Author & Editor; Chief Apprentice in Loyal's House of Fanfic; Lt. in the Army of Biscuit; Does Bad Things for Bad Horse; Runs a Nightclub on Holodeck 2.
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Ten years ago, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle, created a new holiday for all of Equestria. On this day, we stop and remember our past so we can share it with those who will come after us. Today is Remembrance Day.
And it's going to be a good day.
-----------
Winner of the TwiDash Group Challenge #4 contest
Edited by Loyal and Silver Flare
Also available in Chinese on FimTale!
Rated T for some implied romance
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Found one little typo.
Double capital I. It's clearer in the story than in this comment.
I really enjoyed this one. I liked this take on Twilight's immortality as well, how she's sort of hanging in between discovering it and accepting it. This might sound a bit odd considering the rest of the story, but I found that offhand mention of Celestia and Luna's advice to be a very touching moment. Twilight is breaking new ground here, and I can see how they would worry about her in the long-term.
5656581 Thanks! I'm glad you liked the story!
I looked at that typo, and the font thing is messing with me, lol. In edit mode, the font shows as Arial, so I see a capital I followed by a lower-case l. But, in reader mode, it shows as Times, so it looks different.
So, I re-typed that sequence from scratch directly into Fimfic. Does that look better now? :)
5656620
Huh. Stills shows a capital I for the L in let.
It might just be me. I once traded comments with an author on one story because I saw a paragraph break that wasn't there. *shrug*
I liked this.
5656907 Thanks so much!
Wrestling with loss, and trying to find a way to cope with it, may be the deepest kind of emotional wound one can suffer through. It's also one of the few constants in our world, one of the cornerstones/consequences of being alive. I love that you were willing to explore that theme, GMP, and kudos on your dozen-th published story!
These bitter tears, they slake my thirst for anguish!!!! For now, I slumber... Awaiting the day I shall rise from my somnolence to read sadfics and feast upon digital pony pain once again!!! *slinks into the shadows*
5657762 Thanks again to you and to Loyal for your help! Loved working with you guys again!
Gosh, this was...
Good?
Yeah, good or great even.
What I do know is that you pulled of some really emotional stuff, with good balance to boot.
And that means it can't be anything less than great.
So, great or above it is.
5658489 Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
Leave it to Loyal to agree to edit something this level of shit and call it decent. I mean seriously "Remembrance Day" sounds about two steps off from Valentines day in the hallmark sellout holidays to sell greeting cards. Not to mention the entire story is dripping in the same tired cliched romance bullshit that nearly every other slice of life romance story on this site tries to pawn off as legitimate writing. It's like authors on this site don't even try to be original anymore, every single romance tagged story reads PAINFULLY the same in a never ending spiral of mediocrity.
5659765 Wow may I ask what pet of yours just died?
5660622 Pets are a waste of time and effort.
5660652 So are you.
Now go down vote actually bad stories.
5660714 This was an actually bad story, generic and mediocre does not quality fiction make.
5660652
Says the man with a pet dog.
also: git rekt m8
5660806 My kid has a pet dog, I have an extra household expense.
5660742 No this was someone's attempt to improve I have seen unpurposefully worse
5661153 Joe can't improve I've been following his attempts at writing since I met him through Loyal.
nice story ... i allways wonder how Celestia and Luna deal with their immortality...
... but that twilight is living in the past ... *shrug*
Well things got dark quickly... It was a good story though.
5662543 Thanks! :)
5661584 Glad you liked it! :)
5659765 If you don't like it, fine. But you come off as a gigantic prick, and why take an entire paragraph to bash the story?
5686971 Because I hate with an intensity mortals like you couldn't even comprehend.
No sex tag?
5692225 In its original form, I would definitely have needed the tag. (There was never explicit content, but the original word choices and descriptors were significantly saucier)
In editing, I removed some text and modified other bits to tone it down to a point where I felt the tag was not needed. However, I'm not above putting it in play if I've run afoul of any site rules (or the like). I wasn't intending to put anyone off with said content, though I will apologize if it made you uncomfortable in any way.
5692730
Ratings are the only thing which are rules-enforced; AFAIK you can tag stories however you'd like, they're meant to serve as a guide to readers. I don't think they care if you miss a tag on a story so long as the rating is right (and this is undoubtedly a teen rated story).
As noted by the FAQ:
It isn't a big deal, I don't think.
Review (1st Place)
So the point of the contest is to invent a holiday, and and work it into some sort of TwiDash story. For this story, the holiday that was invented is was "Remembrance Day" as indicated by the title. It is a holiday Twilight invented, due to her grief over losing Rainbow Dash. Rather than let go and move on, she invented a spell/artifact using crystals to project a memory from the user like a sort of holodeck from Star Trek, The Next Generation, etc. Each year, these crystals are passed out to the populace so they may relive (happy) memories.
While the name and some of the feel of the holiday invoke in me the concept behind Memorial Day, this is really an original idea through and through. It has a certain sense of high-fantasy to it, that the princess of Magic/Friendship would make magic crystals for everypony to use once a year to relive memories through. That she is there to take part in the holiday carries with it a sort of feeling similar to the Summer Sun Celebration Celestia participates in, and Nightmare Night that Luna participates in. Overall it feels very believable.
While presented somewhat simply in the story, the holiday is fairly creative. Not only does it involve these crystals, there is a lot of ceremony built up for the holiday over the ten years it has been going on as of the start of the story. Having one lucky Ponyvillian get to be the first to pick a crystal for the day, getting to talk to Princess Twilight a little and tell what they intend to relive for the holiday are engaging bits of tradition that really serve to make it feel very real.
On to the story itself.
We get to enjoy Twilight's POV the entire story from start to finish. Not only was I immersed very quickly into the story, I felt myself pulled through and kept in the world presented to me all the way to the end. While I was building up some sense of prediction about what would happen, the story managed to keep me interested the whole way through, and even when I got to the end, the parts I was expecting were given to me dexterously, while the exact nature of the end managed to still be on the surprising side of things. Overall, a well-executed story.
The conflict was hinted at very early on, that Twilight was putting on a brave face for the public, while holding back sorrow. The cracks in her facade widened now and then in a well paced manner, reminding us now and then that not everything was fine, without hammering us over the head about it. While it was interesting to read about the events of the day, learn more about the holiday, the crystals, and their origin... the dread of the not so great things of that origin lurked, ready to be presented at some point, and grew.
It didn't come as a surprise that Rainbow Dash was dead. It wasn't the intent of the story to make that a secret. It didn't come as a surprise that Twilight loved her, not just due to the nature of the contest, but because it was sold and foreshadowed so well along the way. It wasn't a surprise that Twilight was going to break down finally, cry, and be miserable in the end. What was surprising was getting to, fly on the wall style, watch her bravely keep going anyway, and relive her first night of intimacy with her wife, Rainbow Dash, despite the misery of the vivid reliving, and the effects it has had on her every time for 9 years preceding this year. Surprising, and compelling.
While at no point does the story feel rushed or like "filler," the final scene, while painful, is totally worth getting to and reading. Despite the intimate nature of the memory Twilight is relieving, the style it is presented in is respectful of the love and sadness in the scene, and it is not cheap or explicit.
I write a review of this story. It can be found here.
5692740 What does AFAIK stand for?
So... Did you win the contest?
5702126 AFAIK = as far as I know.
And yes, I won the contest. :)
Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but my tear ducts sure are clear now. This is why you shouldn't read fanfiction at work - hope nobody notices.
A very good, moving story. I might have liked your runner-up's holiday better, but the raw emotion this evokes was far more powerful.
I normally hate stories like this, the whole immortal Twilight thing is done almost to death at this point. (pun intended lol)
However, damn was this a good story. Everything felt right, the pacing was spot on, and the feels... oh god the feels.
Although I'm amazed Twilight did not have like 365 of these stones, one for each day of the year. (she passed out a thousand, what's 364 more?)
Just a nitpick though lol.
Good job, just damn... the feels!
5705430 Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad you liked the story! :)
And yes, I too have made the mistake of reading fanfic while at work... Then trying to not look like a sobbing mess, lol. :)
5706851 Thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you liked the story!
As for the gems, remember that between the clean/reset process and the recharge time needed for the spell, it takes nearly a year for a gem to be usable again. I suppose that Twi could find a way to speed it up, but pinning it to a single holiday gives it a bit more meaning for the populace.
Think of it like Memorial Day in the US. sure, we can celebrate our veterans any day, but setting a side a day for a specific celebration gives it a bit more importance.
5707756
I remember that, but nothing saying she can't have more than one gem
like 365 of them lol
Again, just a stupid dumb nitpick, not meant to be taken seriously.
Pretty good story. A little short for my taste, but I still enjoyed it.
5747829 Thanks for giving it a try! :)
Took me long enough to get to this.
But my word this was heartbreaking.
The idea in itself I love. A day in which ponies can physically remember the past, experience their memories as if they were really there. It's so simple, yet powerful, and that's the beauty of it.
I also really enjoyed how you edged us closer and closer to Twilight finally using the gem herself, making us wait for it and only making the scenes of Twilight and Dash come near the end of the story. It actually gave me anticipation, and drove me to read on (that was never going to be a problem, since this was written beautifully).
But I want to single out the lovemaking scene specifically. The way you wrote it, making it more about the act as a whole and what it stood for in Twilight's mind made it significant, without the need to make it explicit at all. The idea that she gets to experience something so intimate with somepony she loved so much, yet knows the emptiness and sorrow on the horizon was so tragic to read, and to think about. Yet she continues to do it every year, almost as if she is unable to move on, and her mind is trapped in wanting to never let Dash go, which was the reason the holiday was created in the first place.
Give me some glue to put my heart back together would ya?
But seriously, loved it.
- DJRD
I almost have no words for this. Beautiful and gripping come closest. I love how you've managed to maintain such a palpable tension throughout the entire piece. You take such control from the onset that there aren't any stopping points. I couldn't put it down. Beautifully done!
5751575 I've got some duct tape. will that help? ;)
Seriously, I'm so glad to hear that you liked the story so much! :)
5751823 Thanks! :D
Loved this! I seriously need to read some more TwiDash soon. You definitely deserved to win the TwiDash writing competition thing :P
5763418 Thank you very much, and I'm glad you liked it!
If I may, I'd invite you to check out my other TwiDash fic, 'Scars'. you might like it as well. Also, my profile page has a 'TwiDash' recommendation list, so those could be some good options too. :)
5763894 Np ^.^ I will definitely check them out! And to say I'm in the TwiDash group as well...god I'm strange XD
Sorry for the nitpicking, but this part was a bit confusing as the "not a unicorn" implies that the wedding was before Twilight's ascension, while the next bit states clearly that this happened after it.
5798351 Ack, I'm an idiot. Thanks for catching that; it's been fixed. :)
Manly tears were shed
8ch.net/ra/src/1412353067114.jpg
It's funn because in Australia we actually have a Remembrance Day (11th of November) to remember those who died in the war XD
Wait...memory gems...this was written before S5 E3...
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY FORTUNE TELLER, GRAND_MOFF_PONY!!!
Humor makes it easier to bear feels like this