Paul's Belated thursday Reviews I · 3:23pm Aug 28th, 2015
That's right, I still exist! For those of you wondering why I disappeared and didn't post anything this past weekend, the answer is simple: I burned out. I realized over the weekend that, in my efforts to maintain a once-a-week update under my current available time, I was running myself ragged and producing a lower-quality product. So I decided it was time to take a break from FIMFiction entirely and just relax for a while. I bought me a new game and have been devoting the past few days to blowing all my free time on it. Every now and then, a guy just has to step back and think about something else, even if that something else is nothing.
In light of this, I have decided not to update Order of Shadows this week, although I intend to resume my updates next weekend. I might consider starting an alternating update process in which I post reviews one week and story updates another, just to give myself more breathing room overall. For now? I'm going to keep playing ARK: Survival Evolved until the addiction is out of my system or I know I have to start working on the next chapter to make my update next week.
But I'm still reading and writing reviews, so let's get this session on the road!
Stories for This Week:
Her Beautiful Night by coolstorybrah
Title Unimpressive by SleepIsforTheWeak
The Best Job in Equestria by Mooncalf (Requested by Mooncalf)
Upon Reflection by Obselescence (Re-Read)
Truth Earned from Honesty by Whateverdudezb (Sequel to Lessons Learned from Loyalty)
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 0
Not Bad: 0
None: 1
Even though I’m known for my disdain of common topics, every now and then I take a look at them for the sake of seeing if someone did it right. After all, those topics don’t become cliché by being bad, now do they? In this case, coolstorybrah decided to tackle the night Luna chose to become Nightmare Moon. It’s extremely short, extremely simple.
And it has problems. Very first line:
It was dark night in Canterlot.
Six words and we’ve already got an incomplete sentence. First impressions matter a lot, folks, but I was hopeful that—
The night princess, known as Luna, just finished rising the moon to end the day.
—aaaand that’s the second sentence. In a row. Okay, okay, not so bad, we can still—
Once again for the past 1,000 years, she looked out the window in her bedroom.
Grammatically speaking, this one is pretty hard off. coolstorybrah needs a grammar editor, pronto. The other major issue is that the author wrote no paragraphs. You read that right, over 1,000 words and every single sentence is written as its own individual line, with the exception of two short ones near the end that, for no apparent reason, broke the trend. I get the feeling coolstorybrah was trying to create some kind of atmosphere with this formatting choice, but it came out as distracting. It also ruined any sense of pacing and flow.
At this point, the plot could be astounding and the story still wouldn’t warrant much of a rating. My advice to coolstorybrah is to get a grammar-centric editor to go through their material next time.
Bookshelf: None
There are many different kinds of writers out there, and each writer faces his or her own brand of trouble. In my case, the problem is having too much to write. I have tons of story ideas waiting to be written, so many that I’ll never write them all in my lifetime. I’ve never had difficulty starting a story, but finishing one used to be a major problem for me. That’s why I got organized.
Title Unimpressive is not about that kind of writer. This story is about the opposite variety, the “stay up all night struggling to get a sentence down” type; the “I love this so much but it’s so hard and challenging but I have to do it because it’s amazing” type. Perhaps it is how SleepIsforTheWeak faces writing. Probably. The problems faced by such people are alien to me, yet I appreciate the challenge nonetheless.
This story is about a lone writer losing sleep as she struggles with the urge to write. She wants to write, she’s eager to get started despite being dead tired, but no words flow from her quill. She reflects on the challenge of the writer, the love of the task, the obstacles set in the way of success. It feels very real, and I’m sure there has been more than a few writers and wannabe writers out there who have had similar nights.
This story is well-written, interesting and contemplative. More importantly, it’s hopeful. Despite all the hurdles put in her way, our nameless heroine does what she set out to do… even if she does it at three in the morning. The story is one part intimidating and two parts uplifting, and drives home the sheer joy it is to create. If you are a writer having some difficulties, I suggest trying this. Even if the situation doesn’t fit yours – as it doesn’t fit my own – it is still worth investigating.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
The Best Job in Equestria
By Mooncalf
Requested by Mooncalf
This was interesting, and a very different take on Derpy Hooves. In The Best Job in Equestria, Mooncalf takes us through a day in the life of everyone’s favorite mailmare, including her interactions with many of the ponies she meets on her convoluted route. Taking place during the episode Read It and Weep, we get to see a number of ways that the Mane 6’s events have influenced the citizens of Ponyville.
As a simple slice of life tale, this was a nice story. The characters were pretty good all around, and the little jokes about everyday life with the not-so-everyday main cast around were nice. I originally intended to jump Mooncalf for using too many character references – Fluttershy’s feeble cheering, for instance – but then I realized that it largely fit with the show and the timing of the story, so I chose to let it drop. Then we get to the twist at the end, which was both unexpected and enjoyable. It felt a little exposition-y, but that fit in well with the story’s overall writing style and, as such, I don’t mind.
All in all, I enjoyed this story. It’s a bit of light reading for someone who wants to relax. At the same time, it is a great showing of story connectivity, and I applaud Mooncalf for being able to take so many different episodes and link them to this one story in a way that feels natural. That’s no simple matter for a such a simple story. And then Mooncalf managed to link those episodes to the story’s main point. Truly, I am impressed. If you’re the kind of writer who likes to link the events of episodes into your stories, read this. It’s a lesson in how to do so.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Upon Reflection
By Obselescence
Re-Read
Previous Rating: Pretty Good
Ah, multiple universes. Alternate universes. Universes that just aren’t quite the same. What is fanfiction but an nigh-endless collection of alternate universes? In Upon Reflection, Twilight takes time to consider the implications of there being an untold number of alternate worlds, each with a different Twilight who made different choices, some huge and some minor. The potential consequences prove quite intimidating to her.
This is a dedicated think piece about the nature of destiny and how the concept of parallel universes impacts us. Usually with stories like this, your milage varies depending upon how closely you agree with the author’s interpretation. Obselescence manages to largely avoid that problem by providing us with two different endings, as is fitting with the topic. The question is, do you prefer the helpless ending, or the hopeful one? Guess it depends upon personality. I, for one, choose to think like Spike.
For the most part, this story is pretty good provided you like think pieces. It only slipped up at one point; a ways into the story, Twilight chooses to scream to vent her frustration. That’s when I started scratching my head, because there was no build up. Thus, we have this story’s one flaw (that I could easily detect).
It’s all philosophy and supposition. Twilight is constantly thinking and we get a nice view of that, but in exchange we completely miss her emotional state. For a while it feels as if she’s just thinking on things in a detached way. Then, abruptly, she screams into her pillow? At what point was she becoming upset, frustrated or overwhelmed? There was no indication of this, so the act felt off. What other emotions did we miss throughout this story?
My general view is that Obselescence does a decent job when two characters are chatting, but put a character alone and the emotion doesn’t shine through. Or perhaps I’m just misinterpreting things. Regardless, this one oddity jerked my attention away from the point of the story and focused it instead on an analysis of the author’s writing.
Generally speaking, I enjoyed the story. The subject matter is interesting, the writing is (mostly) solid and the conclusion is satisfying. If you like think pieces, give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
After reading the goodness that was Lessons Learned from Loyalty, I was obligated to explore the rest of Whateverdudezb’s Tutelary Spirits universe. This begins with the direct sequel, Truth Earned from Honesty. I went in expecting the author to follow the exact same formula, but got something a little different.
Truth Earned from Honesty follows the zebra-pony hybrid Jazz Hop as she meets Applejack, now the Mare of Honesty, and brings her back to her family farm to be see her grandmother. Unlike the previous story, in which Rainbow Dash helped a stallion solve his problems, this story is more directly about Applejack learning the fate of a pony she met long ago. It was touching and pulled on the heartstrings in just the right way.
Applejack’s characterization was near-flawless, so kudos there. Jazz Hop, on the other hoof, suffers from a lack of conflict. She was, all in all, a normal and well-rounded individual with nothing to really catch the reader’s attention. In a way, this makes her perfect for her role, because she’s a lot like Applejack is in the show; a character with few real flaws. It is precisely because Applejack’s so grounded that she has popularity issues in the fandom. Readers want conflict. Without it, characters just aren’t as interesting. This unfortunate curse is also reflected in Jazz Hop, or so I feel; she’s so well grounded that she’s not as interesting as she could be.
Then we get to Jazz Hop’s grandmother, and things get really interesting. This meeting is the big moment of the entire story, and Whateverdudezb did a great job on it. What I particularly like is how everything in the story leads up to this moment in ways entirely unexpected. Everything we see – everything from the very beginning – is related to the revelations at the end. Best of all, it’s believable.
If I have any one major complaint, it’s that the author got a little wordy at times. Some of his descriptions get lengthy and a few choice words seem to pad them more than is needed. I had a few instances where I couldn’t help thinking “yes, we get it already, move on.” In some cases it made for some nice prose, but that’s a fine balance and Whateverdudezb wobbled a bit. It wasn’t enough to take away from the experience, though.
In the end, I must declare Truth Earned from Honesty superior to its predecessor. Here’s hoping the next one is just as good.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Stories for Next Week:
Over a Cardboard Sea by SPark
Intern by GaPJaxie
The Motion of the Stars by Carabas (Requested by Danger Beans)
Why by OfTheIronwilled (Re-Read)
Magical Mystery Couture by punzil504 (Prequel to Smile, Smile, Smile)
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Monday Reviews XVII
Paul's Monday Reviews XVIII
Paul's tuesday Reviews II – "Where did the Time Go?" Edition
Paul's Monday Reviews XIX
Paul's Monday Reviews XX
Paul's Monday Reviews XXI – "Final" Edition
Paul's Thursday Reviews The Ist!
Paul's Thursday Reviews II
Paul's Thursday Reviews III
Paul's Thursday Reviews IV
I agree so much with this, it hurts.
It also hurts my productivity, but ya can't have it all, can ya?
Nice to see you back and recharged!
Title unimpressive sounds like me.
Writing has never come easily to me, even now, when I do it almost every day. But I've long since gotten past griping about it. looking forward to next week!
Ya, I'm sure you can tell but title unimpressive describes those moments when I truly do want to write. It's more common than you think.
Thanks for reviewing my story
And yes, I know I need an edittort and thank you for pointing that oit