• Member Since 10th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Justice3442


T

As Twilight attempts to get Starlight Glimmer to see the error of her ways, Spike can't help but interject. If Starlight had a portal to take her to any place or any time, why fixate on one single event when she could accomplish so much more?

As it turns out, Starlight Glimmer has an answer. Several in fact.

Inspired by a conversation with the story's editor Tired Old Man.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 150 )

The only thing I have to say is time is one confusing son of a-

ending was a little over the top, but it was pretty good. I really liked how you wrote Spike when he saw Sunburst's behavior

great story i like it ^^

That, went places. Certainly ones that I did not expect, but it was an amusing and enjoyable trip just the same.

I know it said random comedy, but wow, that was really random and funny and... weird at the end. Plan A was simple funny, Plan B got weird and creepy fast, and Plan C was depressing. I'm usually pretty happy to see a Sunset alicorn cameo though. And yay for Spike for being the sane one among a bunch of crazy ponies, he's the best friend anypony could ask for.

Trixie gasped from inside the closet. “Yes! It’s the motherlode!” Ecstatic moans began to drift out from the closet. “Come here you dirty, dirty socks! Trixie wants to swim in you!”

I never get tired of your creepy version of Trixie. :rainbowlaugh:

Starlight nodded. “Yes, hands.” She lifted her new human appendages in front of her face. “These things are always touching me in… places.”

Sunset nodded. “Yeah, they get around.”

*snrk* Nice Futurama reference.

Sunset Shimmer suddenly leapt from her chair, clearing the table and landing on top of Starlight Glimmer. She landed on top of the Shimmer and brought her to the ground with a resounding 'THUD!' as the chair tipped over. Before Starlight Glimmer could react, Sunset had pulled back her fist and sent it sailing forward.

THAT'S my girl! It's like I always say, Sunset's the Zero to Twilight's X--

"Bargain bin copy-pony thinks she can just walk in here and steal my shtick!" A devilish grin crossed her face as Sunset wrapped her fingers around Starlight’s throat.

...

Or...that. :facehoof:

"And I'm going to kill her!" Sunset said darkly.

Whee!

...and the rest of that scene is just hilarious sociopathy and :rainbowlaugh:

The whole bit with Wifebeater Sunburst was a little dark though. :rainbowderp:

The bit with Sunset and Twilight kicking Sunburst and Future Starlight's butts was cathartic, if psychotic. Nobody writes comically psychotic characters quite as well as you. :pinkiecrazy:

The thing with Spike was kind of heartwarming.

The letter at the end made me laugh my ass off. Did Tired Old Man write that part? It sounds like him.

Comment posted by TyrakatheDragonFan deleted Dec 2nd, 2015

pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw3019_medium.jpg
I don't know what I just read. The only thing I know is that it ended with a lot of alicorns.

6690921

I'm glad you caught that reference. I feared it was too subtle. :twilightsheepish:

That opening bit with Sunburst was definitely huge case of mood whiplash. In fact, I wrote what I thought was "the end" before that part, which was Twilight and Sunset laying the smack-down on Starlight then Shimmer discovering her wings, but as I wrote Sunburst I just felt so bad for Starlight the younger given she was completely blameless in this mess of time.

The letter was written by me, but I was channeling the tone of Letters from an Irritated Princess. Plus Tired Old Man tweaked what Tia said a bit more to resemble his works. Tired Old Man shows me every letter before it's published and we workshop it a bit if it seems it needs something. Sunny marrying a cake was something I cooked up, though Tired Old Man gets the credit for deciding Tia and Luna needed silly clones of themselves in the first place. :derpytongue2:

6691046 This... This ws beautiful.

That. Was. AWESOME!!! Why can't Spike be as awesome in the show as is he here?!

And let me see if I got this right: there are now four princesses of friendship: Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, and at least two, maybe three, Starlight Glimmers. Could you clear that up for me?

I like this. It's funny. And shwifty. Also, your first link isn't working. Here, let me help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VEyVamLjYY&t=0m25s

Next time, don't copy paste the address from any playlists.

6691229

Glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

There's two Starlight Glimmers, just the pair that showed up in the story. :twilightsmile:

uh... was Spike coming on to Past-Starlight?:moustache:

6691232

Thank you!:pinkiehappy: The first link is working as intended now. GDocs made an awful mess of it for some reason.

Too much confusion to make a vote.

This might've made little to no sense at all, but I liked it.

Haha, oh man, this was awesome. We need more stories in this timeline of events, post-haste!

6691448 If you haven't read much of my other stuff, there's some light references to past works such as Together We Can Name This Town, Stealing the Deed , and Cafeteria Control. The letter at the end is also a nod to Tired Old Man's Letters from an Irritated Princess.

If you like this brand of zany humor, they might be right up your alley. :pinkiehappy:

First, creepy!Trixie rules.

Second, the narrative of the story seems a bit rushed and confusing. Still funny, though. So there's that.

HOHOHOHO MY GOD, THIS WAS FANTASTIC!!!

6691465 I'll give them a look. I'll need some Sunset Shimmer reference material for ideas on how to write her, so Cafeteria Control is definitely of interest.

This is a golden 11/10.

You sir, are a genius.

6691520

Thanks for the compliment and the criticism. :twilightsmile: This was written after a late night when the idea struck and I knew I had to get out of bed and get it all out. Basically, this is 2 parts talking ideas over with Tired Old Man, 2 parts inspiration, 1 part five hours of sleep, 3 parts caffeine, and 1 part desperately trying to get it all done before my responsibilities kicked in later that evening.

So yeah, probably could have done with a little more time rather than the 8ish hours it took to type the whole thing out. On the other hoof, almost the entirety of the story hit me all at once and I had to get it out. :pinkiecrazy:

That was hilarious, I lost it when Starlight and Twilight burst in and started beating Sunburst, the music was timed PERFECTLY! X Gon give it to ya's lyrics starting, as they laid the beat down =D. Probably best fictional version of a mature Spike I've seen in awhile. I was giggling when Sunburst got his second beatdown lol. And Twilight taking Sunset Shimmer and making her another alicorn Princess of Friendship was just gold.

I enjoyed the Futurama and Rick & Morty references and I think Creepy Trixie being abandoned might have been a very subtle reference to Norm the Genie abandoning Crocker in that old Fairy Odd Parents episode, but that's probably just me noticing a connection where there isn't one =p.

DO NOT MESS WITH TIME

Why is there a [Sex] tag? I couldn't find any reference to sex her. Don't you mean a [Gore] tag for the violence?

Pretty good, maybe a bit too much OOCness like Spike channeling the Common Sense Fanfiction Guy, but in some ways a more believable befriending of Starlight.

6691855

"Sex" is admittedly pretty light, but given Trixie's behavior, the bit with Starlight's wandering hand, and one comment Sunburst made, I figured it was better to put it on.

Princess of Friendship Who's Actually Better at it than Twilight Sparkle Because She Doesn’t Treat Everything Like a Math Equation Sunset Shimmer

Best thing I've read maybe ever :rainbowlaugh:

This... This wins everything.

I liked it up until the valedictorian speech. That bit seemed over the top to me. Still giving a thumbs up though.

It was good.

Well, at least they beat up Starlight as well.

Not sure I'm so keen on what you did with Sunburst in this story, though.

Overall, ambivalent. Not my kind of story, but that was to be expected. Creepy Trixie was funny, as was Sunset screaming at her Copy Pony. But things became really mean-spirited towards the end, so much so that it wasn't funny to me anymore.

Addendum: What the heck, I'll give it an upvote anyway. The first half was just too good; not acknowledging that wouldn't do the piece justice.

6691748
I've had nights like that. Still, this was pretty good all things considered.

also, one of the best starlight glimmer stories ever. ever committed to the typed word. this exists now, and i'll never forget it.


and seriously, when twilight told younger starlight not to mess with time, this is the only thing i could think of. (bloodsport / chong li)

renegadecinema.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/boloyeung-bloodsport.jpg

"Because sometimes what you really need is for somepony else to pay a horrible price."

By Luna's moon you had a Rick and Morty reference, and I laughed my fucking ass off! :rainbowlaugh:

Preface: The following comment contains a buttload of corrections. However, I would like to stress that I really enjoyed this story, and the individual ideas therein are so interesting that I think this story could really benefit from being split into chapters and fully fleshed out. That would also help with the few isolated comments saying this feels a little rushed and confusing, which it does. With that out of the way, we present Everything Wrong with This Story on a Purely Technical Level:

Night Glider. Written as two words, not one.

her head quacking involuntarily

I assume you meant quaking, unless you meant for Starlight to be so surprised that she became a duck.

than the short-black skirt

'short black skirt'. Short-black is not a kind of black.

It was time for the coup de grace.

Here I am just adding words, adding words, adding words! Here I am just adding words, to make sentences! (to the tune of London Bridge Is Falling Down)

This girl’s, details about the portal.

Either you're missing the word 'feelings', or that comma is meaningless.

I might even be Twilight's equal in that regards.

regard. Singular.

Sunset Shimmer mealy sat in her chair

But what meal? Was she sitting lunchly? Dinnerly? Breakfastly? Or merely?

Spike glared fiery magma daggers at him

Complete sentences want to be your friend!

Horseapples is usually one word.

The Youtube links are obnoxious, immersion-breaking, and completely unnecessary.

with her white mane quaffed upwards

To quaff is to drink in such a way that you are not so much drinking as throwing the alcohol from the mug in the vague direction of your mouth. You meant to say 'coiffed', as in a coiffure.

Yes, me and only me who's sleepless nights of studying

whose

From the audience, a young Starlight Glimmer lets out a frightful scream.

Twilight just turns and stares at her, leveling a forehoof. "Don't mess with time."

Sudden change in tense here.

He glanced up at Twilight and Sunset.

I have inserted a word here.

‘It’ being brand new towers added to your already giant castles

And here.

And finally, ponykind is usually written as a single word.

Comment posted by Swashbucklist deleted Dec 3rd, 2015

6692619

Thank you very much. :pinkiehappy: I'll look into fixing this and breaking it up when I'm back in front of a proper computer.

The season finale could've definitely used something like this. They really should've showed Starlight having troubles seemingly as a result of her friend getting his cutie mark before her. All we got in canon is Sunburst getting congratulated and young Starlight not joining in. We didn't see or hear about any troubles that she went through as a result, so from our eyes, she acted selfish by becoming bitter towards her friend just for having something that she didn't.

That was glorious. Here I thought it would end in sappy "friendship is all nice, butterflies and rainbows" but it suddenly turned amazing with comically over the top violence.

Also that ending felt a lot like "Letters from an Irritated Princess".

P.S: Celestia can't really complain about all the alicorns Twilight is making after her and luna's little trip to the mirror pool. But with Sunny eloping with a cake and being a neighponese popstar and Moony doing... Whatever it is Moony does. I can't blame her.

This was very silly.

As soon as the song was introduced I knew where it was going. I was not disappointed. Get Schwifty indeed

Reading this again, I'll just say one thing.

If you're going to write a story where Glimmer's infatuated with Spike, and Rarity ain't okay with that, I would pay ten thousand bits to see that catfight in action.

Trixie trotted up to Twilight and gently pulled the book of her face with magic. [...] She grinned widely and wildly as her horn glowed once more, lifting the covers of Twilight’s bed and gently putting them over the slumbering princess.

D'awwwww. :twilightsmile:

(Er, I mean: So evil! Trixie is surely the most cruel of Twilight's enemies.)

“Now if you’ll excuse Trixie, I have to check Twilight’s closet for clothes she hasn’t washed yet and smell them while I rub my face all over them.”

:rainbowlaugh:

“Ugh…” Trixie uttered from the closet. “It’s that Sunset trollop again!”

Oh relax, Trixie. There's plenty of Twi to go around. Did you know there's two of her?

Twilight glanced behind her. “I like reshelving books,” she answered simply.

"And as for the other stuff... :trollestia: "

Am I missing something? People are talking about things I haven't read in this story.

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