Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVI · 10:12pm Feb 27th, 2020
So yeah, little teaser yesterday. Ever have one of those things that you’ve been sitting on for ages just dying to get it out? That was me.
The artist finally getting the cover to me was the proverbial straw breaking the equally proverbial back. Anyway, I’m going to give the story one last editing run this afternoon after work and then, at last, the Breakup Trilogy (as I just now decided to call it) will be done.
I wanted to release it yesterday, but shenanigans from my apartment managers made that impossible. They’re all “hey, we’re installing a new internet system you don’t want, didn’t request, and will be paying for through increased rent in all our apartments starting tomorrow, and we need you to move all your furniture away from these specific walls or the workers are going to do it for you.” And since my computer with its four monitors and $1,500 worth of recent upgrades is on that particular wall, I decided I’d much rather move the desk to its new location myself. Which, in turn, meant completely rearranging my living room, bedroom, and closet. By myself.
Fun times.
I like where I live, but stuff like this makes me kinda-sorta glad I’m planning to get my own house instead of renewing my rent contract.
Oh, and no reviews next week. I’m on break.
Alright, enough of my whining. To the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Interview with a Batpony by Gulheru
Nothing Shocks Me Anymore by SusieBeeca
Pinprick by SusieBeeca
Crystal Glass Ceilings by Pineta
Sunset Smirks by Fenton
Simple Gestures by Frost Flower
Unicorns Are Magical by wille179
The Mare by stanku
Mine For The Taking by forbloodysummer
Sunburned by Summer Dancer
Total Word Count: 158,492
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 7
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Interview with a Batpony
7,593 Words
By Gulheru
This is exactly what it says on the tin. A batpony, or “Noctral”, has moved into Ponyville. Seeing as Equestria has no information about their race beyond rumors and obvious mythology, Twilight convinces this “Midnight Wind” to do a recorded interview relating batpony origins, culture, government, religion, and anything else she can get out of him.
The first thing to realize is that this is not a story in the traditional sense. There’s no rising action or climax or any of that stuff. It is literally just a long interview in which Twilight asks Midnight questions and Midnight answers. If that bothers you, come no closer.
But the worldbuilders among us can rejoice, for that’s all this is. I strongly approve of Gulheru’s overall methodology, which kept things interesting and answered a ton of questions without being overly long about it. It features a pleasantly voiced Twilight and some creative interpretations of batpony culture. The one and only issue I have with the story is that it wasn’t until late that I realized Midnight was male. “Midnight” is, at least in my mind, an intrinsically femenine name, so until Twilight specifically referred to him as “him” I had the voice in my head being female. Might want to bring that up earlier, author.
But really, that’s just a nitpick. This story was great from beginning to end. Anyone with even a remote interest in worldbuilding should give it a go. I’ll certainly be taking a look at the sequel eventually.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Nothing Shocks Me Anymore
6,397 Words
By SusieBeeca
Written entirely in journal format, this is the story of Screw Loose, elder sister of Mrs. Cake and professional woodcarver. Screw Loose suffers from a number of issues, and is regularly in and out of the psychiatric hospital. She’s a mare who has been suffering for some time. Perhaps, with the help of a certain party pony, she can get back on the right track.
This ended up a hard-hitting story about one pony’s struggle to recover from things she’s not fully aware of. It took me a while to realize the truth behind the title, but once I did a lot of the scenes made far more sense to me. Dealing with themes of attempted suicide, psychiatric disorders, and depression, SusieBeeca pulls no punches. It is curious to note that the story also features some light shipping between Screw Loose and Pinkie… with Pinkie being the saner of the two. The good news is that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, though it takes a lot of pain to get there.
I had no idea what I was getting into with this one, but I came away satisfied. It’s a strong piece with plenty of emotional weight, made all the better by the author understanding how to handle a journal-style piece (an extremely rare feat). As long as you’re not turned off by the touchy subject matter, by all means give it a go. You might just gain a new appreciation for a certain background pony who has only ever appeared in-show for the sake of a laugh.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Pinprick
1,378 Words
By SusieBeeca
Yes, I somehow managed to get two stories in a row of the same type by the same author. I have no idea how that happened.
Sweetie Belle just got her cutie mark! It’s a little unorthodox, and it took a moment to see it clearly through the blood, but so what? A cutie mark! A shame Rarity isn’t being more supportive of her new special talent.
This is the story of Sweetie earning her cutie mark while trying to understand the concepts of taxidermy and medical research. Being as young as she is, she doesn’t understand what she’s really getting her mark for, which only accentuates the creep factor.
Having seen a lot of horrible things in literary form, I have to admit that this never disturbed me. It’ll take a lot more than Sweetie examining guts to make me squirm. That said, the idea behind this is legit creepy, and I don’t find any fault in the author for their methodology. A lot of readers will be affected by this, I imagine. That last line is especially damning and puts the entire story in a whole new light.
Horror fans will love this. Personally, I’d like to see the concept expanded upon and maybe viewed from the perspective of someone other than Sweetie Belle, but for what it is I’d say Susie did a good job.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Crystal Glass Ceilings
7,516 Words
By Pineta
Twilight Sparkle pays Cadance a visit in the Crystal Empire. While there, Cadance teaches her about a sad truth of the Empire itself; namely, that being pulled a thousand years through time means that old, outdated traditions like a male-dominated society are still thoroughly ingrained in the Empire’s culture.
This story is a risky one. It targets a political subject and runs the constant threat of sounding preachy and fanatical, as all political stories do. The question is how well Pineta walked that razor’s edge between telling a good story and standing on a soapbox.
Generally speaking, I’d say Pineta did well. The events throughout the story are entertaining, and I especially enjoyed how Cadance deals with Polished Facet and the Imperial Club. The visit to the school was also tastefully done and has my complete support.
The stumbles start with the military visit, which has Cadance do things she’s never been shown in-show to have any interest or talent for. To be fair, there’s no canon evidence that she doesn’t have an interest or talent for these things, but her overarching personality doesn’t support the idea, so I remain skeptical. That being said, she is the only one in the movie who even bothered to try defending herself or others against the initial invasion, so who knows? Celestia’s and Luna’s canon lack of any apparent combat ability certainly isn’t doing Cadance any favors on the “traditional princess roles” front, that’s for sure.
The biggest stumble comes at the end when, instead of providing us with any sort of completion for the story’s theme or even a recognizable conclusion, Cadance spouts a laundry list of common feminist grievances. If Pineta was trying to prevent this from looking like a blatant political hit job, they failed spectacularly with that ending.
I’m not saying “feminism is bad” or that the story doesn’t raise some pertinent points. I’m only saying that I’m here to rate stories, not political tirades. At this point I’m honestly not sure which Pineta was going for. The legit good parts suggest the former, but then there are moments that strongly hint at the latter. Cadance shouldn’t have to go out-of-character to prove a story’s point – although, again, the OOC nature of the military scene may be subjective depending upon the reader’s perspective on Cadance as an individual. There’s also the element of her being an alicorn, which one can argue grants her an unfair advantage depending upon headcanon.
Personally, what I’ve seen of the show has always suggested to me that the world of ponies has ever been female-dominated, which makes the overall premise a little hard to swallow. But I’m willing to dismiss that too as headcanon. Is Pineta a reasonable writer trying to create something interesting using an MLP setting and feminism, or are they a rabid uber-feminist using MLP as a springboard for obvious talking points? How you interpret some of the scenes in this story could lead you to either viewpoint, and I imagine that will have a major impact on whether you enjoy this or not.
Me? I’m putting this on the middle ground. It’s certainly good enough to warrant a read from which you may form your own conclusions, but the stumbles give a bit too strong an air of political grandstanding for me to give this a higher grade.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Sunset Smirks
1,862 Words
By Fenton
Alternative Title: Total Smirktonic Reversal
Everyone knows Sunset Shimmer is the best smirker at Canterlot High. When Trixie challenges her for the title, it leads to a competition of extreme smirkitude, complete with Pinkie narrating and Twilight measuring the resulting SmirKi readings radiating off the competitors.
This was a highly entertaining bout of nonsense. Much of it involves Trixie and Sunset talking smack at one another while Twilight discusses proper stances for maximum SmirKi output. My only complaint is that this didn’t somehow lead to a challenge from one Adagio Dazzle.
A fun bit of ridiculousness in which talking smack has magical effects. By all means, give it a go if you’re feeling like having some smug fun.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Simple Gestures
1,108 Words
By Frost Flower
Rarity surprises her marefriend with a gift.
This is a simple little romance where Twilight tries to wrap her head around the nature of the gift Rarity has given her. Well, not exactly, but summarizing this in a way that matches its overarching attempt is difficult. It’s one of those stories that says a lot with very little. Which, needless to say, is great. Frost Flower does a decent job catching the mood of the moment, particularly in Twilight’s observations of Rarity.
Short and sweet. Fans of romance and RariLight will enjoy this, but I think it sells itself through a clear understanding of the value of description to reveal a story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Unicorns Are Magical
3,899 Words
By wille179
Unicorns are a great many things. Everyone knows that. Magical. Special. Fantastic. Glamorous.
Nopony ever said unicorns are good.
This story is set in an AU where the vast majority of the characters are earth ponies. Everyone we know, really. Everyone except… Twilight. Twilight, who goes around meeting the rest of the Mane 6 and starts doing terrible, terrible things to them.
This story has all the atmosphere and visuals required to create a truly creepy tale. Told in reverse-chronological order (though it took me a while to realize that), it lets us watch as the mysterious unicorn goes about dispatching Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie one at a time, each in an entirely different and unique way. The creepiest to me was her encounter with Rarity, but the others were certainly disturbing to one degree or another. It’s made all the worse by the awareness that, technically, Twilight never even touches them.
I loved this. It’s disturbing in all the right ways, playing with mood and setting and atmosphere with great skill. The only catch is its AU setting,which will likely throw a lot of people off at the beginning. If you can get past that hurdle, then I can see no reason not to indulge.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Chillburn is well known in Canterlot. Well known, but not well liked. She’s a courtesan, the most infamous whore of the city, with all the richest clientele who would all much rather you believe they’re as disgusted with her very existence as you supposedly are. But when a freebie with some local college boys catches the eye of none other than Princess Luna, Chillburn finds her greatest wish and secret fears brought to the forefront.
This was wholly unexpected in its nature, which is my own fault for not thinking on what else I’ve read by this author. The only thing that went exactly like I anticipated was the sex scenes, which are gratuitous and intricately detailed to the point of pornography. Honestly, that’s what drew me to the story in the first place. As I’ve said many times, authors trying to implement sex in stories without the story being about the sex is an ambitious challenge that I like to see attempted every now and then.
The story focuses on four central players: Chillburn, a whore who longs for a child; Reg Syllable, who obsesses over her after their one-night-stand; Willow Fall, Reg’s best friend and about the only pony in this story with a lick of common sense; and Professor Axiom, whose entire existence seems to revolve around his loathing of every other creature that breathes. The central premise: Chillburn gets her oldest wish only to immediately walk out on Reg, who promptly obsesses over her and abandons everything to try and find her again. Fall, being a good friend, follows in an attempt to talk sense into him.
Axiom is the odd one out, as he’s clearly the bad guy of the piece but has no reason to be. This is even pointed out in-story. Axiom has no motivation other than that he’s clearly, but for no apparent reason, insane. There’s some allusion to a past trauma, but because the author makes no attempt to explain said trauma we don’t really understand Axiom’s motivations. That might bother some potential readers.
I couldn’t talk about this story without bringing up the sex scenes. There aren’t that many – Three? Four? – but most of them are explicit. I’m not sure I agree with stanku’s use of them, but at the same time I can see the why behind it. The first one sets the scene for Chillburn’s character, establishing her personality, her skills, and her overarching being at the beginning of the story. The second one relating to Chillburn, set much later, is approached differently, revealing her to be an entirely different individual with a new outlook on life and its potential. That’s good in essence. I just feel that stanku went too ‘porn’ with the scenes. The same effect could have been achieved with less lingering. It’s made all the worse that stanku outright advertises that the scenes are coming, as if they’re meant to be the primary draw instead of the story itself.
And that’s a shame, because the story is quite good. Tragic, with an unsatisfying ending (stanku seems to specialize in those), but good nonetheless. It’s heavily character-driven, with a writing style filled with all sorts of great wit. Like this entertaining little description of Rainbow Dash:
First to fly in is the most feminine stallion Fall has ever seen, although it doesn’t take him long to realize that actually, the exact reverse is true.
stanku’s stories have a great narrative voice, made all the more apparent by their total juxtaposition against gritty tales of loss and hardship and madness. That said, the author still has trouble with finding the right words at times. Homophones are this author’s greatest enemy, but they aren’t stanku’s only weakness. The author could definitely use a proof-reader to correct their misspoken colloquialisms and incorrect word use.
Overall, I enjoyed this one. I admit I largely skimmed the sex scenes, which went on for longer than they needed to. The villain’s lack of apparent motivation may turn some readers off, and the story is grim at times with an ending that epitomizes ‘bittersweet’. Even so, the story’s got great characters worth investing in and an endearing prose that refuses to be boring. I’d say the good balances out the bad just enough to warrant putting this on one of my higher bookshelves.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Equine, All Too Equine — WHYRTY?
Equine, All Too Equine II: The Days of the Prophets — Worth It
Mine For The Taking
31,647 Words
By forbloodysummer
Requested by forbloodysummer
For Spitfire, it was supposed to be just another one night stand with a random stranger picked up at a club. Then she discovers the perfect girl. Not beautiful, though she certainly is that, but perfect in other ways. Now Spitfire has to decide if she’s interested in pursuing something more with the mysterious Adagio and the consequences such a decision might mean for her.
This one is… hard. The vast majority of it details Spitfire’s night with Adagio and her struggle to hold on to her own identity, which the beautiful siren threatens just by being herself. It’s difficult to say whether Spitfire made the right decision in the end, at least for herself. Do we acknowledge her actions as courageous and empowering, or the act of a coward? And I haven’t even started on Adagio’s side of things. It’s a heady mix of emotions.
I have to say, writing a story like this takes guts. I must applaud forbloodysummer’s method. I can think of at least one crowd that will loathe it.
Mine for the Taking is a story layered in characterization, spiced with sexuality, and lathered in vivid description. What first turned my head about it was how much thought Spitfire took into every action and word. The author utilizes this character trait to incredible effect, making the simplest of gestures have meaning. I only wish I could make a subtle glance mean so much.
Those seeking a hard-hitting romantic drama, a great balance between show and tell, and an unorthodox ship will get a lot out of this. The sheer bravery of writing the story as given warrants a nod.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dancing in Melancholy — WHYRTY?
Sunburned
3,702 Words
By Summer Dancer
Sequel to Triggered
While conversing with Sunset Shimmer through the journal, Twilight lets slip that she thinks Starlight Glimmer has a thing for Sunburst. The instant Sunset realizes they’re talking about her brother, she decides it’s time to go home to Equestria so she can put this ‘Starlight’ pony through her paces. Ain’t nopony dating no brother of hers without being vetted first!
This was highly entertaining, and I can honestly say I liked it more than its predecessor. The story maintains a nicely true-to-show format, so much so that it was easy to see the characters in my head as they were going through the events. That might not sound like much, but in most stories I have to actively try to see, say, Twilight performing the described motions. In this story, the images form entirely on their own, and that’s rare. So kudos to Summer Dancer on that aspect of the writing.
The story, despite its amusing description, plays the concept straight, and even goes through the proper motions of “You’ve been missing for years with no letters or any indication you’re even alive and now you come back acting like you have a say in how I live my life?” This, too, I thoroughly approve of.
I have nothing to complain about. The only catch that comes to mind is that Sunset just abandoned the Equestria Girls world without warning, and I imagine her friends there would like a heads up. Plus she might be skipping school, but does Sunset Shimmer realistically need to go to school, anyway? I’ve always wondered about that.
A fun little story in a series that looks like it’s going to play out these events somewhat realistically without sacrificing the tone and personality of the show. I see no reason not to keep going, or to recommend potential readers try it out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Back Off — Worth It
Triggered — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Voidrunner by The DM
Nosflutteratu by Charcoal Quill
Honest Diamonds by Applety
First Day Terror by Mark Garg von Herbalist
The Strange Music of Octavia by Redback Spino
Nightmares by Kodeake
Hair of the Sister Who Bit You by Rao the Red Sun
Fiery Incantation by SapphireStarlightPony
Glimmery Glam by _Moonshot
The Encore of Clover the Clever by Ice Star
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Wow, this is an all-around really good set of fics. I approve of most of these.
In slight defense of Crystal Glass Ceilings, though, the contest prompt was essentially write a feminist story. I think Pineta did the best they could with that while still maintaining a story. Not saying Pineta did it perfectly, or that it doesn't have shortcomings, but I still think it was pretty good for what they had to work with. I completely understand your viewpoint of wanting a story first, though.
Oh hey, I'm up to the chopping block next week! Nice!
I'll be sure to check out your final installment whenever I can get around to it, long comment included.
I haven't read any of these, but I've read several others by stanku. He's a good author who needs a little help from a native speaker to iron out the odd phrasing here and there, and when he does include sexual content... well, in the one story I read by him that did, but it got a similar reaction from me as you did here, in that it felt like it still fit the story in concept but was a bit overdone.
Hello there!
Thank you very much for the review, your kind words and a surprisingly valid point on the name and gender matter! From the perspective of mine and my native language "Midnight Wind" does sound intrinsically masculine, actually, so I didn't give it a real second thought, especially all those years ago.
Enriching to have that pointed out, so my gracious thanks once again.
5210756
I also think this is worth bearing in mind: Pineta is a science communicator who uses ponyfic to discuss scientific topics in an educational manner. In terms of style or quality, Crystal Glass Ceilings isn't that different from his other, more popular stories: it's just on a topic that touches on the culture wars and gets people riled up.
5210756
Huh. I had no idea it was for a contest. That certainly colors things a little.
5210760
I do enjoy long comments!
Thanks for the kind words! I read the review having been in a hospital waiting room for several hours, so that was a good injection of happiness in my day
Thanks for the review again! A fair and accurate delivery as usual. My excuse for the excess sex was that what I really wanted to do all along was write clop, but ended up including a plot; think I did better job at it with the "Pegasus Is Fine Too" series. Anyhow, glad you enjoyed!