Can I ask you something?
Twilight Sparkle was blindfolded, but not blind.
A lifetime of studying had made the alicorn’s mind a trap, analyzing the slightest bit of information; the sound of the pinata swaying above her, the gentle breeze it made as it swung. To any other pony they would have been distractions. To her, they were a crosshair.
“Uh, Twi?” Rainbow Dash said, a hint of irritation in her voice. “Anytime now.”
Twilight nodded. She swung back the stick and stuck out her tongue. Two degrees left. Angle stick and...now!
With her alicorn-enhanced strength, Twilight swung the heavy stick like a club. There was a satisfying thunk and she felt something give.
Twilight stripped off the blindfold to see the mortally wounded paper-mache centaur swaying above her, its candy innards spilling onto the floor of the castle’s main hall. Once again, mind had triumphed over matter.
Like hyenas on a wounded wildebeest, Twilight's friends pounced on the falling treats. “Dibs on the caramels!” Rainbow said, diving towards the candy. Twilight unwrapped one of the candies and popped it into her mouth. Normally, this time of the day, she’d be busy with the mountain of paperwork that the fairy tales never told you about, but she’d always been a firm believer in rewarding herself. Get an A++ on a report? Treat herself to ice cream. Ace a test? Buy a new book. Restore the timeline to normal and turn her greatest foe to date into a friend? Enjoy a Pinkie Party.
“Nice going, Twilight!” Said Pinkie Pie. “Ooh, ooh, next up, let's play pin the tail on the pony!”
Pinkie whipped out her party cannon and tugged its lanyard. The little mortar of merriment boomed, and a drawing of a pony slammed onto the wall, somehow tacking itself in place. “Hey everypony, why don’t we let Starlight go first?”
Everypony turned to Starlight. The pink unicorn sat by the punchbowl, mechanically sipping from her cup. Were it not for the rise and fall of her chest, she could easily have been mistaken for some animatron.
“Star?” Twilight waved to her new villian-turned-friend.
Starlight perked up. “Oh, uh, yes?”
Twilight motioned towards the poster. “Would you like to go first?”
Starlight took another sip. “No thank you,” she said, with all the inflection and emotion of a windup toy. “I’m fine. I’ll just watch.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ya’ll okay, sugarcube? You’ve been real quiet all night.”
“Yeah, come on! Seriously, you’re so quiet you make Fluttershy look like a loudmouth.” Rainbow turned to her friend. “Eh, no offense, Flutters.”
“Oh, none taken,” said Fluttershy. She trotted over to Starlight. “Are you sure you’re alright? Is something bothering you?”
“Oh, really, I’m fine,” Starlight said. “You can just have fun without me.”
“Fun without you?!” Pinkie exclaimed, launching herself into the air. “Starlight, this party’s for you! What good is a ‘Spacetime is back to normal and Starlight is our friend now’ party without Starlight?”
Too many syllables, Pinkie, thought Twilight.
“I’m sorry, Pinkie. It’s a great party, I’m just, well… not in the mood.” Starlight’s voice trailed off. “If you don’t mind, I need to be alone right now.”
Without another word, Starlight slipped off her seat. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be on the hill on the town limits.”
Starlight’s horn sparked, and she she vanished disappeared with a flash of light and a pop of displaced air.
“Oh my…” Fluttershy said.
There was a sound like a balloon deflating. Pinkie's mane slumped and her trademark smile turned into a look that could sink a ship in dry dock. “I don’t understand. A Pinkie Party makes everypony happy...”
Applejack frowned. “I ain’t an expert on feelings, but something's definitely eatin’ her.”
“Well, maybe she’s still feeling guilty,” said Fluttershy. “I mean, she did do some pretty terrible things.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “I’m not so sure.” That look in her eyes… that wasn’t the look of a guilty mare, she thought. “It’s...it’s more like confusion.”
“Confusion? What the hay is there to be confused about?” Said Applejack.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said. “we’re all friends now. What’s so complicated about that?”
“Yeah, and what’s so confusing about a party?” Pinkie said, speaking in an indoor voice for once. “This is a party for Starlight. Parties are fun. Ergo, Starlight should be having fun at this party!”
“I don’t know.” Twilight frowned. “And it’s my job to find out.“She started out the bedroom door.
“Twi, where ya going?”
“I’m going to go talk to Starlight.”
“Well, don’t leave without us, darling,” said Rarity. The rest of Twilight’s friends stood up.
“Yeah!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Star’s our friend. She needs all of us.”
“Darn-tootin!”
“A lady never leaves a good friend behind.”
“Oh, yes!”
“Let's do it!”
The five started towards the entrance, only to be halted by a dome of shimmering energy.
“Girls, listen. I know you want to help, but if we all try to talk to her at once, she’ll just feel
crowded.”
“But Twilight..."
“I’m sorry, but this is something I have to do alone.”
With that, Twilight opened a window, got a full head of steam, and leapt out. Her wings caught the air, and she soared into the sky.
Sorry, girls. Twilight spared one last look back at the castle. She really, really hated doing this. She and her friends had been through everything together. It felt so wrong, leaving them behind, but, in this case, less was definitely more.
As Twilight glided towards the outskirts of ponyville, she realized something.
I’m actually doing it. Twilight’s tail began to twitch. I’m actually going to have my first talk with my new student.
This was big. Until now, Twilight hadn’t really felt like a teacher—it’d been a title, something to be hammered out later. Now it was here, and she wasn’t quite sure how to do it.
How exactly did one have a talk with their new student? She knew the basics of teaching, yes— she’d helped tutor the Crusaders for a while—and Celestia and she had talked countless times before, but that was like knowing the basics of deep-sea diving: there was abig difference between knowing how to do it, and actually doing it.
Something sparked in Twilight’s head. Don’t see her as a student. It was so simple. Just see Starlight as a friend. Sure, their friendship was only six hours old, and they’d been enemies for much, much longer, but they were friends nonetheless. Besides, she was the Princess of Friendship. Compared to that, talking to a distraught unicorn should be a piece of proverbial cake.
At least, that’s what she told herself.
Twilight spotted a blotch of pink on a nearby hill. She dove, then flared her wings, and came to a perfect four-point landing.Those flying lessons were really starting to pay off. A few months ago, attempting a landing like that would have probably ended with her head in the ground.
Starlight was laying on her belly, legs tucked underneath her and eyes tilted skywards.
“Lovely night tonight, isn’t it?” Twilight said. Conversations like this were like brewing potions, in her experience. If she didn’t take things slow and steady, she’d mess it up.
“Yes,Twilight?” Starlight said, not taking her eyes off the night sky.
“Mind if I join you?”
Starlight nodded softly. Twilight laid down next to her pupil and tilted her head skywards. Luna was in rare form tonight. The heavens were perfect; no clouds, no haze, nothing. If it weren’t for the familiar twinkle, she’d never know there was an atmosphere. And the stars… so many stars.
The astronomer in Twilight reminded her that those little points of light were hundreds of billions of miles away. Some of the light entering Twilight’s eye started its journey back before the Princesses were born. Some of those stars had been dead when the pony race was new, and their ghosts continued to haunt the night sky.
The night sky seemed to suck Twilight in. She became an atom, on a little dust speck floating through the void. All of her accomplishments, her friends, her castle, were less than nothing compared to the heavens.
“Twilight? Twilight, are you alright?”
Twilight realized that her mouth had been open this entire time. “Oh, I’m fine.” She laughed sheepishly, wiping some drool from her face. “Just wondering, that’s all.”
“Yes. Looking at the sky always does that.” Starlight sighed. “They’re all so different, the stars. Some will burn for billions of years, others will burn out in a few million. Some are so big they could swallow both Equis and our sun, others are so small they barely qualify as stars.” Starlight hung her head. “Reminds me of how much of an idiot I’ve been.”
Twilight squirmed. This conversation needed to change. Fast.
“Oh, look, there’s the Ladle.” Twilight pointed to an arrangement of stars that vaguely resembled a ladle. “Oh, and I think I see a few planets. Do you see them?”
“Yes,” starlight said, a little more emotion in her voice. “I see them too.” She pointed to a yellow dot near the horizon. “There’s Aphrodite.” She pointed to another red dot slightly above it. “And that looks like Ares, right there.”
“That’s right.” Twilight smiled. “I didn’t know you were so interested in astronomy, Starlight.”
“You have no idea.” Something resembling a smile spread across Starlight’s face. “When I was a filly, I pretty much devoured astronomy books. Show me a star in the sky, and I could tell you its name, its age, its distance, you name it.” She chuckled. “If I hadn’t been so good at magic, I probably would have gotten an astronomy cutie mark instead.”
“Sunburst also liked astronomy,” she continued. “Every night, he and I would climb on the roof of his house and gaze at the stars for hours, challenging each other on how many constellations we could find. Sometimes we even tried making up our own. His parents didn’t like it—they were worried that he might fall off.” Her ears drooped.
“Starlight, you can still see Sunburst again.” Twilight held Starlight’s hoof. “I have a few contacts in the Canterlot records office. With enough time, I should be able to find him.”
“Thank you, princess, but you needn’t bother.” She sighed.
“Why? It’s been years since you last saw each other. I bet he’d be overjoyed to see you again.”
“After what I did, I seriously doubt that.” Starlight’s voice trailed off. For a few minutes, both mares just sat there, barely moving. Twilight could feel a heaviness in the air, as if the universe itself was feeling awkward.
“Twilight?” Starlight finally broke the ice.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
Starlight took a deep breath, held it in for a moment, then released. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“You and your friends, why did you forgive me?”
Twilight kicked herself mentally. Idiot! Why didn’t she see it before?
“Well why wouldn’t we forgive you, Star?” Twilight asked. “You’re our friend now.”
Starlight tilted her head. “Twilight, less than a day ago, I was the most dangerous mare in Equestria. I founded a cult dedicated to destroying individuality. I lied to ponies and told them that suppressing their natural talents was a good thing. When you and your friends arrived to investigate, I stole your special talents and tried to run away with them!”
Starlight sniffed. “When that failed, I used a forbidden spell to rewrite history out of spite.” A few tears trickled down Starlight’s face, followed by another sniff. “When… when I surrendered, I fully expected to be punished. Exile. Petrification. Execution. Whatever. I would have accepted it.” She snorted. “Queen knows I deserved it.”
“Starlight…”
“Instead, you and your friends forgive me. The princesses make me your new student. Your hyperactive, possibly insane, friend throws me a party.”
Starlight stomped a hoof. “Why? Why this chance? Why this party?! I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve it at all!”
Twilight thought for a second. Deep within her mind, old lessons were dug up and dusted off. They seemed like they had been stored for so long they had become fossilized.
“Star... you’re right. You don’t deserve any of this.”
Starlight acted as if somepony had pulled her plug. Her ears didn’t droop; they wilted. Her legs gave out and she slumped to the floor.
Twilight picked up her distraught friend and and put a forehoof under her chin.
“Let me finish. You don’t deserve to be forgiven, just like how Sunset Shimmer didn’t deserve to be forgiven for trying to steal my crown, or how Trixie didn’t deserve to be pardoned when she enslaved Ponyville, or how I didn’t deserve forgiveness when I hypnotized the entire town into fighting over a stuffed donkey.” Twilight grimaced at the last one. That had not been her proudest moment.
“You what?!”
“Long story. My point is that nopony truly deserves forgiveness for anything. But we forgive them anyway. Now, as your teacher, I want you to tell me why. Why were those ponies forgiven?”
“Because…” Starlight put a hoof to her chin. “Because it’s the right thing to do?”
“Partly correct. The reason we forgive ponies is because the ponies who did those bad things are gone.”
“What?!”
Twilight held up a hoof. “Please, let me explain,” she continued. “When I was a filly, my parents taught me that when you forgive a pony who is genuinely sorry for what they did, that pony ceases to exist, and a new one takes their place.
“When Trixie was forgiven, she became a humbler pony. When I forgave Sunset for what she did, she learned the true meaning of friendship. And when Celestia forgave me for brainwashing the entire town, I finally learned to stop stressing over my studies so much.”
Starlight’s ears perked up. Twilight could almost see the little magelight appearing over her head. “So, it’s kind of like taking off a dirty sock and putting on a new one?”
“Exactly!” Twilight patted Starlight on the back. “That’s a good analogy, Starlight.”
“Thanks.” Starlight looked off into the distance. ”I’m not sure I completely understand it, though. It’s still so confusing.”
“That’s the beautiful thing about forgiveness; you don’t have to understand it, you only have to accept it.”
“Yes, I think I can live with that.” Starlight turned to Twilight. “There’s something that’s bothering me, though.”
“What?”
“Well, when you forgive somepony, don’t they still have to make up for what they did? I mean, just because you forgive a bank robber doesn’t mean he won’t go to jail.”
“Right again.” Twilight beamed. “When Celestia forgave me, I wasn’t punished, but I still had to apologize to everypony in town. Trixie agreed to help fix all the damage she’d caused, and after the wedding, my friends agreed to help me around the library for a week.”
“Then, what will I need to do?” Starlight asked, a hint of fear in her voice.
Twilight smiled. “Starlight... You’re already doing it.”
Starlight gave a confused grunt. “What?”
“Starlight, you have serious potential. With your talents, you could do a lot for Equestria, maybe even more than I have. But without friendship, you were lost. Once you finally understand the true value of friendship, you’ll be able more than make up for what you did.”
“You got that right, sugarcube.”
Two heads, one pink, one lavender, whipped around to see Applejack and the rest of Twilight's friends standing right behind them.
“How... long were you there?” asked Starlight.
“Eh, pretty much the entire time,” said Rainbow. “Didn’t know you knew so much about stars.”
Starlight turned to Twilight. “Do they do this often?”
“Don’t get me started,” Twilight mumbled.
“Really, darling, don’t think of this as a punishment, think of it as, well, rehabilitation.”
Fluttershy trotted up to Starlight. “Look at it this way. You were sick, and now we’re going to help you get better.”
“Yeah, and if any ponies try to give you trouble, they’re gonna have to get through me first!” Rainbow beat a forehoof against her barrel.
Tears welled up in Starlight’s eyes. “I... I... ” Starlight threw her arms around Fluttershy. “Thank you. Thank you so much!”
“No problem, sugarcube,” said Applejack, joining in the hug.
Pinkie started twitching.
“Are you alright, Pinkie?” Starlight said.
There was a pink blur, and the next thing Twilight knew, she was pressed up against her friends, in a soft, multi-colored blob. She lived for times like this.
“C’mon, everypony,” Pinkie said, launching herself into the air. She motioned back towards the bedroom. “That pony isn’t going to pin its tail on itself, because if it did, we wouldn’t have to pin it ourselves and we’d just be watching a pony and that would be boring, but then again it would mean that I could—”
“Pinkie!”
“Oh, sorry!” With that, Pinkie took off in a cloud of dust
Twilight turned to Starlight. “Speaking of friendship, I think it’s time for your first assignment, Starlight.”
“What is it?”
Twilight smiled. “Enjoy the party.”
Starlight smiled and nodded. “Will do, teacher!”
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Have yourself a favourite!
Was good, some of the dialogue was meh, but was still enjoyable. Definitely earned a like.
this i really amazing
Nice story. If there is any aplicable critic is ´bout the story not being "deep" enough but, again, this is a short story, and Starlight gave us VERY little to work ´bout her character from the show. Shé is evil, she wants to change the timeline. She repents. Not a lot to work with. But it was a very enjoyable story. Here, have an upvote...
Nice. Have a like.
"Oh how's his story holding up?"
"To shreds you say..."
jk this was good
Okay, sure. Let me just get my printer. lol
Seriously, good story. Actually helped me come up with an idea for a new story.
It isn't particularly bad, it just isn't particularly good either; there's nothing to rip to shreds because it's all done rather well, but it just all happens to be stuff that we've seen loads of times since the finale aired. Twilight's interpretation of what forgiveness entails is at least novel and an interesting idea, though, so I'll give you your due kudos for that.
Reminded me of this, actually:
Hmmm, not sure if I completely agree with Twilight's explanation for why they forgave Starlight so easily; but on the other hand, I never really thought that deeply about forgiveness, so I can't really offer a suitable rebuttal. In any case, this was a pleasant story, but not nearly enough to make me change my mind over how increadibly less-than-satisfying the season five finale was.
Some critique, as requested:
Reading this, it feels like it's something that probably needs to be a part of Starlight's full redemption arc, but perhaps as a part of something larger. As it is, this feels somewhat shallow. It's a nice piece, to be sure, but it feels like there's so much more that could be done with this.
But, perhaps I am looking for too much in the way of complexity. There's some fairly deep philosophical things being referenced here, such as the nature and meaning of self and identity, the nature of obligations to society, and service in lieu of more martial punishment methods, but they're only touched on briefly and not really examined. Some examples are given, and then everything's okay.
I think it would have been nice to see Twilight delve into an allegory here, perhaps a deeper story about her missed report and subsequent Want It Need it fiasco, delving into the aftermath, the service-as-punishment idea, and the deeper nature of forgiveness. Or even some new, original thing that maybe comes from her youth. Or something more recent that wasn't in the show, an event where she did something, or held a viewpoint that was soundly trounced later.
Like... well, like her belief that friendship was pointless at the start of her journey.
Anywho... those are my thoughts on it as far as critique goes. Nice story, felt like it should be part of the show, but lacked depth.
Bland. Starlight is very clinical about her actions, but she doesn't project the kind of tired numbness that would allow that kind of objectivity. You've put her in a place to express confusion, but there's no fear or frustration to flavor it. The whole thing just falls flat because you're dealing with extremely complex, emotional concepts but only feeding it simple, one-dimensional emotions.
6861412
Agreed on the first word. Author has yet to dig deep, peel back the layers, and expose the true Starlight, possibly because it's from Twilight's POV and the in-depth understanding of each other hasn't had time to settle in with each other yet. It's not been long enough for everything to sink in between them.
Ponies seem to understand mercy much more than other species. Probably because they're so high on the self-actualization and needs tables or something. They have the luxury of forgiving their enemies, knowing that relapses don't happen as often or aren't as dangerous if they occur.
Forcing reparations isn't a pony thing as it is a human thing (like Sunset's punishment in EG1), but perhaps they're aware it might build more resentment rather than be a teaching moment. Gotta be something in that equine mentality. Go find *that*, and you can have a tale to tell.
It can be hard, though, to flick up to a higher concept, and put it on paper while it's in your head. Good luck finding it.
*You'll be more than able to make up for what you did.
6861685
*You'll be more than able to make up for what you did.
memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Lol-Face-Animated-Gif-08.gif
Not bad, it does feel a little cliche though. I say that because there's almost no context or real character development inside this story. When that's the case, it's more of a inspired scene than a complete story. Personally, I think it failed to quite make the point that forgiveness is entirely and by definition something that the receiving party doesn't deserve. An apology can be owed, but not forgiveness. It's also worth noting that it's much easier to forgive fixable things than unfixable ones. I haven't seen the other half of the Starlight Glimmer 'special', but I assume that things were more or less restored to the way they were. That said, there's not much to actually forgive. In that sense, Starlight caused more trouble for herself than anyone else. Due to time travel, she'd be apologizing for something she'd almost done (i.e. her intentions) rather than her actions which technically now didn't happen. The assurance, therefore, isn't that she can make up for something, but that she has a second chance to resolve her issues the right way and have a brighter, happier future.
I also think Twilight should have given the others a hard time for intruding on her private moment with Starlight.
P.S.
It's ironic that when the show does make permanent changes, it's almost as distressing as the Problem Solved > Reset cycle that loosely defines most episodes. I mean, I suppose there's a little reconciliation and growth going with "villains" like Discord and Trixie, but it seems, albeit my partially incomplete watching of anything past season 3 that the mane six are some kind of unbreakable group for whatever reason (possibly plot reasons).
6860787 Given how she's a shit-tier villain, I'd say that we have plenty of room to work with regarding her actual feelings and what actually fueled her intention (because that atrocity of a cheap excuse they have shown in the show just doesn't cut it... then again, she's shit-tier for a reason).
Anywho, yeah... the story was very bland, sorry to say. Nothing special about it.
6861322
This is what leaves me a bit apprehensive about season 6...
So... that was kind of a far out story.
I dug the "aesop" as it were, but it is kind of a dramatic and (semi-morbid) way of phrasing the issue, but I felt it was really on point and an interesting way of looking at the problem of forgiveness and self-loathing. I also found your characterization of Twilight being nervous about being a real mentor to be pretty interesting.
Besides that... I mostly felt that the pacing was super rough and I felt Starlight's emotions were kind of shallow and poorly developed, which made it hard for me to empathize with her or care when she's dragged out of her pit - Which basically leads me to my next criticism which is that the ending kind of felt shallow as well. I would have basically preferred Starlight's emotions to be more fleshed out and taken center stage rather than a rush to a happy ending.
Still, you had a good idea here. So props for that.
6861743
I'm hoping they ret-con it like they did Luna's uncertainty in her first episode, learning to connect with the common pony. Or like Twilight's flying in the S3/4/EQG transition. I have a feeling Hasbro wanted it to end with a happy positive Everybody Hugs and Everything is Okay rubber stamp ending.
But... even so, I'm still a pony fan, and I probably will be for a long time. One of the joys of fan fiction is, well, seeing what we can do with what they give us. And I think the staff at DHX has given me, at least, enough reasons to trust them.
Queen? As in Faust or a certain Changeling? The latter would probably explain more than the former...
I don't think starlight should be Twilights student. I'm fine with her joining the mane 6 (7?) I'm fine with her being a villain learning how to be good, I'm fine with everything just not the part where she's Twilights student. I feel like Twilight should be to some filly in town as Celestia was to her as a way to start the cycle over again. Twilight discovering somepony's potential and teaching her (or maybe even him) for the next generation of ponyville. Not a grown mare who needs some rehab but a pony who needs a teacher
Cute. Can't really add anything the others haven't said so far, except:
Clever bit of world building here, if you have a mind for that sort of thing. Same with the bit about the Queen. Given the nature of peak monarchs in canon thus far it's interesting to speculate to whom she could be referring.
6861808
Woah, coincidences!
Normally I'm more measured in my criticism but...
Okay then.
On a technical standpoint this story has some easily avoided mistakes, like capitals and spacing.
Not to mention odd choices like this one:
A heavy stick is a club.
Or head-scratchers like this:
That's not a word, at least not the way you're using it. Unless you mean "automaton," and that just brings up more questions, like "Wait, they have robots in Equestria now?" And as someone who wrote a story with robots in Equestria, I can tell you that it isn't something you just toss out.
Other weird things, which, in keeping with your request, I will mock without being particularly constructive:
Yeah, no shit, Applejack.
You have some real winning lines in this, to be fair, which makes this painfully unfunny joke all the worse.
"...Hanging from the lone tree." Seriously, if you wanted to go full-on gloomy why not just have her say, "If anypony needs me, I'll be at Sad Ponies Point near Attention Whore Creek." Also, there is apparently only one hill on all of the town limits.
I I think believe this line it is repetitive repeats itself.
Apparently the word "crowded" felt crowded and left the sentence it was part of to go join another line. Also, no idea who said "But Twilight..." unless the others are all speaking in unison. If that's what you were going for, then you can ignore the criticism that it is confusing and instead take the criticism that it's just stupid.
Either she's secretly a robot-- I mean, "animatron," or Twilight's having an aneurysm.
There's no cake in Proverbs!
A giant had apparently stepped on Starlight Glimmer, squishing her.
What was she laying on her belly?
"Mmm,
donutbooks..."files.gamebanana.com/img/ico/sprays/5202f2c5a49dc.png
Insert that image I just used here.
And here we come to me not even joking when I say that this literally made me say "Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle." And that's not something I typically say to Book Horse.
I get what you're going for, the whole "We are a different person after we're forgiven" and all, but that's not the case. This reminds me of when I read something from ultra-religious people who act like humans are just absolute shit and unworthy of any grace or mercy but isn't it nice that God grants us forgiveness because isn't He so much higher than we puny humans and blah blah blah. Now, I don't think that's your message, exactly, but it's an odd thing to hear from Twilight and especially considering how big Twilight is on personal responsibility, it's so odd for her to say this:
That's a contrivance. Yes, it's nice to be forgiven, but forgiveness isn't the same as absolution and it certainly doesn't erase the bad things someone does. A person can choose to become better even if not forgiven and ultimately forgiveness is just saying "You did something bad, but I have decided to move beyond that." It's not some kind of magical rebirth.
Ultimately, I just feel like this story tried too hard to be sad, deep, or philosophical. Considering the way the the Season Finale ended, it just feels unnecessary, given that Starlight already confronted her issues and decided to move forward with the others.
Well, there you go. I don't normally like to jump down another writer's throat like this, but if you ask for shreds, I aim to oblige.
I think nowadays nobody understands and values the worth of forgiveness.
A few formatting errors and spelling mistakes. Really, all it needs is a once-over and it'll be fine on a technical level.
This seems like it could be a great prologue to a story about starlight glimmer learning to get along with the mane six, and vice versa. As it stands now, it's just cliche.
Wonderful story. It did have a few missing spaces and spelling mistakes, but, nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
I REALLY wish they do something like this in Season 6. I mean the biggest, worst, most glaring I-want-to-repeatedly-slap-the-writer-in-the-face-while-screaming-"bad writer! bad BAD writer" flaw is Starlight not getting ANY punishment AT ALL.
I mean I had a similar problem with the slap on the wrist Sunset Shimmer got at the end of Equestria Girls, but Rainbow Rocks wonderfully fixed that by showing that she's not only haunted by her actions, but she's still shunned and distrusted by the school and has to work hard to EARN her forgiveness... Unfortunately the Season 5 finale royally fumbled up that opportunity by showing Starlight not only briefly returning to "Our Town", but instantly being accepted and forgiven.
I know MLP is originally a cartoon meant to advertise toys to the little girl demographic so we can't exactly go all "Game of Thrones" on every bad guy of the week, but I also counter that it sends a REALLY terrible message that only good guys get punished for their mistakes while bad guys can get off scot-free with a slap-on-the-hoof at most.
In fact; Here's a great idea for a future antagonist on the show that could help fix this; A pony/creature so obsessed with the concepts of "justice" and "fighting evil" that he/she is blinded to the fact that he/she has become a bully his/herself as he/she hounds not only villains/jerks like the Flim Flam brothers or Svengallop, but even "redeemed" villains like Trixie, Diamond Tiara, and (of course) Starlight. Boom! You have a way to deliver cathartic karma on easily-forgiven bad guys while also keeping with the shows messages of "love and tolerance" as this anti-villain will have to turn over a new leaf too.
"You don’t deserve to be forgiven, just like how Sunset Shimmer didn’t deserve to be forgiven for trying to steal my crown, or how Trixie didn’t deserve to be pardoned when she enslaved Ponyville, or how I didn’t deserve forgiveness when I hypnotized the entire town into fighting over a stuffed donkey ... My point is that nopony truly deserves forgiveness for anything. But we forgive them anyway."
That's why it's called forGIVEness, it's a GIFT. You CHOSE who you forgive whether they WANT to be forgiven or not.
A man over the course of a day hires workers at a market to tend his fields, giving them ALL a day's wage. This upsets those who were hired first, since those who were hired last were given the same cash. The response was:
"Didn't I give you pay for a full day's wage? I have the right to do what I will with my own money."
We can't be MADE to forgive someone, but at the same time, forgiveness can't be earned. Forgiveness is the first step.
Redemption is something that's earned and it's not something that can be given to you.
You can not learn what you think you know.
You can't earn what you think you already have.
To all the people who think that Starlight Glimmer should have been punished after the end of the episode, they should read this first. Then think about what happened to Trixie after Magic Duel, Sunset Shimmer after Equestrian Girls, and Twilight after Lesson Zero. I would have added Discord into the mix, even if it was Fluttershy who did most of the work.
Great story.
"Some of those stars had been dead when the pony race was new, and their ghosts continued to haunt the night sky."
The furthest star humans can see unaided is 1480ly away. Anything further requires increasingly powerful equipment. This is one of the few cases where people massively overestimate astronomical numbers.
I always find my self saying this "forgiveness must be given before it can be deserved". Basically to earn her forgiveness Starlight needs to be forgiven first. This can seem counter initiative, other things you earn then receive, but forgiving someone is a risky proposition, there is always the chance the forgiven party won't take steps to earn it. But that's just it, once your forgiven you have to remember it's what you do with it that determines if your deserve it. If your forgiven then don't change, you didn't deserve it. It is impossible to say if Starlight has earned forgiveness, we haven't seen what shes going to do with it yet.
6863622
Not according to this.
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That's where the last of the mane six was ticked off, and where this fanfic went downhill. Apparently, the ponies truly are a fucking chain gang. No wonder Spike doesn't want to spend any time with his friends; they frighten him, being linked at the hips by some supernatural force.
We will, we will rock you!
Liked the story overall; a few, as said, spacing and capitalization problems, but...
This story was beautiful
It was simple and sketchy, but a good example for a new episode!
6861743 Actually, I'd say Starlight was the best villain the show has had yet.
As for her backstory, of course there'd be more of it to tell:
1. It's been five seasons, and we still don't really know that much about any of the mane 6's pasts. We've received bits and pieces, sure, but none of them have a truly complete backstory yet. Heck, we still need to see RD's mother and Fluttershy's parents.
2. They're not going to give the entire backstory for any character in just one episode.
Plus, I actually like what they did with her character and her backstory.
Keep in mind that she was a child, and children don't always respond to things completely rationally.
At least you could understand the chain of logic in Starlight's thought process, and relate to what happened to her. Losing a friend because of something not under your control and then hating that thing and not wanting other's to suffer for it makes some sense.
Is it extreme? Yes, but that's kind of the point.
As for season 6, I'm looking forward to that one more than ever.
Season 5 gave 3 great redemptions in Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, and Starlight Glimmer, and even though I didn't like Gilda's as much as most did, I can understand why they liked it. And it also gave some of the show's best episodes.
STARLIGHT GLIMMER FOR ALICORN PRIMCESS 2016-M.A Larson
I thought this was anti forgiveness, so meh.
Good writing, fairly decent characterization, worthwhile read.
Write every being on equis a sorry letter for totally annihilating them, their family and their friends in multiple different timelines.
Then you have a 10 hours community service a week, for life.
All after a draft in the royal guard, she needs to learn discipline, loyalty, and honor.
There, softest punishment I'd let her get off with.
I liked this because it gave details about starlight. It described starlight in a different perspective!
It showed us the true starlight!
I rather liked this. It was nice, and simple. Some people are saying that it lacked depth, and honestly, I do sort of see where they are coming from, but I also believe that this does reach the depth that you're wanting it too. The forgiveness lines, I thought, were great, almost like a parable of sorts. They were a really great call back to the 'reformed' villains of the show, and a very good explanation as to why everyone seems to not be punished when they are able to be redeemed. I think, if you wanted to make the point stronger, you could talk about Tierk (or whatever) or Sombra, and how they were not redeemed, maybe because they had no desire to be better. Because they, in the vein of Voldemort, did not feel any sort of remorse for what they were doing, and thus were never going to change their ways.
There were grammar issues, but I believe that everyone pointed out all the ones that I could have caught, seeing as I'm not very good at those sorts of things myself. I liked that you started it with a party in Starlight's honor, only for her to be standing on the sidelines, watching everyone else enjoy themselves. In a way, for me, it called back Sunset Shimmer sitting in the room and watching her new friends for a band have have fun while she was only a passive watcher, feeling as if she didn't deserve to be having fun with them as some sort of punishment or something.
All in all, I really liked reading this story. It has honestly made me feel a little better about the way the season ended. So, thank you for that, and please, keep writing things. You've got talent and, it seems, heart. You'll do amazing things with just a little more practice.
6862518 Hi! So, I was reading your comment, and I do agree with some of the things you've said, but I'm wondering why you think automatons wouldn't be in Equestria. Give the level of tech we've seen in the show, with steam trains and stuff, it seems like an option. (Oh, and also, there's the thing about having a cake and eating it, too, which is a proverb?) But mostly, since you said you wrote about robots, I really just would like to know.
6866820
This is highly subjective (so it my shit-tier) definition, so it's really not up for debate. I get that her motives, arguably, could be noble... but I don't believe that the means justify the ends.
Yes, but children tend to grow up into functional adults, not lunatics. Especially, I'd wager, in the land of Happiness & Friendship™.
I can understand this flawed rationale, yes. But I can in no way relate to it. Empathy for the mare's clear suffering is one thing, another thing is relating to someone who is hell-bent on changing the timeline for a pretty stupid reason. I get that seaon 5's thematic was forgiveness, but there's Gilda/Diamond Tiara/Trixie ways of doing it and Starlight ways.
Sure, but there's ways to go around it, y'know. TACT! For instance, it is of my personal opinion that religion is not something that is healthy for the human mind (for several reasons I won't disclose and I'm not willing to debate the subject further on this website; this is an example). If there was a "wipe religion off the face of the planet" button right in front of me, I would not press it.
Although this explains why she did it, it still doesn't justify it. Forgiveness doesn't equal to forgetting.
6867422
Her being a Well-Intentioned Extremist is only part of why I consider her the best villain.
It's more because of how smart she proved to be, as well as how powerful she ended up being.
Keep in mind this is Equestria we're talking about. Where almost everypony is crazy, regardless of how stable they seem to be.
The dialogue at the end of the episode implies that they're not just going to forget about it.
Great story, I loved the dialouge, and the moral!
But does this mean Twilight believes that a murderer should be forgiven as soon as they "put on a new sock?"
Anyway, FAVE!
Also, "rip it to shreds"
6867387
Howdy! Well, it's not that I think they couldn't exist in Equestria, but to casually mention them with no explanation in a story like this is actually pretty jarring. In my story (which I won't link here, because as much as I dislike this story, I think linking one's own story on another's comment page is just crass) the main character is a robot that is discovered by Twilight and the very appearance of something so advanced is jarring. I had to take a significant amount of time building up and explaining the history of basic, primitive automata to make them seem like a natural part of the world. The thing is, despite having steam trains and phonographs, they generally have pretty low-tech stuff or magic-based substitutions... no phones, no computers, no automobiles (the exception being the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000), not even radio as far as we can tell. To have robots in that environment would take some explanation to make it believable. I mean, the random dropping of automatons - oops, sorry "animatrons" - is the least of my problems with the story, but hey, the author called for shreds, so shreds I provide.
And yes, admittedly, I was mostly being tongue in cheek about there literally not being a cake in the Biblical book of Proverbs despite the fact that there are cakes in non-Biblical proverbs. Not every joke's going to work, I suppose.