• Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

ColeTrain4EVER


T

Update: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/116493/a-faithful-night-of-music-is-on-break
*This was supposed to be my first real story, but it got pushed back. Now with my other story in progress, this one is on break for awhile.*

After a night of dancing at a club, or so Michael's friends think, he meet up with the famous DJ Vinyl Scratch. They both have a couple of drinks and have some fun. What transpires over the next few nights into the the next few months will change his life forever.

PS: I suck at titles. So yeah.

PSS: If evil ColeTrain (The one that reads and makes clopfics) comes out, I post those.........bonus things onto my DevianArt Journal.

Artwork credit goes to: http://sabbywong.deviantart.com/

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 105 )

I have to say, I'm very impressed by the style and general output of this story

I just have to tell you, read chapter 3 agian, seems you pasted a part of the document twice :)

540669
And thats when I realized never to use google docs again when copying and pasting. YAY!

PSY

why on hold?:rainbowhuh:

n

The exclamations marks next to HONK are kinda unnecessary.

540724
Cause personally, My Scootaloo fic is more...........fresh in my mind right now. Like, I have great ideas for both fics, but don't want to do two at once. So I'm gonna do one at a time and this is #2.

Um... I like this idea. But I have no time to read it right now. And I have 99 unread favorite chapters, so there'll be nothing to remind me to read it. So, can you PM it to me?

540796

Sure, I'll try
........So, you have 99 problems, but a b*tch ain't one?

540809 OHOHOHOHO, I c whut you did thar

540809 Nope. I got 99 favorites, but this story ain't one. (Because it won't let me favorite anymore)

good so far:pinkiehappy:

What does On Hiatus:twilightsmile:

548629
That I'm not working on it right now. And I won't for a little while

I'm liking the writing and general storyline.:yay: I must say you have definately captured Octavia and Vinyl's personalities very well. Can't wait for updates!:pinkiehappy:

Nice very very nice. I want MOAR!:twilightsmile:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

PSY

YAY! new chapter after so long. YAY!

We have waited for so long and it is finally here. :yay:

i like this story it has a nice flow and Michael is very relate able

PSY

sure if it develops the charcters in any way

You could have a second fic labeled a faithful night of music clo. Or something, they don't hav to be in the exact same fiction, you know? But in all cases, of it moves the plot, go for it

Clop for the sake of clop would be no bueno. However for char. development, i'm all for it(....take that in the spirit in which it is intended).

As for the chapter itself. I really only have two complaints. First is the lack of detail. You don't have to show everything but the important pieces to the scene can add many layers to the tale. Even something as simple as, "The river glistened from the lights coming off the skyscrapers in the distance as a green light illuminated from across the depths of the water. A soft breeze blew Octavia's hair to the side making her somehow look even more angelic. The whole scene was almost divinely romantic but I couldn't help but be reminded of a book from some time ago. (go into Gatsby stuff)"

Second is the final scene. Granted, it is a fic so you can do whatever you want with it. However the whole thing seemed a bit unrealistic. Firefighters would have blocked off the scene and someone running into the blaze would have been stopped. I hope I don't step on any toes by doing this but I would like to show how it could have been improved, at least in my opinion, by adding emotional sympathy to the character we are taking place as; retaining the same seeming goals of the chapter;as well as making the protagonist seem a little less meta. I am gonna do this in a bullet point set up just because I don't feel like writing the whole thing out.

Because it is 4 in the morning and I haven't slept for like 2 days now, calling the protagonist "OC" instead of searching for a name.

Let's start with the apparent goals. I don't know what you have for future plans but this is just what I gathered from reading.
-Get OC homeless so that Oct/Vinyl might take him in which will lead to further the romance.
-As well as homeless, make OC basically have nothing.
-Get OC hurt so that Oct/Vinyl want to help him that much more.

Here's how I see the scene could have gone.
-OC arrives and tries to rush in. Firefighter stops him.
-OC tries again, is ts stopped and threatened to be arrested if he tries to interrupt again.
-OC stairs blankly as home is destroyed. Oct/Vinyl don't know what to do/scared to do anything(even comfort OC)
-After fire is killed, OC begs to see if any of his possessions remain. Namely the stuff in the safe.
-FF takes pity on him and agrees so long as he is escorted.
-Finds &opens safe to see everything most unharmed. Letter is toasty but no significant damage, some cash burnt beyond use but a fair amount is left, pictures are slightly burnt in corners but remain otherwise unharmed.
-As he gathers the contents of the safe a loud creaking sound is heard and the skeleton of the roof collapses. OC feels the FF pull him out of the way but he is hit and is knocked unconscious.
-(to extend the scene) OC waits up in the hospital to Vinyl and Oct passed out in the room's chairs. Next to him are all the belongs he had.
-Defeated, OC breaks down and quietly cries himself back to sleep.

I hope in some abstract way this helps show that showing a bit more can add a bit to the story and that you need to be a bit more realistic in the actions of the characters(namely, running into a raging inferno is not realistic, at least to me it isn't). Also sorry for the above essay.

824325
FYI, I may or may not have been checking this at 1 AM last night. So my detail detector was.....off. So I may add things to this chapter. And I really like that God Damn line and I'm mad I didn't think of it. lol

824325
Also, even If I wanted to change the story, how could I? Its already out.

824325
.....If I was to use this, I will give you credit for the idea. I was very tired with this chap and I think it should be far better. So thank you.

824487
Hahaha, I know that feeling.

824506
Wow, I feel almost honored now that I have official been a part of a fic. :twilightsmile:

Hahaha this was a pretty funny chapter.
Let's see if I can spot anything wrong....

Looking pretty good. As always, I wish it was longer but I'm sure you know what you want out of the next chapter.

Also, Rick was such a funny asshole.

NNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!! MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!

869611
Q-U-A-Z-A!!!!!!! QUAZA!!!!! QUA-ZA!!!!!!! I NEED QUAZA!!!

869755
Give....... me......... my...........QUAZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

872852
I don't know what a fuckin QUAZA is! Please explain.

“Alright, it won’t nock me out again will it?”

“How long as she…” I see an H, or rather a lack thereof.

“No, I-.” I was cute off when I saw Vinyl was giving me puppy dog eyes. Please explain how cute-ing off works?

She was good, very, very good. Pretty sure it should be "She was good. Very,very good." maybe a semicolon instead of a period.I dunno.

Vinyl I-.” she Dat missing quotation mark

---
Moar! please. I'll do something drastic if you don't. Like...like.../wrists! Ha! Told you I would!

950701
Thanks. I'll "Cute" out those errors lol

950701
wait, whats wrong with the first one?

952620 "Nock me out agian" should be 'Knock'

952620

SShhh, it was late and I was losing the battle of awakeness.

955524
Oh I know how that feels. And you of all people know I know. Remember chapter 7? Remember my excuse? LOL

PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't want to disappoint Fluttershy, do you?:fluttercry:

957681
But-But I was working on my oth- *thinks of Fluttershy crying*
*Sigh* Alright.

IT ALWAYS WORKS!!!!!
Actually it is the first time I have tried this. I MUST TRY IT AGAIN!!!!

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