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Justice3442


"I don't know how many years on this earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it" --Frank Reynolds Patreon is here!

T
Source

Twilight Sparkle keeps using a specific phrase out in public to describe her 'special relationship' with her friends. Said friends are convinced it does not mean what Twilight thinks it means.

Part of the MAD verse.

Thanks to Steel Resolve and Nova Quill/Firimil for their edits and sugestions! Also thanks to DrakeyC for the story prompt and his edits and suggestions!

And finally, thanks to jhayarr23 for the hilarious cover art.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 66 )

gently wafting lacy curtains

:pinkiegasp: I too have quoted that reference in a story!

“I hate to be that guy. No, I really do, but I’m a DOG in the human world, Starlight,” Spike pointed out drolly.

...Ah, shit, um... I might've done that one too :twilightblush:

This was great! I was worried that having the long description basically sum up the joke for the whole thing would leave it lacking, but it totally worked.

Ok, What the hell I just read?
I think it's one of the weirdest things I've read in a while, and that's a good thing I suppose

Spike turned and looked Twilight dead in the eyes. “Kinda Brother-sister/Kinda mom-son/Roommates/Friends with benefits?

Best Line imo

Christ... :facehoof:

*Smashes like button*

A classic chapter in the Mad Universe. Frankly, sometimes I find it better than canon.

That went in a VERY different direction that I thought it would...

I think I just fell in love with an actual story. This was definitely an incredible story.

“Rainbow,” Applejack interrupted in a chastising tone. “Could’ja not, fer like… a minute?”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. “Thirty seconds is my limit.”

Applejack smacked a forehoof against her face. “Anypony have something that can keep Rainbow in check fer just a bit?”

“You’re the one with the rope, Darling,” Rarity pointed out filing a hoof.

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Rainbow Dash likes where this is going!”

And Rainbow just reveals one of her fantasies. I still can’t believe that she isn’t the Element of Honesty.

Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, but who could have predicted she’d interpret my words that way?!”

Spike motioned to the other ponies present. “Literally every pony in this room! Probably a bunch of ponies OUTSIDE this room!”

:pinkiegasp: Spike throwing shade at his waifu. It’s a sign of the Apocalypse.

Starlight snickered. “Well, even I know Trixie’s not the easiest mare to get along with, but she is easy if you catch my meaning.”

10 bits and she’s yours for the night.

Starlight’s eyes widened. “Oh, details, please! I mea—”

Yes.... I quite want these details myself.

A series of chuckles poured from the group as Sunset watched them go, her eyebrow raised. She just rolled her eyes. “Bunch’a nymphos trying to stuff themselves into a broom closet…”

Spike cleared his throat.

Sunset glared down at him. “No, see. I don’t hide my desires.”

“Does that mean…?”

“Do I look hot and bothered to you?!”

Spike guffawed. “Bothered? Yes. Hot? Always.”

Can’t argue with that.

“That’s ludicrous, Starlight,” Sunset said. “ We can take turns with both!”

And thus, a million Sunlight shippers keeled over with massive nosebleeds.

Follow-up chapter with Trixie, please? It looks like that “CURSE YOUR KISSABLE MOUTH, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" I've been waiting for is about to come through, and I'd like to see that.

This was everything I'd hoped it would be and more.

“Rainbow,” Applejack interrupted in a chastising tone. “Could’ja not, fer like… a minute?”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. “Thirty seconds is my limit.”

You are the fastest pony in Equestria.

“You’re the one with the rope, Darling,” Rarity pointed out filing a hoof.

Kinky!

Pinkie grinned and nodded. “Of course, Applejack! This will all be over soon if we just straight up tell Twilight what the phrase means.”

Which is not going to happen.

“Well, d’uuuh!” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. “Just… plantnotically…” She frowned. “Kinda, unfortunately.”

Platonically.

Fluttershy sighed and muttered, "...'Unfortunate' is right..."

Wait what?

"Where do you think she got it from?" Rarity countered smoothly. "My father thinks 'couture' is edible, and my mother believes that anything above three syllables is 'fancy.' "

That explains a lot.

“Pinkie’s disqualified on that comment alone,” Spike stated.

As usual, he's the only one with any sense.

“I really need to make sure Starlight knows how much I enjoy our friendship with benefits!”

Oho, I like where this is going!

Rainbow lifted a forehoof and interrupted, “All in favor of getting Sunset Shimmer to fix this for us.”

Oh wow, Rainbow being clever.

Reeeaaaally could use something to save me from this boredom, Universe.

A poor idea.

“Wait… Why WOULD you care?” Starlight looked down at the potential fire hazard in her office. “Why did I do that?”

Because you are near sociopathic.

I know Trixie would be over the moon if say… you were over the Lulamoon.”

You know what, I'm proud of you for that.

Starlight swallowed as she felt her heart pound in her chest and an unexpected, but not unwelcome warmth a stir up near the other side of her body. “Ye-yes, Twilight?”

Uh?

And then Starlight covered Twilight’s mouth with her own.

Oh my!

Something behind Sunset Shimmer’s eyes broke as her face contorted in rage and she glared at Pinkie’s smiling face.

Oh dear.

“Good news, everypony!” Twilight said in an upbeat tone. “I see now where the language disconnect was coming from!”

To say the least.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “No, no, disregard. I like where this is going.”

You would.

Sunset glared down at him. “No, see. I don’t hide my desires.”

Fair enough.

“Oh, I’m getting the picture she’s great with her tongue, too,” Sunset said.

Oh I have no doubt about that.

Spike turned and looked Twilight dead in the eyes. “Kinda Brother-sister/Kinda mom-son/Roommates/Friends with benefits? I mean… I’ve got the weirdest double-boner brewing right now, but the twin genies are almost out of the bottle at this point.”

So,

“That’s ludicrous, Starlight,” Sunset said. “We can take turns with both!”

Genius.

“That wasn’t a noooooo~!” Starlight purred.

You worry me.

Neece #10 · 1 week ago · · ·

How does it go again? Oh yeah!

AND THEN EVERYBODY FUCKED!

GODDAMMIT JUSTICE! :rainbowlaugh:

9618905
Oh! Good call!

Adding that to the author's notes...

“Worse?” Pinkie began with a smile. “Or better?

Bow down before the power of Pinkie. :pinkiehappy:
Or be crushed by her jolly hooves of doom. :pinkiecrazy:

A :yay: for anyone gets this.

This was fun! Starlight was so great here :pinkiehappy:

Yelling Bird strikes again.

That was awful. Do it again.

*Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap*
The Laughs and Smut Award is forever yours!
100/100:moustache:

P.S. You put "button" instead of "bottom" when Starlight was building the card castle, and "Once" instead of "One" when Starlight talked about sharing, Twilight's.:twilightsmile:

I Blame Starswirl for this.

And THIS is why I love the MADverse. Hilarious, completely ridiculous, and utterly reveling in it.

9618936
TOTALLY worth it :pinkiecrazy:

I'm loving that Spikes not the butt monkey/the too young for this talk so you have to go character in this work...just wished he was a bit bigger.....

I’ll be honest. I only liked this story because of the art cover you chose. It’s so goddamn adorable :twilightsmile:

Makes me miss girls talking dirty

Dan

Would the order dog mind if they do it on his table?

Poor Spike. But hey, it's all good!

9619323
goofy, but adorable, :D

9619313
overall or just in a specific place? :3

“Just not in that way!” Rainbow Dash blurted out. “I mean, that way, sure if you asked - or even hinted - or just… I don’t know… threw me on a bed, or a cloud? You’re a pretty attractive mare, Twilight. There’s no WAY I’d say no to—”

................................. (inhales) RAINBOW! XD

"What?!" Rainbow Dash protested. "You know... When a group of people love each other but unfortunately don't have sex together!"

iz dis just a more lewd version of Skittles here? cuz if so, i KINDA like it............. i need halp,

“I…” Twilight trailed off for a moment as everypony watched the gears turn in her head. “Oh, OH! I get it now!”

really? that’s great to hear Twiligh-

“I really need to make sure Starlight knows how much I enjoy our friendship with benefits!”

............... oh Jesus Christ she’s as clueless as ever, XD

“And I’m fireproof!” Spike announced proudly.

(insert “ooohhhh good for you” meme here,)

Starlight stared listlessly at the ‘four-story’ tall house of cards she had created as she added cards to it here in there with all the enthusiasm of someone whose activity was barely more entertaining than repainting the walls a fourth time just to watch them dry.

Bored, bored, bored, bored… She thought as she began another triangle support at the button of the structure by effortlessly adding three cards to the side and bridging the new point and old structure with a fourth card as if it was second nature.

ya know.......... if ya are aiming to be a building constructor i’d think making a card tower should be a MANDATORY skill to have, cuz just with a real building, a card tower don’t take no shit from anybody, and if it tumbles, just try and try again, ya can’t exactly do that with a real building, well....... maybe ya can if your lucky and it doesn’t just EXPLODES when it hits the ground, BUT NOBODY AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR THAT!

This was a kind of funny, I got a couple laughs. I like comedy of errors and it went alright, and of course the line "Also, Starlight and I just had sex."
For a short CoE it was fun and the notes summed it all up nicely.
Some things felt a little off with me for the main 6 but since I'm writing they're competing with my versions of them in my mind. And they served their roles and the comedy well.
Have a good day.

“I’ll talk to Sunset, you can talk to Trixie, and I’m sure the four of us can really explore being friends with benefits with each other!” Twilight said as she pumped an enthusiastic foreleg in front of her chest.

noooooooo,
noooooooooooo,
noooooooooooooooo,
TWILIGHT! YOU CLUELESS TWAT! XD

Sunset threw forehoof up in the air. “SURE! At the possible eventual cost of me setting FIRE to this mudball for entitled and spoiled ponies!”

Don’t for the love of anything that’s holy Justice, DO. NOT. let her meet Diamond Tiara and SilverSpoon when they were snotty brats, or she’ll blow a hole in Equis big enough to rival the Yucatan Peninsula meteor impact that killed the Dinosaurs, i just gave you an idea, didn’t i? shet, which btw left a crater 11 miles deep, now for those of you that don’t know how big that is, 11 miles is the normal flying altitude for the standard airliner, also, there has been found traces of highly combustible explosive compounds in that crater, which may or may not explain why it went........ ya know, BOOM!
Also, for those of you that uses the Metric system instead of the Imperial system such as myself, 11 miles is 17 kilometres,

9619432
I was referring to his size; I was thinking his canon size and shape when I was reading this and picturing the characters, so I would liked to see him a bit bigger, maybe Smolder's size ideally. Plus since he is gonna get into a bit of a sexual romp with Starlight, Twilight, and Sunset Shimmer at the same time, it would be appropriate for him to RISE to the occasion...if you get my drift :trollestia:

9619627
Spike is fine as he is. If you want him bigger, just imagine him bigger. Otherwise, well, there are position, stools, levitation, wings, hell, Twilight could outright change his race... there are various ways to deal with size differences.

Starlight’s eyes shot open wide with the speed of someone who never knew she needed to hear something in her life so much, yet didn’t know it until this moment. “You had my attention, but now you have my interest”

And her lady boner.

I will admit. I expected the ending to be significantly different than it was. Possibly with more violence.

All I could think about when I first saw this was, "God damn it Justice." :facehoof:

Halfway through I was like, "God damn it Justice." :rainbowkiss:

And at the end I was like, "GOD DAMN IT JUSTICE! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME LAUGH!?" :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiecrazy:

Great story, as always. :pinkiehappy:

So...

Explicit version/continuation when?

I love that cover art. Twilight is such a dork!

"Where do you think she got it from?" Rarity countered smoothly. "My father thinks 'couture' is edible, and my mother believes that anything above three syllables is 'fancy.' "

Rarity is responsible for expaning Sweetie's vocabulary? I like it.

“Pinkie’s disqualified on that comment alone,” Spike stated.

Every day, DWK's "Twilight and Spike share a set quantity of common sense" theory gains more ground.

“Oh thank the mother, the sister, and the fiery daughter,” Spike said, his face perspiring and body rigid.

... Huh. That works to a surprising degree.

In any case, that was definitely a thing that happened. At least someone broke through Twilight's obliviousness. And remember to bring enough purple nerds for the whole class.

God I hate you for this. It's even worse than the Beanis Cinematic Universe. Also like the BCU, I hate how I now have to smash that like as hard as they're all smashing! :twilightangry2:

Ha, this is why you don’t ever use the term “friends with benefits.”

Gotta love it though. :twilightsheepish:

*squints*
Here's the question... Was Twilight actually a FREAKING idiot, or was she PRETENDING to be...
Also, the griffon at the end was a nice touch.

9619577

You know, it's generally frowned upon to post this many play-by-play comments rather than simply just leaving one with the whole play-by-play.

That was quality

I hate myself for enjoying this. Great story as always

Goddamnit Justice! Why you make me laugh at work?

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