• Member Since 28th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 35 minutes ago

Firesight


I'm an IT Brony who writes stories based on a show for 8-year old girls whose content is meant for anything but 8-year old girls.

Comments ( 660 )

I really like this, I have no idea why people are downvoting it. Like sure it's a clopfic and some people downvote just for that. I'm not the best one for finding mistakes but to me it's written fine. Im just really confused.

3345755

Appreciate it. :twilightsmile: And you're right--when it was posted, it got two immediate downvotes within the first minute, meaning it was downvoted simply for being a clopfic or maybe because it was a human one. They didn't even read it; they just saw the header and thumbed it down. I hate it when people do that. :trixieshiftleft:

But no matter... thanks for the thumbs-up, and I'm not discouraged. The story will go on. :rainbowdetermined2:

Really is fantastic! would love to see steady updates! :pinkiehappy:

Just a point: if she's used a cooler (whih she said she did), it's very unlikely for her to have a 'virginal barrier' as you put it.

Otherwise, very good.

Like it so far, deserves more up-votes (but thats what happens when its marked clop+human+oc+no charaters from the show).
Looking forward to more chapters :)

3351373

Thank you! :twilightsheepish: I'll do my best to deliver...

3353474

Derp... you're right. :derpyderp1: I'll fix that in a bit. And thanks... figured I'd take a break from Turnabout Storm to work on this.

3353505

Point taken. Hobbling myself from the start, maybe, but I'm not bothered by it. I've had this story idea for some time, and just because it doesn't have any of the usual crew doesn't mean it can't work. In truth, the first three ratings were downvotes, but I don't think any of them actually read it. I understand that clop and especially cross-species clop is not everyone's cup of tea, but you shouldn't thumb a story down just for that. :trixieshiftright:

3353659

Well, glad to see you're doing as good a job here as over there! Honestly, I like Five Star, glad to see more of her.

One question, why did you choose to make her bent towards males? Or was she always, and I just forgot and am to lazy to double check right now?

3353729

Fixed the virginity thing. Thanks again for pointing it out.

According to the original Gentlemen story, Five Stars said she really wasn't into mares:

“My first herd was great,” she declared. “Unfortunately, my stallion there had a favorite, and was a bit neglectful. Most of the time, you could ask the other mares to give you attention, and you would pay them back with the same, but I really wasn’t into mares.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/60371/5/gentleman-for-mares/we-need-gentlemen

That doesn't mean there won't be some mare-on-mare action in the story, though. :raritywink:

3353659
Know the feeling. Got 2 down votes myself within the first min. Not saying that my fic dident deserve it, but i doubt they actually had time to read it.

Excellent story so far!

It's always nice reading about the whole pony/human relationship from the pony's point of view. I'm looking forward to reading more of this story as you update it.

I thought this chapter was fantastic! Discord's BS was a little WTF? But, I guess that is the point. :pinkiehappy:

3437598

Thanks! :pinkiehappy: Yeah, it was a little WTF and I'm still worried I went too far with it. But as you say... that was kind of the point. :rainbowwild:

I'm half-thinking of doing a one-shot story to show what was happening throughout the hotel, including showing the *other* things Five Stars observed from those characters' points of view... Morning Glow, that maintenance worker, the two rival sports stars... perhaps even Autumn Leaf. :pinkiecrazy:

Out bucking standing! !!!

Please keep it up.

This is pretty good so far, but her major life events lining up with important events from the show seems a little too convenient.

3504739

This is pretty good so far, but her major life events lining up with important events from the show seems a little too convenient.

Thanks. I'll grant that her first one did, but for the second... it happened on that day because Discord's influence *caused* it. She normally wouldn't be that confrontational or have left her post to do so. I guess I should make that more clear in the story... :eeyup:

3517137
I definitely got why she did the second thing, it's not really that big a deal. If it had been just that second time that such a convenient coincidence had occurred I would not have noticed it. It's the two such happenstances happening in the same story so close together that caught my attention.

Just recently I was talking to Demon Eyes Laharl about potentially starting a collaborative author/fan-written anthology-style collection of short pieces based on various topics relating to Gentlemanverse—admittedly very similar to Xenophilia's "The Xenophile's Guide to Equestria" and "Shotglass Oneshots" concepts that has been so successful. I'm thinking of things like interviews of various OC ponies/griffons/etc. on their opinions, records of events written in editorial style, excerpts from academic journals written on topics like "specifics of the growing trend towards matching/herding with human males" or "projected synergistic development of human technology and Equestrian magic"... essentially any little thing the fans could come up with. Your story fits into that overall theme, so it only makes me more certain that the "fan-participation anthology" concept is worth pursuing.

Basically, I really like and fully support your story and what it is attempting to achieve. If I could thumb up for each individual chapter, I would do so in a heartbeat.

3539532

I think that's a GREAT idea. I'm there and would love to see this story as part of that. :yay: I could easily come up with other material along those lines, too, like military journals discussing the war against the Cloven and joint human/griffin tactics. I've got a soft spot for Feathered Heart.

Basically, I really like and fully support your story and what it is attempting to achieve. If I could thumb up for each individual chapter, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Really appreciate it. :) Would love to see more readers for this...

3540592
It definitely deserves a lot more attention in my opinion.

Yeah, that's the general idea. Short (individual chapters should probably be no more than 5000 words—although serial submissions where subsequent chapters continuing where the last left off would be allowed) articles about various topics—predominately written from the perspective of the various Tellurian races, rather than from humans—such as an unofficial comparison of the griffon and human militaries from the perspective of several analysts (possibly written by Fortrakt in part, given what I currently know of his likely future...); extremely-opinionated argumentative pieces from numerous individuals with highly-polarized stances like Emerald Chateau (strongly anti-human aristocrat) and Scarlet Bark (strongly pro-human advocate) as well as the range of stances between them on a variety of current 'hot' topics; official reports on inter-specific trade situations, tourism and immigration/emigration rates, diplomatic relations, etc.; excerpts from periodicals with fun and/or interesting topics such as 'Equestrian Princess Twilight Sparkle has conversation over lunch with visiting Henry Semat Professor of Theoretical Physics Michio Kaku'... basically, I want to give Gentlemanverse a chance to accumulate some "extended universe" content that could add depth to it. I think it's a good idea, since this verse has a whole lot of untapped potential in the department of world building.

By the way, I would be willing to offer some help to you on this project (and possibly others) as an editor/pre-reader/sounding board/researcher, just as I am for D.E. Laharl and others. I can also offer some unrevealed insider information about Gentlemanverse to help prevent consistency problems that might arise, but since you probably don't want spoilers I'd be limited in what I could do. If you would like some assistance, contact me by private message or Skype; we can strike up a plan from there.

:pinkiehappy: I am really enjoying this. Gives me something to look forwards to in between Demon Eyes Laharl's updates! I am really enjoying how you portray five stars as a character, and altered my headcannon of her! :raritywink:

3554175

It's very flattering to be mentioned in the same breath as DEL. Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

...I'm gonna hafta advertise this story to people at some point. The sheer lack of attention it gets is undeserved.

3632833

By all means, please do so.

That story is just... Goddamn, I'm at the lack of words. The 'voice' of Five Stars (I mean, the overall style of the story) is enchanting.

My only gripe is that, I really, really doubt that such pornographic text would be published in any kind of a newspaper.

But still, thumbs up, fav, and 'email updates' checkbox checked :rainbowwild: Can't wait to read more!

3637433

That story is just... Goddamn, I'm at the lack of words. The 'voice' of Five Stars (I mean, the overall style of the story) is enchanting.

Thank you very much. :twilightblush:

My only gripe is that, I really, really doubt that such pornographic text would be published in any kind of a newspaper.

It's a valid point, and one I grappled with for a while. Originally, my idea was that she'd be writing 'letters to penthouse' type stories, but decided that would sharply limit who would see it. If she and Platinum really wanted to reach a wider audience, they would choose a more mainstream venue.

The two magazines she's writing through are Tabloids along the line of the New York Post, say, which are known for slightly lurid stuff. I agree they wouldn't do it *now*, but 15 or so years in the future when this roughly takes place... they might be pushing it, but it might just be possible, particularly if the more explicit content is hidden behind a subscription firewall or something.

There is a reason Platinum and Five Stars insisted these be uncensored that will be revealed in the course of the story. Also keep in mind that the explicitness isn't as big a deal on the pony side of the portal; it's the Gentlemen themselves that are the bigger controversy.

But still, thumbs up, fav, and 'email updates' checkbox checked :rainbowwild: Can't wait to read more!

:raritystarry::heart: More is definitely coming. Thanks for commenting!

3639387 when i saw the first two chapters, i thought that the storry would suck huge DICK. then when the other chapters came out, i slapped myself unconcious and woke up to type this: YOU ARE FREAKING AMAZING. So, do ever plan to introduce Five Stars to the Gentlemen for Mares?

3676649

Why thank you! :raritystarry: :twilightblush: :yay: :pinkiehappy:

And to answer your question... yes, that's the idea. I'm trying to show how she became a trainer and the pony she is today, but her introduction to humans and Gentlemen for Mares is still a while away. Hopefully you'll enjoy the ride getting there. :rainbowwild:

I am very impress by how your story feels very much like a newspaper article. Very good job on the realism!

That chapter confirms a theory I've held for a long time: It's impossible to write a serious, clop-oriented story without chapters where there's no clop at all :derpytongue2:

By the way, when I saw the title I thought it was about the day humanity and ponykind made contact, and I did not expect any changelings :pinkiehappy:

I swear to you I will get more people to read this. It deserves attention.

3797142

That's exactly what I'm going for! Thanks for saying so! :twistnerd:

3797673

I subscribe to that theory as well. If you make every chapter cloppy, then it's not a serious story any longer. There need to be some breaks along the way to allow for the character development and storytelling that make the clop more meaningful. In truth, I thought about ending this chapter with her and Rising Star getting it on, but decided that simply wouldn't be right--there was a better lesson and chapter to be had by not doing so.

By the way, when I saw the title I thought it was about the day humanity and ponykind made contact, and I did not expect any changelings :pinkiehappy:

Hope you weren't disappointed, then. :ajsmug: But now that I think about it, you're right--that would have been a good title for the first contact chapter...

3800489

Thanks! I'd be very grateful to you if you can... do you still want to pre-read? If you're too busy or otherwise unavailable, I'll understand. :ajsleepy:

3801404
Yes, I'll continue. My motherboard died recently and I'm still trying to get the new one to work properly, so I'm stuck using this super-slow laptop which makes editor stuff difficult most of the time. Hopefully I'll be able to use my desktop computer again soon.

3807723

Sorry to hear. I know that sucks. :fluttershysad: Probably be another week or two before the next chapter is ready anyway, so hopefully you'll be fully up and running again before that. Appreciate your willingness to help either way.

There's really nothing much to say, really. It's enjoyable, easy to read. I await for more.

3846085

Wow... that's very high compliment coming from you! Thanks!!!! :raritystarry: Btw, did I get the star arrangement of her cutie mark right in the story graphic?

3850496

Yup, you got it right. From the comments, it'll be two weeks before an update? Looking forward to it.

Bravo on the latest installment.

Please keep up the fine work.

They were certainly well-endowed, with their shafts running at around ten inches apiece (though as I so often remind Gentlemen trainees, it’s not your size; it’s how well you use it!)

The thing to remember about horsecock is that around a third of its length never even touches the mare, since that portion only exists to allow the stallion to get deep enough into the mare from behind to successfully impregnate her.

...I could have sworn that DEL said 8 inches was slightly above average for stallions, though—and if that is the case,10 inches would be almost "impractically long" for most mares. To be honest, these Ponies are about the size and weight of a large dog like the Great Dane, which has a phallus roughly comparable to the average man anyways, so most stallions should likely have closely similar proportions, despite not being canines.

3956813

So noted. Changes made. Thanks for the correction.

3956934
Sorry, I must have missed that last read through.

Well... I broke my 'never read incomplete' rule, and find myself here. :raritydespair:

On the plus side, this has been a very enjoyable read thus far, so please keep up the good work!

4003299

I'm flattered you saw fit to break your rule for this, then! Glad you're enjoying it, and the next chapter isn't far off. I'm trying to release one or two new chapters a month.

4007024 I did notice that :3 Hopefully all goes well enough to allow you to keep that pace ^^

Although I personally don't like the "massive penetration", "stretching", and "cervical penetration" kinks (I've heard that the last one is supposed to be really painful in real life—even just bumping into the cervix too hard is said to be pretty painful) due to the fact that it feels like the female is suffering serious internal damage from it...

porchdrinking.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/thumbs-up-computer-kid-gif.gif

On a side note, I'm not going to even ask how these potions kept the boys' ridiculously lengthened penises from becoming "floppy" or allowed Five Stars to contain something twice as long as could be normally fit inside of her...
...because it's a blatant sexual fantasy, and those never seem to make sense anyways! :rainbowlaugh:

4030845

Prolly choke it up as 'Magic, Bitch!' :derpytongue2:

4048039

choke it up

Unfortunate implications!

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