• Member Since 17th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Hasty Revision

Critique of any kind is always welcome.



Dragons are something of an enigma to Equestria. Those who do live within the borders are largely reclusive, either building their hoards or sleeping away the decades. So far as dragons who are active in everyday life in Ponyville go, Smolder represents a 100% increase in the population.

Twilight cannot let this opportunity slip her by. Enough time has passed for it to not be a diplomatic faux pas to sit Smolder down and grill her for much needed details on her species, not only for the sake of science, but for the benefit of the young dragon in her personal care. Naturally, the topic of death comes up.

Twilight handles that about as well as you might expect.

Discussion of death is largely academic and intended to be comedic but I've tagged it teen to be safe. No actual death or scenes of violence are shown so I didn't think the death tag itself was needed. It's also tagged for comedy as that was my intent, but only you can tell me if it's actually funny or not.

Now with sequel: Growing Up Dragon

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 158 )

Oh man, it is going to take a LOT to calm Twilight down from this...

The world is a terrifying and violent place and no one is safe, but somehow, Equestria sounds even more terrifying if nothing terrifying or violent ever happens there.

This was a fun little story. I approve.

Hilariously accurate.

Mama Sparkle is displeased with dragon culture. Can't say that I blame her, even if she is overreacting. They didn't get hit with the nurture stick, it would seem. :twilightoops:

The best part of this is that I can hear her unhinged voice, as well as the resigned reactions of every other pony like, "Eeyup. Same crap as always." :ajbemused:

Smolder’s answers felt like they were delivered with a non-chalance of someone who grew up with that reality. Nicely done.

Ah, the turn of the Industrial Revelotion average family. Lots of children in order to try and make enough to counter all the violence, infections, and natural disasters.

Given the dragons demonstrated immense variation in size, and Spikes Egg, unless Holders Boulder turns out to be that from and Elder Dragon, the larger teh dragon, the more eggs they can make at a single setting. But given how long they sleep, it looks like the far longer between megaclutches from a given one. If they force the young to roam away from protection, they must have even more than expected, which means even more eggs which suggests many wont even be viable one way or the other, and maybe form geode beds that Rock Farmers harvest?

I find it intresting that Music Neighton of the extended Apple Family is one of the top causes of death for dragons. :twilightoops:

Twilight. The Castle is Grown crystal. It isnt going to fall. You could drop the planet on it and the rocks would flow round the structure due to the stress and magic infusion.

Maybe there could be a buisiness building reinforcing into Dragon caves to prevent them collapsing, like rock anchors and sheeting and brick vaulting etc Effectively building bridges from the inside out?

For a Roc on the outer edge of the Dragon Lands, just how much of its diet comes from various ages of young dragons, eggs, pre wing, new winged etc?

Good thing Smoulder didnt get further down the list, given everything else, it surely cant be too much to expect that in certain areas at least, and not at all rarely, and especially given Garble and companys behaviour, that major cause of dragon death is other dragons. And someway possibly not that far below that, death by being eaten by dragons. :twilightoops:

Twilights going to bankrupt the country. Especially with the rest of the girls trying to calm her down?

Insnt nature so fascinating. :yay:

This is great -- the conversation between Smolder and Twilight is well done and very much in character. And at first I thought it was just going to be an amusing conversational vignette, but then I got to the second part, which was hilarious and made it into a full story, Nicely done!

:moustache: "Yeah, you've never seen a freak-out until you've seen a Princess freak-out..."
:twilightsmile: "Oh hush, Spike. And put on this roc repellant I mixed up..."

"... it's probably for the best that I didn't mention the aliens. They only come by every thousand years or so, but I think they're about due..."

A case of Twily-nannas is always funny.

tutors stayed quite for a few


Wait until she asks about religious customs.

Smolder: "I guess it's a good thing I didn't let her know the sixth leading cause of death--smoking in bed. Of course, that only kicks in when we reach puberty. Oh, that reminds me--and then there's sex.... :ajbemused:"
Twilight: "WHHHHAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!?????? :twilightoops:"
Spike: "Oh, just fucking great! Way to go, Smolder! There goes my stash of Marlburros and my Playstallion collection! Thanks a lot! :facehoof:"
Smolder: "Ooops. I didn't think she was still around."



Oh, I like that.

He should be thankful they didn't cover the birds and the bees.

I can’t stop laughing!:rainbowlaugh:

Poor Smolder's so out of the loop on handling Twilight.

Just wait 'till Twilight hears about the Alicorn vs. Dragon wars 2891.56254 years ago..

Wait, what's the fourth leading cause? You jumped from third to fifth.

The more you think about it, the more you realize just how rare and fragile a utopia the ponies live in. I really hope we get to learn more about dragons in season 9. By the way, congrats on the feature!

“Number three is cavern collapses, and four is avalanches and landslides."
I admit this part is a little ambiguous. I'll adjust it to read a little bit clearer. Thanks for reading!

From what we've seen, they're one of the more advanced and prosperous nations around. Plus the benefit of not being a predatory species and thus less prone to aggression. I mean, their entertainment technology has completely outpaced their apparent military technology. That's a society with radically different priorities to ours, for example. Thanks for reading!

Well, they do have to thwart the apocalypse on a semi-regular basis, so I wouldn't say nothing terrifying happens to them. Imagine being the average Joe when Discord overthrew the laws of the land and physics, or having your magic sucked out of you by Tirek. Thanks for reading!

Thanks. There's always something that slips through, isn't there?

Oh yeah, that's going to be one heck of a conversation. Cross-species birds and bees.

There is no conversation so awkward that it can't become more awkward. Thank you for bringing Exhibit A. Someday, some variation of that talk will have to happen and neither Spike nor Twilight will enjoy it.

Thank you, I'm very glad to hear that her voice came across!

I'm glad you liked it and that their characters came across well. My first time writing Smolder, not to mention having her interact with Twilight, so it's nice to hear that they felt right.

She panics because she cares... slightly more than is probably healthy.

There's only one way to learn and she's getting a crash course now. Plus a chance for extra credit!

Thank you for giving it a read!

I'm glad you found it funny. Thank you for reading!

Thank you. I had originally thought to have another scene or two but ended up feeling like it was really a "less is more" situation.

Oh yeah. Big time. Lot of magical scans looking for harpoons and panicking at the sight of running water before she snaps out of this one.

:moustache: GREAT NEWS! I asked Rarity for a date!
:twilightsmile: That's great Little Romeo ! What are you going to do?
:moustache: Swimming down at the lake. :twilightoops:
:duck: gem hunting in the caves :facehoof:
:moustache: Lay in the sun on some rocks :twilightoops: ROCs!
:twilightangry2: You guys are doing this on purpose :pinkiegasp::ajsmug::rainbowlaugh::yay:
:moustache: duh...:facehoof:

I was merely referring to the joke of dragons dying from smoking in bed (remember the "Dragonshy" episode) & from the act of engaging in sex--dragons going at it should make Klingon mating rituals seem like kittens tussling. Those would contribute to the average life expectancy to further be driven down toward the lower three digits, so naturally, Twilight will have to fix those, too, to save Spike from an early grave. :rainbowwild:

There's a lot of potential for unfortunate implications there. For example, why there are only five alicorns and why so few of the dragons seen appear to be fully grown.

"Now, I'm not saying it was aliens... but it was aliens."

Well, if dragons are as territorial as they seem and live as long as is implied by 100 year "naps", how many fully grown dragons could the world realistically sustain? They certainly couldn't approach the levels of population density of the ponies in Manehatten or Canterlot, for example. If every or even most baby dragons made it to adulthood, the world would be in trouble.

Wow, I'd actually forgotten that. It's been too long since I went back and watched the earlier seasons. I should take some time to fix that. As for the comparison to Klingons... you think "dragon courtship" is covered on standard property insurance in Ponyville? It's a question that might become relevant in the next couple of centuries.

Someday, Twilight will look back on this and laugh. Someday. Everypony else will look back and laugh almost immediately.

Given how she handled explaining the molt, it seems like she honestly doesn't see any problem with the harsh realities of dragon life. I'm glad I managed to convey that casual "might as well be talking about the weather" attitude towards the whole thing. Thanks for reading!

9503975 :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

you think "dragon courtship" is covered on standard property insurance in Ponyville?

I don't see why not... considering everything else that's happened to that town. They've either got a nationwide version of Obamacare for mandatory universal purchase of disaster insurance at 10,000 bits per head per month just to cover what hits that village every other week.... Or they're not allowed any sort of insurance at all... :trollestia:

I've always assumed that they live in some sort of socialist Utopia where they pitch in together as a community to rebuild everything, and the government funds anything they have to get. After all, most of the times the town has been damaged were the result of national emergencies or Celestia sending Twilight to Ponyville in the first place...

“I asked Professor Fluttershy and she told me you guys mostly die from heart problems and 'old age'? I don't think a dragon has ever died of old age.”

On the upside, that would then imply that, seeing some dragons live for so incredibly long already, then they might just be capable of living forever. :raritystarry: Barring none of these artificial causes of death Smolder lists, of course, but that would probably be why they're the leading causes of death. A dragon just keeps right on living until he or she meets their end at one of those.

Of course, Twilight isn't stopping to think about that, nor the fact that Spike's gotten this far in life without incident, as well as the fact that a number of these dangers are probably going to be less likely for Spike so long as he continues to live among the ponies, at least for the foreseeable future. He already lives a pretty sheltered life in comparison to other dragons, so I have few doubts Spike will safely, easily, get to adulthood at the very least.

Gang best open with telling Twilight all of that. :raritywink:

This actually makes a lot of sense and explains the rarity and low population of dragons in the show: Low fertility rate + loads of predators of the young to keep them under control.

Aw jeez! It's Somepony to Watch Over Me episode all over again... but with Twilight overprotecting Spike! :facehoof:

Still hilarious though! :rainbowlaugh:

Classic Twilighting .... :twilightoops::twilightsheepish:
I've tears in my eyes from laughing :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Well, they're clearly neither a purely capitalist nor socialist society, although we can see there are elements of both as well as some feudal bits tossed in as well. It's been shown that bartering is also a major component to their economy. A utopia, I'll agree, but a "socialist utopia" would be even more unbelievable than magic. At least with sufficient technology applied, you can always mimic "magic". :trollestia:

If they had to pay money for repairing the damages, then it would likely drain the national treasury in short order, thus the need for a tax to cover the costs mentioned in my earlier post.
OTOH. rebuilding most likely is done from the efforts and materials gathered by their own hooves, thus only costing the labor of fixing everything not completely destroyed beyond their ability to recycle the debris.
Thus, it's very probable that Ponyville is simply uninsurable due to the number of disasters that occur there. If anyplace in Equestria has insurance, I don't think you will find it available in Ponyville.

this is great I cannot wait for more

edit:I see you have this marked as complete, but the finish really suggests more. Is it done or will there be more chapters

I wonder just how many generations of egs and young have gone to feed Torch to get to the size he is without drowning the world in spawn, or thousands of years ago when young or even teen, how many the hunter squads just killed, how many they ate, and how many they did just like cats, and played with. :pinkiesick:

Funniest bit to me is that in order to reach this utopia you need an immortal and benevolent ruler. She knows how to keep everything running because she’ll be dealing with any and all consequences of her actions, no matter how many centuries away they are.

Nah, Spike is like Keith Richards, he should have died years ago but perseveres on through numerous life threatening events. He’s tough as teak. They’ve both survived being crushed by falling books for instance, although Keith broke 3 ribs.

Keith Richards set light to his bed while high twice. Survived intact.

Um... That's not entirely how disaster relief funding works... Think of it as a big pool that the entire country chips into and whenever one section of the country has a disaster they get to dip in. It doesn't "drain the treasury" because everyone everywhere isn't constantly having disasters, so it's not being dipped into by everyone all the time. Ponyville gets destroyed a couple times a year, so it probably gets more than most towns its size, but it's also a small town, which keeps costs down, and it's of strategic importance, which makes it worth repairing over and over.

To paraphrase the late Robin Williams: "There's a cure for whatever biological weapons may be used against us... and that cure is inside Keith Richards."

It's... probably for the best that we don't think about those questions too much. That way lies, well, I think that emoji you used there pretty much sums it up, actually.

Sorry, but this is going to be a standalone chapter. I had originally planned to write out Twilight's freakout and getting talked down in detail but I ended up cutting it off as it stands now. I didn't think I could really pull of the freakout, confrontation, and resolution without turning Twilight into a complete caricature. Every attempt I made felt so clumsy, 2-dimensional, and like I was stretching the joke too far.

I'm sorry to disappoint. Thank you for reading what's here, at least. Sorry if the ending is too much like a cliffhanger. I didn't mean it to come across like that.

Login or register to comment