• Member Since 14th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen February 2nd

Heath of Tragedy

It kills me to hear you say you “choose to love me.” I was hoping that would be a given, given our history.


Twilight is an expert when it comes to magic. Everypony knows that.

What they don't know is, that doesn't include knowing how to heal burns, sew tissue back together, reduce swelling, fix broken and/or dislocated bones, deliver babies, hoof out shots, cure cancer, use lab coats, walk around with a cane - you know, doctor stuff.

However, that doesn't stop them from coming in and asking for help.

Featured on October 16th... really?

Short review by Singularity Dream

This fic is a kind-of sort-of parody to the many fics that include curing the many misfortunes/illnesses via Twilight Sparkle.

I am writing this in an attempt to get my inspiration back up at full speed. If this does well, I may do more.

Also, for me to get better development out of this, and because it fit, I'm using unicorn Twilight instead of alicorn

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 276 )


'Bad-aid' misspelling made me laugh

5139548 WHAT?

EDIT: Corrected that mistake. You may take that laughter back.

And yes, it is incomplete. If I get enough good feedback, I'll continue it.

When will people learn the difference between a library and a hospital? Nopony knows.......

5/5 mustaches!

:moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: / :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

Oh Sweet Celestia, this is gold!:rainbowlaugh: Please do continue!

Funny! It seems like nopony has common scene anymore except the librarian........... Great job! :twilightsmile:

This was funny and you now have my attention. Please continue.

XD I just can't stop laughing! Oh wait, I'm on my tablet... crap... people are looking at me crazy... THEY NEVER SAW ANYTHING! *throws smoke bomb in real life and on fimfiction*

“GET OUT OF HERE!” she screeched like Shining Armor’s drill sargent.

Spelled sergeant wrong by the way.

Omg, now I have an image of twilight in a doctor house oufit, but instead of house, its Library

“Oh…” the stallion gazed at the ground, the information sinking in. ”...can you at least kiss my injury or-?”

I lost control of my lungs here. Just imagining the scene got me cracking up, especially with Twilight's reaction.

You've got a number of proofing errors in this. Perhaps a look-through to spot them? :raritywink:

Still, a nice read.

:fluttershysad: Lies gets to people you never expect.....
Well, it was funny, but only for a moment....
Also, typos......

Twilight took a deep breath, her ranting and the stallion taking a lot out of her sanity.


5141059 I thought I edited that.

Also, what do you specifically mean by delete?

Edited the chapter.

Thanks for everyone's input on this, it was greatly appreciated. It was sort of written quickly, so I didn't read it myself when I finished.

Due to popular demand, this will now have multiple chapters.

But what about the Baked Bads incident?
Clearly Twilight thought she could help those nurses somehow? :rainbowhuh:

Ya got my like and favourite! :twilightsmile:

"walk around with a cane - you know, doctor stuff."

This was great, and you definitely earned a track from me.

I must caution you, however, against dragging the story out too long. I would love to see a few more chapters from this story, but whatever you do, do NOT let it devolve into a doorstopper that completely abandons the original premise. (*cough*Chase*cough*)


Sorry meant to bold the " at the end of the Quote Tags. Since the " wasn't supposed to be there. And you're welcome.

5142906 Don't worry, I project there to be less than 10 chapters of this, possibly around 5. I really want to explore all the possible problems that come from this situation.

I'm also very grateful that a rage reviewer likes my fic.:pinkiehappy:

5143001 Hey no problem. Though I ain't a rage reviewer just yet; I have yet to make one.

The stallion took upon a look of chagrin. “Because I don’t believe in medicine.”

Twilight facehoofed.

I wasn't aware that this was a genre. I mean, sure, there are quite a few shipfics that try to invoke Florence Nightingale Syndrome, usually with Trixie who can't stay anywhere else or Rainbow Dash who can't fly home with her broken wings or somesuch, but nonromantically? Huh. You learn something new every day.

Still, pretty fun in its execution.

Yeah, I could see this happening. I wonder if Celestia ever had to put up with that crap? :rainbowlaugh:

walk around with a cane - you know, doctor stuff

:pinkiehappy: is that a reference to...

it IS

5145597 I'm pretty sure the only medical spells she could potentially know would be a scan (which I THINK she used in a comic...can't remember for sure...) and a hangover cure.

“Oh…” the stallion gazed at the ground, the information sinking in. ”...can you at least kiss my injury or-?”

OH so you would want a kiss from Twilight huh? Though makes me wonder which injury he wanted Twilight to kiss on.... :twilightoops:

What's wrong with showing your flanks to somepony? Does Twilight expect him to never go outside or to wear pants or something?

"I'm just waiting for Red Heart to open an impromptu ward in the Library....", said Twilight, whose tone dripped with purposefully restrained sarcasm as she wearily rolled her eyes in response to the arrival of yet another "patron" of her library.


Twilight entered her abode and stopped to take in her peaceful surroundings in the familiar cavernous haven of knowledge.

She calmly walked past her beloved receptionist's desk and stopped to smell the "roses", or rather, the scent of musty, leather-bound works of literature.

To no one in particular, Twilight began to monologue (and NO, this is NOT a soliloquy).

"You know, I really do love this place. I hope nothing happens to it!"

She walked by a desk.

"I love this desk!"

She trotted happily towards the rug in the center of the room.

"I love this rug!"

She frolicked heartily, bounding over to the stairs in the next room.

"I love these stairs!"

Finally, she euphorically reached the nearby shelf Spike often frequented during chore sessions.

"And I certainly LOOOOOVE this shelf!"

She paused happily, smiling as she gazed at her beloved shelf and the beautiful pair of twin magic beams cutting a smoldering rectangle through her books and-

"Wait... Huh?" she responded, full of confusion, having rudely cut off the narrator in a disappointingly in-character fashion.

It was at this moment that the shelf teetered forward, the bisected books landing in a perfect semicircle behind Twilight, who emerged from the traumatizing experience without a scratch.

"...............................ah" Twilight squeaked, taking in the sight before her wide eyes.

Subsequently, Red Heart leaned over the new "doorway" that had been unceremoniously cut into the shelf and matter-of-fact-ly told the shell-shocked* Twilight, "Sorry about the shelf. I needed space for the new hospital ward. " as she entered the room Twilight stood in from the kitchen behind what was once a beloved shelf.

(And now you know why I said it was a monologue, not a soliloquy.)

Her stony gaze, well honed by years of medical practice, fell upon Twilight as she fetched a piece of paper from her satchel.

(Elsewhere: Maud Pie had been studying an interesting boulder wearing sunglasses on the edge of a river bank, next to an apple tree someone had glued a fake mustache on. Suddenly, she felt the need to sneeze and complied, the force of her sneeze sending the boulder tumbling into the river. She then began the endearingly lengthy and enjoyably arduous patience-trying task of observing the boulder until the river flowed over the new dam in its path.)

Holding it in a telekinetic field, Red Heart addressed Twilight in monotone.

"This certificate, approved by her eminent excellence, Mayor Mare herself, legalizes everything."

Twilight, her irises having contracted to pinpricks through the wondrous magic of pony biology, could only perform a spastic twitch of her eyebrow in response.

Suddenly, Twilight's posture hardened and her eyes became as cold and hard as titanium steel reduced to a state of absolute zero.

Her gaze and tone became flat, so much so that the 1st dimension of space grew jealous and quit it's job, and replied with an icy, penetrating, "WHAT." that made even the dark recesses of void beyond the dimension's Event Horizon shudder with envy.

The two mares entered a staring contest of sorts, neither gaining any leeway, until Red Heart finally caved, her gaze sinking like a boulder, overcome by Twilight's damning aura.

Twilight remained stock still until her adversary finished slinking back to the corroded kitchen she emerged from and resumed her work, further tainting the peaceful perfection of the library.

Then, almost as if waiting for a comedic cue, a textbook fell off what still remained of the shelf before Twilight. Having not been completely bisected, the book impaled itself on her horn, the other half breaking off upon impact and bouncing off her muzzle. Twilight focused her glaring gaze on the half of the book on the floor, which seemed to shrivel with pure terror, and read its title aloud.

"Shelf Reconstruction and Other Useful Rearrangements: A Librarian's Ultimate Guide to The Six R.E.'s (Refurbishing, Reorganizing, Rebuilding, Retooling, Renovating, and Expanding)....."

(Red Heart paused in her work, then quickly teleported to the relative safety of the Mayoral Residence in Town Hall.)

For a minute, all was quiet.

Then, all hell broke loose.

-Vegeta = Twilight
-Nappa = Shining Armor
-Gohan = Red Heart
-Krillin = Mayor Mayor
-Frieza = Celestia
-Goku = Rainbow Dash
-Yemma = Luna
-Future Trunks = Spike
-Future Bulma = Cadence
-Dragon Ball = Certificate
-Wish = Library


EDIT: *Perhaps shelf-shocked would be a more accurate description.....

Please don't crucify me just yet.......

EDIT 2: I have been made aware, at the hands of user BBkat, that Red Heart is not a unicorn.

She is an earth pony.


I had forgotten this.

Please imagine Red Heart respectively using an amulet and enchanted visor for her teleportation and construction laser scenes. I'm too lazy to actually go back and write that in, especially when I might ruin the aesthetics/assonance of the scene. Thank you.

I find it funny that some fic think that Twi know healing spell. I think that is one area of magic that take time to master. I be following this and see where this go.

I'm glad that you didn't take it to logical extreme. She at least know basics of first aid, and that's good (especially in a world without cellphones).

Well this was great - would love to see it continued, because misunderstanding is the best sort of shenanigans :rainbowlaugh:

“Oh…” the stallion gazed at the ground, the information sinking in. ”...can you at least kiss my injury or-?”


“Plus, you’re Twilight Sparkle. The one everypony has been talking about to get the fastest care in Ponyville.”

I wonder how long it will be before one of Twilight's own friends comes to her seeking medical advice, if 'everypony has been talking about' her.

:ajsleepy: Twilight!
:fluttercry: Twilight!
:pinkiesick: Twilight...
:raritycry: TWILIGHT!

:twilightangry2: WHAT?!?


:ajsleepy: Bloomberg has really been sick lately and-
:twilightangry2: Ponies are confusing me with a doctor, not an enviromentalist.

:fluttercry: Angel has a high fever-
:twilightangry2: Go to a vet.

:pinkiesad2: Nopony's shown up to my parties lately and I don't know what's going on, I mean I give them everything I can; cupcakes, cakes, sweet, cakes, did I say cupcakes? I mean-
:twilightangry2:*Throws anti-depressants*

:raritydespair: This dress has fallen into the terrible condition of fashionlessness, what should I do?
:twilightoops: Isn't that the dress you gave me for my birthday?
:raritycry: Oh Twilight, I'm so sorry you've caught the disease. *hugs Twi*

They need to go to the real medical expert in Ponyville.

5147606 This was the best thing you could link here.

I was rather surprised that nobody beat me to it. :pinkiehappy:

5142906 I predict it shall soon involve vampires and Star Wars! :trollestia:

Oh, by the way... I'm heeeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeee... :trollestia:

5147606 I would so totally watch that show. I've already watched the short a dozen times and emailed the link to all my friends. :pinkiecrazy:

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