• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2018


There are only three real monsters: Dracula, Blackula, and Son of Kong.


After years of gathering magical artifacts and assorted doohickeys, Trixie feels it's finally time to open up her own shop. The only problem is that she's located right across the street from The Golden Oaks Library, much to the annoyance of Ponyville's resident librarian-turned-princess. Luckily none of the stuff Trixie is selling is cursed, or so she's telling ponies.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 81 )

All this Trixie... I'm starting to think you may be Sethisto in disguise...

Sethisto wishes he was me.

Nah, alex just keeps Seth's soul trapped in a little box he keeps in his pocket.

Ilove that game. :D

The view counter only updates every hour or something. The likes update instantly.

The problem with potions of this sort is that eventually you get sick of that person but they won't leave.

I'm assuming Twilight just doesn't like pianos. She had a spell that could remove magic from objects, but she decided to annihalate the piano, probably traumatizing Trixie's first "customer" in the process...

I'm sure Celestia would approve. :trollestia:

Twilight's hatred of pianos is legendary.

It might be legendary to some, but it's new to me... Thank you for linking it. :twilightsmile:

So that's what happened to the piano.

“The One Who Macks!”

So it's a public screwing!!!

Hilarious silliness. I love how Trixie seesaws back and forth between being stupid and clever, brilliant and absurd, so you can't be sure whether she's an idiot or a genius. Or, if you prefer, crazy or crazy awesome.

Also, I suspect that Twilight has been harboring a grudge against pianos ever since Derpy dropped one on her head.

Good read, enjoyed.

I know it's strange to comment on a story about the cover art, but I have a major problem with it.Trixie didn't trust wheels, so why does the cart have them? Doesn't she know they are just going to turn on her?
I'm not sorry at all.

5067948 Trixie’s mistrust of wheels was created and fuelled by Alicorn amulet. She is no longer wearing it and therefore she no longer harbors her distrust of wheels as well.

Yeah, I know that. I was just making a pun about wheels. Clearly, I need to work on my pun making skills.

I guess I'll just have to wait for another chance to come 'round.

"Recettear" ... 2 't's, 1 'c' ...

Also, "salsemare" ... hmmm... I'll accept that... what is "to salse"? ...

Everything is cursed isn't it? Where did she get this stuff?

Hmm... can you say the love potion is cursed when it works exactly as intended?

Well, good story! :pinkiehappy: :facehoof:

Ah, you're right. I'll blame the length of time since I played Recettear for why I forgot how to spell it.

A book containing an unholy good of snogging?

... Welp, sounds tons better than that pick-up line about the savior angel trapped in the nether regions, ready to be set free by a Key of Vigorous Boning.

All in all, love this.

A better excuse would have been:
Twilight:I already saw how I'm going to die, remember? So did you. It definitely wasn't because of Snog-Sothoth, that's for sure, so what you're saying doesn't make any sense.
Trixie:That just means that we have to kiss until the end of time.
Twilight:Dammit Trixie.

5068033 If it's any consolation, the artist made an alternative picture with safe, trustworthy square wheels.

Trixie not only pointed out objects from Indiana Jones, she lampshaded it. Groooooan...

This could be an episode. :rainbowlaugh:

*Trixie sells Fluttershy a cursed bunny doll*

You may have this object.. but it carries a terrible curse! :trixieshiftright:

*gasp!* :fluttershbad:

But it comes with a free Frogurt! :pinkiehappy:

Woo-hoo! :yay:

The Frogurt is also cursed! :trixieshiftleft:

*gasp!* :fluttershyouch:

But it comes with a free choice of toppings! :rainbowkiss:

Woo-hoo! :yay:

The toppings contain potassium benzoate. :twistnerd:

.............. :rainbowhuh:

That's bad. :trixieshiftright:

Eeep. :fluttershyouch:

Trixie clearly needs to have all of her plans vetted by an independent third party. Oh well, "kissed to death by a Princess" should make for an interesting tombstone. Gonna be fairly traumatic for Twilight, but hey, she has an eternity to get over it.

You had me at Burnt Toast. You won me with Recettear.

Damn, wish Trixie had sung that song during the end concert. Even if they needed to lower the volume to a whisper for us to listen to the main 6. Trixie was so adorably cheesy and the song was indeed Great and Powerful.

Anyhow, time for reading.

EDIT: Trixie is the most criminally insane mastermind in the universe.

5067826 No, she's a moron alright. If she'd been smart, she would'a used a potion that drove Twilight to...well, something more intimate and aggressive than kissing her to death. Stupid, stupid Trixie.

5067948 Panic not. PixelKitties has both versions.

I haven't got time to read this right now but just wanted to say the concept is really good, creative and unique and I can't wait to get started. Will let you know what I think of the story later on :twilightsmile:

"Come and get some, fools!"

Thems be fightin' werds! *Puts up fists*

"Sure, like that lampshade over there," said Trixie, pointing to a lonely lampshade sitting beside a crystal skull and a wooden goblet. “It’s just a satin lampshade.”

ha ha hahahahaaa! Almost missed that.

Over 170 upvotes, and this has only been added to one group?! What's wrong with you people?
I'm going to have to fix this, get it out there where even more people can see it...


So trixie and twilight spend the rest of time kissing and leading to other stuff? Well, if you gotta go...

Man, your banter is spot-on prefect.

“Was there also a typewriter that wrote best selling murder mystery novels then made them come true in real life?”
Favorited :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by SliQster deleted Sep 29th, 2014

You go, Trixie!

This reminds me an awful lot of that one Rick and Morty episode where the Devil opens up a store of cursed items.

Based on the picture, I figured Trixie's store would have The Amityville Toaster on some shelf or another. But then I remembered that it's not cursed. It's haunted. That's different.

*pulls up in hearse*
"Well, time to work... hey, a death mirror, gonna keep this for the longe area"
I chuckle evilly, wrapping it in my scarf

*sniff sniff* smells like alcohol, science, and small boy tears

death by eternally kissing huh:rainbowhuh:

sure why not:rainbowwild:

Well, that was enjoyably silly. A lighthearted romp of lethal peril. Thank you for it. :twilightsmile:

The piano reincarnates, moving from one author's work to another's. There was an eldritch god in this story, but it wasn't Snog-Sothoth.

5083109 So I wonder what poor demented schlub will inherit The Beast That Will Not Die, Pianissimo-Grande, The Ballistic Bombardier of Beathooven...

I couldn't help but think of Murgo from Fable 2 to when I read the premise of this story.

This story reminds me of the (sadly over) Sci-Fi channel's "Warehouse 13", which had afflicted objects that did weird things to people.
It was funny, so I'm faving it.

Instantly, Trixie stopped. "I don't sell anything," she said, much to the mare's confusion. "I make dreams come true."

That time Trixie became Yuuko

images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25800000/yuuko-xxxholic-25827841-600-424.jpg .


5083549 I did. I destroyed it due to my Power to Be Completely Incapable of Playing Any Musical Instrument.

It's kind of a lame power most of the time unless I happen upon some demonic musical instruments.

It was pretty funny. I got as good laugh out of Trixie's bad backpedaling in particular. The last 1300 words, however, were on the duller side. I wouldn't call the first part of the story "naturalistic", but the last bit felt forced in a bad way instead of just a silly way.

Also, I'd say this is the sort of story that warrants a Random tag, given the complete absence of in-character behavior.

~7/10; has issues, but worth an upvote.

I half expected the eldritch horror to be Princess Cadence.

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