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This story is a sequel to A Newspaper Solves Everypony's Problem

Trixie has a problem. She may have accidently, and awesomely, teleported a table during a simple magic exercise. At least the table has been found, but now she has to, ugh, talk about what happened with Twilight… Or does she?

First Published
19th Apr 2017
Last Modified
19th Apr 2017
#1 · 5d, 23h ago · 3 · ·

Makes sense. Trixie is a stage magican and they are masters of misdirection.

#2 · 5d, 23h ago · · ·

Okay, that was hilarious.  That final line really sold it, though.

#3 · 5d, 23h ago · 6 · ·

The Great and Powderful Trixie! :trixieshiftright:

#4 · 5d, 22h ago · · ·

Amnesia dust?

... I'll be honest. Truly the Tooth Fairy's most powerful weapon.

#5 · 5d, 22h ago · 1 · ·

Amnesia dust.

That's not how it works!

Amnesia dust.

AGAIN! NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Amnesia dust.

ARGH!

... Amnesia dust. That's how it works.

AND I KEEP ON TELLING YOU THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Amnesia dust. Do you remember what you were yelling at me about?

OF COURSE I DO! I'M YELLING AT YOU THAT"S NOT HOW AMNESIA DUST WORKS!

Amensia dust. It really works!

IT REALLY DOESN"T!

#6 · 5d, 22h ago · · ·

Loved it!

her a concerned and wrapped

a concerned look?

#7 · 5d, 22h ago · · ·

>>8105870

Fixed! Thanks. :twilightsmile:

#8 · 5d, 21h ago · 2 · ·

Oh my god I died laughing at this. :rainbowlaugh: The season 7 premiere has certainly been generating a lot of interesting fics, but this one takes the cake by a landslide!

There's just too much to comment on here, so I'll simply cherry-pick the single best bit from the entire story:

“No! Please don’t ask Pinkie any questions! I’ve learned the long, hard, and between my legs for some reason, way that you shouldn’t ask questions here.”

:facehoof: Oh, Pinkie. You just HAD to go and show her the 'futashy' tag on Derpibooru, didn't you?

Also, I love the "amnesia dust" punchline. :rainbowlaugh: Discord would be SO PROUD!

And then you went and doubled down with Sunset Shimmer!! :rainbowlaugh:

#9 · 5d, 20h ago · · ·

1. Why is Trixie so disgusted at the thought of becoming the apprendice of her best (only?) friend and one of the most powerful and talented unicorns in the country?

2. What did Human Trixie do to Sunset,  for Baconhead hitting her on sight?

#10 · 5d, 18h ago · 1 · ·

I'm reminded of this one anime fanfc where the villain (who loves overcomplicated plans) has amnesia dust as the answer to any and every problem/inconsistency in reality.  Its even better here as Trixie's application of it kind of works.

Poor Spike, he deserves a medal for dealing with the shenanigans of unicorns for all his life.  Too bad Starlight still doesn't really get the "brainwashing and magic are bad" lesson, but that's what Sunset is for.  Yay, Sunset and the Newspaper to the rescue!  Again!  Next time someone attacks Equestria they should just call up Sunset to deal with it (that or she'll anger Starlight enough so that she would deal with it).  I am curious just how Trixie would somehow murder Starlight in her sleep considering how powerful Starlight is, but it would probably be a great and powerful way.

#11 · 5d, 15h ago · 3 · ·

Lockheart’s Memory Obliviate

I understood that reference.

“… Do friends fall on their backs laughing at other friends?”

“… They do their best not to,” Starlight answered.

Trixie nodded. “Noted.” With that, mirthful laughter began to pour out of Trixie as she fell to the ground and began rolling around.

I'd do that too.

Trixie’s laughing stopped abruptly. “… Those spells work on ponies?!” she asked with sparkles in her lilac eyes.

... You worry me.

Trixie nodded. “Then, ‘yes’. But, I’ve had bad experience with magic backfiring before, so I figured I’d just avoid that particular headache this time around.”

I see...

Starlight shook her head and kept walking. “Sorry, Trixie, but awkward conversations are sometimes part of friendship.”

She's right, you know.

“I have considered your proposal, Starlight,” Trixie said. “I have decided that I would miss you when you’re gone, but killing you in your sleep rates substantially higher on the list of ‘things I’d like to do’ than ‘become your friendship student’ once the former becomes necessary to prevent the latter.”

... OK then...

“Tempting,” Starlight said. “But it’s still no… Also, the acronym of Fantastic and Amazing Repentance Tour is F.A.R.T.”

Trixie is not good with naming things, alright?!” Trixie fumed.

We've noticed.

With a lilac glow of her horn, Trixie’s saddle bag flew open and cloud of white powder hit Twilight in the face. “AMNESIA DUST, HA!” Trixie shouted.

Dammit Trixie.

Starlight let out a heavy sigh and buried her face in a forehoof. “Oh, Celestia…”

I’m enjoying a massage, my little pony,” came a reply from further in the spa. “Please leave me alone.”

HAH!

“Because watching you magic murder a bunch of mes while I stared at a wall and prayed to Celestia—”

Seriously! Trying to relax, here!

“— was, hooves down, the most stressful, most traumatizing experience of my life!”

I got nothing. That's just funny.

Pinkie frowned heavily. “And I say that being the only pony aware of all the rule 34 that gets drawn of us.”

*shrug* What can ya do?

“No! Please don’t ask Pinkie any questions! I’ve learned the long, hard, and between my legs for some reason, way that you shouldn’t ask questions here.”

Pinkie, did you show her Futashy?

WhaAaAaAaAaAat?!” Pinkie shrilled. “So horned ponies are the only ponies who get to abuse magic when it suits them? You know what that’s called?”

“… Every waking moment of my life?” Spike offered.

... Poor guy.

Trixie motioned to the other ponies, either trying their best to ignore, diffuse, or continue the ethics debate. “And yet no one is talking about the table I accidently teleported.”

Clever... Also, accidentALly.

“… I shouldn’t approve of that sort of behavior,” Starlight replied. “... But part of me wants to learn more.”

Indeed.

#12 · 5d, 11h ago · · ·

“Trixie! Friends don’t use mind magic spells on other friends! I just told you that and I’ve been told repeatedly.”

... Since when were Twilight and Trixie friends?

#13 · 5d, 9h ago · · ·

You lost me at the pinkie clone part, but it's still a pretty good story.

#14 · 5d, 8h ago · · ·

>>8106642 The episode last year when Starlight made a friend of Trixie started a chain of events which has led Twilight to mending fences with the girl. They still have some issues, and Trixie has backslid more than once, but they're in a much better place with each other now.

Oh, the sequence where Starlight is talking about Lockheart's memory spell, you use the word "himself" three times in the same sentence. It's something I actively look for whenever I plunk away at the keyboard, because it's such an easy trap to fall into. And it can be a pain sometimes finding different ways of saying the same thing, but the end result is just better for the effort.

#15 · 5d, 7h ago · 1 · ·

"the acronym of Fantastic and Amazing Repentance Tour is F.A.R.T."

I LITERALLY BUSTED OUT LAUGHING :rainbowlaugh:

#16 · 5d, 6h ago · · ·

>>8106987

Thanks. I dropped one of the instances. Redundancy is something I also actively avoid, though I tend to give dialogue some leeway since it's not exactly like everyone is working on their grammar and good sentence structure when they speak. :derpytongue2: Though, some characters (Twilight, Sunset) do tend to speak with a minimum of grammar flubs.

#17 · 5d, 6h ago · · ·

I loved it up until the end which was just a little weird and confusing with Sunset hitting Trixie out cold for no real apparent reason

#18 · 5d, 6h ago · 4 · ·

>>8107158

Sunset showed up with a newspaper in case she needed it. Trixie looked like she was being smug so Sunset figured she had done something to deserve a thwacking.

She was not wrong.

#19 · 5d, 2h ago · · ·

>>8106987

Really? Because out of all the episodes I've seen them together I never once heard them call each other friends or saw them even be friendly with each other. And being friends with Starlight doesn't count. Didn't work for Pinkie in Maud Pie, won't work there.

#20 · 5d, 1h ago · · ·

You know what Spike should do? Carrying his Super Hero In Training box around Ponyville.

#21 · 5d, 1h ago · · ·

Great stuff!  Lots of laughs per square inch!

A couple of corrections:

“Several, clinically insane, ponies, actually,”

No pauses needed. Should be

“Several clinically insane ponies, actually,”

she cried in a distress tone.

distressed

#22 · 5d, 1h ago · · ·

Oh my *buy some apples*, I haven't laughed that hard at a fanfic since the likes of APD:AP, No, I am NOT a brony, and of course the first few chapters of The Hat Man's The Iron Horse. Masterful work, good sir!

*10 minutes later* Oh sh:scootangel:t, this is Canon to S7, isn't it? Oh well...

#23 · 5d, 30m ago · 1 · ·

“No! Cease dying upon stinging me immediately!  I CAN’T PRESS CHARGES IF YOU'RE DEAD!”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Starlight let out a heavy sigh and buried her face in a forehoof. “Oh, Celestia…”

“I’m enjoying a massage, my little pony,” came a reply from further in the spa. “Please leave me alone.”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#24 · 4d, 20h ago · · ·

>>8107701

Got these! Thanks, :twilightsmile:

#25 · 4d, 19h ago · · ·

This got very weird, very fast. Me likey :rainbowlaugh:

#26 · 4d, 19h ago · · ·

Quick typo:

Starlight shot a glare at Trixie as the clone wondered past and Twilight and Pinkie began a very wordy, very shrill debate.

(Should be "wandered".)

What I would give for this to be Episode 2 1/2 for Season 7!

Also, exactly who was stung by the bees?  My guess is Spoiled Rich, but I can't be certain.

Finally,

Starlight chuckled to herself. “Maybe now that I’ve graduated, you can become my friendship student.”

I'm debating over which was a more awkward suggestion: this, or George suggesting that Elaine move in with his parents [from "Seinfeld"].

#27 · 4d, 15h ago · 1 · ·

>>8105841

Pocket sand beats it hands down.

#28 · 4d, 9h ago · 1 · ·

>>8108351 RUN AWAY!

*Throws sand in the eyes*

#29 · 4d, 5h ago · · ·

>>8108883 I think pocket glitter is MUCH better, as it will never go away it's GLITTER:pinkiecrazy:

#30 · 3d, 22h ago · · ·

Can't post coherent review.  Still giggling too hard.

So thanks for that.

#31 · 3d, 17h ago · · ·

Busting a god damn GUT here this is GREAT!

#32 · 3d, 13h ago · · ·

You have a great touch on comedy!:pinkiehappy:

Think you could use a question mark on that, "The End". Because they will be back!:moustache:

Good and funny story.:trollestia:

#33 · 3d, 6h ago · · ·

>>8106004 Does Sunset REALLY need a reason to knock Trixie out?

#34 · 3d, 2h ago · · ·

Before reading this, I am assuming this is leading up to a "Talk 'em Powder" joke.

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