Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXXV · 8:01pm Jun 29th, 2023
Good news! I finally got off my bum and found someone to do the artwork for my next BPH story. Hopefully this will lead to a launched product within the next couple weeks.
I got a silly idea the other day, and decided to try writing it out. It’s nothing special, just something I felt like doing to give me a break from my other long-running projects. I don’t think it’ll even be good, I just needed to do something else for a while. It involves Lyra and a bench that may or may not go kaboom when she gets off it.
So last week on Friday I got struck with a bout of curiosity and decided to try Stable Diffusion, just to see how it works. Nobody told me just how addictive it can be; I lost a full night’s sleep because of this thing, which hasn’t happened since I was a teenager. It’s almost like playing a video game, the challenge being to get an image that looks the way you want it to. While I made and kept several images, there was really only one (maybe two) that I could say I was genuinely happy about.
AI art still hasn’t reached the point where it can match what an artist does. There are all sorts of little things that you start to notice once you’ve done it often enough, things that a person wouldn’t mess up. I don’t just mean fingers, either. But they’re getting damn close, close enough that a lot of non-artists likely won’t be bothered.
In my case, while I really like the idea of being able to make an image of any character I want doing anything I like (within a lot of limitations), I still don’t think I’d ever want to use it for, say, cover art or anything like that. I mean, I could spend hours fighting with an AI trying to get things just right and never actually get there, or I can have a discussion with an actual person who might take a little longer but will give me the best possible product at the end of the day.
Who wants some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
The Day The Sky Fell by ibanix
Chryssy please! by AlphaRidley
The Lords of Harmony by Whinifree
A Solid Foundation by thedarkprep
Twilight Holmes: Sabotage After Sunset by bats
Intermission by Soft Shake
Forget Me Nots by Sun Sage
The City Must Survive by The 24th Pegasus
"They're Not Touching You!" by JMac
I Won't Stop by waaaaaaah
Total Word Count: 223,706
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
The Day The Sky Fell
1,902 Words
ibanix failed to provide cover art.
Bur Oak was visiting a local lookout with his father, having an important discussion. Then all hell broke loose. The event that followed became known as the Day of Wrath.
This was a curious story. Set some seven decades before the event of the show, it depicts the inhabitants of a small farming community named Greenroots which got wiped off the map when the sun abruptly and inexplicably burned hot. This event led to all the airships in the sky burning like Icarus and crashing. Greenroots, for some reason, is where several of these massive fireballs landed.
On the one hand, the abrupt end of a seemingly average little town with the loss of all its inhabitants is indeed a tragic tale. There’s also a touch of worldbuilding as an explanation is made for the sun’s activities, and I really like the hint that the common, public story may not be the truth. Yet the story also leaves behind a lot of questions.
Why did ibanix decide to focus on this one family in this one little town? Oh, yes, the tale of this loss is a nice drama and all. But the story’s description makes it explicit that the disaster involved all the airships in the world crashing and burning. And it seems really off that this one little town would get wiped off the map over this. I mean, the sky is big, and Greenroots is implied to not be a big place, but it’s still a town. I feel like there’s something not being explained here.
If the Day of Wrath is also the Day the Sky Fell – in other words this is a story about airships falling out of the sky – wouldn’t it be more appropriate to have the story focus on the crew of one of these airships? Sure, family getting killed, tragic, we all get it. But thematically, you know?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good story. A little direct, I feel ibanix could have gone a little longer so as to flesh out the scenes, but other than that the writing is fine and the topic interesting. The focus just felt odd given the proposed subject. Still, if you’re interested in unknown authors with small libraries and a hint of worldbuilding, give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Chryssy please!
2,046 Words
By AlphaRidley
A thousand years ago, Celestia decided her kingdom was more important than her relationship with Chrysalis.Today she regrets that decision and has come begging to be taken back. Chrysalis is as reluctant as any tsundere bug queen would be. Then that goody-four-shoes Purple Smart had to butt her muzzle into it.
And.. that’s it, really. This is not a complex story, it’s just Celestia begging Chrysalis to come back to her andTwilight showing up to act as a referee between them. I’m honestly not sure that Twilight was necessary for this story. She seems more a distraction and word sink considering how short the story is. Still, it’s not a bad story on the whole, provided you’re into the Chryslestia ship.
Short but sweet in the tsundere sort of way.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Lords of Harmony
174,004 Words
By Whinifree
Nightmare Night has come to Ponyville once again, and with it Princess Luna. Just when it seems everything is going perfectly, a mysterious force attacks the town. Now Luna is missing and the rest of our heroes are out to figure out who this new threat is.
Well, that was… something. The story begins with the suggestion that Twilight is going to be the main character. The Mane Six are present throughout the vast majority, but the role of protagonist quickly gets shifted entirely to Celestia. Which is fine, I suppose. The Mare needs her time in the spotlight every now and then. Much of the tale involves our heroes fighting a group of creatures known as Dreadkin and Shadowponies – which apparently includes Windigos – along with a few giants that are unstoppable as they can suck the magic out of any opponent in a way that would make Tirek green with envy.
I’m sorry to say this one lost my interest almost immediately. The whole thing starts with Twilight and her friends dressing up as Power Ponies and… uh… going to Castle Everfree? They have no reason to do this, they just do, heading all the way out there just to immediately turn around and go home.
Rainbow is supposed to be narrating the adventure of their beating Nightmare Moon. Except all she does is say “we entered the forest to fight her” when they arrive at the forest’s edge, stops telling the story for however long it takes to get to the castle, then promptly declares “and we all kicked Nightmare Moon’s butt.” Somehow, we’re expected to equate this to an epic retelling that all the other ponies are going to cheer and act proud over. And I’m over here asking “Why?”
Here’s why: Whinifree wanted to get Twilight alone at Castle Everfree to encounter a mysterious figure and couldn’t think of a valid reason to make it happen.
Also, Twilight breaks down in tears because, oh no, something bad happened here a thousand years ago. And because of this breakdown, she needs to spend some time alone, so the others leave her to take the journey back through the Everfree entirely on her own.
This is all just a precursor to what’s coming. Enough idiot balls will be dropped to make a ball pit. The characters break down in tears (and an exaggerated high amount of sweat) with every tiny setback they encounter. The dialogue is rough at best and forced at worst, often with characters not sounding like themselves at all (and in Celestia’s case, not behaving like herself most of the time). Characters regularly go from being so fatigued they literally can’t stand up to fighting epic no-holds-barred brawls in a matter of seconds. The heroes have almost no impact regarding ongoing events, because they lose nine out of ten fights and keep getting rescued by the same dues ex magica over and over and over and over and over again. The villain is an OP chessmaster who is unstoppable and no reason whatsoever is given for it.
I haven’t even started on the writing yet! On the surface it seems fine, but I quickly came to recognize its flaws. This writing isn’t just Telly, it’s specific to the point of redundancy. You will know precisely how Celestia opened that door, as well as how it closed behind her. You will be told exactly which hoof performed exactly which action, because apparently it’s very important you know which leg Twilight used to facehoof. This throne room was already described several chapters ago – in overly intricate detail, might I add – but you weren’t paying attention then or have a shitty memory, so Whinifree is going to re-describe it from scratch now that we’re visiting again. You’ve also forgotten all pertinent past information relating to the topic at hand, so we’re going to pause in the midst of the important stuff that’s happening to summarize it.
You know, Celestia, maybe if you’d stop pausing in the middle of a fight to ponder something of no immediate importance for thirty seconds you wouldn’t be losing every fight you get into.
Worst of all, there’s no reward for this slog. There are stories that end on cliffhangers, but they usually have something resolved to at least make the current book feel “complete”. The Lords of Harmony doesn’t give us anything. No lessons have been learned, no villains have been vanquished, no victories have been won, no mysteries have been solved. Hell, we haven’t even figured out where Luna is. Hell again, we don’t even know why the story is called The Lords of Harmony! The story just… ends, with a false promise of a coming sequel.
Not that I would have read said sequel if it did exist. I spent half of this story bored, the other half annoyed, and somehow managed to squeeze a third half in there for incredulity. To say I don’t want to go through it all again is an understatement.
The good news is that this was written way back in 2015, and Whinifree released a story as recently as late 2022. That’s a long time to develop and improve one’s craft. Perhaps I shall take a gander at one of those recent stories to see if Whinifree has improved any. But as for this one, my rating couldn’t be more clear.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Solid Foundation
18,501 Words
By thedarkprep
Sequel to Secondhand Laughter
Maud Pie is very close to graduating with her doctorate. Which is a problem. She doesn’t know what to do with her doctorate now that she’s about to have it. Seeking inspiration and maybe some advice, she decides to head back home to visit her family. But upon arriving Maud discovers something far more important than her potential career: a family that seems to be falling apart. Setting her own situation aside, she decides to fix what is broken.
Now this was an interesting twist. The last three stories in this little series focused entirely on the growing, complex, potentially disastrous thing that is the relationship between Pinkie Pie and Trixie Lulamoon, emphasizing Pinkie’s crisis of self-worth and Trixie’s crisis of self-identity (and that’s a really shallow description, I note). This story shifts gears by being centered around and from the perspective of Maud Pie. Maud comes home to find things have changed and promptly concludes these changes must be bad things in need of fixing.
To be fair, when the first thing you hear upon coming home after five years is that your big sister had a huge fight with your parents and promptly moved out, you might have a good reason to be concerned.
There are a lot of interesting things going on here, but the first worth noting is the narrative choice. The story reads just like if any other person held the perspective. But this isn’t any other person, it’s Maudileena Daisy Pie. Her overarching manner is impossible to miss. So why is thedarkprep writing a story from her perspective in such a perfectly normal way?
I’ve read enough stories by this author to grant them the benefit of the doubt, and I began developing a lot of different theories, some of which were even hinted at. The two most likely to me were either A) this is set maybe a decade after the show and Maud has simply learned to be more evocative, or B) while Maud’s manner is odd to most people it’s normal for Maud, and the narrative is intended to reflect that. Given the hints I believe I’m seeing, I’m pretty sure it’s that second one, and if I’m right then I thoroughly approve. My only concern is that people with poor reading comprehension will miss the hints. Then again, those readers might not even notice or care about the issue.
Another thing I found curious is how ‘normal’ Trixie came out. After reading the last three stories, it’s hard to forget that this woman is an emotional wreck, complete with clinical depression and suicidal tendencies. Two things justified her seemingly pleasant and cheerful demeanor. The first is that in the other stories Trixie’s emotional issues were at the center of the plot, which meant we weren’t really seeing her outside of her lows. The second is a recollection that Trixie is a very good actress who has become gifted in hiding her real mental state from the public.
This is one of the important things to get about this story. Your full understanding of what is going on will depend upon both your knowledge of these characters’ problems and your ability to read between the lines and apply past information to ongoing events. Yet I also feel like this story could exist outside that continuity, meaning the casual reader could read this without knowing the prior events and still come out fine, something benefited heavily by the plot tool of Maud finding things out for the first time herself. These readers might not get the full picture, but they’d still get the primary point.
Which brings up my final topic of interest: this is Maud’s story, not Pinkie’s and/or Trixie’s. It’s a tale about learning to let go, accepting that change happens, and coming to understand that those changes don’t have to be bad. I like that of all her sisters, it is Limestone that manages to make this idea stick in Maud’s head. And Marble, to a lesser degree. It’s a good lesson to learn, and one told in a manner straightforward enough that any reader could see it clearly.
In summation, this is a story that is one part complex and one part simple, and readers will only notice the complex parts if they’re privy to past events. I greatly appreciate how thedarkprep managed to weave these two elements together in a way that doesn’t feel forced or unrealistic. Every conversation made sense, every interaction pushed the main story forward while also hinting at underlying elements, and the pacing was smooth as butter.
To summarize the summary: I think thedarkprep knocked this one out of the park.
Perhaps my only disappointment is that this is where the overarching story ends, at least as of the time this review was written. I’d really like to see a conclusion in the Trixie/Pinkie situation (and Caramel too, I suppose), even if that conclusion goes poorly. But for this Maud-centric story? I’ve nothing to complain about.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Under Her Spell — WHYRTY?
The Opening Act — WHYRTY?
Secondhand Laughter — WHYRTY?
Changing Your Tune — Pretty Good
Twilight Holmes: Sabotage After Sunset
6,881 Words
By bats
Sequel to It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow
Something has been destroying properties around Ponyville in what can only be called a violent rampage. Twilight Sparkle, self-styled detective extraordinaire, is on the case! With her marefriend Rainbow dragged along, of course.
With a name like that, I was half-hoping that Sunset Shimmer would be involved somehow. As the story went on, and remembering bats’ methods for the last one, I figured out who the likely culprits were early. Even so, I began hoping for something less obvious this time, if only because my storyteller instincts suggest not doing the same thing twice in a row.
bats did the same thing twice in a row. Clearly, our storyteller instincts are very different.
I’m cool with it regardless. bats is clearly only writing this for the lolz, so there’s no point in taking this mockery of mysteries seriously.
Mockery of mysteries. Mysterious mockery? Mocking mystery? Myst-ockery? Mock-ystery? I can’t help but feel there’s a wordplay opportunity here just outside my range of vision.
Anyway, if you’re interested in seeing Twilight utterly fail at being Sherlock Holmes, Rainbow looking to suck some face, and a conclusion that makes the Teen rating questionable, then by all means have at it. Especially if you liked the previous story, because this is largely the same thing, just… a bit raunchier.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Spellbound Fireflies — WHYRTY?
The Thinkin' Spot — Pretty Good
It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow — Worth It
Intermission
2,929 Words
By Soft Shake
Requested by Soft Shake
Sometimes, Spitfire has bad dreams. When that happens, she goes to the one pony who can make her feel safe. Twilight has always and forever been kind, patient, and respectful towards her. Even though she doesn’t deserve any of it. Perhaps tonight Spitfire can finally put into words those feelings that neither of them have been willing to bring into the open.
With that description, you’re probably thinking “those feelings” involve something romantic. Which would track as the romance tag is there for a reason. But the truth is that this is a story about domestic abuse and how difficult it can be for the victim to face it, even after the abuse is over. Spitfire is a proud mare in a position of power, which makes it all the more difficult for her to address her own experiences and why she keeps coming to Princess Twilight of all ponies for comfort.
It might seem odd to say, but I found this a pleasant experience. Yes, Spitfire is clearly hurting, and Twilight (being Twilight) is hurt by Spitfire’s hurting. But the entire story runs on an atmosphere of patience and healing. Soft Shake is rarely upfront about what’s really going on, even the most direct line not outright acknowledging what Spitfire is going through. Rather, the conversation sticks to calm waters, Twilight permitting Spitfire to skirt around the topics until she feels safe and secure enough to be open. Yes, it’s sad, but the mood prevents it from being too painful, and I like that. It’s not a common direction.
Overall, I greatly enjoyed this one for how well Soft Shake creates and maintains the mood. The one and only thing I’m hesitant on is the trigger warning for domestic abuse, which I believe is unwarranted. I don’t think trigger warnings should be used except under the most extreme cases, and this is not remotely what I’d say qualifies. In my admittedly subjective opinion, trigger warnings used so loosely can only do one of two things: scare away the people who might have the most valuable opinions on the topic, and act as a pre-trigger; studies have suggested that trigger warnings make extreme reactions more likely, thereby making them counter-effective to their purported purpose.
But I digress. This was a quiet, character-driven piece in which Spitfire finally brings herself to address the thing that has been haunting her for however long she’s been making these visits to Twilight. I thought it was very well done, avoiding the worst and most common dramatics in favor of a focus on recovery and personal growth. Definitely worth the read if you’re interested in that kind of material.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
That's My Choice — Pretty Good
Forget Me Nots
4,157 Words
By Sun Sage
Sunset Shimmer and Wallflower Blush are finally getting married. There’s just one little step they have yet to undertake: telling Wallflower’s parents that her fiancé is actually a fiancée.
This review took a while to write, because I kept having to double back and start over as new thoughts struck and reshaped previous impressions. The story trots out the worn trope of bigoted parents getting pissed because their child isn’t “normal”. Which is… yawn. I’m really getting tired of seeing it. It sometimes feels like this is the only reaction writers the world over believe could ever happen. But this story has an advantage, and that’s that these are Wallflower’s parents.
“Wallflower has shitty parents” is another common trope I’ve been seeing. But it’s one that I’m generally fine with, because having crappy parents is a legitimate excuse for her overarching lack of self-esteem. Adding bigotry to their faults is not a longshot. In summation: I’m willing to tolerate the overused “bigoted parents” trope because it has direct potential applicability to the character of Wallflower Blush.
But this isn’t a story about Wallflower’s parents. It’s really about how their poor parenting led to the Wallflower we know in the show. Equally important, it’s about her relationship with Sunset and why it has been so valuable for Wallflower’s mental recovery. With that in mind, this story works really well.
I loved the early interactions between Wallflower and Sunset: playful, teasing, and a bit sexual. I like how Wallflower’s evolution into a capable-if-humble entrepreneur is explored without going into the intricate intricacies of it all. The nature of their relationship is clarified through their interactions, which Sun Sage wrote in a way that was both realistic and effective.
At first I was miffed that the big confrontation was cut short just when it was getting heated, but then I realized that Sun Sage did that because the confrontation was never the main point of the story; Wallflower and Sunset are. It may have also been a narrative slight, as though we’re being told “they’re not worth the wordcount”. Once those possibilities came to light my approval soared.
In the end I appreciated this for its storytelling technique. It uses a tired old trope but doesn’t make it the centerpiece of the fic, which is saved for the loving relationship between two capable young women, one of whom is still nursing emotional scars. Definitely a step above the usual stories I see of this variety.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Back and There Again — Pretty Good
The City Must Survive
8,117 Words
By The 24th Pegasus
They all tell themselves the same thing. No matter how bad things get. No matter the cost. No matter what. But there’s always a limit…
The 24th Pegasus lost that playthrough.
This is a thematic crossover with Frostpunk, and the instant I saw it released (and who released it) I knew I had to read it. For the unawares, Frostpunk is a grim city builder set in the 1880’s of an alternate earth that has been consumed by a global winter of apocalyptic proportions. The player takes control of a small ‘city’ (really more like a town) built around a massive furnace that protects everyone from the lethal temperatures. But those temperatures are ever-falling; resources must be strictly managed, draconian laws must be passed, and the populace must be kept under brutal control if you are to get through it all with even one soul left alive. And that’s all before the superstorm passes through…
The City Must Survive ponifies this concept and stars Rarity, who has been reduced to working twelve-hour shifts in a coal mine in order to feed the Furnace with the coal it desperately needs to keep everypony alive one more frigid day. We see the everyday lies of the city’s citizens as they struggle in temperatures so cold that frostbite threatens within seconds of unprotected exposure. Child labor, fierce crackdowns of dissent, ever-decreasing food rations, and daily deaths keep the ponies on the razor’s edge between life-sustaining obedience and suicidal rebellion. Rarity has come to accept that her life will be given to the ever-hungry maw of the Furnace, so long as her work keeps Sweetie Belle from suffering the same fate.
The story is brutal. In that it excels, as it captures the nature and tone of Frostpunk even more effectively than the game itself. Along with the bitter realities of the scenario, it is peppered with lorebuilding asides that reflect on elements of the game, including exploration teams, the resources for survival, and the hard choices the leader must make even as such decisions leave their souls damned, to say nothing of what the average citizen may think of them.
Do not go into this story expecting anything pleasant. There is no such thing as plot armor here.
A grim tale, and one that serves as both an excellent crossover and a perfect advertisement for the game that inspired it.
Bookshelf: WHYRTY?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Song of Storms: Snow and Shadows — WHYRTY?
Surviving Sand Island — WHYRTY?
The Torch Be Ours — WHYRTY?
A Song of Storms: Of Skies Long Forgotten — Pretty Good
The Mare of the Equestrian Eighth — Pretty Good
"They're Not Touching You!"
2,894 Words
By JMac
The CMC and their friends decide to have a sleepover at the Clubhouse. Of course, no sleepover is complete without awesome scary stories! To the annoyance of everypony, Scootaloo can't resist turning this into a competition. What she never expected was for the most shy of their number, one Quizzical, to offer a story of her own.
This is set in the Quizzical universe, which centers around a little filly who combines Twilight’s intellect and hang-ups with Maud’s deadpan mannerisms. Although this is centered around a ghost story, it is not labeled as a horror, and rightfully so. The story Quizzical tells is perfectly on par with the kind of horror story you’d get from canon Equestria. In it, a very simple question is asked:
What if there are ghosts all around you that only pretend to touch you? How would you know they’re even there?
It’s a playful concept that works well, especially when taken from the perspective of a filly as it is here. I found the whole thing entertaining.
JMac made no attempt to wordsmith this. There’s no effort at generating mood or crafting a scene. It’s just presented as-is. And while I admit I prefer my stories with a bit of care taken into how they’re told, I think the simplicity works for this one. Why, I’m not sure. Regardless, I ended up liking it and I am yet again looking forward to the next time Quiz graces my screen.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Thweet Geniuth — WHYRTY?
"I'll Take That One." — Pretty Good
A Little Game of War — Worth It
Adventures In Cake Sitting — Worth It
Quizzical — Worth It
I Won't Stop
2,275 Words
By waaaaaaah
Shadow Flame is a pegasus filly growing up in the city of Harmony. Where is Harmony? Not even its citizens know. They’ve been stuck in an underground cavern for centuries.
Right off the bat, I was fondly reminded of two things. The general feel of the underground city makes me think of the MYST series, particularly the accompanying book trilogy about an underground city and its people. The exploration aspect reminds me of the game Sunless Sea, in which London has been buried and now lies in a massive cavern next to a huge underground sea the player has to explore. There’s no sea here though, just a filly who loves to explore and dreams of finding a way to the mythical land of Equestria.
The author tries to do a lot with a very limited amount of words. Hints at Harmony’s past, touches of things like food and housing, suggestions of ongoing political turmoil possibly initiated by a class struggle, several things are glanced at only to be passed swiftly in favor of the next thing. This serves to paint Shadow Flame as being only interested in her immediate desires and interests rather than the big picture.
On the one hand, I like how the story hints at a greater world while using those hints to demonstrate Shadow Flame’s tunnel vision. But this comes with the caveat of leaving the world woefully unexplored. The end result is something that feels like the start of a much bigger, more ambitious story we will never get to see. How disappointing.
In the end, I like the story but question whether the author shouldn’t have tried a different approach, preferably one that doesn’t leave so many different threads dangling. Still, not bad for a short written solely for the purpose of practice.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
And Then There Was One — Worth It
Stories for Next Time:
Scarred Serpentine by Metanoia
Twilight's gift to a Retired Princess by Yoshikage Kira
Just Drive by gapty
I Am Sorry by KingdaKa
Girlfriend Friend 2.5: Best Friend Friend by Tangerine Blast
Candy Mane's Almost-Epic Slice-of-Life Adventure by Trick Question
How Not to Woo a Fluttershy by dragonjek
Bad Decisions Make Better Stories by Sporktacles
Triple Threat by scoots2
The Long Game by Baal Bunny
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Need some editing done? Working on a story and not sure how it’s shaping up? I’m now doing editing and critique commissions! Check here for more information and pricing and PM me if interested.
I have a small question. How do writers ensure their story gets viewed and commented on. It's been a while, but barley anyone is viewing or commenting on my story. Is going to authors and asking them to look at my story considered rude or against the rules?
I love your Fanfics, they are very good and inspired my story somewhat.
If you’re excited or wanting for a conclusion to the Pinkie/Trixie relationship then I’ve done my job. Pinkie is supposed to play a more major role going forward in Krickis’ stories, but she hadn’t developed her too much, past giving hints to some struggles.
I took on the assignment of developing her a bit more and establishing her main relationships so that when she shows up in her stories, it’s all a bit more natural.
Mine aren’t required reading per-se, but they are anticipatory materials for the stuff Krickis is putting together, meaning that conclusion you’re looking for is coming, but it will be written by her.
In any case, thanks for the review!
Glad to see you reqlly enoyed The City Must Survive! I think it's my favorite of my own short stories, and I often go back and reread it. And that joke about my playthrough is more accurate than you think; I was inspired to write the story after my first playthrough spiralled out of control from poor decisions compounding mistakes and making the situation ever more desperate. Ascribing what I accidentally inflicted on my citizens to the colorful residents of MLP might not be the best coping mechanism but it was certainly a fun one!
You're in for a laugh next week, Candy Mane is hilarious.
A couple weeks? My body is so ready.
It looks like A Solid Foundation is a later part of the Who We Become storyverse, which I'm currently working my way through in chronological order. Seems like I've got some good stuff to look forward to.
This is a pretty good rule of thumb for any of 24's stories, tbh.
Was that intentional or a Freudian slip? Either way, it seems quite apt considering the story's premise. I'll probably check it out soon.
My take is that the bigoted parents trope can work excellently when it's portrayed with genuine realism, especially when it's less than the focus of the plot and more a catalyst for it. I prefer stories where the damage inflicted by bigotry is overcome, rather than stories that wallow in it for the entirety of the word count. I say all this as someone whose life and mental health were severely affected by the hateful beliefs of my family up until only a couple years ago.
You're spot-on with the trope's relation to Wally, too. Her primary character trait of hating herself had to come from somewhere, and an unhappy home life is a perfect fit. Like half my stories involve Wally having a backstory with parents who wouldn't accept her. And yeah, I'm biased cuz I grew up in a homophobic environment and Wally is my baby, but shit man, it just works so well and I trust myself to
projectportray that experience respectfully and accurately.Like any mental health character trait, including bigotry-related trauma is a risk where the odds of success hinge squarely on the author's understanding of the real-life roots of the problem. Do it right, and your story and character will be so much more alive and real. Do it wrong, and it'll be a lead weight around the narrative's neck and everyone will hate it :v
Seriously, there has NEVER been a truly good story that chose to include this trope or any like it simply for The Feels™. Such a thing just isn't possible. Unfortunately, this is a fanfiction site so people are gonna keep pumping out fast food Feels™ til the end of time <_<
Aw heck yeah more BPH. I'll have you know I actually did start reading through my copy of the original - and loving it by the way. Was a valued comfort in the little free time I had while living in a bush camp for five weeks. Currently about halfway through, we'll see how long it takes me to finish. Maybe then I can finally join your elite team of prereaders, if you'll have me.
Shame about The Lords of Harmony, I know that one's been sitting on your Incompletes shelf for a loooooong time. One would hope a story that took eight years to come out would at least have some gradual sense of improvement as it progressed.
I haven't read A Solid Foundation, so can't properly corroborate, but the way you describe Maud's internal monologue (more specifically, the second of your theories) reminds me of issue 29 of the official Friends Forever series. If you haven't read it, it involves Rarity accompanying Maud on an excavation, facing multiple setbacks along the way, and Rara getting increasingly frustrated at Maud's lack of a reaction to all the issues they face. Near the end, Rarity accidentally reads Maud's diary, which greatly details the rollercoaster of emotions Maud experienced on the trip, implying she is in fact quite emotional in her own head, she just doesn't output all that much. Perhaps thedarkprep was drawing upon that? Maybe it's not similar, I dunno. You tell me.
Looking forward to your thoughts on Scarred Serpentine in a couple weeks, that one's been on my RiL for a while now. The cover art and description (not to mention very low view count) do generate much intrigue. Hopefully it delivers. See you then.
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"ensure" your story gets viewed and commented on? I would start by simply saying "you can't". There's never any guarantees in this business, and even great stories can get bypassed for little or even no reason. There's also no correlation between views and comments; a story can get a lot of views but practically no comments, or a lot of comments because one of the tiny number of viewers it got happens to be extremely talkative. These things happen all the time.
There's also the matter of scale. Fact is, there aren't anywhere near as many active members in this community as there used to be. When I first joined, even an average story might net 1,000-2,000 views, and a really popular one could get in the 5,000-7,500 range. But today? If you're managing 200+ views, that's not a bad turnout. 500+ would be considered a hit.
Now, if you're looking for 1,000+ views... well. Now we're in pandering territory. You want to get up there, you have to layer your story with the things that reach mass appeal, regardless of whether what the masses want is 'good' or not. Some authors just resort to sex and call it a day, because sex sells (it's extremely rare for the M-rated feature box to not have porn take up at least half the space). Or maybe you want to avoid that (and I don't blame you), then you can resort to other popular things. A fan-favorite ship like RariJack or FlutterDash, displaced fics (for some god-awful reason), or a popular trope like "immortality sucks". Heck, nearly half the feature box right now has Chrysalis in it, because everyone loves Chrysalis. Doing these things alone may not be enough (it's not like every story featuring RariJack makes the feature box, after all), but figuring out what's popular and abusing it is one method some writers like to take, particularly the ones more into it for the attention than the story.
But if you're like me and just want to write a story, one that you know you will like and enjoy creating and would like to share with the world? Yeah, it's going to be hit or miss, and maybe more misses than hits. Because not everybody shares your opinion on what is interesting or makes for a good story. And the number of readers who care more about a good story versus just seeing the type of content they want to see is frustratingly small. But they're readers, not writers, and that distinction is more important than you might think.
In summation, there are indeed tricks and gimmicks that may get your story more attention, but they all relate to appealing to the masses with cherry-picked content and an awareness of what is popular in the given moment. They're used by people seeking attention or, in the case of non-fiction, people trying to make a quick buck. But if you're trying to write a genuinely good story and are frustrated that people aren't noticing, then you may just have to accept that the audience pool for quality stories regardless of content is small even before you consider the small venue that is FIMFiction.
My advice: If you want to just enjoy what you write without pandering, then you'll just have to be patient and temper your expectations. Things are going to be slow at first. Maybe you'll write a one-shot that will get popular for a few days, but considering you're new to the community you shouldn't expect too much right away.
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An interesting storytelling methodology, but not one I'm particularly opposed to. It's almost like going multi-media with it, except this is FIMFiction so the closest we can offer is multi-author. That definitely has its downsides, but you guys generally seem to have it handled so long as your audience is paying attention (hah!).
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Oh-ho, no, I knew exactly what I was saying. I've played Frostpunk, I know how brutal it is to the newcomer. It took me four tries to get to the superstorm at the end, and I was proud – proud – that I got through it to the other side and won the game on my first try despite the fact that 90% of my population had died and the colony was probably doomed regardless. I had no doubt whatsoever that what I saw was the bitter fruit of that game's harshness.
Which you captured wonderfully. It was a great story.
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And here's the part where I mention that I read/review most non-long stories six-to-seven weeks prior to the publication of said reviews.
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Oh, yeah, I jumped into this TrixiePie series without realizing that the majority of them were set long after where I'm at in the Who We Become AU. Spoiled myself quite a bit by doing that.
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It was a Freudian slip, but when I caught it myself I realized that it wasn't necessarily wrong, so I left it alone.
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I... see nothing in here that I disagree with or elaborate on further.
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Hey, I won't complain about more prereaders! I really should start writing down these potential volunteers... Regardless, glad you're enjoying it! Honestly, reading it while out in the wilderness sounds ideal.
Interesting, I honestly never thought the creators would have brought it up. I always felt that Maud having genuine emotions was a given, and some people (like Pinkie) would just learn how to read them. But this is by no means the first time I've seen it brought up in this way; I've read a handful of stories that also depict Maud's perspective and have her genuinely emotional without the expressionism to match.
Thanks for the review of Intermission, I'm glad to hear I achieved the mood and vibe I was going for. Something I've definitely enjoyed writing is taking hard topics/subject matter and creating an easy and hopefully even pleasant reading experience out of it. It's just that sometimes when I do that, I can't help but feel I might be walking on a tightrope trying to get it right. In retrospect I'm really proud of Intermission though, it feels like a small yet significant accomplishment to place on my writerly shelf.
Also, thank you so much for bringing up that point about the trigger warning. To tell the truth, I'd been eating myself alive going back and forth about whether it should be there for a long time after I'd published it, but I had eventually decided to take the option that felt like being safer rather than sorry. I hadn't considered that it might actually do more harm than good, but now that you've brought it up I certainly don't doubt that may be the case. Getting a second opinion made it a lot easier for me to ultimately go ahead and take it out.
Anyways, mad respect to you for all your services to the community. You are very awesome.
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I'd say you achieved everything you were hoping for, so good job!
I've actually used a trigger warning on one of my stories, but only the one. I was very hesitant myself when I first made the decision, but I felt and still feel it was warranted in that case.
So let me amend my previous statement: I don't think trigger warnings on the whole are wrong, but I do believe there are wrong ways to use them. Talking about what happened in the past? No. If anything, you're mentally prepping the people who might not have been triggered before to go in expecting and searching for the offending moment. They will react accordingly, because you've set them up for it.
Actually witnessing the events? Eh... depends on context and how it's written. I wouldn't put a content warning on a story where a man hits his wife and she promptly leaves him, especially if the writing is that surface-level in approach. But if we were actively watching the day-in-day-out abuse, witnessing its effects firsthand and being forced to comprehend the grueling cruelty as it happens? Okay, might want to add a content warning.
Or you can be like me and detail the traumatic horror of getting... well, I shall not describe it here. But it was definitely bad enough to warrant a content warning.
Point is, I draw the line based on whether or not the readers directly witness an event and how that event is portrayed. Admittedly, it's not always black and white, but in the case of Intermission it felt unnecessary.
The story idea was based on an unusual dream I had that had similar themes. I had been trying to expand my creative writing skills and it seemed like a place to start :) Thanks for the review.