Human in Equestria16,976 stories ·16,819 members
The Writers' Group56,386 stories ·9,291 members
Sensual Fiction (SFG)1,192 stories ·1,724 members
The OC Fanfiction Library1,803 stories ·1,404 members
While enjoying her holiday in the city of San Francisco, a spirited mare soon finds her whole world has been turned upside-down after crossing paths with an equally spirited human.
A story of an unconventional love that blossomed from an unexpected friendship.
Set in the Gentlemanverse: created by Demon Eyes Laharl
Also be sure to check out Loose Screws: A story of Five Gentlemen which is a side story.
Page generated in 0.165 seconds
Total duration
1,044 users online
14,182 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A few corrections:
The island's name is Equineox.
Also, the title... This City by the Bay: A Mare's Story. Capitalizing A, M, and S makes look better in my opinion.
I'll give it another read when I'm not too busy again.
2138633
Hmmm I could have sworn I spelled it like that. Damn spell check, always having to fix up my bad grammar.
Hope the next read through leaves a better first impression.
Very well done, I enjoyed reading this a lot.
Well written overall, and pleasant to read. All the way up til the description of our casually dressed male subject. You might as well call Stephanie Meyer. Because that paragraph right there is one out of two things.
- Shameless wishfulfilment
OR
- Shameless self-insertion
In either case, I'm still going to read on. The story is too good to pass up. I hope the next chapters are at least a bit more subtle.
Can't wait to see how she handles this pickle.
Hey, nicely done! I liked this.
I should point out that Demon Eyes Laharl and Coffeecup both have criticisms I agree with:
- You REALLY need to correct the title caps. I'll be honest in that I almost didn't read this simply because if people can't get the title and description right, how painful will reading their story be? I was glad to find that you did a nice job with this.
- Stephanie Meyer? (looks up) Oh god! Well, Coffeecup has a point. Hopefully you've already taken into consideration that everyone has flaws, and your character will too, at least to some degree that can be forgiven by the reader.
Just from my perspective: The smell of fish and especially the seafood market there is repulsive to me, and I eat meat. I can't imagine a vegetarian race - and especially an individual who has no real experience with seafood - taking the smell of it so easily. Anything's possible, but... just saying. I was expecting a stronger reaction from Honeydew, but... not a big deal.
Anyway, I'll watch for more from you. Nice touch of SF, BTW - I worked in the Financial District (I also lived two blocks from the Legion of Honor and rode my bike by it every day) and remember getting caught out in a similar storm once or twice. Not fun!
2139384
Many thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
2139763
Glad to hear that you're liking the story. Yeah I can see your point as far as that particular paragraph goes, which is why I've gone back and trimmed it back a tad. As much as I'd love to be rolling in the kind of cash that Stephanie Meyer's has acquired over the years, the last thing I want is to have any part of this story linked to a series featuring glittering vampires and shirtless werewolves.
2140981
I'll try not to keep you waiting for too long.
2143934
Happy to hear that you're enjoying this. As far as Demon Eyes Laharl and Coffeecup go, both their points were valid and both have more or less been seen to. Your observation about Honeydew's reaction to the smell of seafood also made a lot of sense. Even I, the carnivore that I am, can only stand the smell of seafood for so long.
MOAR GENTLEMANVERSE! Yay
Say hello to my favored list.
I shall be stalking- er, I mean, following you closely!
Very nice! Good character development on Honeydew.
Curse saddlebags that are too small!
Loved the start, but now I'm trying to figure out how passports would work between species. After only 5 years, wouldn't it be obvious that an adult pony was an Equestrian citizen?
2145532
Glad I've got you excited.
2237599
Always glad to make people's lists! And I'll be sure to check the bushes outside my house each night to make sure you're not stalk- er I mean following me.
2267120
Glad you're liking the story so far and the Honeydew has made a good first impression. I was worried about writing from from a mare's POV, but I'm happy to see my first attempt seems to be working out. And yes, saddlebags are evil creatures, especially those cheap, imported ones. I'll bet you anything if you look at Honeydew's, you'll find a tag that says 'made in Taiwan'
2268389
Glad you're enjoying the story. As for the passports, you can take your sensible logic somewhere else, for the all-knowing bureaucracy has no place for such good thinking. In all seriousness, I imagine a passport from Equestria would probably be treated like a passport from any other country. Remember, Pony or not, unless it says so on state approved paper, not even that can be confirmed.
Oh comon Honeydew, it's not that bad. It could be sunny outside instead of raining!
Now she's trapped on Earth but atleast she's made a friend, soon to be a friend with "benefits". That is if she treats him right, and he isn't a scoundrel.
As a Bay Area resident, I want to see how this goes.
2269144
True, it could be a lot worse, but all things considered you really can't blame the poor mare for being a little emotional. As for friends with 'benefits', we'll just have to wait and see.
2269473
I'll do my very best.
2359009
It's coming. I assure you it's coming.
Well that really sucks, a perfectly normal vacation day went down the drain so very easily. I hope the poor girl recovers.
2565162
This is terrific! Please moar.
2569915
Um all I got on my hand is speculation. I'm not exactly writer here. ^^;
2573686
Lol I was drunk, I think I came back to the page and forgot what I was going to say to you.
2573721
You were seriously drunk when you replied to me the first time here right? ^^; I can understand being tired, but drunk, I always wonder how does that work exactly. Well, it's too bad what you forgot what you wanted to say to me.
2576651
It was probably along the lines of "Oh hey! Bomber I found you again. HI!!!!
" Hah
'Bout time, glad I only recently found this story so I didn't hafta wait to long. More, and fast waiter!
-edit
“I'd like to apologize to everyone in advance for what they're about to see here."
Should be you're*
I like Daniel, good chapter! He's a bit pushy and I don't know where he gets off thinking he can demand strangers to stay at his place, but it's kinda funny put into context. There are some things you could do to smooth that out more, but i=I liked it enough so what evs . xD
Glad this is back it is a great story so far.
Excellent chapter! Now you should immediately write another. No pressure!
Very glad to see a new chapter for this story. Please keep up the good work.
very happy to see this update again i have to say daniel is pretty sweet despite his sarcastic ass adittude reminds me of myself especially that stunt he almost pulled by being dramatic in a crowd xDD i hope to see more soon!
Why cant i thumbs up this more
Looks like the start of a very odd housemate relationship.
2591767
Don't worry, you won't have to wait long for the next chapter. Yeah Daniel's an okay guy, though a bit clueless when it comes to dealing with others. He means well, but I can tell you now that his 'pushiness' will most likely become a liability for him before.
2591778
Glad you're enjoying it. Stick around and I promise you more chapters to come.
2591818
No pressure, no problem! Happy to here you enjoyed the chapter.
2593007
Will do. Glad you liked the new chapter.
2593204
I'm pretty sure genetic engineering will soon take care of that.
2593152
Oh there will be more to come, I promise. And I'm sure Daniel will appreciate being called 'seet', just so long as you were using the positive definition from the Urban Dictionary.
2593710
You have no idea my friend.
2593965
Honestly I think he comes off a little creepy. I liked how laid back he was in the first chapter a lot more. This chapter wasnt all bad in regards to him though. I could just see certain people as sounding the weirdo alarm and walking away from him is all.
2593204
Because you need to thumbs up other stories too. (like mine) bwahahaha I kid. :P
2593979
No, no, Don Draper from last week's episode of Madmen is what I'd refer to as creepy.
^_^ This is amazingly cool. More, damnit!
I definitely love how this two go on about. Makes me wonder more about Daniel. Decent guy, but this is a big step forward. He's probably lonely too. Honeydew acts like this verse's mare,if a bit high strung.
I await eagerly for the next chapter.
2594025
Always glad to hear from the man upstairs!
I'm also glad you're enjoying the story and that the characters of Honeydew and Daniel are leaving a good impression. Yeah, Dew can be a little high strung at times, probably the main reason Platinum gave her the vacation time. I'm not sure what you mean by 'this vers's mare, though but I'll take it as a welcome observation all the same.
And the next chapter will be out soon, I promise.
2594053
Gentlemanverse's mares are pretty... aggressive. Okay, sexual, but aggressive seems to be a better word in this context. Her mind running wild is something I expected from a high strung mare especially in the 'industry'.
Two more lonely people finding each other. Start of a good friendship. Maybe more.
I eagerly await.
BTW, 70 plus upvotes in two chapters. Not bad at all.
For comparison, my first story is stuck at 50. That's after seven chapters. xD
2594244
I'll do my best not to disappoint.
And yes, Honeydew can easily be considered an 'aggressive' mare, though compared to many of her friends, she's almost considered to be a bit prudish. Like Daniel, she's a creature of complexities and often times has trouble keeping up with herself when she gets in one of her moods.
I'm already starting to edit Chapter: 4, though another installment in G4M's or FH might just be the right motivation I need to get my editing mojo going
2594272
Forget disappointment. Just enjoy it. It shows when reading this, and in turn, I enjoy it too.
Gentleman for Mares is being updated. coandco's pretty busy so my Feathered Heart draft is... well, stuck too. And if you followed my blog, a story predating FH is coming as well. ^_^ I just hope its your type.
Anyways, woohoo! Chapter 4 being edited. That means 3 is coming soon.
2593965 'seet?' o.0 oh you mean sweet xD
2594306
Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!
Looking forward to all of it.
2594542
Believe it or not, I really did see the word 'seet'. I guess that's what happens when I reply to comments when I'm high.
Sorry about that
2594723LIES
naw naw i believe you i did say seet first and forgot the 'w' but it only took me a couple of seconds to see and correct the message :P so you musta already been reading it xD
2594830
Gaaaah so confused!
But there really is a word 'seet' in the urban dictionary
2594010
Never heard of him, lol.
Creepy is subjective though, this is just my opinion.
2594900
Don't worry about it. I'm grateful for every opinion I can get. And believe it or not, Daniel having those kinds of character flaws actually fits my intended purpose.
2594845
seet is an actual word??? huh weird xD
2595073
the same thing happened with me and the word fanbag.
2595147 XD so a fanbag is just a fan douchbag xD
Wow, Honeydew is really nasty when she snaps!
I'm loving the chemistry here. Daniel seems to be one step ahead, but I guess that makes sense since they're on his home turf.
2595563
Me and my lousy sense of timing right?
Same definition as the one I came up with. What really kills me is that I missed being the word's original author by only a few months.
2605048
Trust me, this is but a sampling of what's to come.... and on that subject, I shall say no more.
And I'm glad you think she and Daniel have good chemistry, something that I consider very important when it comes to writing relationships.
2605107 ehh cant be helped sometimes
next time ya? 
I'm really enjoying this so far, you have a mastery of the language that really makes vivid images jump out at you. It interests me that the Gentlemen stories seem to attract some of the better writers on the site. I confess, I've considered writing my own, but I regretfully have to focus on my own project.
Ah well.
There were a few misspelled words, so minor that I can't actually recall them at the moment, but there was one that stood out. At one point you used the word, "nikker". I'm pretty sure what you meant was "nicker" (to neigh softly). It stuck out pretty glaringly, but it's the only one I remember directly.