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This story is a sequel to Quizzical
Twist is competing in the most illustrious candy making competition in all of Equestria. But her friend Quizzical Greystone has discovered something unsavory happening behind the scenes. Can this socially awkward filly save her friend from being cheated? This is the sequel to "Quizzical."
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Yesh, Twist fic!
Oh my lawd I think I'm in love with you.
1857216 I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!
1857218
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This story had an incredibly rocky beginning, I must say; I almost wasn't able to make it past the first chapter. It's picked up since, and I'm actually liking it now, but you may want to do a bit of reworking at the start.
I believe Twist's speech impediment shows in all 's' sounds. So would it not be,
Always kind of cruel, how those with a lisp cannot pronounce their own disorder, and commonly their own name.
Thothiety of Thyntax Thothialithtth, (Society of Syntax Socialists)
-Onyx
1857436 I'll own that when writing Twist's dialogue I fudge some. For instance, she says "Quithical" but she can manage "Quiz." If you don't fudge both writer and reader begin to go mad.
awesome story!
Apparently Trollestia has a Faithful Student as well.
Was... was this purposeful? I can't see a reason for it...
"Poise", you mean?
"We're on it", maybe?
This chapter... Like, I'm finding it sort of pointless, to be honest. You have an excellent story with definite antagonists, and yet you have all your main characters screw themselves over with a huge pile of unbelievably (literally, as I lost my suspension of disbelief) coincidental idiocy? This just doesn't follow logically.
1857645 You have an excellent story with definite antagonists, and yet you have all your main characters screw themselves over with a huge pile of unbelievably (literally, as I lost my suspension of disbelief) coincidental idiocy? This just doesn't follow logically.
I'm afraid I agree. It isn't really that it's unbelievable. Fiction shouldn't be realistic, generally. (See my blog post on War and Peace for a wall-o-text on that issue.) It should be condensed, tied together in a way that real life isn't. I'd rather see the kitchen fire triggered, perhaps accidentally, by some intention of the protagonists, or some scheming by the antagonists.
Blasted feels!
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assuming a odd number of challenges(like 3) the grand chef will win this one to build up tension for the final challenge.
"Well", I think you want.
I find that, not having read the story that came before this, nothing seems to make sense... Like, why exactly are these characters so mad at Quiz? I assume they know just as little about what happened as I do, so why do they seem to act like what she's apparently done is the most dangerous thing ever? How did they even find out that something (whatever it was) other than wall-phasing even occurred, let alone that the other girls were involved in it?
And on a more personal note, I find this conflicting attitude the characters seem to have ridiculous. They treat Quiz as though is experienced and levelheaded enough to warrant being labelled responsible for their children's education and wellbeing, even as they act like she's some flighty, imaginative filly who's word it's fine to dismiss out of hand. Granted, I'm probably supposed to feel this, to a degree, in order to make me sympathize with her character, but it just doesn't seem realistic. It's like you're trying to have the best of both worlds, with an intelligent character who others see as both responsible and irresponsible, depending on when your narrative needs it to be either.
"peers"
Need a "you" after the "way", or the like.
That's... not what groans sound like... In fact, my brain's having trouble pronouncing that, and not in a good way. Also, caps.
That "we're" doesn't follow logically with the fact that they're no longer planning to walk around. Also, "walk down"? I don't believe that's a phrase in this instance.
Either pick one, or toss an "and" in there or somesuch.
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Busted!
"way"?
"to load it with flavorings", no?
Lack of lisp on "some" and "say". I suppose that may have been purposeful, though, with that comment about her lisp later on. I'll refrain from pointing out the other spots I see this, for that reason.
Need a period.
Name inconsistency.
There's an extra space after "what".
I'm rather curious about your naming the Equestrian equivalent of German "Paarderdamen". As far as I can translate, "paar der damen" means, like, "a couple of the women". Am I missing something?
"cooperate with me."
"arranged". Arraignment is, like, that point in trial proceedings where they read what the defendant is charged with, I think.
With the "but" there, a semicolon is inappropriate (they can only connect independent clauses). It should be replaced with a comma.
You sure you meant for that to be a question?
That full stop should probably be a comma.
Same comment as before.
I'm liking this story quite a bit. So much so that I might just have to go and read what it's a sequel to.
1858742 "www" is what I imagine "Weeeeee!" sounds like, groaned from deep within a little ball of misery and terror. I thought is was funny.
"Walk down" is a horse racing term, animals run hard must be walked down. And they don't intend to enter the Coliseum until after they have had a walk down (which is just good manners).
1858864 It's not German, it's Flemish. Paard is a small horse. This is an obscure reference to the Tick.
This makes me think that Luna and Quiz would get along.
flawless victory
Pfffffttt Hahahaha
It's a shame this story is so unappreciated. Heck, if it weren't for Bad Horse endorsing Quizzical, I probably wouldn't have read it. It makes me wonder how many other gems are hiding in plain sight.
Excellent story so far, looking forward to reading the rest.
Yay! more! Love this authors stuff.
Rock on Twist
Metronome on Quiz!
TO THE SUN!
1858507
The event they are discussing is, in fact, featured in the story "Quizzical". I strongly recommend reading it, You are kind of missing some crucial context.
Gorramit, I need to go to bed! Stop ending your chapters with things that make reading the next one completely irresistible!
Yes actually. Don't misunderstand, I appreciate that you are concerned for your sister, and I would never accuse you of being mean for the sake of being mean, but yeah. Beastly sounds about right.
AGAIN with the making me want to read the next chapter so bad I can't actually resist! Curses!
1866112
That doesn't change what I said. I don't feel it was made clear exactly how the other characters came to know about what happened, why they think it's so terrible when they don't seem to know what it is, and how they came to know that all the other fillies were involved.
1867191
I am pretty sure the adults knew that SOMETHING happened ever since the incident, just not what, though Twilight is the only one who has been trying to figure it out. By the time this story has rolled around, Twi has figured out that it must be related to why Sweetie can suddenly use magic in her particular way, and has likely told the others that (now, this part could use some explaining in story yes. You are right that this is a little unclear.) And that whole walk through walls thing IS pretty dangerous for a child to be doing.
Got a superfluous this in there.
He's been....THUNDERSTRUCK!
Nononononononono! Where is the next chapter. How could you do this to meeeee!
1866060
No, not merciless enough. EVERYPONY YOU'VE EVER TALKED TO, LOVED, OR CARED FOR, TO THE SUN! FOR ETERNITY!
Meanwhile, you get to spend the rest of your miserable days in the dungeons.
1870123
A dungeon in the place you were banished to no less.
1870457 Wait, are you guys talking about Merry? But Merry isn't evil, she's just misunderstood.
Hell yeah! Twist just keeps gaining momentum!
This is the point in the chapter where I LOLed.
1871094
I will grant you she isn't really evil, but deliberately attempting to ruin the lives of TWO children kind of stretches the definition of "misunderstood".
Not that I don't understand her dilemma. But it's still pretty freaking low.
This line. This single line is what kept that from being an incredibly steep cliff-hanger. You, Author, are a better man than I, and I thank you for it.
I want to punch Merry in the face so bad. Arrrggh!
1858507
You have to remember, though, Quiz has been insisting that there's a conspiracy, even though she has no proof. Also, the conspirators are poisoning Rarity, Applejack, and several other ponies against Quizzical as well. Being jaded like that means that it'll take a major event for them to realize they're wrong, and Quiz was right all along - probably Twist being thoroughly thrashed, mocked, and humiliated on television.
I just hope the other ponies start wising up to the fact that all these other offers they've been getting are A: Keeping them from the show, and B: Mysteriously appeared just before the show. Also, that Twist never got the standard competitor's package, which means she -couldn't- prepare. And that they were all riled up -by a known associate- of the chef who runs the show.
Unfortunately, they're likely to only realize the above facts -after- the show, when Twist's spirit is broken irreparably. Hell, they're probably going to have to place her under watch to make sure she doesn't off herself (that is, if the story takes a darker turn).
1874152
But she does have proof—her own testimony. My entire point (in the last of my paragraphs, anyway) was that her testimony was being dismissed out of hand unrealistically.
And don't worry; your fears aren't fulfilled quite so terribly.