Her Beautiful Night

Luna has always felt lonely.
Nobody appreciates her.
So she makes a choice that will change her life...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 15 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 15
- Newest First
- Oldest First

heptaPon

heptaPon #1 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

One major mistake I could make out:

"evil" plan.

Not sure what that means, but it probably doesn't belong there...

And then, there's a couple of misplaced spaces here and there. Apart from that, I honestly enjoyed it. The pacing and character description was brilliant, and it really puts some depth to the whole Nightmare Moon story. And you're right it wasn't exactly creepy, though I don't think it has to.
Thumbs up and favorite from me, mate. Keep up the good work, I'd say!

Raichu

Raichu #2 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

I like the writing style.

coolstorybrah

coolstorybrah #3 · Nov 11th, 2014 · · ·

5253413 thank you very much!!!
and i will fix the mistakes when i have the time...

coolstorybrah

coolstorybrah #4 · Nov 11th, 2014 · · ·

5253426 thanks!

Flying Fantasy Horse

Flying Fantasy Horse #5 · Nov 11th, 2014 · · ·

There are a couple of mis steps, and a couple formatting errors, but honestly this was a decent effort.

It wasn't necessarily creepy, as you already noted, but there are ways to make it more effective. Maybe add some more detail on Luna's transformation. While it definitely works to let the mind work on it, it really doesn't make it entirely effective. Add more detail next time around.

While you do that, I'll like, favourite, and follow. Keep it up!

coolstorybrah