Something's wrong with Twilight's new student, the redeemed villain Starlight Glimmer
Even though Starlight been forgiven for everything she's done and been made a member of Twilight's distinguished circle of friends, something's obviously troubling her. Even a Pinkie Party thrown in her honor isn't enough to cheer her up.
Troubled, Twilight has a little mare-to-mare chat with her new friend/student, only to be bushwhacked by a simple question: "Why?"
Special thanks to Winston for proofreading and editing!
Chapters (1)
Have yourself a favourite!
Was good, some of the dialogue was meh, but was still enjoyable. Definitely earned a like.
this i really amazing
Nice story. If there is any aplicable critic is ´bout the story not being "deep" enough but, again, this is a short story, and Starlight gave us VERY little to work ´bout her character from the show. Shé is evil, she wants to change the timeline. She repents. Not a lot to work with. But it was a very enjoyable story. Here, have an upvote...
Nice. Have a like.
"Oh how's his story holding up?"
"To shreds you say..."
jk this was good
Okay, sure. Let me just get my printer. lol
Seriously, good story. Actually helped me come up with an idea for a new story.
It isn't particularly bad, it just isn't particularly good either; there's nothing to rip to shreds because it's all done rather well, but it just all happens to be stuff that we've seen loads of times since the finale aired. Twilight's interpretation of what forgiveness entails is at least novel and an interesting idea, though, so I'll give you your due kudos for that.
Reminded me of this, actually:
Hmmm, not sure if I completely agree with Twilight's explanation for why they forgave Starlight so easily; but on the other hand, I never really thought that deeply about forgiveness, so I can't really offer a suitable rebuttal. In any case, this was a pleasant story, but not nearly enough to make me change my mind over how increadibly less-than-satisfying the season five finale was.
Some critique, as requested:
Reading this, it feels like it's something that probably needs to be a part of Starlight's full redemption arc, but perhaps as a part of something larger. As it is, this feels somewhat shallow. It's a nice piece, to be sure, but it feels like there's so much more that could be done with this.
But, perhaps I am looking for too much in the way of complexity. There's some fairly deep philosophical things being referenced here, such as the nature and meaning of self and identity, the nature of obligations to society, and service in lieu of more martial punishment methods, but they're only touched on briefly and not really examined. Some examples are given, and then everything's okay.
I think it would have been nice to see Twilight delve into an allegory here, perhaps a deeper story about her missed report and subsequent Want It Need it fiasco, delving into the aftermath, the service-as-punishment idea, and the deeper nature of forgiveness. Or even some new, original thing that maybe comes from her youth. Or something more recent that wasn't in the show, an event where she did something, or held a viewpoint that was soundly trounced later.
Like... well, like her belief that friendship was pointless at the start of her journey.
Anywho... those are my thoughts on it as far as critique goes. Nice story, felt like it should be part of the show, but lacked depth.
Bland. Starlight is very clinical about her actions, but she doesn't project the kind of tired numbness that would allow that kind of objectivity. You've put her in a place to express confusion, but there's no fear or frustration to flavor it. The whole thing just falls flat because you're dealing with extremely complex, emotional concepts but only feeding it simple, one-dimensional emotions.
6861412
Agreed on the first word. Author has yet to dig deep, peel back the layers, and expose the true Starlight, possibly because it's from Twilight's POV and the in-depth understanding of each other hasn't had time to settle in with each other yet. It's not been long enough for everything to sink in between them.
Ponies seem to understand mercy much more than other species. Probably because they're so high on the self-actualization and needs tables or something. They have the luxury of forgiving their enemies, knowing that relapses don't happen as often or aren't as dangerous if they occur.
Forcing reparations isn't a pony thing as it is a human thing (like Sunset's punishment in EG1), but perhaps they're aware it might build more resentment rather than be a teaching moment. Gotta be something in that equine mentality. Go find *that*, and you can have a tale to tell.
It can be hard, though, to flick up to a higher concept, and put it on paper while it's in your head. Good luck finding it.
*You'll be more than able to make up for what you did.
6861685
*You'll be more than able to make up for what you did.
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Not bad, it does feel a little cliche though. I say that because there's almost no context or real character development inside this story. When that's the case, it's more of a inspired scene than a complete story. Personally, I think it failed to quite make the point that forgiveness is entirely and by definition something that the receiving party doesn't deserve. An apology can be owed, but not forgiveness. It's also worth noting that it's much easier to forgive fixable things than unfixable ones. I haven't seen the other half of the Starlight Glimmer 'special', but I assume that things were more or less restored to the way they were. That said, there's not much to actually forgive. In that sense, Starlight caused more trouble for herself than anyone else. Due to time travel, she'd be apologizing for something she'd almost done (i.e. her intentions) rather than her actions which technically now didn't happen. The assurance, therefore, isn't that she can make up for something, but that she has a second chance to resolve her issues the right way and have a brighter, happier future.
I also think Twilight should have given the others a hard time for intruding on her private moment with Starlight.
P.S.
It's ironic that when the show does make permanent changes, it's almost as distressing as the Problem Solved > Reset cycle that loosely defines most episodes. I mean, I suppose there's a little reconciliation and growth going with "villains" like Discord and Trixie, but it seems, albeit my partially incomplete watching of anything past season 3 that the mane six are some kind of unbreakable group for whatever reason (possibly plot reasons).
6860787 Given how she's a shit-tier villain, I'd say that we have plenty of room to work with regarding her actual feelings and what actually fueled her intention (because that atrocity of a cheap excuse they have shown in the show just doesn't cut it... then again, she's shit-tier for a reason).
Anywho, yeah... the story was very bland, sorry to say. Nothing special about it.
6861322
This is what leaves me a bit apprehensive about season 6...
So... that was kind of a far out story.
I dug the "aesop" as it were, but it is kind of a dramatic and (semi-morbid) way of phrasing the issue, but I felt it was really on point and an interesting way of looking at the problem of forgiveness and self-loathing. I also found your characterization of Twilight being nervous about being a real mentor to be pretty interesting.
Besides that... I mostly felt that the pacing was super rough and I felt Starlight's emotions were kind of shallow and poorly developed, which made it hard for me to empathize with her or care when she's dragged out of her pit - Which basically leads me to my next criticism which is that the ending kind of felt shallow as well. I would have basically preferred Starlight's emotions to be more fleshed out and taken center stage rather than a rush to a happy ending.
Still, you had a good idea here. So props for that.
6861743
I'm hoping they ret-con it like they did Luna's uncertainty in her first episode, learning to connect with the common pony. Or like Twilight's flying in the S3/4/EQG transition. I have a feeling Hasbro wanted it to end with a happy positive Everybody Hugs and Everything is Okay rubber stamp ending.
But... even so, I'm still a pony fan, and I probably will be for a long time. One of the joys of fan fiction is, well, seeing what we can do with what they give us. And I think the staff at DHX has given me, at least, enough reasons to trust them.
Queen? As in Faust or a certain Changeling? The latter would probably explain more than the former...
I don't think starlight should be Twilights student. I'm fine with her joining the mane 6 (7?) I'm fine with her being a villain learning how to be good, I'm fine with everything just not the part where she's Twilights student. I feel like Twilight should be to some filly in town as Celestia was to her as a way to start the cycle over again. Twilight discovering somepony's potential and teaching her (or maybe even him) for the next generation of ponyville. Not a grown mare who needs some rehab but a pony who needs a teacher
Cute. Can't really add anything the others haven't said so far, except:
Clever bit of world building here, if you have a mind for that sort of thing. Same with the bit about the Queen. Given the nature of peak monarchs in canon thus far it's interesting to speculate to whom she could be referring.
6861808
Woah, coincidences!
Normally I'm more measured in my criticism but...
Okay then.
On a technical standpoint this story has some easily avoided mistakes, like capitals and spacing.
Not to mention odd choices like this one:
A heavy stick is a club.
Or head-scratchers like this:
That's not a word, at least not the way you're using it. Unless you mean "automaton," and that just brings up more questions, like "Wait, they have robots in Equestria now?" And as someone who wrote a story with robots in Equestria, I can tell you that it isn't something you just toss out.
Other weird things, which, in keeping with your request, I will mock without being particularly constructive:
Yeah, no shit, Applejack.
You have some real winning lines in this, to be fair, which makes this painfully unfunny joke all the worse.
"...Hanging from the lone tree." Seriously, if you wanted to go full-on gloomy why not just have her say, "If anypony needs me, I'll be at Sad Ponies Point near Attention Whore Creek." Also, there is apparently only one hill on all of the town limits.
I I think believe this line it is repetitive repeats itself.
Apparently the word "crowded" felt crowded and left the sentence it was part of to go join another line. Also, no idea who said "But Twilight..." unless the others are all speaking in unison. If that's what you were going for, then you can ignore the criticism that it is confusing and instead take the criticism that it's just stupid.
Either she's secretly a robot-- I mean, "animatron," or Twilight's having an aneurysm.
There's no cake in Proverbs!
A giant had apparently stepped on Starlight Glimmer, squishing her.
What was she laying on her belly?
"Mmm,
donutbooks..."files.gamebanana.com/img/ico/sprays/5202f2c5a49dc.png
Insert that image I just used here.
And here we come to me not even joking when I say that this literally made me say "Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle." And that's not something I typically say to Book Horse.
I get what you're going for, the whole "We are a different person after we're forgiven" and all, but that's not the case. This reminds me of when I read something from ultra-religious people who act like humans are just absolute shit and unworthy of any grace or mercy but isn't it nice that God grants us forgiveness because isn't He so much higher than we puny humans and blah blah blah. Now, I don't think that's your message, exactly, but it's an odd thing to hear from Twilight and especially considering how big Twilight is on personal responsibility, it's so odd for her to say this:
That's a contrivance. Yes, it's nice to be forgiven, but forgiveness isn't the same as absolution and it certainly doesn't erase the bad things someone does. A person can choose to become better even if not forgiven and ultimately forgiveness is just saying "You did something bad, but I have decided to move beyond that." It's not some kind of magical rebirth.
Ultimately, I just feel like this story tried too hard to be sad, deep, or philosophical. Considering the way the the Season Finale ended, it just feels unnecessary, given that Starlight already confronted her issues and decided to move forward with the others.
Well, there you go. I don't normally like to jump down another writer's throat like this, but if you ask for shreds, I aim to oblige.
I think nowadays nobody understands and values the worth of forgiveness.
A few formatting errors and spelling mistakes. Really, all it needs is a once-over and it'll be fine on a technical level.
This seems like it could be a great prologue to a story about starlight glimmer learning to get along with the mane six, and vice versa. As it stands now, it's just cliche.
Wonderful story. It did have a few missing spaces and spelling mistakes, but, nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
I REALLY wish they do something like this in Season 6. I mean the biggest, worst, most glaring I-want-to-repeatedly-slap-the-writer-in-the-face-while-screaming-"bad writer! bad BAD writer" flaw is Starlight not getting ANY punishment AT ALL.
I mean I had a similar problem with the slap on the wrist Sunset Shimmer got at the end of Equestria Girls, but Rainbow Rocks wonderfully fixed that by showing that she's not only haunted by her actions, but she's still shunned and distrusted by the school and has to work hard to EARN her forgiveness... Unfortunately the Season 5 finale royally fumbled up that opportunity by showing Starlight not only briefly returning to "Our Town", but instantly being accepted and forgiven.
I know MLP is originally a cartoon meant to advertise toys to the little girl demographic so we can't exactly go all "Game of Thrones" on every bad guy of the week, but I also counter that it sends a REALLY terrible message that only good guys get punished for their mistakes while bad guys can get off scot-free with a slap-on-the-hoof at most.
In fact; Here's a great idea for a future antagonist on the show that could help fix this; A pony/creature so obsessed with the concepts of "justice" and "fighting evil" that he/she is blinded to the fact that he/she has become a bully his/herself as he/she hounds not only villains/jerks like the Flim Flam brothers or Svengallop, but even "redeemed" villains like Trixie, Diamond Tiara, and (of course) Starlight. Boom! You have a way to deliver cathartic karma on easily-forgiven bad guys while also keeping with the shows messages of "love and tolerance" as this anti-villain will have to turn over a new leaf too.
"You don’t deserve to be forgiven, just like how Sunset Shimmer didn’t deserve to be forgiven for trying to steal my crown, or how Trixie didn’t deserve to be pardoned when she enslaved Ponyville, or how I didn’t deserve forgiveness when I hypnotized the entire town into fighting over a stuffed donkey ... My point is that nopony truly deserves forgiveness for anything. But we forgive them anyway."
That's why it's called forGIVEness, it's a GIFT. You CHOSE who you forgive whether they WANT to be forgiven or not.
A man over the course of a day hires workers at a market to tend his fields, giving them ALL a day's wage. This upsets those who were hired first, since those who were hired last were given the same cash. The response was:
"Didn't I give you pay for a full day's wage? I have the right to do what I will with my own money."
We can't be MADE to forgive someone, but at the same time, forgiveness can't be earned. Forgiveness is the first step.
Redemption is something that's earned and it's not something that can be given to you.
You can not learn what you think you know.
You can't earn what you think you already have.
To all the people who think that Starlight Glimmer should have been punished after the end of the episode, they should read this first. Then think about what happened to Trixie after Magic Duel, Sunset Shimmer after Equestrian Girls, and Twilight after Lesson Zero. I would have added Discord into the mix, even if it was Fluttershy who did most of the work.
Great story.
"Some of those stars had been dead when the pony race was new, and their ghosts continued to haunt the night sky."
The furthest star humans can see unaided is 1480ly away. Anything further requires increasingly powerful equipment. This is one of the few cases where people massively overestimate astronomical numbers.
I always find my self saying this "forgiveness must be given before it can be deserved". Basically to earn her forgiveness Starlight needs to be forgiven first. This can seem counter initiative, other things you earn then receive, but forgiving someone is a risky proposition, there is always the chance the forgiven party won't take steps to earn it. But that's just it, once your forgiven you have to remember it's what you do with it that determines if your deserve it. If your forgiven then don't change, you didn't deserve it. It is impossible to say if Starlight has earned forgiveness, we haven't seen what shes going to do with it yet.
6863622
Not according to this.
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That's where the last of the mane six was ticked off, and where this fanfic went downhill. Apparently, the ponies truly are a fucking chain gang. No wonder Spike doesn't want to spend any time with his friends; they frighten him, being linked at the hips by some supernatural force.
We will, we will rock you!
Liked the story overall; a few, as said, spacing and capitalization problems, but...
This story was beautiful
It was simple and sketchy, but a good example for a new episode!
6861743 Actually, I'd say Starlight was the best villain the show has had yet.
As for her backstory, of course there'd be more of it to tell:
1. It's been five seasons, and we still don't really know that much about any of the mane 6's pasts. We've received bits and pieces, sure, but none of them have a truly complete backstory yet. Heck, we still need to see RD's mother and Fluttershy's parents.
2. They're not going to give the entire backstory for any character in just one episode.
Plus, I actually like what they did with her character and her backstory.
Keep in mind that she was a child, and children don't always respond to things completely rationally.
At least you could understand the chain of logic in Starlight's thought process, and relate to what happened to her. Losing a friend because of something not under your control and then hating that thing and not wanting other's to suffer for it makes some sense.
Is it extreme? Yes, but that's kind of the point.
As for season 6, I'm looking forward to that one more than ever.
Season 5 gave 3 great redemptions in Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, and Starlight Glimmer, and even though I didn't like Gilda's as much as most did, I can understand why they liked it. And it also gave some of the show's best episodes.
STARLIGHT GLIMMER FOR ALICORN PRIMCESS 2016-M.A Larson
I thought this was anti forgiveness, so meh.
Good writing, fairly decent characterization, worthwhile read.
Write every being on equis a sorry letter for totally annihilating them, their family and their friends in multiple different timelines.
Then you have a 10 hours community service a week, for life.
All after a draft in the royal guard, she needs to learn discipline, loyalty, and honor.
There, softest punishment I'd let her get off with.
I liked this because it gave details about starlight. It described starlight in a different perspective!
It showed us the true starlight!
I rather liked this. It was nice, and simple. Some people are saying that it lacked depth, and honestly, I do sort of see where they are coming from, but I also believe that this does reach the depth that you're wanting it too. The forgiveness lines, I thought, were great, almost like a parable of sorts. They were a really great call back to the 'reformed' villains of the show, and a very good explanation as to why everyone seems to not be punished when they are able to be redeemed. I think, if you wanted to make the point stronger, you could talk about Tierk (or whatever) or Sombra, and how they were not redeemed, maybe because they had no desire to be better. Because they, in the vein of Voldemort, did not feel any sort of remorse for what they were doing, and thus were never going to change their ways.
There were grammar issues, but I believe that everyone pointed out all the ones that I could have caught, seeing as I'm not very good at those sorts of things myself. I liked that you started it with a party in Starlight's honor, only for her to be standing on the sidelines, watching everyone else enjoy themselves. In a way, for me, it called back Sunset Shimmer sitting in the room and watching her new friends for a band have have fun while she was only a passive watcher, feeling as if she didn't deserve to be having fun with them as some sort of punishment or something.
All in all, I really liked reading this story. It has honestly made me feel a little better about the way the season ended. So, thank you for that, and please, keep writing things. You've got talent and, it seems, heart. You'll do amazing things with just a little more practice.
6862518 Hi! So, I was reading your comment, and I do agree with some of the things you've said, but I'm wondering why you think automatons wouldn't be in Equestria. Give the level of tech we've seen in the show, with steam trains and stuff, it seems like an option. (Oh, and also, there's the thing about having a cake and eating it, too, which is a proverb?) But mostly, since you said you wrote about robots, I really just would like to know.
6866820
This is highly subjective (so it my shit-tier) definition, so it's really not up for debate. I get that her motives, arguably, could be noble... but I don't believe that the means justify the ends.
Yes, but children tend to grow up into functional adults, not lunatics. Especially, I'd wager, in the land of Happiness & Friendship™.
I can understand this flawed rationale, yes. But I can in no way relate to it. Empathy for the mare's clear suffering is one thing, another thing is relating to someone who is hell-bent on changing the timeline for a pretty stupid reason. I get that seaon 5's thematic was forgiveness, but there's Gilda/Diamond Tiara/Trixie ways of doing it and Starlight ways.
Sure, but there's ways to go around it, y'know. TACT! For instance, it is of my personal opinion that religion is not something that is healthy for the human mind (for several reasons I won't disclose and I'm not willing to debate the subject further on this website; this is an example). If there was a "wipe religion off the face of the planet" button right in front of me, I would not press it.
Although this explains why she did it, it still doesn't justify it. Forgiveness doesn't equal to forgetting.
6867422
Her being a Well-Intentioned Extremist is only part of why I consider her the best villain.
It's more because of how smart she proved to be, as well as how powerful she ended up being.
Keep in mind this is Equestria we're talking about. Where almost everypony is crazy, regardless of how stable they seem to be.
The dialogue at the end of the episode implies that they're not just going to forget about it.
Great story, I loved the dialouge, and the moral!
But does this mean Twilight believes that a murderer should be forgiven as soon as they "put on a new sock?"
Anyway, FAVE!
Also, "rip it to shreds"
6867387
Howdy! Well, it's not that I think they couldn't exist in Equestria, but to casually mention them with no explanation in a story like this is actually pretty jarring. In my story (which I won't link here, because as much as I dislike this story, I think linking one's own story on another's comment page is just crass) the main character is a robot that is discovered by Twilight and the very appearance of something so advanced is jarring. I had to take a significant amount of time building up and explaining the history of basic, primitive automata to make them seem like a natural part of the world. The thing is, despite having steam trains and phonographs, they generally have pretty low-tech stuff or magic-based substitutions... no phones, no computers, no automobiles (the exception being the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000), not even radio as far as we can tell. To have robots in that environment would take some explanation to make it believable. I mean, the random dropping of automatons - oops, sorry "animatrons" - is the least of my problems with the story, but hey, the author called for shreds, so shreds I provide.
And yes, admittedly, I was mostly being tongue in cheek about there literally not being a cake in the Biblical book of Proverbs despite the fact that there are cakes in non-Biblical proverbs. Not every joke's going to work, I suppose.