• Member Since 18th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen January 21st

Diamond Aura


Doing his best in the background since who knows how long?

T

"...we could be stuck doing this for all eternity!" Twilight said.
"That's fine with me!" Starlight responded.
Starlight never thought that Twilight was actually being serious.

What would have happened if Starlight hadn't turned herself over to Twilight? If she rejected friendship, even after being given a chance to come back?

Starlight Glimmer is strong. She always has been. She always will be.
But Twilight wants that to change.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 131 )

This is a very good first story. If it helps any, I did not realize it was a dream at first. The first time I started to realize it was when Twilight and Spike started to act outright violent towards Starlight, which is out of character for them, but perfectly acceptable in a dream.

The only constructive criticism I have for you (and this is really my personal style) is that you don't need the colored text. The story reads perfectly well without it.

That aside, you earned my upvote :twilightsmile:

Twilight could have done something quite evil, as another story also noted: just wait to Starlight to age to death. Twilight and Spike outlive her and win by default.

Never wise to trap an immortal in a time loop. :raritywink:

If I'm being honest, putting the climax of the story in the description, even if it's covered in spoiler tags, is a poor decision. Either drop a few more hints in the story along the way, or just trust your readers be surprised when they do get to the end.

It's a one-shot. Telling people the ending gives them less of a reason to read it.

Writing wise, it was pretty good.

To be honest, I read the spoiler tags and still didn't get it until I reached the end. I assumed that Twilight went crazy due to extended Time Travel and that she was gonna brainwash Starlight Glimmer after torturing her for a bit.

I never realized that it was a dream until the end xD

6950068
Thanks for the input; I removed the most spoilery of the tags :twilightblush:

6949982
I was trying to decide if I needed it or not, but I just decided to go with it, if just to emphasize the evil nature of Twilight and Spike in the dream. I also added the blue text later to show seperation between the evil dream Twilight and reality.

It was kind of just an experiment; but I like the colors anyway.

Thanks for the suggestion anyway, though!

This was amazing! It seemed like another story where they're just fighting, but then BAM :pinkiegasp: it's a dream! Faved! :rainbowkiss:

6950807
Thanks! I try my best. :twilightblush:

**imagines sexy muffin face** Yep, quite a nightmare to behold.

As someone who despises Starlight, it was oh so satisfying to see her falling apart emotionally... which made the ending so disappointing. I really was hoping that the two would be fighting for years, decades, centuries, eons, etc. It would have been interesting to see how their perspectives and outlooks would have changed over all that time, not to mention their mental state. To have it be a dream felt like a copout and makes the title misleading.

Still, the emotions here were really well conveyed, and bringing up the logistics of fighting for so long and needing food, not to mention Twilight's magical reserves, was a very clever touch (it would have been hilarious if Starlight suddenly realized she needed to go to the bathroom and had to figure out how to do so without leaving Twilight an opportunity to correct the timeline). You've got a great idea here, and I encourage you to keep writing; I just wish the story lived up to the title.

Wow, that ending made me have to read this story over twice just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I wonder, Did it all really happen and Starlight died? I mean what the hay happened?

I had a theory based off your comments and story description that Starlight is now her daughter but the story clearly said friend, so what happened?

Still a good story loved it and loved that you gave STar a happy ending. Most people don't. :heart: I give this a 10 / 10! Easily and now I shall do what I do with my personal faves! Add it to every folder I have so I can read it whenever I feel like it!:pinkiecrazy:

I sense Princess Luna at work here. Who else but her loves to teach valuable lessons through dreams and nightmares?

6950807 I'm not convinced it was a dream.

It could have been but it seems more likely that it happened but Starlight got reset or saved and had her memory altered. Possibly. :unsuresweetie:

Congrats on this not being another 'Starlight dies a horrible death' or 'Starlight erased from time' or 'Starlight suffers fate worse than death.' They've gotten BORING.

I think this is the second story I've read with this basic premise. Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's a powerful, interesting one. And this one does add a twist by making Twilight exactly as powerful as Starlight's fears make her.

Though, every time I think things over, I ask myself: What if Twilight gloating like this, going on about her 'natural superiority', backfires on her? What if it drives Starlight to do worse because Twilight showed her this approach is too weak?

6951376 It has to be Luna. She is always exploiting our mistakes by replaying them in our heads. Good night! *Hides under blankets and peeks out, scared.*:pinkiecrazy: BOO!

I wonder if all of this was Luna's doing... :pinkiehappy:

That isn't Twilight. That's SMUGlight Sparkle, the Uberpowerful Alicorn of Smug Victory and Righteousness.

She's an avatar for the authors to ventilate their dislike of a character through a character in a position of greater strength. At least this one isn't as blatantly out of character as SMUGlight SMIRKle.

Drop the coloured text, it looks amateurish.

Stopped reading once Starlight woke up. Would've been more interesting to see Starlight come apart at the seams.

6951376
6951522
6951540
Those of you wondering about Luna, it's not that far off from my original idea.

I'm writing a seperate story where Luna is involved, at least in the beginning.

But, let me just say that I've always liked the concept of the Nightmare Forces.

I don't feel like Luna would go as far as having Starlight get essentially killed in a dream. It just doesn't seem like something she would do, at least not now that Starlight was trying to change her ways already.

That's what the whole red eyes flash and sky going dark part was all about. Not Luna, but Nightmare Forces.

Eh, after a bit of indecision, I decided to drop the colored text altogether.

I play too much Fire Emblem, and Grima's red text is just a touch I always enjoyed. :trixieshiftright:

I think that sort of dream makes sense for Starlight, she's a smart pony and I think part of her would com to realize if she HAD kept things going for as long as possible "breaking" Twilight would turn out worse for HER. After seeing Equestria destroyed by Starlight's selfishness enough times Twilight would stop "playing nice" in her attempts to stop Starlight and just resort to just killing Starlight to stop her. Twilight would eventually become pragmatic and decide killing Starlight was worth saving every-pony else.

It was good. At first I thought maybe it should have a dark tag but that ending tho..
Still, it was good.

You know, it would've been neat if you'd continued this long enough for Starlight to REALLY start losing it...

*whistles* Damn I like this. I love the idea of Twilight fully willing to sacrifice eternity; and Spike staying with her.:rainbowkiss:

But shit, this got mean and dark :twilightoops: I love it! :pinkiehappy:

Kudos on Feature too :yay:

So, just to clarify since I got a bit confused, This is all a dream Starlight had after canon events, and nothing from the show actually happened differently.
Because of that 'Twilight wold make a good mom' thing, I thought this was going to be an extended version of that comic where Twilight adopts filly Starlight when present Starlight shows her her motives. This one:
http://www.deviantart.com/art/Final-577958989
...Was actually super disappointed by my expectations that this wasn't the case. I really want to read such a story now.

Well, looks like Princess Luna failed spectacularly at her job here.

6952278
There certainly is such a story on this site, but I can't find it right now.

6952400

not necessarily - a nightmare based on reflection of your actions can be eye opening, and help prevent such bad choices in the future. Plus, on a case like this, it was like ripping a bandaid off - she has to get those feelings out and clear the air before she can really move on

6952428 I do agree with you, on both points, but I think this went too far for either reason. Or both.

6952400
Unless Luna is inducing the nightmares as a form of punishment for Starlight's actions. She might have been forgiven by Twilight and her friends, but that doesn't mean she was let off the hook by the other princesses. Think about it, it's a punishment she can't escape, since she's always going to need to sleep.

Someone's about to have a bad time...

congrats on getting in the top feature box!

6951947
Wow. A Cinema SIns (CInemare in the case of this fandom) comment?

Thanks for that. I enjoyed that :rainbowkiss:

6952766
Hey, just curious as to your opinion. Do you think there was any way Starlight could have actually won that fight? With every other villain there were fics both for alternate defeats and ways they could have won, but for Starlights finale I've only seen multiple ways she could have lost. So, any thoughts?

6952873

Well assuming Twilight's immortal, all she'd have to do is keep Starlight in a loop for several hundred years until she dies of old age.

Typos:

I would think that anything I didn't do would be unfair to everypony who's lives you would destroy.

whose

The cloud Starlight hit suddenly crystallized, it's sudden weight dropping it down.

its

This story got dark, but other than that, eminently enjoyable.

6952989 She was covered in mud while escaping the Chrysalisverse and clean when she returned - it seems casting the spell would reset her too to the stae she was when it was first cast - so they could both kept it up for eternity.

You're not gonna win, we'll be here forever,
Fighting in this judgement hall forever.
I know you just reset each time I beat ya',
But I'll always be right back here to meet ya'.

With that spoiler tag I thought this was gonna be based off the DoubleWBrothers picture where Twilight changes the past and becomes Starlights mother.
img02.deviantart.net/1262/i/2015/348/5/0/final_by_doublewbrothers-d9k3o0d.jpg

6953186

"Papyrus, you want anything?..."

6952400

Or Luna let them happen. Since Starlight is punishing herself here.

Omen #46 · Feb 19th, 2016 · · 1 ·

Very good, I like this story!

You know, a lot of people hate Starlight Glimmer, and that out of nowhere plothole "This unicorn might have more magic than the actual alicorn that embodies the element of magic" is something I personally can't agree with, but I'd definitely love to see more from her in season 6, have some character-development and such...
Also, nobody wants FIM and Equestria Girls to gain any sort of in-show connection. So far the other world has not even been mentioned in the original G4 episodes, and while I'd love to keep it that way, I really wish we could get some more ponytime with Sunset Shimmer. Maybe stick her and Starlight together like Metool-Bard did with Sunny and Discord in "Reformation Buddies"...

Ohh, okay, it was a dream :derpytongue2: Cause Twilight was laying it on thick, like, BRUH! :rainbowderp::rainbowlaugh:

I was kinda hoping for a an extended story about were Starlight sent Twilight and Spike back in time to show her filly self and Twilight helps her and changes Starlights future self. But I still was not dissipointed... You did good...

6953491 Or was it a dream and what happened at the end was how the world changed after everything was fixed.

6952029
Better than that, it would've been neat to see her fight herself to death or something instead of Twilight becoming uncharacteristically sadistic at the end... (and yes, I know it's a dream, I'm just saying it might've been better to have ended the dream without it...)

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