• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen July 28th

Justice3442


Horrifically Fun

T

Trixie steals the deed to the Golden Oaks Library. She quickly finds out this doesn't mean what she thinks it means.

Inspired by this blog post by MythrilMoth.

Trixie vector create by Silentmatten

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 133 )
Comment posted by Toobert deleted Jul 27th, 2014

Sure, there are grammatical and spelling errors, but it was funny and made me laugh. And before I go to work, that is all that matters.

Via
Via #3 · Jul 27th, 2014 · · 7 ·

I love it! Hillarious. I WANT MOARRRRRRRRRRRR:flutterrage:









derpy dun gunna kill you in your sleep tonight:derpytongue2:

4757619

Glad it made you happy. :pinkiehappy:

I also went back and caught a few errors based on your comment. :twilightsmile: Probably not perfect, but should be a bit better!

I'll be honest, I almost down voted this. Read all the way to the end though. Good work.

4757755

Glad you ultimately enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

That Alicorn Amulet must have had some seriously nasty long-term side effects...

Don't worry, Trixie. I know a Black Mage that has the same spell component problem as you.

4757830

Hah! :rainbowlaugh: I love it when people actually get my more stupidly obscure references.

Oh my god :rainbowlaugh:

“I just want to get all this crud off of me and curly down a couple of nice bo…”

"curly down"? Think you might have...a few errors rolled into one right there.

Who would even bother the break the door?

to break

Twilight swallowed and smiled wide the act of being caught neck deep in the fridge appearing to not have phased her in the least.

Think you meant 'Trixie' there at the beginning. Also, this sentence needs a comma or something, it's kind of a run-on.

Can I set her on fire now?”

“What?!” Trixie cried in alarm.

“Spike!” Twilight snapped. “Let’s figure out what she wants first.”

And THEN set her on fire! :pinkiehappy:

Twilight lowered her forehoof long enough to look at Spike. “Spikie, I had the deed locked away in a safe with a number of other important documents!”

Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Trixie isn’t sure what’s so important about sticky copies of science magaz—”

:rainbowderp:

Trixie’s eyes went wide as she raised her forehooves up in front of her. “Trixie thinks she may need to wash her hooves now…” Her eyes went even wider. “… Or maybe lick them clean… Trixie is very confused about what she is feeling right now…”

:twilightoops:

Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief. You still got it, Trixie!

Again, that should be 'Trixie' at the beginning there.

Pinkie reached up into her own curly, pink mane and pulled out what appeared to be three sticks of dynamite in a bundle.

Pinkie giggled to herself in a tone Trixie couldn’t help but feel a tad unnerved by. “I’ve learned there are very few of life’s problems that can’t be solved by high explosives!” Pinkie declared as she held the dynamite in one forehoof and reached into her mane again to pull out a golden zippo lighter with an eagle engraved on the front.

Nice Wheel in-joke.

So perplexed and entranced by this mystery third hood

hoof

Trixie motioned to herself. “I see this conversation is getting me nowhere fast. However, Trixie is still going to ask the same question over and over again until we sort this out. So, who is Owlowiscious?”

:facehoof:

white color and a green cravat

collar

“… And that, Mayor Mare, is why Trixie should now own the library and also maybe why Twilight Sparkle should be forced to live as Trixie’s live in servant who fans Trixie, peels her grapes, and keeps Trixie warm at night as Twilight whispers into Trixie’s ears how great Trixie is every night before I nod off to sleep.”

Wow. Trixie must've hit her head HARD on something.

Trixie gave Mayor Mare a thoughtful expression. “So… you’re saying if Trixie has both documents… and murders you… declares herself mayor… then Trixie can lay claim to the library?”

Oh for fucking out loud... :facehoof:

“Fine!” Trixie cried. “Just let the mocking commence! Let’s get this over with! Trixie has a property dispute to settle!”

And the award for Learning Disability of the Year goes to...

I’LL NEVER BE CLEAN EVERY AGAIN!

ever

Spike’s eyes suddenly went wide and he smiled. He turned towards the bathroom door and rapped on it with his knuckles. “Hey, Rarity!” Spike called. “Sob uncontrollably and scream something about still being dirty if you want me to swim around in your dirty clothes and smell everything!”

Oh my GOD Spike! :pinkiesick:

breaking in entering

breaking and entering

Trixie spoke up again. “Trixie also forgot to ask the Mayor if I would have to eat her afterwards to absorb her power and claim her title!”

Seriously, someone needs to muzzle Trixie now. :facehoof:

Trixie interrupted, “Anyone else want to hop on the ‘make fun of Trixie bandwagon?’”

Spike raised a single claw and spoke up, “You smell funny.”

:rainbowlaugh:

“Hush you!” Trixie cried. “Those are coming from Trixie’s material spell components!”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “Unicorns don’t need ‘material spell components’ to cast anything, we have ho—”

“MATERIAL SPELL COMPONENTS!” Trixie insisted forcefully.

Silly Trixie. Material spell components are for zebras!

Trixie frowned. “But how will Trixie hide in the trees to keep an eye on Twilight Sparkle? Even when she sleeps? Especially when she sleeps!”

Oh for fuck's sake, Trixie, just buy the goddamn body pillow! :ajbemused:

Trixie nodded her head up and down. “Alright, so if I’m let go… and I steal back the deed from Twilight… steal the copy from the Mayor’s office…”

“Uh… Trixie?” Twilight said in a concerned tone.

“TRIXIE IS TRYING TO UNTANGLE A COMPLEX LEGAL ISSUE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!”

Some ponies just don't know when to shut the hell up.

Trixie flashed eyes full of hatred at Twilight as she began to growl. “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” Trixie refocused her vision on the stone ceiling above her and began shouting at it in rage. “TRIXIE HATES YOU SO, SO MUCH! SO MUCH SO THAT SOMETIMES TRIXIE LIES AWAKE AT NIGHT AND SNIFFS THE LOCK OF YOUR MANE SHE TOOK FROM YOU WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING AND DREAMS ABOUT HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO BURY HER MUZZLE IN YOUR MANE AND FALL ASLEEP LIKE THAT!”

Oh, Trixie...you need professional help...

“Trixie, in fact, does not have a very food explanation for this…”

Typo there.

Trixie blew out a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft! You act as if Trixie snuck into your house while you were sleeping and licked your back!”

Twilight paused, and turned. “Did you, in fact, sneak into my house while I was sleeping and lick my back?”

“ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO FIND OUT IF YOU TASTED AS PURPLE AS YOU LOOK!”

Fucking HELL, Trixie, stop digging the hole deeper! :twilightoops:

Trixie, you smell like plot that’s also mildewed!

Ewwwwwww. :pinkiesick:

Trixie took no notice of this. “You’re giving me the library!”

Twilight nodded. “Yep! It’s all yours!”

Ouch.

On the other side, = a once

Oh look! It's a stray cutie mark from that village of pony equality from the season 5 animatic!

Suit and dust

soot

Trixie’s expression suddenly went inquisitive. “Do you think if The Great and Powerful Trixie killed and ate you, she’d absorb all your power?”

Oh for the love of... :facehoof:

“So just you and mean down in a dark hole together!”

Another typo there.

“Something wrong?” Spike asked.

Trixie shook her head. “No… It’s just… something about being in a dark hole with you strikes me as vaguely familiar…”

:rainbowlaugh: Nice one!

Trixie is quite mad and Twilight is a bitch

4757901

Got all these! Thank you very much! :twilightsmile:

Yeah, Trixie is pretty ridiculously dumb in just about anything with a "Random" tag I write. This one is probably her at her worst, but then again, this is by far the longest one-shot with her I've written.

:facehoof:
Shit's sake...

Twilight smiled as she telekinetically raised a brass colored skeleton key up to the lock on Trixie’s cell door. “Well, that doesn’t matter because you’re free now!” Twilight said as she unlocked and opened the door.

“But where will I go?!” Trixie said in a worried tone. “How will I readjust to the outside world? I’ve been in the system so long, it’s all I know…”

“Trixie!” Twilight cried. “You’ve been in here for a couple weeks, not years!”

:facehoof:
As stupid as Trixie is in this story, a couple of weeks is probably long enough for her to be institutionalized.

“How about Owlowiscious?” Spike suggested.

“Who?” Trixie asked.

A brown owl flapped up to the group and perched on the top of the still open fridge door. “Whooo,” the owl hooted.

Trixie looked up at the owl. “Yes, Trixie just asked that.”

Spike sighed heavily and threw his claws to his side in frustration. “That’s it, I’m out. I’m going to wash the slime off of me and check on Rarity. I’ve already done this joke enough times to last me through all my incredibly long lifetime!”

Trixie’s expression turned confused as she watched Spike leave. “Trixie just wants to know who we’re talking about!”

“Whooo!” Owlowiscious cried again.

“YES!” Trixie cried in a frustrated tone. “Trixie just asked that! Who is Owlowiscious?!”

“Whooo!”

One of Twilight’s eyes began to twitch as she grumpily watched the scene unfold before her.

Trixie motioned to herself. “I see this conversation is getting me nowhere fast. However, Trixie is still going to ask the same question over and over again until we sort this out. So, who is Owlowiscious?”

“Whooo!”

Twilight Sparkle suddenly exploded in an angry tone as she pointed a forehoof up at the Owl. “OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THE OWL! THE OWL RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE IS OWLOWISCIOUS!”

Trixie paused and stared blankly at Twilight. “… Who?”

“Whooo!”

Twilight’s eye began to twitch with at a dangerous pace as she pulled a corner of her mouth up into an angry sneer as her horn began to glow a brilliant shade of purple

Twilight should've ended her after this :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Trixie gave Mayor Mare a thoughtful expression. “So… you’re saying if Trixie has both documents… and murders you… declares herself mayor… then Trixie can lay claim to the library?”

Mayor Mare’s eyes went wide as she gave Trixie a fearful look. “Um…” She forced a grin, though the look in her eyes made it look nervous and disingenuous. “Would you excuse me for just a few moments?”

“Trixie isn’t going anywhere,” Trixie replied. “Trixie literally has nothing better to do than sit here until you return.”

:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof: Trixie just... I can't even begin to explain how stupid she is.

Trixie nodded her head up and down. “Alright, so if I’m let go… and I steal back the deed from Twilight… steal the copy from the Mayor’s office…”

“Uh… Trixie?” Twilight said in a concerned tone.

“TRIXIE IS TRYING TO UNTANGLE A COMPLEX LEGAL ISSUE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” Trixie snapped angrily. She turned back to Lady Justice and continued, “… Kills the mayor… Finds and kills the three of you… Would I have to eat the mayor, or even everypony I killed before I forged the signatures of the deed?”

She just wants to be... An asshole. And she's great at it.

“Hey, Rarity!” Spike called. “Sob uncontrollably and scream something about still being dirty if you want me to swim around in your dirty clothes and smell everything!”

just....just :facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

I... I cannot form coherent words after reading this.

Trixie was so astonishingly stupid I feel like I have now been enlightened. I never knew characters could reach such deep levels of idiocy.

I am no longer worried about Trixie.
She's COMPLETELY batso, Her record's skipped a couple of grooves, A few grains short of a full rice bowl. TrixieOP.2.0 has net the Blue screen of Death.
This... somehow comforts me.
You get a like.

Oh dear. There are few words that can describe this. Cractacular comes to mind I suppose. I have to agree with the idea that the Alicorn Amulet did some very bad things to her already warped psyche.

My response to pretty much everything Trixie said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

Still had me cracking up though so kudos.

I am, surprisingly, okay with this interpretation of Trixie.

“Spike,” Twilight cried. “You can’t just ask people about their mental impediments!”

You were giving Spike some pretty good lines (the kind from the first two seasons, which he needs to start breaking out again), but that's where I lost it. Many more such moments followed.

Twilight motioned to Trixie. “Look, she’s dumb, but mostly harmless.”

Twilight is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, but Trixie is the planet Earth (Version 2.0). And judging by his flashback, Spike is probably Zaphod Beeblebrox, but smarter.

Beautiful ending, too! Spike and Trixie spending any time together, no matter what they're doing, is golden. Also, I'm on board with Trixie here...there is something familiar about those two in a hole. I sense it. A premise I've not felt since—

Congrats on the feature! :pinkiehappy:

the end is a nod to MythrilMoth's incredibly hilarious Trixie and Spike go down the hooooole!

Just how small did Spike get? Because perhaps while eating ice cream in Trixie's hole in the ground, Trixie can be reminded of the sequel to "go down the hooooole" by being in Trixie's hole while being in her hole in the ground.

“Hey,” Spike cried, “she messed up a whole bunch of shelves, too! Can I set her on fire now?”

Thats how I react when people fuck up my desktop.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Oh, here we go! Making fun of Trixie’s coordination!”

Was that word mix-up intentional? I honestly can't tell given how Trixie acts in this story.

This was amazing. You are amazing. I'm amazed at just how much this story made me laugh, lol. :rainbowlaugh:

4759222 For me it's more like:
"Can I make them know pain now?" while looking something like this: :pinkiesmile:

That was pretty damn funny :rainbowlaugh:

Comment posted by Via deleted Jul 27th, 2014

Twilight lowered her forehoof long enough to look at Spike. “Spikie, I had the deed locked away in a safe with a number of other important documents!”
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Trixie isn’t sure what’s so important about sticky copies of science magaz—”
Twilight quickly placed her forehooves on either side of Spike’s head. “Spike! Don’t listen! Trixie’s obviously lying!” she cried as a bright shade of red began to peek out on her cheeks from under her purple coat.

I wonder if she digs on robot porn too:

img0.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BC%D0%B8%D0%BA%D1%81%D1%8B-piecomic-%D1%80%D0%BE%D0%B1%D0%BE%D1%82%D1%8B-1090968.jpeg

Well, that was fun.
...
Let's never do that again.

There needs to be more stories about ponies and property rights.

mrk

Man, Trixie has it bad for TS! I know that feel, except for the licking and sniffing and breaking and entering.

I think Twilight needs to get a restraining order... :trixieshiftright::twilightoops:

I think you've opened up a rather entertaining window into the world of an absolutely batshit insane mega-stalker. :trixieshiftright:

Ouch... That hurt to read. Though I am not sure if it was from the painful levels of stupid coming from Trixie or from falling out of my chair after laughing too hard. It's very rare that I can find a comedy in this style that I enjoy, let alone one that actually gets me to laugh. Usually they just annoy the hell out of me. So, kudos on your success. I'm going to go fix my chair now.

Hole? that's referencing That eh Spike Trixie story with the Well

“YOU SHUT YOUR SEXY MOUTH!” Trixie cried.

I fell off my chair!

Wow, I lost track of how many times I facepalmed during that story. Well done!

First off,
quickmeme.com/img/28/28eab5b2a7dfcbb5be466f25433c012ee7dd7fbe80d627d642ebc22df9069263.jpg
Second, this was awesome AND disturbing AND funny at the same time! Fawsturbing? :rainbowderp:

sticky copies of science magaz—”

That's either really disturbing or really hot, I'm not sure which.

4762002 That's Trixie's issue as well.

this is just as funny as the one story where Twilight Sparkle gets drunk and writes letters to all of her friends.

Dun Dun Dun! Twilight has a (not so) secret stalker XD :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

4762096 Yay. We could be a club.

:trixieshiftleft:: Trixie does not want to be in a club with a ruffian like you.

But I know this super special café where Twilight goes out to eat on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11:30 to 12:30 exactly and we could watch her eat her daisy sandwich (with extra mayo and spicy mustard), savor some Earl Gray tea and read her most recent book, I mean, enjoy a nice brunch together.

:trixieshiftright:: You make a good argument. Trixie will join you for Twilight Stalking brunch and club.

It was so funny! I haven't laughed like this since five minutes ago! Ah the laughs. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Loved it so much would consider having printed out and engraved to have the small story to read at hand.:pinkiehappy::twilightsheepish::trixieshiftleft::moustache:

Smelly spell components? This is the second time in a week I've seen a 8-bit Theatre reference. Is that long-dead webcomic making an inexplicable comeback?

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