• Member Since 19th Jun, 2013
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Author & Pre-reader; Chief Apprentice in Loyal's House of Fanfic; Lt. in the Army of Biscuit; Does Bad Things for Bad Horse


This story is a sequel to Princess Celestia is in Your Washing Machine

Celestia nearly flooded your apartment, and now she's informed you that she'll be staying on Earth for at least a few more months. Facing mounting costs for soda, you go to Costco to buy Fanta in bulk.

Naturally, Celestia insists on coming along.

A spin-off of Ocalhoun's Princess Celestia is in your bed.
Cover art commissioned from the awesome Mystical Alpha.
Pre-read/edited by Admiral Biscuit and Winston.

With Live Readings by:
Scarlett Blade
Doom Pie Network

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 100 )

"Nonono!" she replied quickly, waving her hands in front of her. "Well, technically no. But I’ve never met one so… I mean, wings and a horn? I thought that was just fairy tale stuff, you know?" She reached over the counter and waved a hand through Celestia’s mane, and began giggling like a little kid. "That’s just, wow…" Before I could get another word in though, she leaned over further and booped Celestia on the nose.

:trollestia: Of course, this is the first thing I would do if I met Celestia.

Great. Loved it. :derpytongue2: 10/10. Brilliant.

Dan #2 · Jun 18th, 2018 · · 1 ·

Good old Costco is a godsend to poor millennial students.

Fuck Sams Club and all of Walmart's other affiliates.

I just wish Costco had a bigger variety of energy drink pallets. Red Bull and plain Monster get old fast. There was a time years ago when they had cartons of Mt. Dew Amp.
Also, I love the huge loaves of sourdough bread, but would it kill them to sell pumpernickel?
Also also, the take and bake cannelloni. Why'd they phase that out? :(

My Costco did have self-checkout lanes for a time. Not sure why they took them out again. Too many shoppers not realizing they didn't take Mastercard and needing to call staff over, blocking the lane?

This was enjoyable, and reminded me to go shopping as well.. :trollestia:

Quickly went through your prequel to start reading this. I've got high hopes.

and the more you shop, the more you get paid!

This'll work, but only for large families. TL; DR, waste of money if only these 2 are shopping here.

how many apples went into their gigantic apple pies.

It's gotta be something insane like 30 apples. Seriously, those pies are like twice the size of my head.

silently cursing Costco for not adding self-checkout lanes.

I know this is a joke, but that would be terrible for Costco since they don't use the autosensors or whatever, they only have humans check the receipts at the exits.

"I think I’ll let it slide. I couldn’t punish young Twilight for doing the same either, after all. "Now, about that membership?"

Delete the extra quotation mark before "now"

use fetlock bands, or on rare occasion, a pendant."


a bit. "the important thing is, noone

The (capitalize it)
no one

This was good. I like this. I request moar.

Congrats on that front page!

Good. Just good.

I wish I could get a bag of equestrian bits the bit itself might not be worth much in our world but the gold in it could be worth hundreds

I mean... the Equestrian Bit is a pure gold coin, yes? Ergo, it SHOULD be worth its weight in gold in the human world... at the risk of collapsing the gold market, that is. That said, theoretically Tia could open up the treasury, but only with great caution... and at great risk of the narrator being audited by the IRS, because you're gonna be crossing the $10k mark REAL quick in that transaction

seriously dude solid gold coins, a handful of them probably could have bought you thirty TV's. just convert it as a jeweler or pawnshop that buys gold and claim it as a private sale.



Of course, this is the first thing I would do if I met Celestia.

And probably the last :trollestia:


Pretty enjoyable, and refreshing little fic - any chance for more stories in the same universe :unsuresweetie: ?

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me...

most people born after 1985 probably never heard or saw the reruns of HEE-HAW, let alone any of their skits. so, good on yah for the reference.

and more please

I really have wanted to get on fimfiction for a while and just try to write a bunch of stories like this and combine them into one story (each chapter being one), but I have no idea how to go about doing that.

That's about as likely as a unicorn farting—

I'd suck a fart from Princess Celestia's butt. :rainbowwild:

Haven't read yet but....

666 views as I view this story,

Welp, it just got devilish in here.

Sam's Club > Costco

This was funny as hell. nice to see you writing again

Thanks for the read, and for catching those small glitches. I appreciate it! (and they've been corrected now) :twilightsmile:

This is a wonderfully funny story! You write Celestial very well. I love her interaction with the clerk and the incident with the solar lights was just great!

Well done, Moff!

Costco > legal human rights violations :trollestia:

I'm just going to step in politely here. I have a serious distaste for Walmart's business practices as well. Believe me, I worked there for a time in grad school, as it was literally the only non-academic option around in our small college town.

If folks want to debate these kinds of issues, that's fine. But I'd kindly ask that the debate not be held in this comment section. I'm sure you mean well, and again, Walmart does suck as a business. But I've been around long enough to see these sorts of things spiral out of control and ruin everyone's day. :)

/not trying to single you, or anyone else out
//just trying to keep it fun in here :)

oh no, definitely, I was just tryna make a joke.

Probably should've added a :trollestia: to make that more clear. My b.

Emojis. One of the most basic and easiest ways to forestall a misunderstanding. :moustache:

I use them all the time. :twilightsmile:

"Her Most Royal Highness Princess Celestia Australis Majesty, eldest daughter of the Fifth House, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Anor, heir to the Holy Rings of Equus, Bringer of the Sun, Protector of Equestria and These Many Nations, Guardian of the Crystal Empire, Royal Knight of the Most Noble Guards, Commander of the United Earth, Unicorn, and Pegasus Guard, Admiral of the Royal Navy, Supreme Commander of the Pegasus Air Force and the Cloudsdale Rescue Brigade, Vice Admiral of the Lunar Guard, PhD, Order of the Phoenix, Principle Knight of the Breezy Empire, Guardian of the Triforce, Lady of Her Majesty's Noble's Council, Extraordinary Princess of the Nobles' Council, Wielder of Daybreaker—" Celestia paused for a long breath "—and three hundred and forty-two time champion of the Equestrian Cake Eating Competition."


EEP! If that isn't what I think it is, then I don't know what it is. A Harry Potter reference! Specifically, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is cause for celebration! *celebrates*

Also, is that a Zelda reference I spy in there?

A good catch on both counts! :)

Though so far, I've only had one person catch the Star Trek reference near the top of that bit. ;)


Anyway, this was a funny story. Going in my favorites, this is. Can't really say much more than that. :pinkiehappy:

Now, on to read the prequel!

P.S. Congratulations on getting to the top of the feature box!

If my knowledge of the gold market is right, a sudden influx of gold would do "wonders".

Rarity once crashed the diamond market on Earth in another story. Intentionally (something about generosity): The Trouble with Unicorns IV

But who cares, right? :trollestia:

Ok, now let's see all that stuff fit in the car...

actually considering that the bits themselves are solid enough to be held without deforming and are in a minted shape it is probably safe to assume that there is some form of imputity in the gold mixture.
While this doesn’t exactly lower the value of the coins, we’re talking about possible magical materials.
Safe to say they’re probably as expensive as a chest full of gold doubloons.

Translation: valuable AF. Point remains, Tia could probably open the Royal Treasury if she really wanted to... and likely end up mirroring Rarity's mistake by crashing a second precious materials market

That's a task in of itself

Finally, I made my way to the source of the panic, and what I saw was frightening and amusing in equal measure. Frightening because Celestia had reduced the entire display area for these lights into a smoking hunk of nearly molten slag. Amusing because Celestia stood dumbfounded amidst the devastation, as if even her godly mind couldn't begin to fathom what had just transpired.

L:rainbowlaugh:L, poor Celestia. I'd be shocked too.

Celestia adjusted her petryl and whisked her shimmery mane back behind her ears before motioning for us to continue. "Let's just get going before anyone goes out to put something in the garbage receptacle."

Images of apocalyptic dumpster fires crossed my mind, followed by a full body chill.

Oh dear. :rainbowlaugh: Wait, do solar-powered alicorns puke lava or plasma?

if you loaded tons into the market yes, but a few pounds? not really, golds price is purpose fully inflated (diamonds too for that matter)

Yes, that's what I gathered from the Rarity story.

However, one cannot just assume things when dealing with Princess Celestia's appetite. One must always prepare for the worst, and 'the worst' includes the collapse of the gold market. :pinkiecrazy:

If this was serious, I'd say it's exaggerated, but we're talking in the context of a comedy story, that means anything goes. :pinkiehappy:

Let's just assume that Steve's car is like a Tardis on the inside. ;)

Thanks for the comment! I hope you enjoyed the story. :)

Doesn't Costco also provide shipping service for large purchase?

8994519 As you said. A kilo of gold translates to about $30,000. I doubt Celestia would have difficulty getting her horn on a couple of kilos of bullion gold. Even allowing for a stiff seniorage fee to convert it to currency, two or three kilos would translate to a years salary for a well off person.

I doubt any single jeweller could handle that amount all at once, but most banks could without blinking. And a few kilos of gold would not even make a blip in the financial markets. You need hundreds of tons to make a dent. World gold production in 2016 was about 3100 tons, so even a 3 tons would be less than 0.1 percent.

That said, in a story I am having either Princess Luna or Princess Twilight Sparkle use their alicorn powers to capture an M type Earth crossing asteroid, separate it by elements (lower case) and haul back the aforementioned hundred or so tons of gold, platinum, rhodium and osmium back to Earth for some quick cash.

8994819 "You want how many cakes, Your Highness? Delivered where?"

I have several questions about Celestia's relationship with the Triforce.

You'd think ponies coming to Earth would necessitate hashing out an exchange rate for bits.

The more you spend, the faster you earn the membership fee back in rewards, and the faster you do that, the more cash back you get to keep!

And this is why Luna handles the national budget.

In all, wonderful bit of Celestia on Earth silliness. Thank you for it.

Hehe I love ALL this :twilightsmile:

Wonder what Luna would do in Costco. I also had the evil thought of putting in one of those jumpscare games for the VR, though Celestia or Luna would have to be in an area that literally had no life to do this.


Luna would buy out all the Moon Pies in the place.

And Pocky.

yeah thats kinda what i was referring too, the only reason gold is so valuable is we believe it's that valuable. tin is actually rarer then gold.

Poor foolish hyooman. Never could he have prepared for the torments of hosting Princess Trollestia.

Great story, and congrats on the feature box! :pinkiehappy:

8995407 I just looked up the stats. Tin production in 2016 was 296,000 tons, so about 100 times gold production for the same year. But you're right. Gold only has value because we agree it does. Apart from some limited industrial uses, gold isn't really that useful a metal. It's too soft for structural purposes, it's very heavy, and while it has excellent conducivity and resistance to chemical reactions, so have many lighter and cheaper metals.

Indeed, lol! Thanks for giving this a read!


/PS: feel free to check out my other stories too, if you like :)

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