Now with an audio reading by Skijarama!
Now with a print version available for order!
A purple Alicorn shows up one night and then vanishes into thin air. Many wouldn't think anything of it besides how strange it was.
Not Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash has met that Alicorn before.
The implication it brings and the guilt that follows leaves Rainbow Dash with questions weighing on her mind.
Luckily, in the crushing pain of reality, she still has friends.
***
Cover art created by the extremely talented invertigo and paid for by the amazingly awesome Shipmun. Oh my gosh it's just so cool.
Chapters (15)
Two thumbs up bro. And then species change so I can give you a bro-hoof as well.
This is way to good to be a one shot. Need more chapters.
Good story tho
Needs a little bit of editing, but overall not bad. I'd like to see more.
This feels like a set-up for something far bigger and more awesome. Something I really want to read now but doesn't actually exist, lol. I'm giving this a thumbs up simply because of the possibilities, it's simply a great idea.
6723865 fully agree.
So are you actually going to make a longer story out of this?
Because that ending certainly suggests a longer story to be told.
There should be MOAR!!! Uh, I mean,I like this
Good story; needs to be more.
This was an excellent idea. I have not seen many stories based on this particular universe and I really like how you incorporate Pinkie with Dash and Rarity. I especially like how Dash and Pinkie play off each other.
I could see more chapters or stories based off of this story. If you wanted to of course. I kind of hope you do.
Nice Story but it needs more chapters. It would be awesome to see it extended to where they fix things.
This is one of those times that a fan fiction has pointed out something to me that was obvious in hindsight. Twilight didn't meet Rainbow Dash until the Nightmare Moon timeline, but I was so caught up in all the fast changes from world to world I didn't even connect filly-Dash to being batpony-Dash all grown up. Rainbow Dash just had all the clues laid out for her - she even saw the time-travel spell when she was a filly too! I guess whether or not she had 'time' to consider the implications depends on whether you agree with the show's portrayal of time as a linear sequence of cause and effect, or whether it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. Either way, this fic scores high for me just for finding that bit of fridge logic. Well done!
Finally! I was wondering if anyone else would notice!
I mean, seriously, how do you forget something like an alicorn disappearing into a vortex when you were a filly?
Anyways, could this be continued? I want it to be continued. Plz?
Very nice. This one deserves to have a sequel.
Well, this is a thing, and a very good thing too. A couple edits needed here or there, but well done all around.
I would love to find out where Twilight is during this timeline (or most of them for that matter), though it says this is a completed fic so probably not gonna find it here.
Nice story. I hadn't thought about it, but it makes sense that Rainbow would remember Twilight.
Just one thing:
"in the middle of the night"? Isn't that all the time, considering the whole "eternal night" thing?
I had wondered about the Twilight in the other timelines and why we never got even a glimpse of her.
am i the only one who wants to see this become a full fledged story?
Great story! I'd like to see you continue this, if possible
6724786
Exactly.
6724952 I totally want that. It would be epic.
>102 upvotes
>0 downvotes
*blinks*
So.
Well.
Are we seeing some EoH in the future?
Huh.
The makings of a good epic right here.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Typos:
castle's
mouthful
your
she and her friends saved
bake (?) a bad cake
Oh man, don't leave this at a single chapter! Don't go the way of certain other authors! This is very good, you can pull a series off if you want! Make it short, if you don't feel like an epic, but definitely don't let it die at a one-shot!
6725140
I concur.
Great premise, but it needs a LOT of editing.
6724952
I'd want to see that. This story doesn't seem to deserve being left at a one-shot.
Oh, I never got the impression that Rarity and Rainbow were evil in that alternate universe. I got the impression that they knew how to survive, so they adapted to their surroundings, doing everything they could to please the new princess.
Reality hurts, but they did their best to cope.
Good thing that universe was never meant to be!
Angry exclamation: This is not a one shot meatbag! This is formatted as a chapter one! FINISH IT!
Please?
Where's the rest?
6725140 Agreed
c1.staticflickr.com/9/8373/8582515613_405054bd2d.jpg
(Or in this case, the right mare).
On another note, why would you leave it at this?! This deserves either a sequel or to become a full- length story.
6725466
Doubly Agreed
A nice bright moment in an eternal night. Aside from a few homophone issues, this was an enjoyable hope spot. Of course, there are so many things that go wrong with this plan that it isn't even funny, but this story still left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Thank you for it.
I personally see this Rainbow doing it because in this timeline she thought she accidentally 'killed' Fluttershy as she vanished and was presumed dead. Rarity only acted the way she did because she was near an alicorn, AKA somepony she thought was of the elite, and thus acted accordingly so as not to reveal that she has a dragon fetish.
I would love to see this as a full on story, The mane 6 coming together in this timeline and stopping nightmare, on an epic quest to find twilight and rediscover the elements all while trying to stay undercover, would be really cool.
Everyone seems much to in character to me, it's like nothing has changed compared to the regular timeline. Pinkie Pie is identical here as she is to her main timeline counterpart, why would she even be there instead of on her rock farm? She even knew more about NMM and Celestia than anyone else, that's just way too convenient to believe, she doesn't feel organic to this timeline at all, and feels like she was just inserted to make everyone else much like there counter-parts and mention the Elements of Harmony.
I'll go along with this being a very good start for a longer story. There is some editing needed, though.
...I felt like being picky today, so I'll do it in a way that might be helpful!
trudged through the halls of Her Majesty's castle with angry stomps. Her armored hooves making an echoing clang as she marched.
Sentence fragment.
unblocked as she misplaced her helmet somewhere.
Maybe “she'd” or “she had” instead of “she” there.
Anger was an easy emotion to feel. Much easier than all the others that tried to bubble to the surface.Rainbow...
Sentence fragment, and a missing space following a period.
without a glance towards them. A specific goal in mind.
Sentence fragment.
Without so much as a change in her scowl of expression,
Maybe her scowling expression?
The whole thing looked more like a bar in structure than a mess hall for a tyrant’s body guards,
This isn't a writing error, but a break room and a mess hall are kinda different things.
drown their troubles in booze and whisky.
The meaning of the term “booze” includes whiskey. You might get by with “beer and whiskey” but many consider beer to be “booze” as well.
Making it a perfect place to speak freely without a chance of being overheard.
Sentence fragment.
Pinkie gave Rainbow a sympathetic look and slide a glittering cupcake across the counter,
Maybe “slid” there?
“Stop doing the would you?”
that,
And then when I was in the woods with her she said that in the time she came from her and her friends saved the world from Nightmare Moon
she and her friends
It’s my fault that you can’t back a bad cake without being smacked around.
bake
Nightmare’s dirty work.It’s my fault
Missing space following a period.
Oh heck yes!
Continue? Y/N?
>Y plz
Really nice story :)
Btw are you going to make a sequel??
Great story and reminds us to remember that just because someone works for a bad guy does not mean that they are a bad guy.
It likely took the writer a wile to cook this up and its likely not worth their time to make it a full length story
What an excellent premise. I agree with the others, this has very interesting potential.
Looks interesting. Will be reading this soon!
BIG REPLY COMMENT
This isn't even just featured it's like second most popular story right now. How did this happen???
6725064
Fixed! Thank you!
6725622
Mostly fixed! (I'll work on the fragments later) and #6 I knew it. Dang it dang it dang it. #7 I didn't know that but this kind of sounds better so I might leave it.
6724786
Just pretend it's a synonym for 'sleep time'
6725023
I would love to know what that means
6725140
WHY IS A MODERATOR COMMENTING ON MY STORY!?!?
6725590
Pinkie doesn't have more knowledge about NMM. Rarity knew just what she meant and Rainbow kind of did too. Everyone knows because #1 NMM is a legend from Night Mare Night. #2 The Mare in the Moon was a well known legend #3 NMM made it no secret that Celestia was her sister and that she had banished Nightmare to the moon (She said so to Twilight in this time line). All Pinkie did was connect the pieces to find a solution to the current problem.
6725894
Aw, you're a sweetie for defending me.
>>EVERYONE
All right all you all while I am insanely amazed by the intense positive feed back and I have thought of expanding this it is marked complete for a couple of reasons: #1 If I say I'll make it longer I will get overwhelmed by the responsibility and not do it ever and #2 If I make it longer it will have to be kind of adventurey and I'm really bad at adventurey so I stopped here so I wouldn't water it down with not-really-exciting-exciting-parts.
That being said I will try to convince myself to make a sequel though I will not commit to making a sequel. SO BASICALLY NO PROMISES BUT I HEAR YOU AND WANT TO PLEASE YOU!
Thank you for your time.
6726072
Because he's a prolific author and enthusiastic reader as well?
Wow, author, plenty of pretty famous folks are commenting on you story, it's number one in the featured box, and it's not clop. So, pretty much, your pony fiction success meter is OVER 9000!!!!
Lol, nice job.
6726072 What would you think of other people taking the premise and running with it?
6726072
EoH is a standard abbreviation for Elements of Harmony.
Like everyone else, I was asking for an extension.