//------------------------------// // Thow Time // Story: Thweet Geniuth // by JMac //------------------------------//   Thweet Geniuth Chapter 14 Thow Time!                    While they had called “first places” and had given her a 3 minute warning, Twist still stood by the rail near her friends.  She made no move to return to her kitchen.                  “Twist, Dear, is there anything we can say to calm your nerves?” asked Princess Luna.                  “I’ll be okay, I think,” Twist answered, sadly.  “I’m uthually fine once I get cooking.  But when the Grand Chef comes out and workths the crowd… they love him and they don’t care about anything elth.  I know, I uthed to be a big fan, too.  When they thstart chanting his name they get tho loud…” Twist’s voice became very quiet.  “It’th thscary.  It’th really thscary.”                  “Perhaps it would help if you thought of how ridiculous it really is,” said Quiz.  “Consider – ‘Blitzen’ is Paarderdamen for ‘lightning.’  ‘Éclair’ is Fancy for ‘lightning.’”                  “And his nickname’s ‘Lightning’?” exclaimed Scootaloo.  “So the Grand Chef wants to be called ‘Lightning, air-quotes Lightning, Lightning’?  What a doofus!”                  They were still laughing when a production assistant told Twist she had thirty second to get to her kitchen, and she scurried away. #                 Merry Fairweather was having more trouble than usual composing herself.  Scooter had gotten her a fresh clipboard, and she clung to it as if it were a toy bear.                  The Grand Chef had retired to his dressing room to indulge himself with a great screaming fit; and since that was no fun unless there was somepony there to scream at, it had been Merry’s duty to stand there and take it.  It was always horrible, but this one had been a particularly bad screaming fit.  At least Merry had been the focus of the Grand Chef’s ire rather than any of her staff.  Merry was used to it.  She could handle it.                  A Princess!  Why didn’t I see that coming?! thought Merry.  But she hadn’t thought of it, and she couldn’t fix it now.  She could only hang on, and wait for the Grand Chef to do his thing.  He would soon soundly trounce Twist, and that would restore order to the universe.  If everypony just did their jobs then nothing else would go wrong, and in a few hour this would all be over and Merry could forget all about it and get on with her life.  Until the next show.                  “Cue orchestra,” said Curtains, the director, though Merry’s ear piece.  “Stand by Smarty.”                  “Show time,” whispered Merry. #                  “Thow time,” whispered Twist.  She regarded her reflection in the shiny bottom of a sauce pan.  She tucked an unruly red curl under her hat, squared her shoulders, and put on what she hoped passed as her ‘game face.’                  Then she was startled when the orchestra struck up the Grand Chef’s Challenge theme, and she jumped.  The curl escaped from her hat again. #                  Smarty took the microphone and stood.  The music lowered so he could speak over it; except for the tympani’s, which when into overdrive; and he began.                  “Fillies, gentlecolts, and our special visitor – Princess Luna of Equestria, welcome to Confectionery Coliseum.  Once again, it is time for candy combat.  It is time for the Grand Chef’s Challenge!”                  Smarty paused, to give the crowd a moment to cheer.                  “I’m Smarty Brickoven, and I’ll be your Master of Ceremonies.  I will also lead this illustrious panel of judges.  To my right, we have restaurateur and food critic, from East Marelin, Mrs. Bitter Almond.”                  The prim, stout little mare offered the crowd a curt nod and a tight smile.  They loved it.  Fans of the Challenge were very fond of Mrs. Almond.  She was their Queen of Mean.                  “Next we have Pastry and Dessert instructor emeritus of the Culinary Institute of Equestria, though we just know him as ‘Doc,’ Doctor Soufflé Pan.”                  Doc half rose and gave a little bow.                  “Finally, we have actress and food enthusiast, Miss Happy Cherry Blossom.”                  Happy bounced up and down in her seat and clapped her hooves together as if this was the most exciting thing she had ever done.  It didn’t seem to matter that this was something she had been doing every month for years.                  “Tonight, folks, we have the youngest challenger ever invited to Confectionery Coliseum.  She is the filly who won the All-Equestria Candy Making Contest at the Manehattan Fair this summer.  All of you please put your hooves together for Peppermint Twist!”                  Twist appeared on all of the stadium’s huge monitors,waving and smiling broadly.  No microphone anywhere in the stadium picked up her protest, “Thaths not my name.”                  “And now, everypony,” called Smarty, “Where does lightning strike?”                  “Anywhere it wants to!” roared the crowd.                  “When does lightning strike?”                  “When you least expect it!” If anything, the crowd was louder this time.                  If you were unfamiliar with the show you might have thought that the crowd had already gone wild.  Not quite.                  “Put your hooves together for Grand Chef Blitzen ‘Lightning’ Éclair!”                   That was when the crowd went wild. #                  “Light-Ning!!!  Light-Ning!!!   Light-Ning!!!  Light-Ning!!!”                  To Twist, the chanting of the crowd felt like series of shock waves.  She began to tremble.  She tried leaning against a counter to steady herself.  That actually made things worse, as the counter itself was shaking.                  Then she looked up at her friends.  Every pony in her gallery had their hooves up, making air quotes in time with the chanting.                  Twist had to turn her back to the audience.  She didn’t want any of the cameras to catch her laughing. #         Eventually, the Grand Chef began to speak, and the crowd settled down.  The production staff all thought he let them carry on longer than ever before, but that was understandable.  There was a Princess in the audience, and the Grand Chef had to let her know who owned this stadium.                  “Thank you all, and welcome to Confectionery Coliseum.  Your eyes do not deceive you, the filly in the kitchen next to mine really is tonight’s challenger, and she means to defeat me in candy combat!”  The Grand Chef paused for the audience’s laughter.  “There is some speculation that young Peppermint is only here because of a fluke, that her triumph at the Manehattan Fair was because she had stumbled upon an old family recipe that simply wowed everypony.”  In fact, there had been no such speculation; but now that the Grand Chef said it everypony in the audience was thinking it.  “For whatever reason, young Peppermint is this this year’s All Equestria Candy Making Champion, and as such has won a place here this evening.  But she had best beware.  This is not middle school, and I know of only one way to give a chef a lesson.  And a lesson from me can have only one result.”                  “She’ll be thunderstruck!” screamed the crowd. #                  Princess Luna shook her head and spoke softly, “That sounds sillier every time We hear it.”                  “Wow, snark much?” exclaimed Scootaloo.  “Is he always that sarcastic?”                  “Oh, that was nothing,” said Sweetie Belle.  “The Grand Chef is just getting warmed up.”                  “Hmmmm,” mused Luna.  “We know a very effective mute spell that might deal with him quite delightfully.  Would any of you like to see it?”                  “Ooooh, yes, please, Princess!” cried Dinky.                  “That would be so cool!” declared Scootaloo.                  “Unfortunately, enchanting competitors is against the contest rules,” Quiz pointed out.  “Though we could consider it for after the contest.”                  “We were merely jesting, Quizzical.”                  “Oh.” #                  “Challenger,” called Smarty.  “Are you ready?”                  “Yeth, Mithter Brickoven.”                  “Grand Chef Éclair, are you ready?”                  “Indeed I am.”                  “You may begin!  You have thirty minutes for this segment of the competition, the clock starts now!” #                  The Grand Chef immediately began barking orders at his assistant.  He flew around his kitchen flamboyantly, buzzing about like a great, manic scarlet and white bird.  He seemed to be everywhere at once.  His assistants hustled to obey, and to keep their heads out of his way. #                  Twist grabbed a basket, and calmly trotted back to the pantry to load it with flavorings.                  “Ladies, pleath melt some thugar for me.  Let me know when it’ths molten.”                  “Yes, Chef!”                  Twist giggled and she added ingredients to mixing bowls.  “I love it when you guyths say that.” #                  “Fans of the show know that the chefs have thirty minutes to prepare the candy of their choice,” said Smarty.  His image was repeated on every monitor in the Coliseum.  “They will simultaneously be working on elements of their sugar showcase, or they won’t be able to complete it in the final segment.  Judges, what are your impressions?  Almond?”                  “Realistically?  Young Peppermint is not here to compete with the Grand Chef,” answered Bitter Almond.  “It is absurd to suggest that this child is his competition.  No, she will be competing with herself.  Peppermint has an uphill battle just to be taken seriously.  She’s fighting to not embarrass herself.”                  “Doc?”                  “I agree completely with Almond,” said Doc.  “In fact I’m glad she said it so I didn’t have to.”                  “You may always count on me for unpleasant truths, Doc.”                  “Thank you, Almond.  At any rate, Peppermint seems to be off to a poor start.  She’s moving so slowly!  She was informed that she only has half an hour, was she not?”                  “Oh, you two are such cynics!” cried Happy.  “You should be ashamed of yourselves.  Miss Twist is going to surprise you all, I’m sure.  And she is so cute!”                  “I’m going to have to interrupt here,” said Smarty.  “Oates is with the Grand Chef.  Go ahead, Oates.”                  “Thank you, Smarty,” said the floor reporter.  “Grand Chef, do you have a moment to tell us what you have there?”                  “Certainly.  I shall have for the judges a selection of truffles, in dark, milk, and white chocolate.  I’m confident the judges will find the flavors new and surprising.”                  “And what do you think of your challenger, Grand Chef?”                  “Oh, I would guess that Peppermint is a perfectly nice little girl,” answered Grand Chef Éclair, waving dismissively.  “However, looking across at her kitchen, she appears to be preparing hard candies.  Firstly, I have to question the wisdom of presenting our judges with candies that sell for 100 to the bit.  Secondly, these simplistic candies cannot possibly set in time to be plated.  She has been informed that she only has half an hour, hasn’t she?”                  “Thank you, Grand Chef.” #                  “You are certain, Quizzical, that a mute spell would be against the rules?” asked Luna.                  “Yes, Princess.”                  “Pity.” #                  “Peppermint, tell us about your candy.”                  Oates’ microphone muted her reply, “That’th not my name.”  But he caught the rest of what Twist had to say.  “Thsure, Misther Oates.  I’m preparing a selection of faux hard candies.  Thome look down on hard candies as simplistic, but that’th a matter of preparation and prethentation.  It’th my thspeciality.”                  Sweetie Belle had taught her, ‘Don’t worry about your lisp, it gets worse the more self-conscious you are.  Just talk about your candy.  I know how you love to talk about your candy, Twist.  Your enthusiasm will be infectious.”  Twist could see Sweetie Belle in the stands, giving her two hooves up.  “Anyway, I don’t have time for hard candies to set; I’m only making hard shells.  These will have soft centers.  They’ll be mojito, chai tea, and mint julep flavored.”                  “Thank you, Peppermint.”                  Again, Oates’ mic did not catch Twist’s parting comment, “That’th not my name.” #                  “Oates, what they Hay was that?” demanded Merry.  “The Kid looked great!  What happened to ‘Make the Kid look ridiculous’?”                  “Every other shot we tried made it look as if I was interviewing a sauce pan,” Oates whined in Merry’s ear piece.  “Do I have to look ridiculous, too?”             “You could take one for the team, Oates.”                  “Hay, Merry, did you notice how her lisp makes her sound cute and endearing?”                  “Shut up, Smarty.” #                 “So, Judges,” began Smarty, “What do you think of Peppermint’s choice of assistants?”                “I don’t like it,” stated Almond.  “She’s invited one of her little friends to come play with her.  It shows a distressing lack of seriousness, and it is disrespectful of this arena.”                  “Oh, you dismiss young Apple Bloom unfairly, Almond,” chided Happy. “She’s very clever; she invented those ramps Twist is using.  And the two girls work very well together.  Oh, I just love watching them work together, they are just so cute!”                  “It’s the adult mare, Bon Bon, that bears watching,” said Doc.  “She mustn’t get away with doing any of Peppermint’s more technical work for her.”                  “I was thinking the same thing,” said Smarty.  “Apparently, she’s been responsible for much of Peppermint’s training.  She employs Peppermint at a penny candy stand in Ponyville.”                  Despite Curtain’s best efforts to cut her out, several of the stadium monitors picked up Bon Bon’s shriek, “What did he just call my business?!”                  “Anyway, that was a short half hour,” said Smarty, trying to ignore Bon Bon’s withering glare.  “The Chefs are both plating their sweets.  Does Peppermint have five plates out?”                  Indeed, Twist had prepared five plates for sampling.  She motioned to an usher to come over, and after a brief word the usher took the fifth plate and carried it towards the stands.                  “Oates, did you hear what she’s doing?”                  “Yes, Smarty.  Peppermint is sending the fifth plate to Princess Luna, with her compliments.”                  “Well, what do you think of that?” laughed Smarty.  “Judges, is that a courtesy extended to our sovereign, or is that an attempt at showmanship?”                  “Oh, I doubt any competitor, including this filly, would dare challenge to Grand Chef at showmanship,” said Almond.  “At any rate, we have more immediate matters to worry about.  Here are our plates.” #                  The judges began with the Grand Chef.                  “Well, Grand Chef,” said Smarty.  “You promised not to go easy on your challenger, and you are a stallion of your word.  These sweets are outstanding.”                  “These are examples of your best work, Grand Chef,” said Almond.  “Well done.”                  "Ooooh!  This is the hardest part of judging,” whined Happy.  Then she began to giggle.  “I have to taste these slowly and critically, when I really just want to pop them in my mouth and gobble them down!  I love these, Grand Chef!  Love, love, love them!”                  Then it was Twist’s turn.  The expressions on the judges’ faces as they began tasting were priceless.                  “Well, we can stop worrying about whether Peppermint being here is a fluke or not,” exclaimed Doc.                  “Indeed,” agreed Almond.  “There’s something that induces nostalgia about these pretty little candies; they call to mind the treats I would save my pennies to buy as a child.  But that is in contrast with their taste.  The flavors are very mature, very sophisticated, and simply wonderful.”                  Happy was bouncing about in her chair again, waving her hooves about like little fluttering birds.  “These make my mouth so Happy!  I told you all Twist would surprise you.  I told you so!” #                  “What was that all about?” demanded Merry.  “Were all those compliments for the challenger necessary?”                  “Merry, don’t disturb the judges while they are deliberating,” said Curtains.  “You can scold them all you want after they announce this round’s winner.”                  “And why is that taking so long?  Seriously, they just have to give the Grand Chef the round, so we can move on.  What do they have to deliberate about?”                  “Oh, let them build up the drama, and try to enjoy it, Merry.  The crowd certainly does.” #                  While waiting for the judges’ ruling the Grand Chef began to work the crowd, and they were chanting again.                  “Light-Ning!  Light-Ning!”                  Above the Challenger’s Gallery a small display, glowing beige, appeared and began to flash on and off.                  “Twist.  Twist.  Twist.” #                  Finally, Smarty stood and raised a foreleg to indicate that they had a decision.  The Coliseum grew quiet, as he began to speak.  “Well, this has already become a very surprising competition.  We, the judges, were surprised by the high quality of the candy presented.  We were surprised by how close the competition is, and by how difficult it was to select a winner.  But most of all, we astonished ourselves with our own decision.”                  Smarty drew a deep breath, and took a long pause before continuing.                  “We unanimously award this round to the challenger, Peppermint Twist.”