad2:

[spoilers!!]

I love the ending. Why? Because you don't explicitly point out that Applejack died yet she gets her wish in the end, even though it's in death. Good job on making the reader think about what the story means.

[/spoilers!!]

Truly, this is great. It's not my genre, meaning sad ship fics and I didn't cry or care too much.
But I do applaud you for this great story. The likes are well deserved. *Likes*

I hope you'll write more stuff like this in other genres. I'm gonna start watching you :D

Sorry to say but I didn't like this story. The shipping had the opposite of the intended effect, and the ending was way too predictable. Reading it right after the masterfully constructed When You Fall, it was kind of a letdown.

I am not even going to read what was said beyond that first comment. I'm just going to say a writer's fact: you will HATE your work or you will OVERLY LOVE it. If you hate it with the former, a good writer will keep editing it until they undo their last edits. That's when you SHOULD stop. The latter will not edit AT ALL. And that is HORRIBLE. These are gleamed partially from experience but mostly from the writing tips by Brent Weeks on his site.

Read this a long time ago, loved it (once I figured out what happened, I can be kinda dense sometimes) and realized that I hadn't commented yet. This was beautifully heartbreaking. At least -Spoiler - AJ's version of heaven let her finally have some happiness. Its really sad how the only way she could have what she wanted was to die... Excellent work, this makes you think, and makes you feel, and you can't ask for much more than that in a work of literature.

aww so beautiful and sad :yay:

658574

Didn't even realise the possible 'It was all just a dream' scenario until I read your comment. I'm glad I did, it adds yet another (if blindingly obvious) interpretation to an already ambiguous and complex story.

I read this a while ago, came back here since Twilight Sparkle Hates Books was recommended and saw that I had read this too. Great story, hearth wrenching, the ending is ambiguous (but I take it that the happy ending is a dream ending). Greenthumb!

i thought dash had killed her self based on the ending thats why she was suprised

SHL

I readed all the comments to fully understand the story and... Celestia, the feelings. :fluttercry:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

It's been a while since the last time I read this, and I swear the ending changed. I must be thinking of another story where Dash became a princess...

7325058 you mean the story where dash is celestia's daughter. I think your thinking of "alicorn" by Aldea Donder

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

7595421
No, it had Dash as princess of the day and Twilight as princess of the night. That one doesn't sound familiar.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

7595876
What is with this comment, it's like I didn't read this or something. c.c

8143084 you should review Shazam next!

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