Convicted Bibliophile (Buy me a coffee, will 'ya? https://ko-fi.com/flint_lock)
Sad4,203 stories ·2,579 members
American Bronies3,745 stories ·1,074 members
I Just Want a Comment14,912 stories ·3,547 members
Completed Story Compendium19,262 stories ·1,639 members
Equestria Girls Fics11,178 stories ·3,614 members
Sunset Shimmer5,935 stories ·4,751 members
~The Decent Writers Club~8,810 stories ·1,638 members
Anti-Depression Ponies2,303 stories ·1,868 members
It's been a long night for Sunset Shimmer.
First, she was transformed into a demon. Then she was blasted by a rainbow friendship laser of some kind. Now, as she limps down the hall to her apartment, she's an absolute wreck.
She could really go for a shower.
Special thanks to Georg for proofreading and editing.
Page generated in 0.119 seconds
Total duration
1,015 users online
1,091,684 hits today, 1,701,881 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2023
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2023 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is a great story, keep up the good work.
Great story. I love it.
Like to see more events after the fall formal.
I saw the story's title, thought it sounded familiar, and clicked it on a hunch. After seeing the first chapter title I knew.
Nice seeing someone else who listens to Celldweller.
Doesn't hurt that the story itself is pretty good so far.
Tracking.
I wasn't expecting this, but I'm glad I read it. Being reborn can be a powerful thing.
I liked it. It might be slightly short, but I don't think the story really suffers for it. I might come back and read this again because I feel there's more I could say constructively, but my brain is not assisting me at the moment. Thanks for sharing!
That sure was great
10620600
Thanks!
I like it. And it's fine that it's short; sometimes a moment is all a story needs.
There were quite a few typos. For example:
Did you delete a bit by accident?
10620724
fixed.
Very well done, short but powerful. A good transition of guild to despair to resolution
Amazing short but powerful story
I think you meant "Hot bitter tears". Aside from that one typo, this was a great read!
Damn, that beam messed her up.
I still don’t know how that happened.
That could have easily been avoided.
“Hard-Earned” is debatable.
Where did she get the jeans from?
Actually, that would have been amazing.
Interesting
It really is.
This makes me think, what would’ve happened if they never forgave or gave her a second chance?
Wait, really?
I think I remember someone making a story about that.
That’s interesting
I don’t get it.
P.S: This was a good story.
Definitely keeping this marked for when I need some inspiration while writing.
I liked this. Interesting take on Sunset's first night after the incident, a few cool ideas, prose captured Sunset's emotional state well, and it introduced me to a new Celldweller song, which is always appreciated. Definite good story overall.
However, this really needs another editing sweep. For such a short story, the amount of mistakes I spotted were quite distracting.
Italicisation mistake here.
Spacing mistake.
Double periods and a bad line break...
Comma splice and a Random Capitalisation.
Random capitalisations again.
And to top it all off, ellipses almost never had spaces after them.
Just to reiterate, I did enjoy the actual story content; the writing is all fine. But for the sake of your future readers, I do recommend another round of editing to improve the presentation.
I enjoyed
That first night after the Formal always makes for climactic scene for Sunset. Excellent work with showing her journey through it. A little fast, maybe, but some of this newfound purpose will be eroded by everyone but her designated friends. In any case, you can't keep her down for long. Girl has a tendency to rise like phoenix.
Thank you for this.