Feather Dew has always believed there was something more beyond this life. Seeking for answers, he turns to the entheogenic brew called Ohteotl to learn more about his inner psyche and the mysteries of existence itself. He sees beasts; he sees revelations; he sees the borders between life and death itself.
What he didn’t expect was to meet with a mysterious, masked mare. Who was she? How could he recognize her if they've never met before? His heart was tied to hers from another reality, beyond touchable and rational things...
He just has to save her.
Now completed!
Chapters (30)
What an interesting beginning. Your upfront disclaimer notwithstanding, I’m not exactly sure where this is going, but I intend to find out!
I saw a “yet alone” up there about recognizing animals that looked to me like maybe it should have been a “let alone”, or maybe that’s just me.
I don’t know much about our pegasus protagonist, but he seems cool. I found you because I’ve been watching SkyeyPony on DA for years.
Yesssss!!!!!! So good!!!!!
10899420
Noted! I don't even know how I didn't spot it any sooner.
As for where this story will go, I guess it's something we'll have to see unfold...
So, Feather Dew has made a… friend… definitely just a friend… nothing to see here.
There was a felt… feel… felt right after he drank the tea, and a few other spaces where felt…feeling were used in rapid succession. Those are challenging to write, but maybe consider describing how the strange feeling came at him. So, instead of “felt a strange feeling”, “a strange feeling washed over him”, or maybe, “an odd uneasiness bubbled up from his stomach.”
And suddenly… what is even happening? Yup, that got pretty trippy. I’m excited to see what happens next.
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It's hard to write sentences in such a way to avoid the word "feel", admittedly, especially in chapters like these that focuses on the characters' thoughts and emotions. I'll keep that in mind.
And it's like what Scarlet said: "It's like seeing yourself out of your body"
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No need to hunt down the "feels", haha, but it stuck out to me, so I thought I'd mention it.
Melanistic threw me with the panther, as melanin is to do with skin pigment and panthers have fur. Then about two paragraphs farther down, there was a “relieved the battles they’d won”, which looked to me like it should have been “relived”.
I have wondered how much a stomach can hold the last time I was dreadfully ill, haha. Super hot on the inside, icy cold on the outside, and suddenly all of the muscles go to trembling. Fortunately, I made it to a restroom before I lost said contents. It’s no fun.
A proper friend, who now has a name. I wonder if she will regret wishing for an adventure later.
Slowing down and not needing clocks sounds kind of awesome, but I don’t know if that’s actually a solution to issues. It is nice to take a break though from the typical grind. Feather should be careful looking up at the stars with his friend. That can cause unintended attraction. 
Flat Equus?!? Hehe, well played.
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Noted! As for the "melanistic jaguar," from what I've seen, that's what it's truly called—melanism, specifically.
It is nice to unwind sometimes, and slowing down can help people look at things differently; I do agree that it's not necessarily a solution to all problems—it's merely a key, but only one can open the door so as they can press on.
Equus could also be hollow, but who knows?
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Huh, I did not know that about the Jaguars. I have learned a thing!
Hollow!?!
now you’re just being cruel! 
Was that a flashback? I assume it was a flashback. The dialogue with Rainbow Dash felt a bit clunky to me. Maybe they repeated each other a lot? I’m not sure.
The hallucinations thicken! How interesting…
Poor Lightning. Toward the end he was “weary” of a green liquid in a pyramid bottle where he should have been “wary”, FYI
Eeeeeeee this line is so cool and dramatic. I looooveeee the description of the mare, it feels so vivid
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Yes that was an awesome line! I am now sad I forgot to point it out.
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I tried to make the dialogue vague because it is indeed a dream before he went to the retreat. And the hallucinations are a trip
The shaman seems interesting…
I was a little confused in the second half to whom Feather is talking. It was the masked one, right? Up until that point, I’d thought he was talking to his other friend.
Dreams are pretty strange… I once dreamed that I was delivering a pizza, and then some apocalypse destroyed the city where I was… and yet I continued trying to deliver the pizza… it was odd to say the least.
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Yes it is the masked one. I tried not to mention anything at all about it, actually, just to keep it more vague although I think you can piece it together.
Dreams are weird! That was based on a dream I had too.
I love the opening paragraphs about the sea. Delightful!
River Moon is a bit of a flirt, isn’t she? I approve.
Hovering, in a technical sense, is maintaining a position in the air. Descending is more clear to indicate a downward vector.
Huh… now that is interesting… it raises questions.
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It raises lots of questions indeed. And I guess it does make sense to use descend as opposed to hover.
I kinda thought it was a ninjago crossover
Where indeed? She seems to only show up, so far, in hallucinations, so far as we can tell. Though, I am fairly certain she’s got something to do with the wind as well.
It’s kind of a shame that the Conquistador is abandoning his mission, but I expect more will come of that.
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Shhh
Hmm… where are we? How did we get here? Haha
Not in the woods anymore, that’s for sure.
Head count is always a good idea. Odd that nobody else was concerned about Arctic…
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It's a vague chapter and I don't want to really hold anyone's hands
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How did I only notice you now lol
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That’s fair.
I meant to mention that “intact” is a condition, and it felt redundant to say “intact condition”, much as it would to say cacophony of noise, when cacophony is a great deal of noise (but I have done that myself and seen others do it)
10970786
Noted!
If the Universe has a center, then it must have an end! So, there may be a restaurant at the end of the Universe after all! I dunno, seems infinitely improbable to me.
Sounds like we’re in for an adventure! All we need is a Conquistador… maybe.
No idea what that’s about… haha
…
I love that. Sometimes just to be with someone… just to be there is perfect.
…
If I were a betting man, I’d say yes.
…
I’m excited for act II. Also, English is not your first language??? I’m impressed, and would never have guessed that. Don’t let it go to your head, but you’ve got skills.
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Indeed.
Shhh.
Oh thank you! I'm as far as one can be from North America, you know
*let alone breathe
* around here
I love that! The Spanish is a nice touch.
This can also be called “blowing a raspberry”, or similar. I don’t know why it is said that way. I think I like the way you say it better.
…
These two are kind of cute… in an only friendly sort of way? I’ll be honest I can’t tell if they are flirting or not sometimes. Either way, their relationship feels like it is growing naturally.
So… I noticed the stillness… the a sense of the wind… interesting…
10978556
I always miss that!
Spanish is a beautiful language <3
Such is the nature of conversation, sometimes even we don't know what we're doing when we talk. And relationships can take a while to fully flesh out.
I love that!
I’m not sure pedantic works here.
pedantic adjective
1. ostentatious in one's learning.
2. overly concerned with minute details or formalisms, especially in teaching.
Also, would a pegasus expect it to be hot closer to the sun? Higher altitudes are generally colder, if I’m not mistaken, because of the thinner air. I dunno, but it stood out to me and made me wonder.
I think I’ve only ever heard, “quite some time”, or “quite a while”. I don’t know if it is wrong… but I’ve never heard it used that way. Also, there were a few “ever now and then”, which I’ve also only heard as, “every now and then”, and the related, “every once in a while”.
Haha! Lower your voice, River!
Hahahaha! I like her!
Title drop! Hold on to your hat, this is important! Also, Twilight Sparkle would give her tiara for a few days in this library.
Oh my…. Suddenly… I feel like the different segments have been time jumping all along…
I do think a real life search would be far more time consuming… but for the purposes of a narrative, this flows well, and I’m not at all bothered that they find things so quickly.
Definitely things are getting interesting…
Hmm interesting… a bit more friendly to Twi than I’d expect… but then, sure lo she has many friends.
It may have played well to have Feather and River stumped in the last chapter, not finding much of anything, and then to write to Twilight for help. It works as is, but certainly with as much as they did find out, I didn’t get the sense that they needed someone with research skills.
Yeah yeah, flirty McFlirtson is flirting. And also how do you know there aren’t pyramids on the sun?
A bit hit or miss with Twilight’s “voice”. That line doesn’t sound like her to me.
Now THAT sounds like Twilight!
It suddenly occurs to me that Princess Luna should maybe be involved if Jade can communicate through dreams? Or perhaps some stab at an attempt or explanation of why she can’t find her?
Twilight seems overly shocked by the information they keep giving her… because of her reaction, I really expected her to reveal that she had also been in contact with Jade… as much as I like Twilight… your OC’s were doing a great job carrying the story without her, in my opinion.
Hmm… I didn’t question that Twilight would help them, mainly because she has already come all the way to Bocoltá with very little information… I feel like this should have had more punch to it
This was a bit of a risky chapter inasmuch as you basically have restated everything they already found out. I was afraid it would drag, but… I think it works
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In my mind I thought it could correlate to their overbearing and unreasonable behavior, but that's a good point.
Probably jumbled it in my subconscious, but I'll keep that in mind.
I thought about that as well, and I was actually going to change this and add another chapter, but I wanted to have that "hit like a truck" moment in the first half of Act II.
11000201
Hadn't thought of that, though River does say that she was concerned they may be stumbling upon unknown, possibly dangerous magic
11000254
This may seem controversial, but now that it's brought up, I didn't put Princess Luna in this story on purpose. She just didn't seem to fit anywhere, but Twilight does. That's part of the reason Twilight's here, though she will help them in ways only she can in the future (spoilers much!)
I understand, though if I try to explain it it'll just spoil a pivotal part of a future story arc
I can see where you're coming from. This is more of a chapter that makes things clear and to establish what our characters know and don't know. I wanted to make this for continuity's sake
11000729
I’m certainly not saying you have to put Luna in here. It’s your story, and you have to follow your muse. However, it maybe something that you’d consider at least giving a mention to in dialogue somewhere, that Twilight has been in contact with Luna, and she is unable to reach into dreams that Jade is in, not that Luna would know whether Jade is in a dream or not aside from the fact that she cannot see the dream at that point.
I won’t say another thing about it, and it’s probably a minor detail.
*not a creature in sight
two? Two what? Or should it be too, as in, also?
I love that paragraph!
River! Jealous doesn’t look good on anybody! I don’t ship any shipping ships that are trying to ship themselves into or out of here!
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Yeah, fair point. I actually have space in Chapter 20 for an inclusion of Twilight mentioning Luna, so I can use that. I appreciate you bringing up that viewpoint for me to consider!
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I should have put an em dash instead of a comma, so it's two pot of flowers.
What a shippy sentence
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I’d say either, two pots of flowers, or a pot containing two flowers, depending on what is meant. If there is no significance to the number of flowers, then I think you can just remove the two and it will work just fine.
I love the way you said this. More typically I’d see it as, “but the fact that the gangway looked a hundred years old did nothing to quell their anxieties.” I like your way better. Verbal flavor!
She is evil! Or at least mischievous. Trouble, definitely trouble.
Propper? I don’t think this is actually a word. Did she run into him, or just fall over in front of him? If she ran into him, maybe “prodded”? If she just fell down in front of him, perhaps “prostrated”?
I love your descriptions in general. I don’t always remember to mention it when I particularly love something, just keep in mind that far more often than not, I love your descriptions.
I had to look up “laved”. I’m impressed, haha. I should have figured it out from context clues and “lavatory”, and the Spanish verb “lavar”. Have a cookie for reaching me a word. 🍪
You could alternatively just say, “… interjected matter-of-factly, watching…” and it would be clear that this is his tone.
I was also surprised that the river is brown, but it makes sense. It is not the typical way we tend to write things though, haha. So, nice detail!
Bahahahhhaha!
I’ve got to admit, that’s a little eerie to have nostalgia for somewhere you’ve never been.
I know this is important! I sit on the edge of my seat every time the wind does anything! It is significant!!!
This felt a little clumsy to me, consider instead…
… but this was in a league entirely its own.
or maybe
… but this was in an entirely different league.
Propped up ever so often?
Hmm… I guess I’d expect it to be “popped” up every so often… I don’t know whether this is a question of error, or if it is just that I had not heard it that way before.
I think you’re missing a “not” here, at “… made by somepony who was not even alive ….
Hmm… to this day? Maybe I was reading it wrong… so… the notion is that the buildings are ancient, hundreds of years old, and the builder lives to this day? I’ll leave this comment… just in case… but maybe that was just me.
*cast can also work as past tense… and in this case, I think it would be more correct to have “Feather cast one last glance…”
Also… quite a nice last line there for the introspection.
I loved the setup in this chapter. I’m excited to see where the adventure takes our intrepid voyagers! The settings are just delightful to read, and the banter of our protagonists makes me smile without fail.
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Lotsa odd uses of propped, I noticed. I'll have to keep that in mind. I'll comb through this chapter and smoothen things out when I have the time. The wind will have an interesting use later on, and let's just say you'll know it when you see it
I had to read this twice, but I’m not sure why. Maybe it was deserted? Maybe held no clue is the sentiment intended?
Unrelated to that, maybe Feather just needs to eat something so he isn’t so irritated, hehe. I know I’m not pleasant when I’m hungry.
How daring, haha! I hadn’t thought of it before, but it’s kind of a wonder you don’t see pegasi doing things like this more often.
“momentary gain of ascent” is a bit odd to me… you could just do “momentary ascent” and it would be fine, or maybe “momentary gain of altitude”.
Showing off for a girl! Haha, and it worked. Well played, Feather.
Also from the next sentence “learnt” caught my attention. It is a correct spelling, but I don’t know if the usage is nuanced and has more correct places than others. “Learned” would also work here… On a related note, I’ve had much trouble with passed and past, only to make a decision on how to use them and have an editor challenge me in every occurrence of the two, haha (dictionary says either learned or learnt works in this use… so… never mind)
Another propped… maybe you mean built? Propping something up implies a more makeshift than permanent solution
“… and all…” sounds like a Rainbow Dash conjunction, hehe
I guess it’s not just me then, haha. I’ve been inexplicably nervous about the parade since it started, and I don’t really know why.
Hah! Yep, she’s definitely the right kind of wary.
Deep thoughts happening here, and the setup certainly makes it work.
I’m certainly glad that my concern was unwarranted. I’m not sure why I expected something bad to happen. Maybe it was because of a mention about their conversations being filled with anxiety? I can’t remember now. I noticed the breeze again once he got above the trees! I know it’s coming, but I don’t know exactly what it is!
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English is weird sometimes. There are things like such that don't necessarily have a right or wrong. Autocorrect often goes spastic when I write words either the American way or the British way.
That's what I like about Twilight so much in the show; there are these moments when she drops her "neat and orderly" attitude and way of speaking. I can hear a little Rainbow Dash in her when that occurs.
A bit meta but maybe it's because of the writing? Or the way the characters think? There's an unnamable "something" in a work which can' t be so easily explained, though it's that little something that makes all the difference, bringing out the appropriate response from the reader, sticking to them.
Why does the pony in the picture look like a G5 pony?
11042515
No idea, I guess it's just the art style of the artist I commissioned
Best. Festival. Ever!
I suddenly expect fried plantains.
And somehow that is way less crazy than the flat earth conspiracy guys that talk of a similar expedition that supposedly had found the edge of the world in Antarctica or something like that. This felt inspired by those tall tales, and if not… what amazing coincidence.
Meso-pone-tamia… I see what you did there. Hahahahahaha!
This entire conversation is just fun. I note they don’t mention the possibility of the pole shifts being affected by external stimuli and potentially happening more quickly than expected… but we may need tin foil hats for that
Huh… so… they’re only just beginning to understand that they are already a part of the neverending story… Just as they are researching these old civilizations and reading about them, others are reading about the ponies of Equestria…
Oh my… what a thought.
Job… blessed be the name of the Lord
…
You got into some stuff that could come across as preachy if handled badly, but it never came across that way to me, just musing. Well done! I should’ve expected the hallucinogen to return. We will see if they can at least get a direction to head in before venturing into the forest.
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This was actually partly inspired by Admiral Byrd's expedition to Antarctica in the late 40s. The barrier stuff and others I made up, but think of it as an "Equestrian" counterpart to the real mission
To be honest this conversation was particularly hard to write, because I wanted to add depth that coincided with mlp lore yet was unique to this fic, while at the same time not say too much irrelevant things. That's why I also added River's little story to give some background to our deuteragonist.
Thank you! This conversation was really preachy at first, trust me, and some parts I outright rewrote altogether. The way the hallucinogen will be presented later on will be a departure from previous chapters: (All of them will have those experiences, but only Feather's will be explicitly shown. Though we'll occasionally "peek" at the other characters' visions. A part of Twilight's conversations is found at Act III's promotion).
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How exciting! Hopefully I’ll get into a better reading rhythm. Adulting keeps me pretty busy these days, haha!
Rewrites are so important. I cringe remembering some things that I put into first drafts and am so glad that I went back and thought better of them.