• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
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JMac


Hi. I'm just some guy, you know.

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This story is a sequel to Quizzical


Twist is competing in the most illustrious candy making competition in all of Equestria. But her friend Quizzical Greystone has discovered something unsavory happening behind the scenes. Can this socially awkward filly save her friend from being cheated? This is the sequel to "Quizzical."

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 292 )

Oh my lawd I think I'm in love with you.

1857216 I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

This story had an incredibly rocky beginning, I must say; I almost wasn't able to make it past the first chapter. It's picked up since, and I'm actually liking it now, but you may want to do a bit of reworking at the start.

“No, Grand Chef,” answered Twist. “It’th me. I’m Twist.”

I believe Twist's speech impediment shows in all 's' sounds. So would it not be,

"No, Grand Thef," answered Twist. "It'th me. I'm Twitht."

Always kind of cruel, how those with a lisp cannot pronounce their own disorder, and commonly their own name.

Thothiety of Thyntax Thothialithtth, (Society of Syntax Socialists)
-Onyx

1857436 I'll own that when writing Twist's dialogue I fudge some. For instance, she says "Quithical" but she can manage "Quiz." If you don't fudge both writer and reader begin to go mad.

Apparently Trollestia has a Faithful Student as well. :trollestia:

That would lead to a freak out of epic purport ions.

Was... was this purposeful? I can't see a reason for it...

“You have to show pose under pressure.”

"Poise", you mean?

“We’re on,” called Scootaloo.

"We're on it", maybe?

This chapter... Like, I'm finding it sort of pointless, to be honest. You have an excellent story with definite antagonists, and yet you have all your main characters screw themselves over with a huge pile of unbelievably (literally, as I lost my suspension of disbelief) coincidental idiocy? This just doesn't follow logically.

1857645 You have an excellent story with definite antagonists, and yet you have all your main characters screw themselves over with a huge pile of unbelievably (literally, as I lost my suspension of disbelief) coincidental idiocy? This just doesn't follow logically.
I'm afraid I agree. It isn't really that it's unbelievable. Fiction shouldn't be realistic, generally. (See my blog post on War and Peace for a wall-o-text on that issue.) It should be condensed, tied together in a way that real life isn't. I'd rather see the kitchen fire triggered, perhaps accidentally, by some intention of the protagonists, or some scheming by the antagonists.

Comment posted by Dead_Page deleted Dec 26th, 2012

assuming a odd number of challenges(like 3) the grand chef will win this one to build up tension for the final challenge.

How can I defend you if you get me as upset as everpyoney else?

We, it isn’t as you can do any more,”

"Well", I think you want.

I find that, not having read the story that came before this, nothing seems to make sense... Like, why exactly are these characters so mad at Quiz? I assume they know just as little about what happened as I do, so why do they seem to act like what she's apparently done is the most dangerous thing ever? How did they even find out that something (whatever it was) other than wall-phasing even occurred, let alone that the other girls were involved in it?

And on a more personal note, I find this conflicting attitude the characters seem to have ridiculous. They treat Quiz as though is experienced and levelheaded enough to warrant being labelled responsible for their children's education and wellbeing, even as they act like she's some flighty, imaginative filly who's word it's fine to dismiss out of hand. Granted, I'm probably supposed to feel this, to a degree, in order to make me sympathize with her character, but it just doesn't seem realistic. It's like you're trying to have the best of both worlds, with an intelligent character who others see as both responsible and irresponsible, depending on when your narrative needs it to be either.

to speak before your piers is a well-deserved and long overdue honor

"peers"

They could not manipulate me in the way describe.

Need a "you" after the "way", or the like.

Comment posted by JMac deleted Dec 27th, 2012

“wwww,” groaned Quiz.

That's... not what groans sound like... In fact, my brain's having trouble pronouncing that, and not in a good way. Also, caps.

We’re going to walk ourselves around the block a time or two. You know, to walk down some? But then we were thinking [...]

That "we're" doesn't follow logically with the fact that they're no longer planning to walk around. Also, "walk down"? I don't believe that's a phrase in this instance.

and had to stand lean all the way over the judge’s table

Either pick one, or toss an "and" in there or somesuch.

“Wow, this is great!” cried Scootaloo, fluttering her wings with excitement. “Can they do a barrel roll?” She was almost drooling with anticipation.
“They can, but they won’t,” stated Princess Luna. “We are sorry, but this chariot has no safety restraints.”

24.media.tumblr.com/867f2a66f95221d01a658631d245ec50/tumblr_mfo2a90WOP1rfrimwo1_250.jpg

I know of only one why to give a chef a lesson

"way"?

calmly trotted back to the pantry load it with flavorings.

"to load it with flavorings", no?

Ladies, pleath melt some thugar for me [...] I love it when you guyths say that.

Lack of lisp on "some" and "say". I suppose that may have been purposeful, though, with that comment about her lisp later on. I'll refrain from pointing out the other spots I see this, for that reason.

She’s fighting to not embarrass herself”

Need a period.

Oates is with the Grand Chef. Go ahead, Oats.

Name inconsistency.

“What did he just call my business?!”

There's an extra space after "what".

I'm rather curious about your naming the Equestrian equivalent of German "Paarderdamen". As far as I can translate, "paar der damen" means, like, "a couple of the women". Am I missing something?

I really need you to cooperate me.

"cooperate with me."

“Is that something else you’ve arraigned, Merry?”

"arranged". Arraignment is, like, that point in trial proceedings where they read what the defendant is charged with, I think.

Cooking shows weren’t normally Sporky’s thing; but he’d won a free ticket

With the "but" there, a semicolon is inappropriate (they can only connect independent clauses). It should be replaced with a comma.

Because she really kicks some serious tail?

You sure you meant for that to be a question?

That’s not her name. Spork, and you better [...]

That full stop should probably be a comma.

[...] it was cheating, but she had arraigned it.

Same comment as before.

I'm liking this story quite a bit. So much so that I might just have to go and read what it's a sequel to.

1858742 "www" is what I imagine "Weeeeee!" sounds like, groaned from deep within a little ball of misery and terror. I thought is was funny.

"Walk down" is a horse racing term, animals run hard must be walked down. And they don't intend to enter the Coliseum until after they have had a walk down (which is just good manners).

1858864 It's not German, it's Flemish. Paard is a small horse. This is an obscure reference to the Tick.

Oh, how nice, thought Luna. I said something amusing, and they actually laughed. I cannot wait to tell Tia about this.

This makes me think that Luna and Quiz would get along.

Derpy shook her head. “I checked. It hasn’t been lost, misdirected, misfiled, returned, or sent to the dead letter office. It just hasn’t been sent. Something has gone wrong, and I just don’t understand it.”

flawless victory

“Just send the letter, Spike,” said Scootaloo.

“Arrgh!” cried Spike. The parchment disappeared in a gout of green flame

“Do you think it will take her long to get back to us?” asked Sweetie Belle.

She was answered almost immediately by a tremendous ‘BOOM’ from the airspace just outside the library.

“Spike?” asked Quiz. “Did you tell the Princess we had an emergency?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” said Spike, his head in his hands. “You had me so confused!”

Pfffffttt Hahahaha

It's a shame this story is so unappreciated. Heck, if it weren't for Bad Horse endorsing Quizzical, I probably wouldn't have read it. It makes me wonder how many other gems are hiding in plain sight.

Excellent story so far, looking forward to reading the rest.

Yay! more! Love this authors stuff.

Rock on Twist

Metronome on Quiz!:twilightsmile:

1858507
The event they are discussing is, in fact, featured in the story "Quizzical". I strongly recommend reading it, You are kind of missing some crucial context.

Gorramit, I need to go to bed! Stop ending your chapters with things that make reading the next one completely irresistible! :raritydespair:

Have I really been that beastly to her?

Yes actually. Don't misunderstand, I appreciate that you are concerned for your sister, and I would never accuse you of being mean for the sake of being mean, but yeah. Beastly sounds about right. :raritydespair:
AGAIN with the making me want to read the next chapter so bad I can't actually resist! Curses!

1866112
That doesn't change what I said. I don't feel it was made clear exactly how the other characters came to know about what happened, why they think it's so terrible when they don't seem to know what it is, and how they came to know that all the other fillies were involved.

1867191
I am pretty sure the adults knew that SOMETHING happened ever since the incident, just not what, though Twilight is the only one who has been trying to figure it out. By the time this story has rolled around, Twi has figured out that it must be related to why Sweetie can suddenly use magic in her particular way, and has likely told the others that (now, this part could use some explaining in story yes. You are right that this is a little unclear.) And that whole walk through walls thing IS pretty dangerous for a child to be doing.

“For whatever reason, young Peppermint is this this year’s All Equestria Candy Making Champion, and as such has won a place here this evening.

Got a superfluous this in there.


He's been....THUNDERSTRUCK! :twistnerd:

Nononononononono! Where is the next chapter. How could you do this to meeeee! :raritydespair:

1866060

No, not merciless enough. EVERYPONY YOU'VE EVER TALKED TO, LOVED, OR CARED FOR, TO THE SUN! FOR ETERNITY!

Meanwhile, you get to spend the rest of your miserable days in the dungeons.

1870123
A dungeon in the place you were banished to no less.

1870457 Wait, are you guys talking about Merry? But Merry isn't evil, she's just misunderstood.

Gem

Hell yeah! Twist just keeps gaining momentum!

Oates though that he had better get on with it before Luna began doing duck lips.

This is the point in the chapter where I LOLed.

1871094
I will grant you she isn't really evil, but deliberately attempting to ruin the lives of TWO children kind of stretches the definition of "misunderstood". :trixieshiftright:
Not that I don't understand her dilemma. But it's still pretty freaking low.

“These are the prettiest candies I have ever seen!”

This line. This single line is what kept that from being an incredibly steep cliff-hanger. You, Author, are a better man than I, and I thank you for it.

I want to punch Merry in the face so bad. Arrrggh!

1858507

You have to remember, though, Quiz has been insisting that there's a conspiracy, even though she has no proof. Also, the conspirators are poisoning Rarity, Applejack, and several other ponies against Quizzical as well. Being jaded like that means that it'll take a major event for them to realize they're wrong, and Quiz was right all along - probably Twist being thoroughly thrashed, mocked, and humiliated on television.

I just hope the other ponies start wising up to the fact that all these other offers they've been getting are A: Keeping them from the show, and B: Mysteriously appeared just before the show. Also, that Twist never got the standard competitor's package, which means she -couldn't- prepare. And that they were all riled up -by a known associate- of the chef who runs the show.

Unfortunately, they're likely to only realize the above facts -after- the show, when Twist's spirit is broken irreparably. Hell, they're probably going to have to place her under watch to make sure she doesn't off herself (that is, if the story takes a darker turn).

1874152
But she does have proof—her own testimony. My entire point (in the last of my paragraphs, anyway) was that her testimony was being dismissed out of hand unrealistically.

And don't worry; your fears aren't fulfilled quite so terribly.

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