• Member Since 6th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

The 24th Pegasus

Author of the Commander Hurricane series (A Song of Storms), co-founder of the Price of Loyalty universe, and overall world building fanatic. Join my discord!


Five years ago, the Free States seceded. Five years ago, the Princesses were taken captive. Five years ago, Equestria embarked on a bloody war that would cost hundreds of thousands of lives.

For five years, Rainbow Dash has fought to save her friends. For five years, the sun and moon have hung overhead, motionless. For five years, Rainbow has lived in that wan glow, while every day kills her a little bit more. The peace and happiness of her youth are but faded memories, and now she hardly recognizes the town she once called home. A hardened mare, Rainbow knows only pain and suffering...

...until one day, a reminder of what life used to be like lands at her hooves, and gives her something to live for once more.

Cover art provided by Ruirik. Editing provided by Solidfire and Pega-Ace. Written for the 101st anniversary of the beginning of World War I

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 99 )

Great job 24. Managed to portray the war respectfully. "Tips hat"

I cried for about half of this. The kind of crying where you're not exactly sad, and not exactly happy, but somewhere in between, and crying seems the only appropriate response to what you're being told. Excellently written, 24.

Uhm... the pony rebels should be exterminated. They gave up a perfect paradise for.... basically WWII Europe... That's a level of retardation that only god-mode punishment can fix.

How did they get so many ponies to go along with their idiotic plans? I can understand some crazy ponies exist, but it's very tough to convince fat, happy people to do anything that upsets their fat happy lives.

Seems every story of this sort ignores basic common sense things here.

This would have made much more sense had the ponies been forced to fight Tirek's race if Tirek went back after escaping Tartarus and rallied his taur kin to combat. Or, perhaps a competent changeling force.

But ponies suddenly deciding they need 'eqality'? Why? WHAT'S THE MOTIVATION?! You're throwing this in our faces while telling us this is the same Equestria as the show's. That would not happen.

As it is, trying to force a parallel between our history and Equestria's is insensible. There are no parallel conditions to trigger the events.

..... I didn't tear up when you were describing the statue, no way.:twilightblush: Anyway, great story, quite touching.

6256134 Considering if you read in you'll notice that the princesses cutie marks were stolen. Meaning that the Equalists were led by Starlight Glimmer, thus likely brainwashed.

Good work capturing the sadness and tragedy of war.

Words are incapable of adequately explaining how perfect of a job you did with this story. Well done 24, well done indeed.

That was pretty good, I'd prefer it to be longer, but that's just me.

I give you a round of applause to your portrayal of war.

Even the story description is intense.

I guess I should read the story.

Excellently gritty.

I mean, the implied RDxLD was a bit of a speed bump, but still. And the ending was exactly as I expected it. Bittersweet.

I guess I'm used to war stories.

6254591 >respecting war
for what pvrpose

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Am I right about this reference? Only looked at the title and thought of it :)

Well done.

I hope we see something along the lines of a "Secessionist Guilt Thesis" where Equestria makes the areas monetarily pay for every cost of the war, turning them into shades of their former selves.

Applejack's family could use the bits for all the apples sent to the Front.

6257877 Last time the western world tried doing that, we got Nazis.
Just saying.

6257896 That's the point. Sequel bait.

Honestly, the writer did an amazing job with this and I would adore more.

You have have Celestia and Luna come down on Neighpon in code-named personas of, "Fat Mare" and "Little Filly".


You have have Celestia and Luna come down on Neighpon in code-named personas of, "Fat Mare" and "Little Filly".


6257865 You would be correct, good sir.

6257718 Glad to hear it. The RDxLD thing came to me on a spur of the moment sort of idea... eh, it was only a little bit of the story.

6257486 I didn't want to write a long story; I didn't think it needed to be any longer to say what it needed to say. Otherwise I would feel I'm just dragging it out.

6256473 *nonchalantly slides a box of tissues across the table*

6255745 ...
*chops the box of tissues in half and gives you the other half*

And thank you to everyone else so far who has expressed their support for the story. It means a lot.

6257921 Reference to the atomic bombs. Because if it ever came to a World War II scenario, you KNOW the Princesses wouldn't let themselves be captured again but would be loathe to actually use their powers against their little ponies. Eventually the need would arise to such heights that the WOULD have to intervene... which means coming down as incognito as they could.

We saw what Twilight could do with the power of four Alicorns. Just half of that power unleashed, even at only quarter-strength could do a lot of damage.

Again, this was an excellent story you wrote so far, so perhaps it's just wishful thinking on my part to want to see more. Still, you deserve major kudos.

Someone wants WWII.

It was just a bit... strange. An interesting touch though, and I think it added to the story well.

Oddly enough, relevant to this entire comment, I've written a WWII story that also has an RD and LD comradeship. They do fit quite well together in these types of stories due to LD's only appearance in the show (pls bring her in S5 back she's cool). Oh, and LD isn't very lucky in said story either... It's less on the grit and more on the action.

I greatly approve the reference :) (Though it's Ma'am, actually :P)

I'll probably read this another time when I'm more up for something depressing. IT's so good to see fanfiction come along that shows your feelings on something and holds a deeper meaning. (Not that it doesn't exist, but can't think of ever seeing any do something like a real-world war.)

This is just beautiful in a sad, dark way...I usually dislike things where everything can be explained through flashbacks or pony's thourhgts to give exposition on past events but this one was done well. Perhaps it's because of the emotion it conveyed. I really hope you haven't been through a war like so, 24th.
Well done.

Truly one of the most beautiful and emotional stories I've ever read on this site, well done, and thank you.

Oh Celestia this was a heart ripping read. It really touched me. It touches deeper to know that stories like this are true. The way you paint this picture is so beautiful, and makes me cry. Damnit, hehe, I'm really crying now. Harmony, we fight for you.


6256767 PROBLEM: The Equalists SUCK AT EVERYTHING. They're Harrison Bergeron-level mediocre!

How do you think the ponies we saw in Equal Town could EVER fight a war when they couldn't even manage to bake a decent muffin?

War requires, REQUIRES that people EXCELL at cerrtain tasks. They could not be equal. They could not have their talents stripped and be brainwashed dullards who'd be curbstomped even by the generally-incompetent Royal Guard.

Really, is applying readily available information so difficult? This story could NOT happen in canon Equestria, and there's not enough information about the war to explain the discontinuity away.

So either this is alt-universe where the 'equality' is a farce that they're all buying into, or this story would not happen.

But to be alt-universe, the stoy MUSt define the alternate universe to some degree. It fails to do so. It sets up a for essentially one goal: war death. But why did it need to create a scenario of an entire alternate universe for a theme that didn't require it? All that does is leave a very unfulfilling experience with a world fragment no one recognizes.

Couldn't this war have happened with, say, Yakyakistat? You know, just a teensy mention that Twi's party failed, and the yaks joined forces with Tirek's race and the changelings?

Just one sentance to set that up covers all the bases, explains the entire alt-world set-up, and requires very little head-scratching. We know the changelings and Tirek's race are powerful, so we have no need to question the legitimacy of the war being exceedingly difficult, nor that the Princesses could be caught by them.

Now, in a proper story, this fan familiarity would not work at all since all proper literature must be self-contained. But for the purposes of fanfiction, it's somewhat acceptable. At least it's better than leaving out the background of the war for no reason. Honestly, why be vague? There's no twist or surprises to set up. Why deny the reader a reason to at least consider this scenario as plausible?

She dug her hoof into her uniform and pressed the second pair of dog tags she wore against her heart. They felt warmer and closer to her than they ever had in the last seven months. Rainbow could almost see the aquamarine mare’s face, and that made her smile just a little bit.

Unfortunately, I know my TVTropes. As soon as I saw that...

Well, I hope they have good times in pony heaven.

On a side note, could we get the story of Pinkie Pie as well? THAT sounds like an emotionally charged tale, like the life of Fritz Haber. Laughing gas can also be used as an anesthetic, similar to...how ammonium nitrate can be used as a fertilizer, instead of bombs.

I can almost see Pinkie arguing with herself now...talking with Fluttershy, watching officers examine her work with a gleam in their eyes...the horrifying realization of what she had created...

It almost makes me wonder if there's room for two in the cell of Screw Loose.

6259046 Oh I'm not disagreeing with you there (As you raise a good many points), I was just stating the likeliest reason for why they would suddenly want to rebel based on the information provided within the story itself.

Also now I'm curious where the weather came from during the battle, was Cloudsdale still tossing ice and snow down onto the battlefields despite the fact that Weather Ponies adding problems to your own forces would be a bad idea.

Unbelievable beautiful, it made cry, it is incredibly sad that dash didn't survive to tell the story. And I can only imagine how scoots feels that she, who was there for 6 months, survived while dash didn't. But if it was the other way round dash would feel the same way, but you, what ever the details that not everyone will agree about, you did an awesome job. There are no thousand words that can describe the feelings and thruth in this story.

Wow. That story was awesome. I could stop thinking about the Veterans Museum I had been to a little while before reading this. Once again another great story by the 24th Pegasus!!!!!!! :raritywink:

6259046 Honestly, when it comes to short stories a whole lot of background isn't too necessary. I know you have a bit of a hard-on for the idea of them fighting Tirek's race, but what the author was very clearly trying to set up was a somewhat equal playing field of war, which would mean ponies vs. ponies. The equalist movement could have been a trigger, but it's likely that not everybody was a full on equalist as we saw in the season 5 premiere. Meaning that these ponies likely adapted some of the philosophies of Starlight GIimmer into more of a marxist perspective. This would make sense as it's clearly explained that this area is not only culturally different from the rest of Equestria, but also is a large industrial center; in other words, most ponies living here are workers from a proletariat background. It may not have been as much of a "paradise" for them, especially given that Equestria is largely an aristocracy with a ruling elite. The further off provinces may not have gotten as good of treatment as places like Ponyville.
So basically, the equalist philosophies were likely adapted to fit an economic standpoint in an area that is almost entirely work force. They see and hear of how easy things are for ponies in Canterlot and the closer areas, and it's not too appealing that their lives are so easy and contribute so little. They've also got significant cultural differences from the rest of Equestria. SO being different and not liking the system, they want to secede. Simple as that.

Could the author have put more detail into how it all happened? Sure, it certainly would not have hurt. But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is to show the effects of war on a certain character, her friends, and her hometown.

6259776 you're still making the parallel exist between our world and Equestria. Even the worst of the Canterlot nobles are nothing like humanity's robber barons. And I do not see Celestia allowing such cruelty to exist.

Heck, they could even have fought the damned caribou from all those gory porn stories. It'd be nice to see those disgraceful things lose in a story for once. I've grown weary ripping the usually abysmal stories about them merely on the lack of writing skill put into them. A new sort of vengeance is required.

Hmmm... perhaps I should take the time with my current illness to construct a nasty little tale of my own... caribou are rather tasty...

Ah, but back to the point. We do need more of a setup for a story like this, since the Equestria we know is so radically different. Setting is very important to a story, among all the other important things. Otherwise the audience is lost and without direction from the start in an unfamiliar place.

6259855 Honestly I see what you mean, a bit more background wouldn't hurt. Could it be that Celestia turned a blind eye to workers being taken advantage of in the further-east provinces, or were people in those areas merely lying for power? The story does imply a bit of the latter that the equalist leaders were lying for power. It's very skeletal, and a bit more meat wouldn't hurt.
That being said, it really didn't distract because the story still met its goal of conveying war through the experience of a single soldier. The lack of background could be because it's from a 3rd person perspective solely focused on Rainbow Dash as opposed to an omniscient POV, and she wouldn't care too much. Yes, it's not first person and it's not ultra apparent, but the story does seem to be told through her understanding of events until the third act where it's all on Scootaloo.
Having this perspective around Rainbow Dash made it easy for mostly everyone: It's her experience in the war. She trains and gets shipped off to a hellish battlefield. The story works because it's the experience of one soldier, and does not try to convey the entire conflict in-depth.

Really good story,although I do wish one of these stories that people cry at,I might finally cry with them as in stories i think i am imune to the crying feels

I don't think a story's hit me harder than when Scootaloo showed up.

Is it weird that pony fanfiction is my primary source of respect for the military?


Fluttershy had not been surprised when the Cake's had asked her to visit Pinkie Pie when she had a chance. Applejack was busier than ever since Mac left. Rarity was so busy the soldier's uniforms, her thoughts, for probably the first time ever, on function instead of form. Rainbow had signed up before War Declared newspaper ink had a chance to dry. Fluttershy prayed for her every day. And Twilight...Fluttershy prayed harder.

The reason for her visit was her usually bubbly friend had been more lethargic as of late, her once overwhelming personality fading as the war had dragged on into almost endless weeks. It was understandable and at this point sadly expected. She herself could only barely drum up the motivation to go to the hospital day after day. Just seeing ponies, laying on their beds, mutilated and in agony had nearly been the end of her volunteer efforts the first time.

Yet, she could tell that volunteer work had the hardest on Pinkie, who tired her best to raise patient's spirits. But how do you make a stallion smile after he's been told that he'll never walk again? Or a mare who is beyond medical or magical help?

But still she tried her hardest. Fluttershy could tell that Ponyville's party pony put her heart and soul into every celebration.

So when she opened Pinkie's bedroom door what she saw rocked her to her core. Pinkie's mane was flat. Her eyes squeezed shut and her voice sobbing into the pillow. All around her were shredded papers of chemical formulas.

When she asked what was wrong, the answer confused her at first.

"They took it."

"Who took what?"

"The military took the laughing gas." Another sob. "For use on the front. Were watching when we did trials last week. Tried to stop them. Threatened to charge me with treason."

Everything that Pinkie said at thrown Fluttershy for a loop but threatening to charge Pinkie with treason, for pain medication?

"That doesn't make sense. It's meant as an anesthetic, nothing more."

Pinkie Pie finally raised her head from the pillow, guilt and pain unlike any she had ever seen swirling in her friends eyes, and said four words that sent a frozen pike of horror through the pegasus' chest. "Only in small doses."

I think you win, good sir. Now I don't have to write it :rainbowwild:

Ouch, stop hurting me with your words. :fluttercry:

An excellent piece of work. Bravo.

I cried at the end.Did Rainbow have to die?!:raritycry::raritydespair::fluttercry:

6261193 Dude. Fucking spoilers, man. A small excessive scroll down and the whole story is ruined. Use the spoiler tag next time, it's there for a reason.

>>Obsidian Rose
Whoopsies:facehoof: My bad.

No sir, I don't like it.

It was well-written, flowed smoothly, it didn't seem rushed. From a literary standpoint, this is a good story and I applaud you for writing it.

It gave me feels I thought I buried and memories I'd tried to forget. I don't like the way this story makes me feel. But damn, do I love that you wrote it, that SOMEONE wrote it. Thank you.

I think I needed to read this today.

title origin
in flanders feilds the poppies blow between the crosses,row on row, that markour places and in the sky a lark still singing bravely flys scarce heard amid the guns below.
we are the dead short days ago we lived felt dawn saw sunset glow loved and were lovedand now we lie in flanders fields
take up our quarrel with the foe the torch be yours to hold it high and if yea break daith wwith us who die we shall not sleep though poppies blow in flanders feilds.
-John Mcreae ww1 feild medic 1917

title origin
in flanders feilds the poppies blow between the crosses,row on row, that markour places and in the sky a lark still singing bravely flys scarce heard amid the guns below.
we are the dead short days ago we lived felt dawn saw sunset glow loved and were lovedand now we lie in flanders fields
take up our quarrel with the foe to you from failing hands we throw the torch be yours to hold it high and if yea break daith wwith us who die we shall not sleep though poppies blow in flanders feilds.
-John Mcreae ww1 feild medic 1917

title origin
in flanders feilds the poppies blow between the crosses,row on row, that markour places and in the sky a lark still singing bravely flys scarce heard amid the guns below.
we are the dead short days ago we lived felt dawn saw sunset glow loved and were lovedand now we lie in flanders fields
take up our quarrel with the foe to you from failing hands we throw the torch be yours to hold it high and if yea break daith wwith us who die we shall not sleep though poppies blow in flanders feilds.
-John Mcreae ww1 feild medic 1917

Beautiful. Simply so. Still, it was kinda predictable that rainbow would die. At least with all the clues. Kinda cliché, was expecting you to subvert it and make her survive, maimed or otherwise. But that would mean you'd have to write the rescue scene, though.

No matter, it was still a beautifully written story with feels aplenty, worth of my like. I would give you a fave, but I can't risk such a dose of feels every time I open them.

But you did get the follow!

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