• Member Since 1st Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Whateverdudezb


Don't mind me, I'm just sitting here and working on stories with a religious fervor.

E

Edit: installments are now multi-chapter. Explanation here.
First main installment in the Tutelary Spirit universe. Recommended reading order: Loyalty, Honesty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, and Friendship.


Many ages after the original adventures of the Elements of Harmony, a young stallion soars high into the clouds, searching for the Element of Loyalty.


Her original life lived and gone so long ago, Loyalty, like the rest of her friends, has changed and grown over her many lifetimes to guide the ponies of Equestria.

Because even after so long, the Elements of Harmony will always share their lessons of friendship.

Cover image belongs to Nyarmarr.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 116 )

Okay. That was a unique take on the whole concept! :pinkiehappy: As a one shot, this definitely works and is an epic, excellent, and entertaining short tale. :pinkiesmile:

Sidenote: Fav'd So very fav'd.

Really good story! I saw some errors, so make sure to get an editor, but this was definitely one of the better ones I've read.

Ri2

That was awesome. My favorite bit of course is the flying sky turtle of awesomeness.
I wouldn't mind seeing parts for the other five as well, actually.

I really love it! This is going to my fav right now!
I like the concept, the ejecution and everything else! I hope you explain with better detail the concept use it here! And read more of this universe! and I'm curious about what happen to bourbon nest. The flying sky turtle of awesome was cool!!!

Rainbow Dash's eyes aren't violet. They're red. Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

Cute. Can't help but feel sorry for the 6 though. Outliving their husbands and children, only seeing them when they die, thats gotta suck.

Alright! It's been a day or so, and this story is definetly off of the Top - Today list, so I guess it's time for me to delve into the comment section.

I would just like to thank everypony who had liked, favorited, or who was brave enough to give this story a look through. It really means a lot to me that you guys/gals devoted some of your time to give this story a chance.

So, yes. Thank you, you made this fanfic writer feel just the slightest bit of pride.

4971735 4971627
To you both: thank you for the compliments, they mean very much to me. And to 'the parasprite,' I too am noticing the errors in my story and are already going through it again with a metaphorical scrub brush and pencil. I am usually much more grammatically correct than a nazi in scrutiny with my stories, but it seems that an eleven-thousand word one-shot written in just a week provides more cover for grammar mistakes to hide under than I had predicted. Maybe I should have delayed submitting it until I had triple-checked it a few times?
Ah well, live and learn.

4972007 4975450
Thanks for the compliments. Also, while there are no sequels currently in the works, I do have quite a few ideas for this universe that are jumbling about in my head and are just begging to get out.
So, we'll see what happens in the future.

4978737
You might want to recheck Dash's eyes, because when I looked into her's, I saw violet irises. And yes, I am aware of the subscription process and have already gone through it. Sadly though, my story was rejected. But don't worry, after some further editing, I might give it another go.

4979480
True, but I think we should all be glad that I didn't turn them into full-time immortals like Celestia and Luna. At least they can see their dead friends and family.

Ri2

4979738 I look forward to whatever ideas you have in mind. I'd certainly love to see the other five's place of residence and what their familiars have become.

4979738

There are people who will preread your story for you. I do it. I know a lot of authors who do it? Got Skype? We I'll introduce you to some of them.

you succeed
MOAR!! plz
i mean that was awesome
and i can just see Applejack be all "what in tarnation are you doin?" to someone bowing to her...
must read

An interesting site to see considering that it was the invisible part of her tail that hit. Blushing red under his armor, the guard hurried past to his post.

*Sight

I like the concept a lot, but the apparent guard harem Dash keeps was off-putting, and there were a fair number of grammar errors as well that made it a bit rough to read.

5271083

I like to think of it less as a harem and more of just Dash thinking, "Hey, I have all these burly stallions that just so happen to be guarding my stuff and I'm considered one of the most attractive and sought-after mares in Equestria ...I wonder how much fun I can have with this?"

Also, could you point out any of these grammatical errors that you may have noticed? I'm a stickler for that kind of stuff and it would be much appreciated.

Didn't see the notification, bah. 5271123 Still. Ehhh.

PM'd some (ridiculously terse?) corrections.

5272706

Thank you, I've received your message. It's currently late in the night right now, so I'll go over them sometime tomorrow, but again, thank you.

5272737 No problem. Again, hope those help. :twilightsmile:

The first part is a chore to get through. The grammar is kinda wonky, some words don't seem to fit quite right, and it's honestly kinda pretentious. The style you're attempting there can work well, especially for a mystical kinda thing, but you frankly don't pull it of.

The good news is that it gets steadily better after he arrives at the houses, until it gets pretty damn good. I thought it was a nice take on the Elements of Harmony, and you did portray their characters really well.

Oh, and "Her giggle was one of the least innocent sounds that Bourbon had ever heard" was pretty funny.

5274077

Thank you, and yes, I do apologize for its beginning 'wonkiness.' I was struck by inspiration at the time and wrote this story in less than a week. Incidentally, inspiration must have also sucker-punched my inner critic and knocked him out cold because it was only after I submitted this story that I realized how much work it still needed. I must have edited this entire thing with a pick and chisel at least three or four times to make it what it is today. Now, I keep my inner critic on dayquil and I only submit finished stories after a week of extensive editing.

This was awe some to read! XD Though i can agree with some that the beginning was a little... I'm not sure how to describe it, It didn't click for me, i skipped over half of it D: mostly because I could read a few words and knew what the rest of a paragraph might say, but it got awesome after he got on tank XD

Interestingly enough, I've had ideas for 'became the elements' style immortality for a while now, I've just never been able to free up enough time and gathered motivation to really 'create' those ideas as more than just imagination that i keep in my head, and I certainly didn't plan as far ahead as this story goes, even though you never mention exactly 'how long' it's actually been XD

Though, this might have inspired me to put more life into my own ideas for that sorta thing and 'do' something with it... I really do need to 'do' something new, my last attempt at gathering motivation for story writing fell flatter than that cloud rainbow exploded... hint hint, you can't 'see' the cloud anymore XD hahah

5274363

If you have the motivation, use it, don't ever lose it. Just write a few words, that's all, it'll really help, because those first words are the hardest and they'll help unlock so much more.

this is awesome! i love what you've done here with the elements and their bearers!

I don't suppose Tank has a couple of elephants standing around by any chance? It's just that the image is marvelously Discworld-esque.

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20141029164342/vsbattles/images/b/bb/Paul-kidby-disque-monde-the-great-a-tuin-2.jpg

All I can say is. Nothing. This story was amazing. It was so heart felt and made me enjoy every second of reading it. At first I hadn't expected Rainbow Dash to be alive. I thought it would tell the tale of Rainbow's final words all written in a book on a podium right in front of the element of loyalty. But I was wrong and this story bewildered my mind. I really hope the rest of your stories are as good as this one

Really great stuff here. Rainbow Dash at her best and truest.:twilightsmile:

My god, this story is made of concentrated awesome. I had a feeling looking up the other stories in this 'verse was a good idea, but I had no idea how brilliant it was.

Typing this feels like a rant of some sort, so if you don't read through it; I don't blame you

Absolutely incredible work of story-telling! I loved how you set the scene at the beginning, the detail was great and when Bourbon recalled the line, 'it's me or him, pal. Make your choice' I knew what his predicament was immediately.
Throughout the story Rainbow's actions seemed completely plausible for if something like this were to happen to her (IMO) and as far as Bourbon's reactions, if I were in his shoes I would have probably reacted similarly.
I would like to see something take place before this... not sure about a prequel per-se but something along those lines (specifically when they first died and their reaction upon coming back). As far as your description of their particular form of immortality; it's as good as any, and again, I could definitely believe it.
At the end I assume that when Rainbow "boop"ed Bourbon, that it was a sort-of "Blessing of Loyalty" thing.
The concept behind this is certainly sound and I look forward to the next stories in the series. Not that it means much. but you certainly have my attention (kinda hard to leave something on the read later list when you realize that 3 stories by the same author catch your attention in a short amount of time) I'm glad that I went ahead and read this. I don't know how but I felt slightly intimidated by the title, which would have caused me to leave this sitting on the read-later pile. Now i'm rambling. As previously said: it was amazing. Have a fave and like....and possibly a follow

5280565 5283492 5283771 5283789

Thank you, I mean it. The words that you all use to proclaim your praise for this story and for this universe both enthrall and motivate me to work extra hard on the next installment.

I'd say just leave this here; it's a good way to jump to the next story in the series.

*This used to be a comment talking about the description but now it's gone because it was written out of a severe misinterpretation that has since been sorted out, we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused*

I don't mean to be "pushy"... but as I stated in my previous comment... --> 5293378
there a small issue in the description that's all but slapping me in the face everytime I try to read it...

5293620

You see that line in-between the two paragraphs? That's a break; it helps indicate a subject change. The "her" in the second paragraph is referring to Loyalty.

5293625 To me Loyalty = R.D.

And the picture is R.D.

So... yeah...

Anyway thanks for telling me how to lessen the blow enough to read, ONWARDS!!!

the hardest to follow through

"But the feeling in my heart can't follow through..."
"You can give your broken heart to me, cause you know that I'll stay with you. That's why they call me Loyalty."

This... this was amazing...

I severely misinterpreted the description...

I completely forgot to comment on this story afterwards. I forgot anything that I was most likely going to say, so I'm just going to say that this was a fantastic story. Truly exceptional work here.

It's up to you readers to decide if I succeeded my challenge or not.

oh you succeeded

And so much more

I finally got around to reading this; and I have to say, I liked it very much. This universe you're building with what happened to the Six has intrigued me very much.

The way you wrote Rainbow seems to be true to her character, and then some, considering she's lived multiple lives.

Oh I'll definitely read the other stories to write for the others!

That. Was. Awesome. The best story I have read in a long time, and easily my favorite theory for what happens to the six after the show.
As a random note I kinda want to call what the six(except maybe Twilight, is she sill an alicorn?) halficorns. Cuase there like halfway to being an alicorn or some-such.

This was one of Discord's offspring

By who I wonder?

5293721 nice music reference there. One of my favorite songs ever.

Fantastic world/character-building here. And I just love the idea of Rainbow Dash with a giant flying turtle for some reason.

So much fun to read! Well done and thanks for sharing.

So this is how the Mane Six can be "immortal" (sort of) and still not have to miss their family and friends who have passed! Ingenious!

SENPAI. I FOUND YOU. COME.
*whispers and gently pulls into an awkward hug*
JOIN ME.

5376092

...Uh? ...Okay?

I'm sorry, I don't really know how to respond to that other than this.

Hey! Do you think you could give me a measure on how big her wings are? I have a pretty good imagination, and my imagination shows me pretty well what she looks like based on your AMAZING description, but i'm still curious, are her wings like the size of Celestia's? Are they even bigger? If so are they like twice the size of Celestia's wings or Luna's wings? I'm very curious. Also how big are the Mane six? I'm imagining them all being the size of Princess Cadence (Except Applejack).

5414728

Most of them are around Cadence's body size, with Rainbow's wingspan being relatively similar to Celestia's.

5414728 Just curious, why do you think Applejack would be different size than the others?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!