• Member Since 30th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Golden Script


"Love is friendship set to music." -Joseph Campbell

T
Source

Time, the ever-flowing measure of action. It is not a physical thing that one can touch or feel, but an abstract thought of the difference between now, then, and later; it is the indefinite continued progress of existence. What happens when one has the ability to control time? He is deemed one of the most powerful beings on the planet, for he can stop you in your tracks without any effort at all.

I am this being.

I control Time.


If you're wondering why this story is canceled, check my blogs. I am rewriting it, and will post the new version under a new title. Do not worry.

Featured on 7/6/14 thank you all!!

And featured again on 3/3/15, after it was canceled!!! What has this world come to?!?!

If you're too lazy to read it yourself, (I don't blame you, I do this myself, sometimes) listen to my good friend, The Naive Narrator, read it on his video, Time Ticks on Chapter one! Give him some love!

This is my first LoHAV/LoHAH story. I know how hated the genera is, because it's so overused, but I like the idea of being taken from your home only to be shoved into a world where you don't belong.

Also, some credit is due in the department of the idea. The steampunk theme was inspired by the story Son of Invention, a great story to read if you like this one. The character of Mike goes to this image. I looked for a long time and the closest I could get to the artist was this page.

Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think in the comments.

PS. Any and all chapters in this story are subject to change without notice. I will periodically go back into past chapters and rewrite something that doesn't mach with what is currently going on, so if something seems off, that would be why. Do not PM me telling me how "you didn't tell us that you changed that" or "but it was like this" or any of that stuff. As mentioned before, I will probably not tell anyone about it.

Chapters (24)
Comments ( 1512 )

Wow, this is an amazing start and reading the three chapters so far, I see great potential in this story. I say bring more chapters. :)

interesting... vary interesting indeed.

4524120
what is so interesting?:duck:

i'd much like to know. :raritywink:

4524125 here I will name what I find interesting. 1:discord is show as good so far. 2: it involves time (always fun), 3: how its playing out, 4: gun's/gun, 5: you gave him a neat personality, 6: your righting stile, 7: cliff hangers, 8: has some chapters of old equestrian. is that what you wonted to hear?

4524188
that is exactly what i wanted to hear. :rainbowdetermined2: thank you.

my response is as follows: 1: if you mean Discord is good, then he is not. this is pre-reformation. 2: time IS always fun, so you'll see more of that! 3: how it's playing out is pretty self explanatory, but i'll just say that it may take a turn in any way possible; i don't even know! 4:there's only the one gun, sorry. 5: i just write how i think the character would respond to certain things, it's nothing special. :twilightblush: 6: thank you, i tried really hard to refine it to be better than my other stories. :twilightblush: 7: i'm known for those. the cliffhangers are terrible to my readers. i made several people rage at where exactly i cut my chapters off. make them want more. so you can look forward to that, too. 8: i'll be going back and forth between then and now, (two chapters then, one chapter now, etc.) until i finish the story of his past.

thanks for all this! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I gave my mom the same fucking watch for mothers-day.

4524293
:rainbowderp:...:rainbowderp:...:rainbowderp:...

i need a pic before i believe this. this watch was created from the imagination of one of my prereaders. just to be clear, the watch is silver with an open face, a gold chain, and a crystal lemniscate on the front that pulses white and gold evenly every second.

show me picture!! please!:applecry: i looked all over for a pic of something like that, but could never find anything!

4524228 7: hahahahaha... that shouldn't be a problem for me, considering I have read a lot of story's with big cliff hangers.

4524364
good. and i will also accept that as a challenge... though i'm not sure how to go about making you rage at a cliffhanger. i'll figure something out. lol. :trixieshiftleft:

4524374 I will be looking forward to it, good luck.

4524448
i will, just as soon as i sit down and write it. then put it through my editing process, then post it and look through it a final time. then you'll have yourself a new chapter!

thanks for the fav, by the way. tell me what you thought was so great! i love hearing from readers!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

4524466
I liked a couple different things in this. The two I like the most are:

The creepy merchant, and even though the merchant didn't send Mich to Equestria with an enchanted item, it still goes with the typical LOHAV trend.
The AU bit with Discord challenging Tia and Lulu to a duel between champions in a nice twist.

4524552
well, these things will be built upon in the next few chapters. the creepy merchant is in most LoHAV/LoHAH stories, though he is a little different in each one. in mine he's vaguely Russain! :derpytongue2:

anyway, it's good to know you like those things. i'll definitely build on the things he got at the con later! they'll help a lot. :pinkiehappy:

4524572
Lemme take a quick WAG; the watch is him medium used to control time, the handgun is fully functional and has infinite rounds, and the busted cellphone is just that-a busted cellphone.:duck:

4524810
No, no, and... Probably not. Still getting to the phone. You'll just have to see!! :pinkiecrazy:

Hmmmm, not enough to say anything definitive yet, but i like it more than pretty much any other story in it's 'genre' which is a great start. Also, is the romance tag just for him and Christy? I can't help but notice that Colgate is tagged, tell me if i should abandon all hope for a protagonist that doesn't want a piece of pony?

4525645
well, the romance tag wasn't for him and Christy, it's for something else, but i may take it off, because i'm not completely sure how that part of the story will go quite yet. i'm sorry if you don't like people liking ponies, but that's a posibility in this story, so brace yourself.

thanks! it's good to know that mine's the best so far, in your opinion, anyway. :pinkiehappy:

very interesting concept you have for you character...
time..
so much can happen...
he could influence so muuuuch
and most importantly he can evade the elements of harmony
only other time users could hold him and actually fight him one on one

4526787
interesting you say all of that, because he never actually fights the Elements. he wouldn't be able to evade them, because in my mind the Elements are more of a homing attack. the only way to stop them is to apply as much, if not more, power than they provide. if he moved the rainbow beam would just follow. Discord was trapped both times because he let his guard down, not thinking that the mane six were actually able to use the Elements while they were discorded. nightmare moon was more shocked that they actually worked, and they have more power than an alicorn anyway. but a mere human wouldn't stand a chance against the elements.

you'll see exactly what happens durring the fight when it happens, which shouldn't be too long. :raritywink:

4526393 I really liked how you handled the transition between his world and equestria. It isn't some giant rainbow energy ball that picks him up form the ground and explodes, it started with him realizing his senses just instantly changed, even though i knew he was gonna go to equestria, the subtle way it played out made me feel really curious as to where he was. This is my favorite part so far. :P

4527346 Also, if you ever need help with were to go or just ideas for this story im willing to help, just message me when or if you ever need it. I basically only read stories involving humans so i have a fair understanding of what will work and what will not, so to speak.

4527435
Thanks, that'll definitely come in handy later.

I don't mind the concept behind the LoHAV/LoHAH universe(s), but this is literally the same first chapter as a majority of them. You've failed to capture my interest. As far as I can tell, this is the same generic story that got re-hashed with a different character and a marginally different set of circumstances. That is why people don't like when authors write in a "-verse". Not because the idea itself is bad, but because the stories generated are usually so generic that it actually bores the reader. :ajbemused:

4528181
I appreciate how you actually told me what was wrong with it. Nobody seems to do that anymore. I know how it seems like that, but I find it infinitely different. Where most other stories have a short prologue where he gets something then falls through a hole, awakening in a strange new land; mine shows much more in depth of his life befor and his experience just looking around to find his surroundings different than a moment before. The only similarity I really see is how he went to a convention and bought something from a shady man. If that's all it takes to put you off of a story, that's almost racist(or whatever it would be for stories), saying a story will be bad because it starts this way. Read it through and if you still think its crap you can say "I told you so" or whatever makes you happy.

4528181
In short, don't judge a book by its cover.

I really like this story compared to other stories similar you seem to put more detail into it than other stories.

I like this more then the one you recommended to me.

Even while trying to sucker someone into being his champion, would Discord actually say that the alternative is disarray and anarchy like those are bad things?

I'd think Discord would claim he wants to hold to his power to protect the ponies from tyranny and militaristic regimentation, or something. Even while trying to lie to someone to get them to help him, I doubt Discord would tell a lie that makes chaos sound bad. He'd look for a way to express the same idea -- overthrowing me is bad -- by referencing extremes of order, not chaos.

4529957
all i'm going to say is thank you, because if i say anything else then i might end up dissing the other story on accident. :twilightblush:

4529958
what i believe Discord is doing is acting like a normal ruler would, if they were under threat. he's being chaotic by doing the thing that the princesses will expect least, so when Michael does eventually meet them it fits Discords story perfectly.

if you think that the militarism thing would be more his style i could probably change it without anybody noticing.

4529999
:ajbemused: Careful now, I'd hate to have to send Screwball and Punchline after you (yay for Discord's children/scions of chaos):ajsmug:
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/324/b/6/request__punchline_and_screwball_by_applestems-d4gtpiu.png

4530025
they're good friends of mine, if you sent them over, i'd send them right back with a loaded pie Bazooka!! :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

4530046
... i get a 404 not found. i think that links a bit out of date. :unsuresweetie:

4530046
wait! just figured it out! ok, got it.

:rainbowderp:

yes, that is cute. :rainbowkiss:

4529991

Yeah, Discord's probably going to prefer to present it as a choice between freedom and tyranny than a choice between law and anarchy, because he prefers to think of himself as the guy who ensures that ponies have freedom (from pesky things like schedules, and consistent laws of physics, and the need to grow food considering that it rains food all the time :-)). And since your guy is a modern Westerner, he'll probably respond to that pretty well.

It's ironic that there's so much fiction out there presenting Chaos as evil, when in the twentieth century the major political threat was totalitarianism and dictatorship -- Order expressed in an evil way. Americans in particular are more likely to respond positively to the notion that they're protecting freedom than that they're protecting law and order, unless they are actually policemen.

4530064
LOL, once the alerts calm down i'll get to fixing that right away. :pinkiehappy:

also, is that really true? that people will protect chaos over order? that's weird. :applejackconfused:

4530078

Because the century that humanity just lived through is one where Order was the enemy. Throughout most of human history prior to that the enemy was Chaos, but totalitarianism -- the form of dictatorship that both the Nazis and the Communists practiced -- was hyper-control, Order to the point of trying to control what people think. Against that backdrop, anarchy actually began to sound like a good idea (though ironically it was the anarchists fighting against oppressive monarchies and oligarchies that opened the door for the totalitarians to take over, in many cases.)

The pendulum is swinging again, with the threat in the world being things like terrorism and cyber attacks, although the fear of Big Brother and a police state are also alive and well. Honestly right now on Earth both Order and Chaos suck. We could use some Harmony. :-)

4530050
Oh so we're doing food jokes now? Well, I good sir find that rather discrusting and distasteful, not to mention cheesy and overripe. I think it's pie time someone gave you a piece of their mind, because I'd be limeing if I said I didn't find that a bit corny.:ajsmug:

So, you think you got what it take to have a barrel o' fun with a barrel o' puns?:trollestia::facehoof::ajsmug:

Login or register to comment