• Published 14th Oct 2014
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"THE HOSPITAL IS ACROSS THE DARN STREET!" - Heath of Tragedy



Twilight is getting tired of everypony coming to her for medical aid.

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"Let me get something to drink first."

“TWILIGHT!” Spike yelled, jumping on top of Twilight’s shape in the cover, desperately trying to wake her up.

Twilight’s eyes shot open, bloodshot from the sudden interruption of her peaceful dream. She turned to the culprit. “Spike, it’s three in the morning, why aren’t you asleep?” she inquired, irritated, staring daggers into his own soul. It wasn’t that she loathed him… okay, for the moment, she did.

Who wouldn’t be mad if somepony woke you up at the exact moment where you were about to kiss your favorite book, the Thesaurus, after years of being in a miserable and questionable relationship with the Dictionary?

The glare didn’t do any damage, however, as dragon scales are really thick to cut through. “I think there’s a burglar in the house. You have to do something, Twi,” the drake begged, shaking heavily.

“A burglar?!” Twilight alerted, standing fully erect, knocking her assistant off of her. She covered her mouth with a hoof as she realized the criminal could’ve heard her.

Twilight got out of bed and approached the bedroom door, peeking on the outside to the stairs. As expected, it was dark. “Spike, find someplace to hide. I don’t want you to get hurt from this.”

“Way ahead of you,” Spike replied from the comfort of the hiding spot underneath Twilight’s bed, letting his shaky tail remain outside the safety zone. If his extended knowledge of all the adventure books he read have taught him anything, it’s to let the hero do all the work. Unfortunately, none of the books’ heroes were there with him, so he was boned.

Twilight opened the door fully, inching her way out before closing it slowly behind her and locking the knob from the inside with her magic. She turned to the switch on the far end of the small hallway, flicked it on, the light’s luminating the library’s living room.

Stepping on the first step of stairs, she poked her head out to scan the area for any misplacements of any objects or any noises from anywhere.

When she saw and heard nothing, she continued downstairs as a grey pegasus was exiting her kitchen and moving towards the center of the room, not minding the purple unicorn coming down the stairs. Twilight cocked an eyebrow, seeing that the infiltrator was now sitting down on the couch with a book she recognized as 'The Misadventures of Bean' perched on his hindquarters.

Twilight reached the bottom of the staircase, staring curiously at the white and pale blue maned stallion, who seemed none the wiser. Of course, anypony who invades a library at night just to sit down and read a book isn’t wise at all. “Excuse me,” Twilight announced her presence, catching the stallion attention. “Can I help you?”

The pegasus closed the book and placed it on the coffee table before stepping off the couch. “Are you Dr. Sparkle?”

Twilight cringed inwardly. Not one day after the crazy encounter and now she was labelled a doctor. Worst of all, she was a medicine doctor. “I suppose that’s me, but I assure you that I am not a doctor in any sort of way.”

“Really?” His eyes widened in surprise. “‘cause my friend was here a couple of hours ago. You may have met him; Caramel. Yellow fur, brown mane, I think he went in because of a certain rash.”

Twilight cringed again, this time from the memory of that awful infection. “Ah yes, him. I’m sorry, but you must be mistakened. I did not treat his injury and I kindly escorted him out of the building,” she informed, dragging the word ‘kindly’ like she wanted to do the same to that Caramel colt.

“That’s not what it looked like to me. Last time I saw him, his flank infection was completely cured. Said it was one of your - what did he call it? - miracle sticky-thingys.”

“They’re not miraculous, they’re just ordinary band-aids. You can get them in every pharmacy in the whole world.”

“That’s where he got them.” The stallion put a hoof to his chin in thought. “It was odd. Normally he doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.”

Twilight sighed, growing tired as the conversation went on. She decided to put an end to it, and if denying the fact that she was a librarian was the way to go than so be it. “You know what? It’s getting late and we need our sleep. So why don’t we hurry up Mr….?”

“Thunderlane.”

“Thunderlane, and we can carry on with whatever you need. Which is?”

Thunderlane waved a hoof. “Don’t worry, it’s just an analysis for me.”

Twilight exhaled in relief. Thankfully, she knew an x-ray spell from one of the many books she read. “Let me get something to drink first, then we can procceed with the meeting. Agreed?”

Nodding, Thunderlane went back to the couch, laughing at the main character of the books antics while Twilight went to the kitchen for a drink. She wanted something to calm her nerves, something to help her deal with the uninvited stallion, something to make her go back to sleep.

What better to do the job than alcohol?

Her eye fell on a bottle on the kitchen table, filled with a brownish yellow hue fluid. It was closed in a weird containment; the kind ponies would use on wine bottles if they sucked at taking the corks out.

Did Spike sneak in here at night just to drink? she thought angrily. I swear, when I catch him…

She shrugged off the thought, no longer caring that her assistant drank under the legal age as she unscrewed the top and took a sip of the liquid.

It tasted like cider, though saltier and warmer. It’s still alcohol.

With her sobriety coming to a near end, she levitated the bottle with her back to the living room as she too took a seat near the grey stallion. “Now we may begin,” she began, downing the whole bottle with one gulp. “What do you need analysed?”

“A urine sample. I left in the kitchen to keep it warm.”

“The kitchen? I came out of there seconds ago and I only saw this bottle… of…”

“Hey, that looks eactly like the urine sample I put there. It even has the same label,” he commented, not noticing the obvious. When he did, his grin turned to wonder. “Oh wait, they’re the same. Whoa, I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff.”

Twilight’s right eye twitched. Nevertheless, she looked up at the stallion, smiling. “Where did you say Caramel lived?”

<------------------------------->

“Finally,” Caramel whispered, applying the final band-aid of the box onto his muzzle, casting off the empty box to the garbage disposal near the table. Turning to the mirror nearby, he stared at the colt in the mirror, marvelled by the amount of protection covered his entire form.

He stood up from his seat. “I am finally impervious to all kinds of DISEASE, BACTERIA and, subsequently, PAIN!” he exclaimed, thunder roaring on the background as he laughed maniacally. "And the doctors said I was insane. I'll teach them, I'll teach THEM ALL!"

Just then, a knocking came from his front door, causing Caramel to compose himself. “Coming,” he called out, reaching to the door before turning the knob. "Hello there, how may I help-

He didn’t have time to see who it was as a flying grey blur crashed into him, causing the both of them to slide to the living room wall. In his disorientated state, the yellow stallion heard the door shut and the sound of somepony moaning. It was Caramel. "-you?"

“Caramel,” Thunderlane got off his roommate with a roll. “Maybe asking her wasn’t such a good idea.”

“Maybe you’re right about that,” Caramel groaned. “But hey, at least the miracle sticky-thingys protected me from getting seriously bruised.” He chuckled weakly.

“Can I borrow some?”

“No.”